To shiver
OWW. OW. IT HURTS SO MUCH.
nothing. you have nothing anymore. maybe that's why you agreed. so that you'd have something, something that would finally purge her from your mind. the pain keeps your mind off her, you can think of nothing else but the smell of burning flesh as the mark is tattooed onto your arm. it feels like someone has dug a red hot poker into your wrist and is dragging it through your veins. your head pumps as the cloaked figures of fellow classmates surround you, but you can not see them. all you can see is red. the red of the heat, the red of the pain, the red of anger, the red of her hair. and you've done it again. you can't forget her.
I CAN.
she's forgotten you. you've joined the ranks of the lonely, the afraid, the jealous. you hide behind rank and hatred and uniforms but you are all just afraid. your leader in particular. he is afraid of death, of love, of anything that truly matters. you have realised this but you are too.
OW.
and so you clutch the ugly red mark on your arm as you fall to the ground and lie in the foetal position, shivering. your whole body is beyond your control, but no one moves to help you. it is a ritual, a sign that you are strong enough to join them. but you realised you aren't. smart enough, perhaps but this hurts so much. brains can't help you now. no one can.
well, maybe one person can but what would she think if she could see you now? on the ground, where you belong, covered in mud and tears and blood, surrounded by people that can not abide her very existence because she's muggle born. despite that, she is one of the most talented witches in the year, in the school. despite that? you have started thinking like them.
NO, I HAVEN'T.
one by one, the lights at the ends of their wands are extinguished and they leave, disguised under the cloak of darkness. and you are left, alone, with nothing but the pain and your thoughts to keep you company.