Author's note: Didn't realize it was going to get so angsty...my b. This is mostly from Quinn's point of view, but it seemed important to see how she thought about everything since it's mostly clear where Rachel's at. And some cute little kid faberry moments, of course ;)
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The rest of seventh grade was a blur for Quinn. One big blur of schoolwork, church, her new role as captain of the Cheerios, boys, friends, and Rachel. Rachel, Rachel and more Rachel. Not that they saw each other much anymore. Rachel avoided Quinn like the plague, and it would be a lie if Quinn said she didn't do the same. Despite her efforts, however, no matter what she was doing, her former best friend was always in the back of her mind.
And every time she thought of her, Quinn tried to remember how much she hated her.
...But she didn't.
She tried to get distracted by the boys who liked her, like all of her friends were. Santana was all over Puck, who once entering puberty had decided he was a total badass. Brittany went after any male who moved. Quinn finally went on her first date with a boy named James, an eighth grader on the football team. Sure, he was cute and brought her a flower, but as hard as she tried, Quinn just wasn't interested. When he awkwardly kissed her goodnight on her front porch, Quinn barely managed to suppress a shudder and quickly ran inside when he pulled away.
Her mother, who had been watching from the window, cheerily called up the stairs to ask how the movie was, but all Quinn could manage was a small, "fine!" Judy shook her head to herself, smiling at what she assumed was her daughter's reluctance to share the details of her first date. In Quinn's room, however, it was another story completely.
She tried not to cry, but that only made it worse. Instead she lay on her bed, tears slipping out of her eyes as she stared at the ceiling. Far up above her was a pattern of multicolored stars, which after some reluctance, her parents had allowed her to put up in her otherwise pristine room. Using a ladder under the supervision of Caitlin, Quinn's older sister, she and Rachel had decorated Quinn's ceiling for her ninth birthday. Careful planning had gone into the design on Rachel's part, obsessively planning out constellations and other designs while Quinn looked on in amusement. It took almost an entire afternoon during which Caitlin fell asleep on Quinn's bed and Rachel fell off the ladder – twice – but it was one of the best birthday's Quinn had ever had. Yes, she had still had her annual party where everyone in the class was invited and Rachel simply hovered in the background, but spending the following afternoon with her best friend painstakingly sticking stars to the ceiling was all Quinn wanted to remember.
That night Rachel had slept over, after leaving the lights in Quinn's room on all afternoon and evening until it was time for bed. Both girls rushed to get ready, giggling as they struggled to yank on pajamas as quickly as possible. Rachel managed to trip on hers – they were too long, a sight that only made Quinn smile despite herself. It wasn't long before the lights were off and both girls were snuggled into Quinn's full sized bed, admiring their work.
"Well, I have to say, I think my research on constellations certainly paid off," Rachel nodded affirmatively, beaming at her handiwork on the ceiling above. Quinn sighed, studying the way each constellation had it's own color and seemed to sparkle in the sky above. A pattern she hadn't seen before suddenly caught her eyes, and she reached out to tap Rachel on the arm.
"What's that one?" she asked, pointing at the purple clump of stars towards the head of the bed.
"Oh," Rachel said, her voice becoming softer. "That one's for us."
Quinn squinted, looking closer. And so it was. With some of the smallest stars in the pack, Rachel had made an "R" and a "Q", framed by a pattern forming another, larger star.
"Just so you never forget," Rachel spoke again, her voice trailing off.
For a second Quinn felt like she wanted to cry, but she had no idea why.
Quietly, she rolled over until her face was right next to Rachel's. In the dark, Quinn could see her best friend's face was set, all of her features harder than normal and a determined look in her sad eyes.
Quinn softly took one of Rachel's hands in her own, and only then did Rachel allow herself to turn to face Quinn again.
"I'll never forget," Quinn replied quietly, and Rachel smiled softly before closing her eyes. They fell asleep holding hands, and Quinn wishing that nothing would ever change as she succumbed to sleep.
The memory hit Quinn like a ton of bricks. The stars, that night, the days when Rachel and Quinn could just be Rachel and Quinn and there were no boys to get in the way. What was wrong with her? She was supposed to like boys. Not be obsessed with thinking about Rachel. Who happened to be, by the way, a girl.
That night, for the first night in five years, Quinn padded softly down the hall to her older sister's room. She stopped in the doorway, pushing the door slightly ajar.
Caitlin sleepily rolled over and peered at her little sister. "What's up, munchkin?"
"Can I sleep in here?" Quinn whispered, close to tears once again but holding them back. She didn't cry in front of anyone anymore. She was stronger than that.
"Yea, sure, come on in," Caitlin moved over and Quinn quickly climbed under the covers, snuggling up next to her sister.
They lay in silence for a while, Quinn listening to the soft in and out pattern of Caitlin breathing.
"If this has anything to do with that boy, forget about him. Boys suck," Caitlin whispered drowsily.
Quinn started, not expecting the statement, but then giggled slightly. If only her sister knew how much she agreed with that sentence. She sighed, curling tighter into herself, wishing for sleep to come and trying to stop wondering what it would've been like if it had been Rachel kissing her on the porch, with the real stars shining above them.
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