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Songs listened to while writing this chapter: "Your Call", "Vulnerable", and "The Last Song Ever" by Secondhand Serenade.

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#15 "You don't have to leave." "Yes, I do."

The rain continues to pour over me, making a puddle of thick mud beneath my feet and soaking me to the core. But I don't feel it.

I'm numb.

I have been since the second my entire world walked away from me, probably never to return. After all, things never happen the same way twice, do they?

Her hands trembled, clutched around the wand she had trained on my chest. Desperation evident on her face, like she had no other choice.

"You don't understand!" she screamed, the shrillness creeping in at the last second. There they were. The emotions she was trying so hard to hide. Why wouldn't she just listen to me?

I closed my eyes in frustration and leaned hard against the kitchen chair, my right leg still sore from the gash healed only hours previously. She never listened to me when it came down to this. And it always came down to this. Why? It got us nowhere.

"You don't have to leave," I whispered, a futile effort to keep the love of my life by my side for just a little longer. If I just kept stalling, kept talking, kept arguing, kept reminding her why she had to stay, kept breathing, maybe I wouldn't lose her this time.

But somewhere deep inside, I knew. I knew it would never work.

She sighed for the millionth time. Anger drained from her tired form, "Yes, I do," Nymphadora lowered her wand, silently pleading with me to stop arguing with her. A tear slid down her grimy cheek. I saw the dirt smudge as she quickly wiped the offending droplet away.

My mind trailed off, no longer thinking about the beautiful witch before me, but of what we had been enduring for the past six months. The dirt on her cheek reminded me of something I had pushed to the back of my mind. Something I reserved for only my most desperate, pitiful moods. It did me no good to think of it any other time. There was nothing I could do.

We needed showers, but that luxury could not be found in times like this. We were on missions for the Order every other, if not every, day, battling Death Eaters, fending off curses and hexes and jinxes like our lives depended on it. And they did. No, we didn't have time for showers. A quick Scourgify seemed to get the job done well enough.

Many found themselves thrown together with Order members in safe houses that could barely accommodate a fifth of the amount of people crammed in the doors. At first, we tried to keep up with normal acts such as bathing, reading, and chatting. But after time, the war got to us. We became dirty too soon after washing away the muck. We only had certain books which either had to be read time and time again, or, more often than not, collect dust on the tables while we were away. We preferred to be left to ourselves, to ponder our own thoughts, or to think of better times. Talking about the "good times" only made it that much more evident how bad it was for us all now. We got used to seeing filth all around us. It didn't bother us anymore. Times were rough. But we could pull through it. We had to.

Why couldn't she see that we had to overcome?

"Dora, please. Listen to me," I begged, running a hand through my short filthy hair.

She had heard enough, "No, Remus. No more of your emotional, Hell, fire, and brimstone, 'We shall not succumb!' sermons! I've had it with them. I know you don't want me to go. But it's better this way. We can't get too attached to each other. It's dangerous… For both of us," the look of regret and sadness in her eyes nearly broke my heart.

I couldn't let her go. Not when we finally had become so close. But that was why she had to go, wasn't it? Because it was no longer safe to care this much. To think of others before you think of yourself. To love. Not with this war surrounding us. I nodded my understanding, giving her the acceptance she so sought.

"Please don't hate me, Remus. I'm doing this for us. Some day, when this world is at peace and our lives aren't in jeopardy, some day we can be together. I promise," she placed a final kiss on my cheek, turned, and jogged out the front door to the apparation point. Nymphadora Tonks was off to Merlin knows where to fight the evil that kept us apart.

She was so brave, my Dora.

I kept replaying everything that had just happened in my mind. Over and over again like those Muggle film streams. Every angry sentence, every pained word, every pathetic letter. It wouldn't go away.

Thunder rolled in the distance. It beckoned the rain and lightning forward, instituting a raging storm.

She always loved storms. She loved to stand in the rain, letting it absorb into her clothes until they were hanging heavy with water; it washed away her thoughts, she would say.

Washed away her thoughts…

Washed away…

That was it! I dashed outside just as the rain began to fall. It washed away the dirt and grime from my body and clothes, adding to the murky water at my feet. But my thoughts were still there. Still ever present in my agonized mind.

I lose track of how long I've been stuck in this one positon. It could be hours. Or minutes. Or even seconds. But this is the only thing that can take away the pain of her leaving me. This is the only way.

The cold chases away the sadness with ease. It creeps into my bones and captures my heart. I know I will not be truly happy again until she is by my side, for good this time. But right now, happiness is the furthest thing from my mind.

Why did this have to happen to us?

What had we done to deserve this?

Why did she have to leave?

I stand in the pouring rain, clinging to an empty promise and a miniscule hope for a happy future. But I doubt that will be enough. Not with this war surrounding us, choking us, strangling us the way it has been for the past six months.

No, it did little good to hope anymore.

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xoxo Princess