Fifth Year
Gods damn that woman and her ridiculous 'Educational Decrees' to the lowest circle of Hell! How could Dumbledore allow this to happen when he knows that I am ready and waiting to take the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts? He said the same thing this year that he has said all the previous years, "Maybe next year Severus, but not this year." Infuriating! And now she's running around like she owns the whole bloody castle, right down to the first cornerstone! Inspect my class, will she? Tell me how to do my job, will she? Oh no, Madam Umbridge, you have met your match this time! I refuse to be bullied by so inadequate an adversary in my own classroom.
"Absolutely not Albus! I cannot teach that boy Occlumency! Do you know what would happen if he decided to retaliate with something that I, while placing him under Legillimens, will be unable to counter and that he will see something that we both don't want him to see?" Severus was practically frothing at the mouth with anger, of all the unspeakable things that Dumbledore had foisted on him over the years (pink socks at Christmas, 'You need to add a little color to your wardrobe Severus,' or the continued presence of Longbottom in his classroom) this had to be the feather that broke the hipogriff's back! "I have every confidence that you will take measures to prevent such a thing from happening Severus, and I will even lend you my Pensieve as an extra precaution. Harry needs to learn Occlumency and I am unable to teach him, and I have told you my reasons why." Severus hung his head in defeat, "I know Albus, I know. But what will I tell the Dark Lord? How am I to explain to him that I am teaching the boy Occlumency in an effort to shield him from the Dark Lord's intrusions? How?" "By telling him the truth I suspect, tell him that you will botch the job. You will make a half-hearted effort to teach Harry and as a consequence his mind will be even more open to Voldemort's efforts." "Don't say his name Albus! You know what it does around someone who carries the Mark!" Dumbledore looked taken aback, "My apologies Severus, I had momentarily forgotten. It will not happen again." "I will attempt to teach the boy, but if he pushes to far, or proves incapable of learning, then I will be forced to hand him over to you. I cannot risk him seeing something that could be seen by the Dark Lord." "Of course Severus, your safety is just as important as Harry's to me." Severus nodded in agreement but couldn't help the bitter thought that raced unchecked through his mind, But for completely different reasons Albus. I am useless to you if I am dead, you don't actually care whether I live or die. And so it has always been.
He found it! He managed to find the one memory that I had taken such great pains to hide from him! Damn that boy and his curiosity, and damn his incurable need to sympathize with the underdog! I could see it in his eyes when I confronted him about what he'd seen. He pities me! And I would rather have his hate than his pity. I would rather have mounds of scorn heaped upon my head than be pitied by the son of the man I hate! But it is done, and I must report this to Dumbledore, the Dark Lord at least will be glad of this development.
"By the gods Albus, are you truly incapable of controlling the boy? Do you know how close he came to dying tonight? Of course you do, you just don't care! The only thing that you are about is the fact that your theory proved correct!" "Calm down, Severus, it is not as bad as all that." "Yes, on that count I am sure you are right. That mongrel Black is dead, let us all rejoice." Severus managed to inject that last part with enough venom to make Dumbledore flinch. "And what will you tell the boy, Albus? Will you tell him that it was your fault that Black died, that you are at fault because you kept the boy at arm's length all year? Or will you tell him the truth? Will you tell him that his emotions blinded him to the trap and that he, in his haste to play the hero, rushed off without giving me the opportunity to find the truth? You have done a poor job of convincing him that as a member of the Order I should be trusted enough to do that at least. As a result of his stupidity we lost another fighter. I may not have liked Black but I am capable of acknowledging that he was decent with a wand and quick to hex." The expression on Dumbledore's face grew graver as he considered Severus' words. "No, I will tell him no such thing Severus, and neither will you. He has enough on his plate for now, and truthfully, I believe that I am more at fault than he." Of course you are you foolish old man. You are blinded by your favoritism and you leave the rest of us out to hang because of it. It will be the death of you someday.