A/N: Whew...by far the longest chapter I've written and definetly the one I'm least happy with. There was just so much to include in here I don't think I did it justice and I've probably left out a lot. But...it's as good as it'll get and I am actually physically exhausted from writing it. So...enjoy!
Chapter 14- Memories
Arthur felt himself falling through swirling mists, down and down, as though falling to the centre of the earth. He felt like he was floating, as he he were not really there. Flashes of reality came to him, but disappeared before he could get a proper look. It all seemed unreal; like some form of dream.
Visions past by him, brief looks at someone's life, faces appearing out of the mist.
It seemed to go on forever, but eventually, he felt himself land on what felt like solid ground and the mist directly in front of him, shifted to show the landscape of a small village. The village seemed unremarkable at first, but as Arthur looked closer, he recognised it as Ealdor.
The image seemed to be inviting him forward, luring him towards it. Arthur hesitated, then lifted a booted foot, and stepped towards it, through the mist.
Almost immediately, the mist was gone, and Arthur found himself standing in the middle of Ealdor. He looked behind him, and saw only trees and some more houses. The only difference between this village and the real Ealdor, was that everything seemed blurred around the edges, as though it some kind of a dream. But Arthur had no idea how he was going to get back. Great, I'm stuck inside Merlin's memories, he thought to himself.
But where was Merlin? If this was his memory, he must be here.
Just then two small boys came running out of one of the houses, yelling their heads off. An old woman came running after them, chiding them and shaking her fist at them, evidently the victim of some prank, while the boys roared with laughter.
One of the boys had light brown hair and was the taller of the two. The other had raven-coloured hair and was small and skinny. Merlin
The boy Merlin wasn't too different from the Merlin he knew in Camelot. His dopey expression was still there with his sticky-out ears and disproportionate limbs that flailed around as he ran. He was a lot smaller, and far more skinnier, he saw with concern, and his clothes were patched and frayed. He wore no shoes.
Despite the evidence of poverty in Merlin's early life, he looked genuinely happy, running and laughing with the other boy, who Arthur supposed was Will. Merlin had said he was his childhood friend.
Arthur tried to follow the two boys, but found he could not move, his feet seemed to be stuck to the earth. But then, just as the two boys began to disappear out of sight into the woods, he felt himself moving through the air, as though on wings until he found himself almost flying alongside the boys as they continued running. This certainly was a strange experience.
Merlin and Will ran until they came to a fast-flowing stream in the woods, swollen with the Spring rains, where they collapsed in laughter on the ground.
"Did you see her face?" Will asked in hysterics.
Merlin couldn't answer, he was laughing so uncontrollably. Arthur had rarely seen Merlin so happy and carefree. The pressure of living in Camelot must have had at least a little effect on him, though he usually didn't show it.
Will stood up and looked around.
"Do you think we could find another frog?"
Merlin finally ceased laughing and stood up also.
"I don't know, it took us about five hours to find that one. Why, whose bed were you thinking of putting it in this time?"
Will grinned, a mischievous look on his face.
"Hmm....not sure yet."
Merlin laughed again.
Arthur watched them with a sort of sadness. He had never had this sort of a childhood. It had always been such a rigid life in the castle, no time for fun or games, no friends he could be an equal with. Merlin's friendly and optimistic look on life suddenly made sense.
Will began to make his way towards the stream, carefully climbing down the bank and searching amongst the rocks.
"I don't think there's any down here. Perhaps on the the other side?"
Merlin shrugged and came up to him.
"Maybe, but how will you get across? The stream's running really fast now; you'll be swept away."
Will only looked stumped for a moment. Then he brightened and pointed down the stream a little way.
"See that tree? The one that's fallen over the river? I can use it as a bridge!"
Merlin looked to where he was pointing and scoffed.
"Don't be stupid Will, that's a twig, not a tree. It won't hold your weight."
"You got a better idea?"
Will then ran off down the stream where he came to the branch that formed a sort of bridge across it. The bank at this point was much higher, and appeared like a small gorge at least twenty feet deep. Even Arthur, who had never done anything of the sort before, could tell it was a foolish idea. It looked fragile and blew slightly in the wind; you'd have to be mad to trust it.
Merlin hesitated, and then followed.
"You're not being serious Will! Stop fooling around!"
Will just laughed and jumped up onto the branch and began to make his way over the fast running stream. The branch began to creak and shake under him.
Merlin's face turned to one of sheer panic.
"Will! Stop now! You'll fall!"
Will brushed that aside.
"You always worry too much Merlin! Live a little!"
"You won't be living for much longer if you fall in! Don't be stupid, don't risk your life for some stupid prank!"
Will ignored him and continued making his way over the frothing waters.
Merlin ran up to the branch, as though half determined to cross it himself and pull him back, but thought better of it. The branch would definitely break if Merlin's weight also joined it.
Will had almost made it all of the way across, a triumphant look on his face. Merlin and Arthur heaved identical sighs of relief.
"See Merlin! What did I tell-"
Then a great cracking sound drowned out the rest of his words and the branch began to split in two.
"Will!" Merlin ran forwards in a panic.
Will desperately tried to regain some balance and hold onto one of the halves of the branch but soon found himself plummeting to the water below, fear in his eyes.
Arthur had to stop himself rushing forward to catch him, it was only a memory after all, and he knew Will survived until Arthur himself came to Ealdor, but it wasn't easy seeing the young boy plunge into a rapid river.
But then, Will suddenly stopped falling, and hung there, just over the water, floating, with a look of bewilderment in his eyes.
Arthur wheeled around to look at Merlin, whose eyes were fading back from gold to blue.
Will cast a frightened look at Merlin, before he found himself being lifted by some invisible force and dropped safely back on the bank.
Merlin said nothing as Will slowly stood up to look at him. Arthur was dismayed to see fear and apprehension in his face. Merlin was actually scared his own best friend wouldn't accept him? His reluctance to tell Arthur then made more sense. Merlin had obviously never told anyone in his life. Merlin also looked ashamed, as though he had done something wrong. Arthur was then angry; he'd just saved Will's life! He shouldn't be ashamed of that, he'd used magic for good!
But then Arthur thought, Merlin wouldn't see it that way would he? He must have been told to hide his magic at all costs, and now someone else knew. He couldn't imagine how scared Merlin was.
Will carefully looked into Merlin's eyes, as though trying to see right into his soul. He spoke after a few moments.
"That was magic wasn't it?"
It wasn't really a question, but Merlin nodded anyway, fearfully.
Will kept looking at him.
"You saved my life."
Merlin said nothing.
"You saved my life with magic."
Merlin still didn't say anything, though he looked resigned, as though expecting Will to start throwing accusations at him.
Suddenly Will's face broke into a large grin.
"Magic! Why didn't you ever tell me? We could have had so much fun together, no one would ever know it was us! We still can! This is brilliant!"
Merlin now looked more confused than ever, staring at Will as though he were mad.
"You don't hate me?"
Will laughed it off.
"Of course I don't! You're my best friend Merlin. The adults can tell me magic is bad until they're blue in the face, but I still won't believe it, I saw what you did, that wasn't evil. Now come on! We have to go and use your magic to play a trick on someone!"
Will then grabbed a bewildered Merlin and started dragging him back to the village. Before Will whisked him away, Arthur saw a small smile creep onto Merlin's face, a smile that showed the immense feeling on relief on his young features. This evidently had been something he had been dreading for a long time, and now it was over, and he was happy.
Arthur felt ashamed of himself. Will had just accepted Merlin for who he was without so much as a question, whereas Arthur had been tormenting himself for weeks over it. Why did Will have so much faith in him? Arthur tried to tell himself it was just because of their youthfulness, Will obviously didn't know the evil that magic could do, he was looking at everything in the eyes of a child. But maybe that was what Arthur had been lacking. He had turned thing over and over in his mind analysing everything constantly, if only he'd been like Will and just accepted him, things were so much simpler as a child.
The vision shifted and the images came flashing quickly one after another.
Arthur saw Will and Merlin, hiding behind the trees at the outskirts of the village, giggling as an old grumpy looking man chased his hat around his vegetable patch, as it flew in the wind that seemed to exist nowhere in the village except this one spot.
He saw Merlin and Will, sneaking behind a convoy of Cendred's troops, carts laden down with chests and heavy bags of what must have been taxation money, far too much Arthur thought should come from one village. Suddenly a few of the bags lifted from the carts and mysteriously began to float towards the two boys who grabbed them with glee in their faces.
He saw Merlin waist deep in snow, melting a path in front of him as his eyes glowed gold, racing towards a frozen stream where a crack had appeared in the ice, and the small figure of a young girl could be seen struggling to get out.
He saw Merlin and Will, laughing together in front of a small fire, where fiery creatures were bounding and swirling all around them.
The images then slowed down, and Arthur found himself standing in just one image. He recognised the dingy interior of the house he was in as the house belong to Merlin and Hunith. Once again he was stuck by how tough Merlin's life had been. The whole house was smaller than one of his own rooms in the castle.
He then noticed Hunith standing in the centre of the room, fury on her face as she shouted at Merlin, who now looked to be about the same age as he was when Arthur had known him.
"How could you be so careless Merlin? How could you let this happen?" Hunith sounded seriously angry, but her voice was also dripping with fear. "Didn't you realise what would happen? I told you when you were four years old Merlin: you can't tell anyone about your magic!"
However, Merlin looked at her defiantly.
"I never told Will, I saved his life with my magic when we were seven, he's known since then and he's never told anyone! He never would! I trust him completely!"
"It doesn't matter! He still knows! Don't you understand how much danger you're in?" Hunith now sounded frantic.
"Will would never tell anyone Mother. He's had plenty of time to do so. Besides, I needed someone to talk to! You never want to discuss it! You're always frightened someone will overhear and I can't bear to think that my magic is something to be hidden away, something that's wrong! I know people don't see it that way, but magic is natural to me, I would rather die than give it up! I can't take any more of hiding who I am!"
Merlin spoke passionately, and Arthur could hear the emotion behind them. But he was confused. Merlin was speaking as though he had no choice in the matter, as though he couldn't choose it. Wasn't that something Gaius had said? Something about how Merlin had always been a sorcerer and how he couldn't help it. At the time he had been sceptical, he had always believed sorcerers deliberately became one, but now he wasn't sure.
Hunith calmed down a little, and looked at Merlin in sympathy.
"I know Merlin, your magic should be gift, not a curse. But you have to be careful, people will talk, and they will alienate you and hate you. I couldn't bear that Merlin. Your Gifts should be encouraged, but not here, not now. Someday, people will know, and you won't be afraid to tell them, but it's not now."
Merlin said nothing to this.
Hunith thought for a moment,nodded to herself and frowned, as though coming to a difficult decision.
"You need to leave."
Merlin looked shocked and hurt.
"What? Just because Will found out?"
Hunith shook her head.
"Everyone in this village is beginning to notice something strange about you Merlin, it's only a matter of time before they find out. You'll be safer far from here, with someone who'll be able to teach you how to use your Gifts, so you're no longer afraid of them, someone to guide you."
Merlin looked confused.
"Who?"
"I have a relative, his name is Gaius, he lives in Camelot. He used to use magic, he can help you, he can show you how to control your magic, and he can offer you the guidance you need."
Merlin didn't look enthusiastic.
"I've never met this Gaius. I have no desire to leave my entire life in Ealdor and move to Camelot. I have friends here, this is my life. Camelot is so far away. How will you cope without my wages in the fields?"
"I''ll manage Merlin. There may be more money around after you're gone. I can cope. Gaius can take you on as an apprentice, he's the Court Physician for King Uther, you know, fairly well-paid. You can send wages back to me if you really want, but the main thing is, you'll have him. You're lost here Merlin, you don't fit in. Gaius can help you realise what your true purpose is, he can help you make full use of your Gifts. You'll suffocate here Merlin, please go. Please..."
Hunith was practically begging him now, her fear for Merlin was evident.
Merlin considered for a moment, mulling things over, before reluctantly nodding.
Hunith smiled in relief. "You'll be happy in Camelot Merlin. You'll finally know where you belong.
Arthur was reminded of the conversation he had had with Merlin in Ealdor. He said he had left because he didn't fit in, Arthur saw the true reality of that now. He had thought at first when he had found out, Merlin had been mad to think Camelot would be a safe refuge for a sorcerer, but now he realised the logic of it. He couldn't see Merlin as being who he is without Gaius guiding him.
He images shifted again, they were now racing in front of him.
He saw Merlin arriving in Camelot, and the look of fear and horror on his face as he witnessed an execution of a sorcerer.
He saw Merlin in Gaius' chambers. Gaius did not observe him, and fell from the balcony in surprise, when Merlin's eyes glowed again, and Gaius stopped falling, like Will had done.
He saw himself and Merlin in the market place, fighting each other. Arthur cringed as he remembered this, he really had been an ass back then. But this time he saw Merlin, discreetly using magic in the fight, to gain an advantage. For some reason Arthur felt extremely annoyed; he cheated!
He then saw himself again, staring in shock at the dagger flying towards him. He saw Merlin on the other side of the room, and then he saw everything in slow-motion. Everything slowed down, and Merlin ran across the hall and pulled him out of the way.
He saw Merlin in a large cavern...with the Great Dragon! He heard their conversation in awe, why was Merlin speaking to this beast? He heard the dragon tell Merlin that his and Arthur's destiny's were intertwined, and that Merlin was somehow destined to protect Arthur and help him become King while Merlin became the greatest sorcerer of all time.
Arthur was rigid in shock. Now everything made sense. Merlin was destined to protect him. But was that the only reason Merlin cared so much about protecting him? Because Merlin only thought he was fulfilling some ancient prophecy? Somehow it hurt Arthur to think that.
Arthur was then slightly annoyed as he heard Merlin call him an idiot, he really didn't make a good first impression. Why did Merlin want to fulfil this destiny when he obviously hated Arthur's guts?
He didn't have a chance to ponder this any longer, before the visions changed again.
He saw Gaius giving Merlin that ancient magic book that had been found in his chambers, and several images of Merlin poring over it, with his nose almost touching the pages he was so absorbed.
He saw several images of Merlin complaining ardently to Gaius over how much of an idiot Arthur was and how he couldn't stand him. Arthur was saddened by this, he hadn't realised how tough he had been on Merlin at the start.
He saw Merlin in Arthur's chambers, sitting on the floor with an amused look on his face, as his chores were being done around him by magic. Arthur sighed; Merlin really was a lazy slob. At least this explained how he had always gotten through so much work despite being the laziest servant in Camelot. But then, he had always given him so much...
He saw himself and Knight Valiant fighting, and Merlin uttering a spell to show everyone there the true nature of the shield.
He saw Merlin with Gaius. He was questioning him and seemed truly confused as to why anyone would use magic to hurt others.
He saw the plague that had once ravished the city, and Merlin professing he can save everyone but Gaius telling him not to.
He saw Merlin sneak into Gwen's house and place a magical poultice under her father's pillow, thus curing him of the disease.
He then saw Merlin telling everyone that he was the sorcerer after Gwen's arrest, and his own attempts to explain away Merlin's actions.
He saw the dragon telling Merlin how to defeat the Afanc, and also that Merlin and Arthur was just two sides of the same coin. Riddles, Arthur thought, what was the point in them?
He saw himself fighting the Afanc, and Merlin destroying it with fire.
He saw Merlin saving him from drinking from that poisoned goblet.
He saw Merlin lying in a fever, muttering about Arthur, knowing everything that was happening.
He saw a light appear in Merlin's hand, a globe of blue-white light that filled the room with luminescence. The same glow that had guided Arthur out of the caves.
He saw Lancelot charging towards a Griffin with his spear, and Merlin shouting some magical spell, turning the spear glowing blue and killing the Griffin.
He saw Edwin Muriden and Merlin, Edwin offering the chance for Merlin and Edwin to rule the Kingdom together with magic and Merlin refusing, using magic to kill Edwin.
He then saw Merlin using magic to save Uther's life. Arthur was shocked at this, Merlin dared use magic on the king? He cared that much about a man who would kill him if he had the chance?
He saw Merlin in the stocks, being pelted with rotten fruit for helping Arthur.
He saw Merlin sneaking after Aulfric, Sophia's father and overhearing his intent to sacrifice Arthur.
He also saw himself, enchanted by Sophia, and Merlin trying to help him before being attacked by Aulfric.
He then saw Merlin kill Aulfric and Sophia before dragging Arthur out of the lake. Arthur was overwhelmed at Merlin's power, and also embarrassed he had been so susceptible to Sophia's charms. Then some things made even more sense, he knew Merlin couldn't have knocked him out! But then Arthur realised with a jolt, Sophia had enchanted him to get what she wanted. What was it with Pendragon men and love spells?
He saw Merlin helping Mordred escape from the guards, hearing his voice telepathically.
He saw Merlin with Mordred, trying to help him, when the boy called him Emrys.
He then saw the Great Dragon telling Merlin he was the subject of many prophecies, and later, that Mordred will be the one responsible for Arthur's death. Arthur reeled in shock. That little boy would grow up to kill him? That must explain a little why Mordred wanted to repay his debt so badly, he couldn't fulfil his destiny if he was indebted to the man he was supposed to kill.
He saw Merlin, tormented, trying to ignore Mordred's calls for help but eventually helping him.
He saw Merlin, back in Ealdor, talking with Will, who was angry he won't use his magic to help everyone, that he prioritised keeping his secret from Arthur over the lives of his friends and family. He saw Merlin's mother reassuring Merlin, that one day everyone would know the truth, and that Arthur would accept him one day. And then he saw Merlin conjuring up that wind.
He saw Merlin arguing with the Great Dragon, refusing to allow Uther to be killed, despite it contradicting with his destiny,
He saw Merlin killing the Questing Beast and then bargaining his own life to save Arthur's. He saw Merlin kill Nimueh, after she had killed Gaius and Merlin bringing him back to life. Arthur was more shocked by this than anything. Merlin had offered up his own life for Arthur's? And after all the times he had called Merlin worthless! He was again shocked by Merlin's power, it was unbelievable to think that that skinny servant could wield so much magic.
He saw Merlin consulting with the Great Dragon, promising to release him one day in return of knowledge on how to save Camelot. Arthur felt his blood run cold. Merlin couldn't have been the one who released it. He just couldn't.
He saw Merlin refusing another offer to rule Camelot by magic, and defeating the sorcerer that threatened the city.
He saw Merlin blasting his way out of a caved-in underground chamber with incredibly powerful magic and racing to try and stop Uther's marriage.
He saw Merlin stopping Arthur from killing his father after he talked with Morgause. Then he saw Merlin's conversation with Gaius, and Arthur felt like he was falling away. It was true. Everything Morgause had said was true. Arthur immediately felt angry and repulsed by his father's lies, and also by Merlin. Why had he lied to him? Why, when he knew how angry Arthur was, did he prevent him from killing him? Then he heard Merlin say how Arthur would never have forgiven himself, that he would have regretted his actions, and Merlin didn't want to be responsible for Arthur becoming King like that. He also heard Gaius say that Merlin must have been tempted to let Uther die, to which Merlin agreed. Arthur put aside his anger for a moment and replaced it with confusion. Why had Merlin lied? What did he owe Uther; if he had just let him to die, his life would be so much easier. Did Merlin really care that much about saving Arthur from self-torment that he would continue to live in fear for his life?
He then saw the conversation between Merlin and his father, where the King said to Merlin he was one person he could completely trust in the fight against magic. Arthur laughed out loud at Merlin's face, he could just tell what the boy was thinking, it must have taken Merlin a great deal of will power not to burst out laughing.
He then saw Merlin in the streets of Camelot, near where that Druid girl had been incarcerated in that cage. Arthur felt anger at the way she had been treated, no human deserved to be placed in a cage. But then he saw Merlin free her from the cage and run off with her. Arthur was shocked, Merlin had been the one helping her? Why would he risk his life for someone he barely knew?
He heard the conversations between Merlin and the girl, who he now knew as Freya, and began to understand. This girl was someone that Merlin could relate to, someone he could really talk to and be his own self with. Arthur pitied him. What must it be like to have such a great secret and no one to confide in, especially when he took such joy in his magic? He watched as Merlin sneaked around the castle, and as he was...stealing Arthur's food! Arthur was indignant and seriously annoyed. He had not been imagining things, he knew he wasn't fat! How dare he steal from his plate? Why couldn't he use his own food? But then, he realised, Merlin wasn't exactly paid much, perhaps he couldn't afford it.
He saw Merlin spending more and more time with Freya, and he watched as Merlin used his magic in front of her. He could see the joy in his face as he used his magic freely and unafraid. Arthur had to admit, the magic was beautiful, he had never seen magic used for such amazing things as that.
He saw as Merlin lied to Gaius, something which obviously pained him. He saw as Merlin fell in love with the girl and kiss her. Arthur was slightly surprised by this. He knew half of the serving girls fancied him, though he had no idea why, but Merlin had never mentioned being romantically involved with anyone. Arthur felt slightly miffed by this, after all, Merlin practically knew everything going on between him and Gwen. But, Arthur supposed, he could hardly have told him he was secretly seeing the girl Arthur and half the Knights were searching for.
He became shocked however as he heard Merlin make plans for him and Freya to run away somewhere. Merlin had been planning to leave him, after all that guff about destiny and protecting Arthur, Merlin was just going to leave? He must have really loved her, what went wrong?
He saw Merlin carrying the dress belonging to Morgana, and now Arthur realised. How could he have been so stupid? The dress was for Freya. He cringed as he remembered how he had teased Merlin relentlessly about that for weeks, and how upset and hurt Merlin had been at every mention of it. He obviously didn't want to be reminded of Freya.
He then saw the Bastet, which Arthur realised was in shock was Freya, and he saw himself and his Knights attacking it. Merlin had been in love with a monster? He then saw Merlin rush out behind the Knights and stop them dealing the final blow.
He then saw Merlin with the Bastet, with him, it wasn't ferocious, it seemed Merlin was the only one who could calm it. He saw it transform back into Freya and he listened as she told Merlin the story of how she had been cursed.
He saw Merlin take her to a lake, which obviously meant so much to her, and hold her in his arms as she died. Merlin was consumed with grief and clung to her, obviously deeply in mourning.
Arthur felt sympathy stir within him. It wasn't fair on Merlin, he'd had a chance to be happy, someone he loved, but that was taken away from him. Taken away by...
Arthur felt himself reeling in shock. It couldn't be....it was him. He distinctly remembered striking the beast with his sword, it had been him who had injured her, it had been him who had killed her. Arthur couldn't breathe, he had been the one who had killed the woman Merlin loved. He was overwrought with guilt. But he tried to remind himself, she had been killing innocent people, maybe not by choice, but she had nonetheless. He couldn't rightly have done anything else, he had had to protect his people. But it wasn't easy remembering that as he saw Merlin's grief-stricken face, as he sat weeping over her lifeless form.
He saw Merlin sitting by Arthur's side in his chambers. The day after Freya died, and Merlin could bear to be with Arthur? It beggared belief. How could he see Arthur each day, knowing what he had done?
The images shifted again, and Arthur saw smaller glimpses of Merlin's magic, the amounts of times he had helped Arthur in a fight, doing the small things no one noticed, but they would have been killed without. Arthur felt guilty again as he remembered how he had always chastised Merlin for being useless in a fight. In actual fact, he had saved them all countless times.
He saw the time Arthur had been temporarily in love with the Lady Vivian. He shuddered as he remembered. He saw Merlin was the one who had told Gwen how to stop the spell. Merlin had always known far too much about the two of them for comfort. He could easily have went to Uther and told him, but he didn't. He kept their secret. Why didn't Merlin think he could trust Arthur with his?
He saw the time Camelot had been under the sleeping spell, and himself, Merlin and Morgana, racing around carrying the King, trying to evade Morgause and those Black Knights. He saw as Merlin visited the dragon once again, who told him that Morgana was the source of the magic.
Arthur refused to believe it, it just couldn't be possible. He heard the Great Dragon refer to Morgana as a witch and then he really knew not to believe him. Morgana was in no way a witch. But then the dragon said the only way to end the spell was to kill Morgana. Arthur felt himself go cold. Merlin didn't...
He saw Merlin arguing with the dragon, saying there must be another way. But the dragon remained firm.
Maybe it wasn't him ,Arthur tried to reassure himself. Merlin would never have killed Morgana. He had seen it, Merlin didn't have it in him to kill her. But then he saw Merlin pick up that poison, and put it in that water skin. No....
He saw Morgana drink the water...
He saw her began to choke and clutch her throat. No....
He saw Merlin hold on to her, pain in his eyes, Morgana trying to push him away, hurt and betrayal evident in her face.
Arthur could not believe it. Merlin had killed Morgana. Merlin had done it...Merlin...
Then he saw Morgause enter, and Merlin told her he would tell her what poison he used if she removed the spell. Arthur then felt the beginning of hope. She wasn't dead yet. Morgause agreed, Merlin showed her the poison bottle and she disappeared.
Arthur couldn't believe what he had just seen. Merlin had just tried to kill Morgana. Everything Arthur knew about Merlin seemed cast into doubt. How could he have done that? Maybe he was evil. Now he knew what Mordred had meant when he said he would show Arthur everything. Arthur had wanted to see everything, he had wanted to be able to make a clear decision, but now he wished he hadn't. Mordred had showed him this deliberately, he wanted Arthur to doubt Merlin, he had planned this. But still....Merlin had tried to kill Morgana...
A small voice in the back of his mind told him that it was the only way. If Morgana had lived, everyone in the city would have died, Merlin had done as much the same thing as Arthur had done to Freya. One person, for many.
He didn't have time to continue to think this over, as the visions moved again.
Merlin was standing in the cavern with the dragon, a sword held over the chains which bound the dragon there, casting some fierce sounding spell. The chains broke, and the dragon was freed.
Arthur didn't think he could take any more shocks. Merlin had set the dragon free, the dragon that had killed so many people...he didn't know what to think, except disbelief...
He watched as Merlin ran about the streets of Camelot, frantically trying to subdue the dragon, correct his wrong, but it was worthless. The dragon attacked relentlessly. Arthur saw the pain in his eyes, he felt the enormous guilt. He knew what he had done. Anything Arthur could say to him couldn't make him feel any worse.
He saw as Merlin was preparing to leave with Arthur to find that Dragon Lord, and he also heard Gaius' shock revelation.
Balinor was Merlin's father.
Suddenly, a lot more things made sense.
He saw himself lying unconscious in Balinor's cave, whilst Merlin and Balinor talked. He could hear the heavy emotion between Merlin's words, as he tried to talk to his father for the first time in his life, as a stranger.
He saw the next day, when Balinor had finally joined them, and Merlin revealing who he was, and then the conversation they had had that night. It truly was heartfelt, and Arthur felt angry at his own father for ruining this man's life. If Uther had just left Balinor alone after he had left Camelot, Merlin would always have known his father, he might not have suffered growing up with no one to help him with his magic...
He saw the day after that, when Balinor died, saving Merlin, and Merlin's tears. He heard Balinor's last words. Merlin was now the last Dragon Lord.
He saw that night, when they had all ridden out to fight the dragon. He saw Merlin face the dragon without any fear whatsoever, and banish the dragon from Camelot. Arthur didn't understand why Merlin had spared him, but he was struck by Merlin's compassion. Merlin truly was a gentle man at heart. He hated violence of any sort.
Arthur didn't have time to really absorb what had happened, before the images changed once more.
He saw Merlin standing with Gaius in one of the corridors off of the main courtyard, littered with debris from the dragon attack.
Merlin looked like he was in shock, his eyes were looking unseeing ahead, and he looked haunted and though he hadn't slept in years.
Gaius looked at him in pity.
"Don't blame yourself for what happened Merlin. You weren't to know what would happen."
"I shouldn't have been so stupid then should I? It was obvious what was going to happen! Why didn't I see it?" Merlin yelled in frustration. "All those dead people, all those orphans, it's because of me Gaius! All because of me!"
"Everything happens for a reason Merlin. You'll just have to wait and see what that is." Gaius tried to reassure him.
Merlin did not look consoled.
"What good could possibly come of this?"
He remained silent for a moment.
"I'm going to tell Arthur. I'm going to tell him everything. I should have a long time ago."
Gaius looked shocked.
"You can't Merlin! He can't know now, it isn't time!"
"Then when will it be time!" Merlin threw his hands up in the air.
"Soon."
"It's always soon, why is it never now! I can't bear this Gaius! I actually like Arthur now, I count him as a friend. I can't bear lying to him any more! I can't take it! If Arthur can't accept me for who I am, well, that's it then. But I refuse to continue to lie to him. It tears me apart inside. The more I keep up this charade, the worse it will be when Arthur finds out, the more betrayed he will feel. I have to tell him Gaius."
"You can't tell him Merlin. Not yet .One day he will know the truth, but until then, we have to wait. Wait for the opportune moment, wait until the moment is truly right. You can't just leap in without looking, I know it's frustrating, but there will be a time when he knows and he will accept you for it. You have to wait until the world tells you that you are both ready. Then he will trust you Merlin, he'll know how much you have done for him. He will see you for who you truly are and he'll rejoice in that. But you both have to be ready for it. Arthur will never accept you until you accept your own guilt for what has happened."
"How can I do that Gaius. Look what I have done." Merlin's voice sounded weak now, and close to tears.
"I see it Merlin. And I still love you as my son, and in time, Arthur will look back on this and he will not blame you. That's the true ways of friendship. It isn't smooth all the way, but if you stick it out, the rewards will far outweigh the sacrifices and pain. No friendship can last without its trials. Then you will both know the true extent of it."
Merlin looked at Gaius, and nodded slowly.
The vision began to blur again rapidly, and Arthur felt himself begin to be pulled out of it. The swirling mists came on him again and he felt himself rising this time, soaring upwards at a great speed, until he finally broke the surface of the pool.
He clambered out, and lay on the grass breathing heavily, trying to absorb everything he had just seen. His head was buzzing, and each thought bumped into the next; a nest of confusion.
He didn't know how long he had lain there like that, before Mordred came up to him.
He looked down at Arthur lying there on the grass, a smug smile on his face.
"So now you know everything."
Arthur didn't reply.
"Well? What is your decision? Do you forgive Emrys?"
Arthur picked himself up from the ground and looked at the young boy.
"I'm not about to tell you am I?" He turned his back on the small boy and walked off, his decision firmly in his mind.
A/N: Hehe, love my cliffies. The pool idea with the memories I admit, I may have stolen slightly from Harry Potter, it was inspired by the Pensieve idea. But hopefully I think I've tweaked it a little to suit. Or maybe not...but I'm unashamed to admit I'm a huge Potter Nerd so....
Anyways, thanks for reviewing in advance...hint...hint...I really want to know what you think of this chapter. Need reassurance that its good or constructive criticism...either would be great!
Ta!