"Eli, please, I'm telling the truth!"

I hit the button on my alarm, silencing the deafening noise coming from my bedside table. I groaned, one night, that's all I ask for. Just one night of peace, one night of guilt-free sleep, but every night it was the same thing. Every night, Julia reminded me that I deserved the guilt I was feeling. I deserved every bit of it.

I sighed, brushing the hair off my forehead. I wasn't ready for this day, but I didn't really have a choice. My phone began to vibrate; I rubbed my eyes, and grabbed it off the table, sliding it open to read the message on the screen.

Just wanted to say good morning…and to tell you I had a great time last night. I love you, Eli, everything's going to be ok, don't stress about it.

I smiled at the message from Clare, and so badly wanted to believe her, but I couldn't get rid of the lingering doubt and fear that hung heavy in the back of my head. I swallowed. Think positive thoughts, positive thoughts…

I was kidding myself and I realized that completely when I walked through the glass doors of Degrassi. My eyes racked through the cluster of students, searching for him. My heart slowed down a bit when I came up with nothing. A hand slapped my shoulder, and I sucked in air, hissing as I exhaled. It was only Adam.

"And a merry Monday to you too." Said Adam, commenting on my reaction. I felt embarrassed for being so jumpy, but I had to keep my guard up at all times. "Bad morning?"

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to play off my nervousness as boredom. "You could say that."

We began walking through the halls, making the way to our lockers. I kept on the lookout for Derrick, making sure I didn't see him before I strolled up next to Clare, who was busily spinning the dial on her lock. I smiled to myself, before nudging her on the arm.

"Need my help again?"

She simply nodded, and gave me a shy smile as I opened the lock for the second time. She began reaching for her things as I stood there, staring blankly.

"So, how are you doing today?" Clare asked apprehensively, shutting her locker. I stiffened up automatically.

"Could be better." She nodded knowingly, and reached for my arm. I leaned in to kiss her, my eyes closing in the process.

"You do know I'm still here, right?"

I broke our kiss at the sound of Adam's voice. Honestly, I was too caught up in Clare to notice anything else. We both smiled sheepishly at Adam, caught like little kids red-handed.

He just rolled his eyes at us. "Honestly, why I'm friends with either of you is beyond me…"

I rolled my eyes and smirked. "Because you can't get enough of this." I said, gesturing to myself. "And quite frankly, I don't blame you."

Adam shook his head as Clare laughed beside me. "You," he pointed a finger at Clare, who stopped giggling immediately. "encourage him. Just when I thought his head couldn't get any bigger."

I put an arm around him. "You love it, don't deny." He let out a laugh, and brushed my arm away as he started walking. "See you guys in English, please try to keep the PDA to a minimum. I want to try and keep my lunch down today, thanks."

"Sure thing, Adam." I could see him stick his tongue at me as he disappeared down the hall. I focused my attention back to my girlfriend, who was smiling up at me.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." She continued to smile. "Just like seeing you like this."

"Like?"

She shrugged, playing with the cross hanging from her neck. "Happy."

I nodded my head, looking deep into her eyes. "I think, I have you to thank for that." I smiled at the blush rising to her cheeks; it never grew old. I reached for her hand, holding it softly as I continued to stare into her eyes. It was so easy to get lost in them. The bell pulled me from my thoughts as Clare let go of my hand.

She coughed, looking away from me. "Well, I better get to class…" Clare leaned in and kissed me softly before turning on her heels, headed towards the end of the hallway.

I sighed, thinking of my statistics class and fought back the urge to chase after Clare and speed off in Morty for the day. The halls were empty for the most part, just a few kids scrambling to get to class before they could be marked late. I was almost to my classroom when someone brushed passed me from behind, shoving my shoulder rather roughly.

I gritted my teeth, annoyed. "Hey asshole, there's a whole hallway, do you mind not running in to me?" I turned to shoot the kid a glare, but stopped when I realized who it was standing in front of me.

"I thought you'd want to say hi to me Eli, it's been so long since I've seen you last." He grinned, "Missed me?"

I couldn't bring myself to form words; all I could do is stare with hatred, but the smirk on his face was just too much to handle. "What the fuck do you want?" I spat, venomously.

Derrick shook his head, his dark blonde hair falling in his face. "What makes you think I always want something? You know maybe, just maybe I'd like to be friends again. That thought ever cross your mind, Elijiah? He said, drawing out my name, amusement in his brown eyes.

"We were never," I said, taking a step closer to him. "friends. Don't think just because you feed everyone at school some bullshit, that for one second I believed you. You're a piece of shit, always will be."

We stared intensely at each other, each of us wanting the other to break. He narrowed his eyes. "So, who was that girl you were with this morning? New Girlfriend?"

I was surprised at his words, but tried not to let it show. He was watching us?

"Wouldn't that upset Julia, Eli? Poor girl's been dead not even a year, and here you are, replacing her." He scoffed. I felt anger fill every inch of my body, and I wanted nothing less than to knock his teeth out with my fist, but I couldn't help but feel the pain from his words. They stabbed at my chest, and I couldn't conceal the emotion from showing in my eyes. His mouth settled into a smirk. "Some boyfriend you are."

I couldn't take it anymore; I grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and shoved him into the lockers, the sound echoing through the halls. "Don't ever talk about Julia, you don't have the right to even say her name!"

He glanced down at his shirt in my fists, and then raised his eyebrows at me. "Did I hit a nerve?"

I glared at him, tightening my grip."Shut the fuck up."

He let out a laugh, and stood up straight, making me notice the five inches he had over me. I loosened my hold on him, but my eyes shot daggers.

"This, Eli, right here, is what's going to make Degrassi so much fun." He crossed his arms. "You know, I really miss hanging out together, the three of us. You, me, Julia." Derrick stopped, watching my face contort with anger. "I loved making you jealous, you were just so easy. Anything little thing I said to her would just eat at you, wouldn't it?"

I didn't respond; I just clenched my fists, waiting to strike.

Derrick laughed again, staring off into the corner like he was re-living some sick memory. "Yeah, Jules and I had some great times. Before you killed her, that is."

My hand collided with the side of his head, and I was punching every inch of skin I could find. My knuckles throbbed from the impact, but I felt better with each fist I threw at him. Derrick pushed me back, and then punched me in the lip, splitting it open. I brought my hand to my face, wiping off the blood that start to flow as Derrick brushed himself off, his eyes almost black as he stared at me.

"What's the matter Goldsworthy? Can't accept the fact that you're the reason she's dead, huh!"

I shook my head, "You're a liar." My lip throbbed painfully, but I didn't care, it was worth it. He had cuts across his face from where my rings hit, and that fact alone gave me joy.

He rolled his eyes, at me. "You're pathetic. No wonder Julia came to me that night; she must have known what a loser you are." Derrick looked me up and down in disgust.

He brought himself close to me, only a few inches from my face and smirked. His voice was at a whisper. "She loved every minute of it you know. If you only could hear how loud she screamed when I fucked her."

I couldn't see, my vision was so blurred with anger, I couldn't even react. I saw Derrick walk away from me, and I just stood there, stupidly. My chest was tight and I wanted to scream, punch, kick, anything, but I was paralyzed.

I tugged at my hair, and lowered my head, willing myself to think of anything but that night. I swallowed, I needed water. I ran to the closest bathroom, and turned on the sink. I splashed my face with the freezing cold water, and felt myself begin to break down. Why the hell did this have to happen all over again? Didn't I suffer enough the first time? Apparently not, a voice said in the back of my head.

"Shut up!" I yelled to no one in particular. The bathroom was quiet; all I could hear was the sink running as I closed my eyes.

"Still have that same temper, I see?"

What the-

I opened my eyes, searching for the voice, clear as day just a second ago. Nothing…am I going crazy?

"You're not crazy Eli, I just like to mess with you."

I spun around and my eyes met with Julia's, who stood leaning up against the bathroom wall, a smile playing on her lips. I think my heart stopped beating.

I stared in disbelief. "Julia?"

She rolled her eyes and laughed, "Who else could look this good? Of course it's me."

I smirked, wanting to laugh along with her. Same old Julia, wait, what? She saw my confusion and came closer to me, but not nearly close enough to touch. I really wanted to hold her.

"It is me, but not… fully." She trailed off, struggling to find words to explain this situation that was currently making me doubt my sanity. "All you need to know is that I'm here, and that I can't stand to be away from you."

I didn't want to think logically, because if I did, I knew that there was no possible explanation to why my dead girlfriend was staring me in the eyes, so I just accepted it. I didn't want to question it, because if I did, she might disappear, and I really couldn't handle that again.

"I've missed you." I said quietly.

Julia sighed, "I know. I've missed you too." I came closer this time, and brought my hand to her dark brown hair, surprised when I could run my fingers through the strands.

"I'm so sorry Julia, I'm sorry I let this happen to you."

Julia looked away from me, and I could tell that she was hurt. "It's not your fault Eli, I could never blame you for what happened. I just wish you believed me and maybe things would be different."

I couldn't stop the tightness attacking my throat. Suddenly, school wasn't the place to have this conversation. "Do you want to go for a drive? In Morty?

She smiled widely, "Ah, Morty. How I've missed that hearse."

I laughed, grabbing her hand and started to lead her out of the boys bathroom just as the bell started to ring. The buzz of students entering the halls grew louder and louder and I panicked. What about Julia? I turned to look at her, but she was gone, the feeling of her hand no longer there.

My mouth hung open, did I just imagine all of that?

I walked out into the hallway, in a drunken stupor, not even noticing when I almost plowed straight into Adam.

"Dude, did you not just hear me call you like five times?" Adam asks, holding my shoulders in place to keep me from falling.

"I-I didn't-I, Uh, Adam…" I felt like I was going to pass out. Adam looked at me with great concern, and backed away once he made sure I could stand up straight without tipping over.

"Are you okay? Seriously man, you look like you just a ghost or something."

How horribly cliché and ironic. I couldn't help but laugh hysterically, which seemed to frighten Adam.

"Eli, I think there's something wrong with you."

You're not the only one…