Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews everyone. And for reading my story. I hope you like what's coming up next. The song Rachel is singing is "Me and the Moon" by Something Corporate. If you haven't heard it, You Tube it. It's a wonderful piece of music (and one of my personal favorites). And just a warning, this chapter is mainly dialogue. There are only a few short chapters left and I hope to have them up by the Super Bowl. Thanks again for reading.
Disclaimer: Ryan Murphy you should really put Glee up to be publicly traded. It would be better for you and your fans in the long run.
Will walked into rehearsal feeling downtrodden after what had transpired a little while ago. How on Earth was he going to explain this? Especially since he didn't even know what was going on himself. The Lot of miss-matched teens glared as Will entered the choir room, Will ultimately decided to start the lesson for today as he was originally planning, as he wrote the word 'Regionals' on the board.
"Okay, guys, Regionals is fast approaching and if we want to get to Nationals we literally have to be perfect. We have a lot of stiff competition between the Warblers and Vocal Adrenaline. And besides loosing Kurt we are also down one of our biggest assets."
"What? Finn?" Quinn questioned from the back row, sitting next to Sam. "His just out sick; he'll be back in a few days."
"I wasn't talking about Finn. Look around guys; don't you notice that someone is missing?" The group looked around not noticing the difference Will was talking about. "Rachel?" he questioned.
"Oh, yeah..." Lauren chimed in.
"Hold up." Artie said abruptly. "Are you saying that Rachel quit?"
Mr. Schuester frowned and shrugged.
"Good. We're better off without that whining twerp," Santana barked from the far side of the room.
"Ya know, Santana, its comments like that which are the reason Rachel left."
"Mr. Schue, you can't be serious?" Artie asks.
"No guys. She's gone. In fact with all the… varied… Rachel rants I've witnessed over the past year and a half, I can honestly say that I've never seen Rachel more upset. After she told me she was leaving, she ran out the school crying."
"But she didn't give any other reason other than bulling as to why she left?" Mercedes asks.
"Well, she did say that she didn't feel needed anymore… and the mumbled something about Finn, but at that point, she was already sobbing so hard that most of what she was saying uncomprehendable."
"So, what, did she like transfer schools?" Sam asks.
"I don't think so, but I would say that she needs a little time away from Glee and she made that clear," Mr. Schuester finishes, to confused looks by the group. "Guys we've lost members in the past, its okay. Moving on…Regionals is coming up fast, and I like I said we have to be perfect, we need to start being meticulous when working on routines we already have. We have a great body of songs we've already done that we've never gone further with. Your assignment for this week, taking a number that we've already performed and perfecting it. Critiquing it on how we can make it better."
With that class continues, but the whole room feels different. Finn's out sick, Kurt's far, far away, and Rachel's done. The ill-at-ease energy was nauseating to all.
When class ends, Puck walks up to Mr. Schuester wanting to know more about Rachel. They hadn't really talked – hell they hadn't really even acknowledged each other's presence – since they...ya know...
"Hey Mr. Schue, can I talk to you for a sec?" the mohawked boy asked.
"Yeah, what's up?" Will asked leading them into his office off the choir room; both taking seats in front of the desk.
"Did Rachel say anything else about why she quit. After what happened the other day in class and what happened at Sectionals, I just want...to make sure she's okay."
"Honestly Puck, I've never seen her so upset. It was obvious that she was upset about something else."
"Did she say what it was?" Puck's heart was starting to race.
"No. She just got up and ran out of the school. Rachel ran out crying and then Mrs. Hummel picked her up."
"Mrs. Hummel? As in Finn's mom?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Oh, nothing. I'm gonna go," Puck says as he rises from his seat.
"Hey Puck, if you can recruit another person, preferably one with a soprano voice, to join the club, that would be a great help," Mr. Schue asks with hope.
"I'll see what I can do," Puck replies walking off. All Puck really cared about was why Rachel ran into a car with Carole Hummel.
Finn Hudson finally felt well enough to go to school on Wednesday, but he still was a little queasy. Walking down the hall, he met up with Artie and Sam who were discussing something about 'reworking'.
"Reworking what?" Finn asked.
"The songs for Regionals," Sam replies as though it's obvious.
"Why?" Finn eyebrows.
"Since Rachel quit," Sam laments.
"WHAT?" Finn's eyes bugged out of his head hearing the news.
"Oh, I guess no one told you..." Artie murmurs, his eyes shifting from side to side.
"Why didn't anyone tell me? I own a phone. You could have called me!" Anger was in Finn's voice.
"Well I guess we all assumed that someone else would say something," Sam explains. No one wants to be the bearer of bad news.
"Plus, you were sick and we wanted you to get better," Artie retorts.
"By finding out that Rachel quit the club after the fact? Did she even say why?" Finn's blood was starting to boil, and he already was warmer that the usually 98.6.
"Well, Santana did kinda yell at her pretty aggressively on Monday…" Artie trails off.
Annoyed Finn grunts and throws his hands in the air before walking off.
The first period bell hasn't even rung yet, and already, drama. And a mess I, once again, has to clean up. Because I'm a leader and that's my job. Blah, blah, blah. Ugh! Why can't for once someone help me? Or at least take the lead in a situation? Is that really that much to ask?
Finn heads towards his locker and on the way see's Sue Sylvester. He overhears a tiny bit of a conversation, as she stares at him going past.
"Ben Israel," Sue says, getting Jacob's attention. "I have a hot tip for your blog."
"You've always been a decent source, what's the angle you wish for me to gossip about?"
"Glee Club!" The coach replies with repugnant distain; glaring over at Finn a few feet away. Jacob got an intrigued look on his face as Sue continued, "My office now, Jew Fro!"
Puck and Rachel are making out on Puck's couch. "I really liked those wine coolers, Puck," Rachel gasps out, her lungs searching for air.
"Yeah, they're really good," Puck concurs. Nuzzling her neck, he tells her, "You're really pretty, Rachel. You're so thin and sexy."
"Mmm," Rachel replies, her eyes wide shut. "I want to keep going," she murmurs, causing Puck's head to pop up.
"What do you mean?" His hands are rubbing up and down her side; alternating between her thigh and just under her breast.
"I want to do this…with you," Rachel says softly.
"What about Finn?" He asks with concern.
"What about Finn?" Rachel replies as though she doesn't care.
"Are you sure?" Puck questions.
"Yes. We're Jews, its natural," she says seriously, but softly. Puck leans back down and kisses her lips hard, then returns to her neck. "You had a vasectomy, right?" Rachel asks, trying to get his attention.
Puck's head rises as he replies, "I got it. Trust me." He kisses her once more before stating, "This isn't another hook up for me."
"Yes it is," Rachel corrects him. They continue to make out and eventually end up in his bed.
The glee club met in the auditorium for their Wednesday class. They usually try to have a dress rehearsal of their group numbers at their Thursday afternoon meetings, so Wednesdays are spent going over the choreography. Only, today, with Rachel's absence everything felt off. New Directions was already down a major asset with Kurt long gone, and now with Rachel quitting, they really felt off their game. Even the shamed look on Santana's face proved that things were heading south. Rachel wasn't even in school today so the club could do something about the predicament.
"I hate to admit this, but this routine is not working without Rachel," Tina huffs depressed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Do you think there's any possibility we can get her back?" Mercedes asked to Mr. Schuester with hope. "I'll apologize to her. I know I was being mean," she says trying to make everything better.
"Oh well that's not going to be a possibility," Sue Sylvester hollered from the back row. All of New Directions turned to Sue as she walked down the aisle to the stage; 'What the Fuck' expressions on all their faces. "You see kiddos, after my newest Cheerio decided to resigned from her elevated status and leave me one gymnast short, I was infuriated, so I followed her after she stormed out of the school crying yesterday because I like to pray on the weak..."
The car ride had calmed Rachel down as she and Carole headed to the Clinic; rain still pouring down. The Jesus Freaks out in the streets didn't bother Rachel at all since, well, she's a Jew. She wasn't even bothered by the other patrons' fingernails as she waited till she was called into her appointment. She didn't even contemplated leaving as she saw the mother crying waiting for her daughter to finish. Carole quietly read a magazine as she stayed with Rachel.
It was over relatively quickly. Local antistatic and daydreams kept Rachel numb to what was happening to the lower half of her body. She left feeling little queasy, mainly due to the emotional distress, and was given a list of doctors orders as she left. They were still a few necessary procedures Rachel had to do at home for this whole…experience…to be over.
Carole drove her home and helped Rachel into bed. Carole tucked Rachel in as she cried herself asleep again.
"Why does this feel wrong?" Rachel asked Carole between her sobs. Covered up in her blankets, she was shivering; her hair in disarray.
"Because politicians like to scare people into thinking its wrong," Carole replied dramatically. Talking like she was discussing the Boogeyman. Going back into mother-mode she says, "What you did today was brave. A lot of other young woman in your position would not have the guts to do what you did today. You made a smart and admirable decision."
"Then why does it feel like I would get points deducted if this were a test," Rachel ponders.
"Don't think of decisions as tests, it will kill yourself," Carole advises calmly.
Rachel sobs some more till she's asleep. Carole comforting her the whole time. Rachel had never known what it was like to have a 'mother' taking care of her. Rachel loved her dads dearly, and would never replace them in the world, but having an older, wiser, womanly influence on her for this was greatly appreciated. Rachel always respected Carole for being a single mother who lost her husband and still managed to get by okay. Rachel appreciated and admired Carole for how she was helping her. Especially since she was doing so without judgment. Just out of the kindness of her heart.
In the auditorium, the glee club stood in horror listening to the rest of what Coach Sylvester was advising them and she cackled on, "You see kids Rachel Berry has Finn Hudson's bun in her oven."
The different octave "What's?" harmonized together into one confused grunt.
"Causing Rachel to end the life early, if you know what I mean. And the blogosphere will know very shortly as well."
"Are you serious," Puck asks trying to be aloof, but still showing nervous concern.
"That's impossible," Finn assures the group.
"Honestly Finn, after the whole hot tub incident, do you really think you can confirm that?" Lauren chimes in.
Raising his voice, Finn responded, "Me and Rachel never slept together! We never even did anything close to that!"
"Well than can you explain why Rachel was seen going with your mother to an abortion clinic where she did in fact have an appointment?" Coach Sylvester accuses rhetorically.
"What?" the group echoes again.
"It's not Finn's! It's mine!" Puck yells, silencing the madness. "I told Rachel it was safe because of my vasectomy which I was actually too nervous to go through." The entire group stares at Puck in disbelief. They then all proceed – in unison – to look over at Finn and the rage in his demeanor.
Finn was halfway across the stage to pound Pucks head in. Still feeling the systems of illness, a coughing fit halted him midway. It didn't matter though, because Quinn had already tackled Puck.
"YOU ASSHOLE!" the fair-haired cheerleader cried out, her jacket falling off her shoulders and her skirt flying up.
Sam watched in horror as his girlfriend beat the crap out of the first-string linebacker.
"How could you do that to her?" Quinn ranted loudly. "What? Are you not going to be happy until you've fertilized every girl in this school? 'Get em' Drunk and Knock em' Up' is that your new motto?" She was screaming on the top of her lungs as she sat on him; punching him with all her might. The long stream of rhetorical questions echoing around the auditorium. "Why don't you just start killing them off like Phillip Markoff? At least then you would be saving them the embarrassment!"
At some point Artie started to film this with his smart phone as the club watched in horror. It even took Mr. Schuester a good 50 seconds before he pried Quinn off of him.
"Okay, Quinn, that's enough," said Schue as he pulled Quinn off Puck, trying to calm her down.
"NO IT'S NOT!" she cried out, trying to lunge back at him, but was restrained.
As Quinn's blood boiled – and the other's were entranced by the display before them – Finn quietly left. No one noticing. He needed to tell Rachel what was happening. He knew that was his responsibility as a leader of this group and as her best friend. Finn felt terrible inside. This must be what it was like to tell someone their loved one passed away. Being the bearer of bad news seemed like the worst responsibility to Finn Hudson.
Finn had started to stalk down the hall to find Jew Fro, but it was too late. Jacob had already left and in mere minutes Rachel's secret was going to be all over the World Wide Web. Crushing her even more than High School already had.
Rachel was curled up ironically in the fetal position all day as she listed to the same song playing over and over on repeat. Holding herself together, hoping to keep her body intact. She didn't want to fall apart.
It's funny how I'm not mad at Puck. I'm mad at myself. And it's not even over yet; I still have a lot more I need to do to get over this. And I'm gonna be bleeding for like 3-weeks or something until my body adjusts. My period for three weeks! It's madness! Carole stopped by during her lunch hour to check up on me. She keeps telling me I'm being brave, but I feel more like a coward. I can't stop thinking about that evening with Puck. The images are haunting me and all I want to do is run away. The image of his face hovering over mine before he kissed me and we began. Puck's smell and how I wished so much that I smelled Finn. What upsets me the most is that it was consensual. He didn't pressure me that much. Okay, yeah, I was feeling the effects of those highly disgusting, syrupy wine coolers, but the fact of the matter was... I wanted to. I wanted to 'man up' (for lack of better term) and do it. I wanted to feel something other than the pain of no longer being with Finn. And then I ended up feeling nothing. It's funny how things can be ironic. Oooh, this is my favorite part.
reasons like seasons
they constantly change
and the seasons of last year
like reasons have floated away
away with this spilt milk
away with this dirty dish water, away
seventeen years, and all that he gave was a daughter
"it's me and the moon," she says
I got no trouble with that
but I am a butterfly, you wouldn't let me die
"it's me and the moon," she says
Rachel continues to sing "Me and the Moon" by Something Corporate, the lyrics filling the house as Finn enters. Hearing her voice is almost like a sound of relief. It's comforting to know that she still has her most cherished gift. Finn walks up to her room and see's Rachel lying in bed singing along to herself.
"Hi," he says getting her attention.
Rachel pops up and sits upright; startled. "What are you doing here?" she asks as she covers herself up with her bed linens, even though she's wearing thick flannel pajamas.
"I have to tell you something, Rachel. Something bad," Finn says calmly bracing himself...before sneezing.
"Bless you," she says with a hopeful smile; ignorant.
"Look Rachel... Sue Sylvester found out," Finn sits down on the edge of the bed. Keeping his voice even. Trying so hard to do so. Not wanting to scare her.
"Found out what?" Rachel questions', prying it's not what she think it is.
"She found out about what happened to you...And what you did...Only she thought it was mine, not Pucks..."
"Oh, God..." was all Rachel could think to say.
"Sue told that Jacob kid..." Rachel sat stunned as Finn continued. "It's already on his Glee blog. Rachel, I'm so sorry..."
She couldn't help it, she was crying. Again...
Finn moved over to her and scooped Rachel up in his arms as she cried. "I'm so sorry," he repeated. "I'm sorry for what he did to you."
"It's not his fault," she mumbled into Finn's chest.
"Yes, it is."
"No! Its not." she reprimands, getting in the last word. "How did you find out?"
"Sue told us during rehearsal. Only she thought it was mine I guess because we dated. Then Puck admitted it was his." Finn still held her as her tears subsided, caressing her hair.
"Your mom helped me. Maybe that's why," Rachel explains.
"My Mom?"
"Yeah, I needed to talk to someone. I needed someone else's help and she there for me. She's really wonderful."
"Yeah," Finn agrees.
"Did you hurt him? Puck?" Rachel asks, hoping she's wrong.
"I didn't have to," he answers, smirking into Rachel's hair.
"I'm glad," Rachel said with relief.
"Quinn got to him first."
"What?" she says with a laugh, picking her head up.
"Oh yeah, she beat the crap out of him. It was pretty entertaining."
"You can't be serious?"
"He is," Quinn interjects from Rachel's doorway, looking ragged. Hair is disarray. Startling Finn and Rachel. "You should really lock your door," she suggests.
"That's a good idea," Rachel responds, surprised to see Quinn.
"Can I speak to Rachel alone for a few minutes?" Quinn asks Finn.
"Yeah, sure," he replies, breaking his grip from Rachel. "I'll be right downstairs," he says to the brunette.
"Okay..." Rachel says as he walks out.
Quinn closes the door behind him and walks up to Rachel. She sits down on the bed and gives her a long hug.
"Why are you doing this?" Rachel asks, her body stiff as a board; her eyes shifting from side to side.
"Because I know how you feel," Quinn replies.
"Are you made at me?" she questioned doe eyed, hoping for pity. Breaking apart from Quinn's grip.
"Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?" Quinn asks, making herself comfortable. Propping her back against the headboard and crossing her legs over the comforter.
"Well, you and Puck have a past and I don't want to step on your toes."
"Rachel, I have a boyfriend. And even when Puck and I were 'together', we were never officially together. Plus, he had bi-daily rendezvous with Santana."
"Oh." Rachel processes. "So why are you here?"
"Like I said, I know how you feel..."
"I don't even know how I feel," Rachel said honestly.
"Yep, I know that feeling, too. What you did was brave."
"It was cowardly."
"No! It was brave. Trust me. I have faith and beliefs I respect them, but there were so many times. So, so many times that I contemplated what you did. Especially when I was still with Finn. You were brave because you actually went through with it. You thought about where you were in your life and what you wanted to accomplish and did something about it."
"But you did the same thing. And you gave a life to someone who was desperate for it. That's brave and caring."
"Yeah, but it was hard. Really hard. And even now after the fact I'm still not sure I made the right choice."
"I'm not sure I made the right choice either." Rachel leans her head on Quinn's shoulder.
"You probably never will be..." Quinn chimed in an all-knowing manner, rubbing Rachel's upper arm.
"You didn't have to beat up Puck, ya know," Rachel says, trying to change the subject. "It wasn't his fault. I mean, yeah, I'm pissed that he lied about his vasectomy, but we still should have used protection. And the thing is that…I wanted to. He asked me if I was sure and I said yes. I could have been smart and insisted he use protection anyway, but I didn't."
"He still should have been honest to you about his...procedure...though."
"Yeah, but it still doesn't deny the fact that I was still a major player in this whole situation."
"It never will," Quinn chirps wisely.
"I just wanted to feel something. Something other than the pain I was feeling of loosing Finn. I miss him so much. Puck's not even as good of a kisser..."
"Don't I know it..." Quinn sasses.
Rachel smiles. "You would think with all the girls he made out with, he'd be better at that. Not that he's bad, he's just not as good as Finn."
"True."
"We've kissed two of the same boys; that seems weird," Rachel muses.
"Ah, people rotate boyfriends all the time," Quinn shrugs. "Just ask Brittany and Santana."
"So... did you really beat the carp out of him?" Rachel asks genuinely curious.
"Oh, yeah. Artie even taped it and posted it on You Tube," the blond says with pride.
Rachel lets out a laugh. "It is sad that I find that amusing?"
"Ah, he had it coming. If it wasn't me, it was going to be someone else." After that the girls are quiet for a while. Sitting. Contemplating.
Finn patiently waited in Rachel's living room. Keeping guard for intruders as he waited for the girls to finish; glad he was ignorant of what they were discussing. He figured it had to do with Rachel's former physical state, but he really didn't want to know more than that.
Quinn leaves a little while later, so does Finn. But not before Finn notifies Rachel that Jacob updated his blog and corrected which jock 'sperminated' Rachel Berry. Jacob's words, not Finn's. Rachel went back to resting. Needing the comfort of dreams for her to ignore reality. The pain that her private business being out there for the whole world to see. By following morning, besides the McKinley gossip mill brewing, "Cheerleader Beats up Linebacker" already had 700,000 hits.
A/N: Okay, so Rachel did get pregnant, like I know several of you didn't want, but she only knew she was in that physical state for about 24 hours. Please review and let me know what you think. I really liked this chapter and I hope you did too. Oh, and Philip Markoff is 'The Craigslist Killer'. I was a senior in college in Boston when that was all going down so I was personally excited to put that in. Anyway, what do you want to see happen next? Let me know!