Characters are always the property of Stephenie Meyer.

Music and chapter title inspired by Hollywood Undead.

Chapter 17 Circles

EPOV

I am a complete moron. Brazenly masochistic. Beyond idiotic. The epitome of stupid.

That's me. Call me Stupid.

My lips moved away from hers and reality slapped my senses. I'd completely forgotten the entire world outside of Bella for the most glorious minutes of my life. In her embrace, I stupidly thought I had her, that she was mine.

Honestly, what the hell was my problem? I let my eyes refresh the scene around us. The fighting had visibly lessened and a low smoke was rolling across the battlefield, carrying with it the dead scent of the hundreds of souls lost today. That in itself was staggering, but what was I doing, thrusting myself into the arms of a woman who wanted nothing to do with me?

I looked around pointedly, forcing myself to see exactly what it was that she preferred over me. Volterra was a ruin. Everything was decimated. Ash rained on the battlefield, attempting in vain to cover the massacre. Nervously, I leaned away. She had done this. It only showed me more the woman I had inadvertently given my heart.

And I found I still couldn't care. No matter how many people Bella slaughtered, no matter what vile or twisted means she used to do it, she had my heart. It belonged to her without question. I couldn't take it back even if I had wanted. Was I really any worse? Had I not killed hundreds of men during my own meaningless existence? Even if her acts today had been completely unjustifiable, there was no god-complex lurking below her motives. She didn't want to rule any one's life. She only wanted to live.

Deep down, I understood that Bella was as unsure of herself as she was confident. I understood she was confused. She left my family in Greenland because she thought she was being noble. I understood that. She reacted so harshly after our intimacy, not because it was something she hadn't wanted, but because that want was significantly less than what she truly desired. She hadn't meant to really tear me apart the way she did. She just wasn't impossibly selfish and selfless at the same time. I understood that.

Then, why did I find myself at her mercy...again? The attraction was obviously there, but it hadn't been enough for her. I had to quit being so ridiculously seventeen and accept her just the way I had her. It was the only way I'd ever make it through the rest of eternity. My own hands were becoming the enemy. I had to control these urges to run my fingertips down her ivory skin. I had to stand back, let Bella take from me what she wanted. She could take everything and I knew I'd still come back for more. I'd never be able to let her walk out of my life again. I'd never survive. From now on, I had be steadfast in my resistance. I had to only give what she asked and keep my own miserable desires to myself. Only that would ensure I could keep Bella – no matter how small a part – in my worthless existence.

I stared at her, this seductive temptress of my soul, as her head snapped away, finally breaking our tentative eye contact. I was willing to do whatever it took to keep her in my life. It would be unbearable to go another day without seeing the way her soft hair glows with her inner light, or the way her nose crinkled a bit between her eyebrows as she smelled the putrid air. It's hard to believe how quickly Bella swooped into my life – my family's lives – and changed everything.

Who was I kidding? This amazing, magnificent woman changed the entire world and I was but a humble slave to her heart.

Jasper was heading toward us. I was pulled from my own thoughts, surprised that my brother was so calm as he raced to us. I had half-expected him to go mad with the carnage in the air. It had even affected me. It helped that I had an inner store of anger that needed an outlet, but Jasper had felt my every emotion since this whole madness started. If anything, he should be at least feeling a little out of control. I knew I still did.

But, he was thinking about earthquakes and forging the evidence on a seismometer. As cool as ever. Despite my mood, I smiled, and looked toward him.

"Slick," I approved through my grin.

"Well, I figured we needed an excuse. The Volturi spread rumors in Mexico after the wars. Humans readily accept natural disasters as reason enough for destruction."

Jasper suddenly smiled wider and looked past me at Bella who was listening to our conversation with an amused look.

"What's so funny?" he asked her.

"You took a page from the master," she giggled, eyes twinkling brightly.

Both of us were dumbfounded for an instant, before Jasper and I laughed appreciatively. "That was yours?" he asked between chuckles. God, she was amazing.

Naturally, Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me, but didn't mention my sudden lust. His cell phone started ringing in his pocket.

He pulled it out, groaning loudly. "Alice."

I heard an irate and thoroughly pissed Alice from the other line and turned away. He would have to explain this on his own. I would have come on my own to Italy. I wasn't the one that had to ask permission from the annoyingly verbal pixie. I wasn't married to her and thank God for that. I could still her shouting as I walked over to Carlisle sitting in the grass looking quite dazed.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him.

He grimaced. "It's been three hundred years since I took a nap. It wasn't really as refreshing as I hoped."

With a laugh, I stretched my arm out. My father graciously took hold and I helped him to his feet. Bella was on the other side of him, still grinning.

"I know how you feel."

They smiled at each other and I was almost surprised that I wasn't jealous like I had been when Bella first came into our lives. The look they shared was as beautiful and pure as they were. Carlisle released his hold on me and wrapped his arms around Bella's shoulders. Her arms slowly circled his waist and they stood, embracing what was left of their connected past.

Carlisle's thoughts swirled with all his memories of her, both old and new. It was polished with his own unique blend of compassion and love that only he is capable of feeling. It is too personal a moment and I have to turn away from them, even though I never want to look at anything besides Bella forever. I owe Carlisle too much not to grant him the discretion of privacy.

Jasper was pacing back and forth, apologizing in the midst of the continuous chastisement still spewing from Alice. Man, she was pissed and sounded like Emmett was, too. He was disappointed he missed this. Jasper growled in frustration and thrust the phone at me. His eyes were expectant. Like this was my fault.

Ah hell. I took the phone and broke right into the middle of Alice's ranting. "I didn't make him come." Jasper's eyes widened in horror at my words, but I refused to acknowledge him. I'm not going to get in the middle of it.

"Don't give me that, Edward Cullen," she hissed into my ear. "Like Jasper would leave you alone when you were a complete emotional basket case." I was loathe to admit I still was, but Alice was going on without waiting for a response. "It's almost over, by the way, but don't you understand how completely distraught I was? I couldn't see anything. Right after Demetri, everything went black and…"

"Demetri?" Jasper roared into the phone, calling Alice out for hiding her own secrets. I couldn't help but smile as she went silent on the line.

"About that," she started slowly, fumbling for her words, "well...I didn't not want to tell you. I just couldn't have Edward seeing anything. You can imagine what that would have been like." Jasper smirked, understanding that more than I liked, but Alice kept talking. "I saw her destroying the Volturi, not this!"

"You've gotten your visions back?" he questioned her when she paused for effect.

"Of course. There are still things that are hazy, but for the most part I can see what's left of Volterra. I just don't know how it got like that. Oh and Maggie will be fine, but they'll leave before we arrive, so tell them hello from us. Esme says she'll send the book soon. And I see Bella's okay. Tell her Felix is just getting the courage to face her again. I have a feeling we are going to get to know him a lot better."

When her pet name for him, I knew Jasper was all but forgiven and I stepped away. I'd get the rundown when she got here. My eyes gravitated back to Bella who was conversing in low tones with Carlisle. They were both strangely solemn, but I didn't want to intrude. In a way, every one lost something today. Vampires in general, but they had a more specific loss.

Volterra was a home, a sanctuary despite the fiendish tendencies of its ruling party. The loyalty to this place – something I'd witnessed in more than one mind today – was inspiring. I'd never felt at home anywhere in this world, but the unexplainable draw to this place affected me and I couldn't help but be touched by the mess we'd made.

I was drawn inside the walls by a force no stronger than blatant curiosity. I'd never been to Italy before. My feet slowly made their way down the debris lined streets. The destruction was incomprehensible and I had been privy to the absolute horrors of two world wars. The human toll was significant. It was pure strategic genius for Jasper to fake an earthquake. There was no other way to explain all this away. Even I, Edward Cullen, who had willingly taken the lives of so many could not wrap my infinite senses around this. It was horrifying to a horrifying monster, but did any of it make me think any less of Bella, knowing much of the internal destruction was the result of her uncontrollable anger?

Not even an ounce.

I was in complete awe of the woman. Complete and total awe.

Then, I realized it wasn't that at all. It was love magnified a hundred times over. Like any proud man in love, she could no wrong in my eyes. I was ashamed that with each step forward I fell more hopelessly in love with her, but at this point I realized it didn't matter. I'd always find an excuse to be near her. She can try to dismissive, but I obviously couldn't take the hint. I had to be with her. I had to be with Bella, whatever it took.

I finally halted in what I vaguely recognized as the Palazzo dei Priori. The clock tower lay shattered in the square. Well, covering the square, actually. It was a mess. I remembered how beautiful it was through Carlisle's mind.

"There was a fountain," a voice sung from behind me. I don't think I've ever turned around so fast. I thought I was alone. It was odd that anyone had been able to sneak up on me. Stranger still, was the coy smile that played on her lips and she fidgeted slightly.

Magnificent, my mind echoed, void of anything but the image before me.

She moved forward. Toward me. I felt my knees tremble, but I had to play it cool. However she needed me...

"I used to sit here. I guess it's the part of this city that felt most like home to me. Aro always told me it was mine."

I couldn't help but see the sadness in her eyes as she stared at the mess before her. I could see she longed to find that peace here again. I had to reach out, offer a comforting hand, but I couldn't raise it.

"It's strange that I could find that sense of..."

She was struggling, so offered, "Peace? Home?"

She smiled, turning the sparkling gaze to me. She looked over my entire face before settling in my eyes like they were meant to be. It was even harder to hold myself back from her, now. I wanted to touch her so badly. The pull was almost too much.

"Hope?" she questioned her own thought. I wish I could just see what she meant. "But that's not exactly right. I used to come here as an escape from the horrors of the job. It's strange that I ran to my position like there was nothing else in the world, but when I did walk away, I came to my fountain and let everything else disappear from my mind. I wonder why I didn't see it coming earlier? All those years ago, I was trying to escape. I just never wanted to leave. Is that ironic?"

She was so beautiful. I wasn't sure why she was bearing her soul to me, but I didn't want her to stop. Still, I kept my fists clenched at my sides. Better than clenched in her hair... She expected an answer, so I shrugged and offered a smile, instead.

Bella smiled, too. It was genuine, gorgeous, and I wanted to die rather than keep from kissing her. Over and over. I think I was actually shaking from both the tension of trying to restrain my body and the electricity that drew me to her.

Oh my god, did she just lean in?

I sucked in a breath and mimicked the gesture.

"Do you want to know what changed for me?" she asked and I shook my head, not trusting my voice to be steady this close to her mouth, those luscious lips.

"Alice."

She must have seen the confusion and elaborated. "She told me I'd destroy the Volturi. That I would destroy them. I was like number one Volturi fan. I always considered Aro a mentor. Not just that, a safety. His safety ensures my safety. It was more than that, of course. I had no idea what I really was to him, that in reality, it was Marcus all along. Marcus was the hope I desperately sought in the Brothers. That I sought at my fountain.

"It was built for me," she finally said, in a whisper. "I still don't know why. It's a shame Marcus couldn't get out with us. He...he would know."

"He did what had to be done," I was finally able to whisper, with minimal signs of the arousal I was feeling. "Just as Carlisle did, Felix, Alice...hell, Bella, didn't you realize the kind of pull you have over people? No one can help but love you."

She laughed. Fucking bells. "Not everyone loves a monster, Edward. In fact, I was lonely for most of my existence. There have been blips, Carlisle, for instance, but I never recognized it. I thought I enjoyed being alone when now, all I can think about is how much I hated it.

"Like this goddamn city. I hate it," she spat, suddenly and looked away. There was almost a wild desperation in her face that I had never seen before. Then again, there was so much I didn't know about her.

"I've lost myself to it."

"You've gained everything by using it," I said. "Alice stopped the spiral. Tell me, Bella. You don't have to hold it in."

I was a little unsure how that sounded, but when she looked my direction again, it was relief I saw in her eyes.

"She did. I couldn't get her out of my mind. The first prisoner in two hundred years to make me think twice about assault. She was definitely a trigger. Then, there was Jasper. I can't imagine having met a better friend even if it was hard to control myself with him at first. He's nothing like Alice."

I laughed. "Not at all," I agreed. "He was probably throwing his own anger at you."

She nodded, musing. "I'm sure. It's a strange ability. Hard to keep a defense against it."

We laughed together for a moment and it was wonderful, better than heaven. Much better, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything, afraid I'd spoil the moment. Bella was building up to something, but hadn't reached it yet. I knew I needed to let her finish or she may never leave herself this vulnerable again. It almost felt selfish.

"Then, I left Volterra." She sighed, leaning forward again. "And I met you." The sentence hung there, more like an accusation than anything. I know what I wanted it to mean, but I wouldn't let myself hope. Not yet. Bella searched for the words to describe what she wanted to say next. It almost sounded like she was fighting herself to speak. "And your family," she amended. "Nothing mattered to me more than protecting you. What I did, was the worst mistake in a long list, Edward."

She sighed. Her eyes turned to darkness and night.

"I'll always remember the day I walked away from you, Edward. I'll regret it forever. But I didn't deserve it. You were too perfect. "

Her voice trailed off in a whisper. I wanted to respond. I wasn't sure where she was going and couldn't take another rejection. If my angel left me again, I'd die. I wanted to stay in her presence until the end of time.

"You were perfect," she sighed, "and I was worthless."

This time, I couldn't hold back. My hand was against her cheek, soothing the worry I saw there. I wanted to do much more, but held back. "You are anything but worthless." It wasn't surprising that my words came out a snarl.

She smiled her beautiful smile. I was instantly quieted.

"I thought I was running away to save you, but I was noly running in circles. I would have come back to you. It's too hard to say that everything will be okay, but I won't give up on you again. I'd die first."

She was struggling again, and I dropped my hand to grab both of hers in mine. Shame be damned. It did seem to calm her and her words flowed fast from those perfect lips.

"I can't breathe unless you breathe, bleed unless you bleed." She closed her captivating crimson eyes and moaned lowly. "I won't be unless you be."

In shock, I repeated her words in my head. Her eyes never opened, but suddenly, her lips were on mine, so it didn't matter anyway. I was gone. Lost, in the essence of her. She'd finally opened to me. It triggered deep urges in me. I wanted her in every way. No matter her past lies and deception, I wanted her. All the anticipation, the desire, the fire erupting through my body led me to this moment. I didn't want to give it up but I had to say something. Bella had given me a lot – would give me much more I was sure – and I had to give her something back. I'd always been straight forward about my feelings. I might have hidden the depths I felt them, but I wanted to rectify that. She'd shed every pretense and mask she'd ever had and handed it over. Even to admit the feelings she had tried so hard to swallow had been hard for this angel. Yes, I definitely owed her something, even if the admittance probably appallingly apparent.

Reluctantly pushing Bella away from my body, I looked into those crimson eyes as they fluttered back open. "I love you," I whispered with every bit of the passion and desire I'd felt since meeting this goddess, because it was true. The hows and whys might never make sense, but of that one fact I was certain. I simply loved her. It was something I wanted to shout to the heavens and to scream to the devil. No matter what the outcome of eternity – if there should be heaven or hell – it no longer meant anything.

Everything, forever, was Bella.