Prompt 2 : Kaidan's first visit to the Normandy SR2; written/viewed from the perspective of anyone BUT Kaidan or Shepard.

Heavy Risk

Alenko is an asshole. He couldn't put it any more succinctly than that. Unfortunately he was the one asshole in the galaxy that could make Shepard happy. And a happy Shepard means my life will be a hell of a lot easier. He made the call that would summon Alenko to the Normandy. If Shepard found out, she'd kill him but some things were worth the risk. Besides he stood to win a reasonable amount of money from Jack if he could get them back together. I've done it once, I can do it again.

Shepard had come back from her meeting with the Council in a foul mood and was currently in her cabin pacing and cursing. Alenko was due to arrive any minute. Should I warn Alenko? Nah, it would be way more entertaining this way. He chuckled to himself as Alenko's voice came over the comm requesting permission to come aboard. He gave permission and gave Alenko instructions on how to get to the bridge, not that he really needed them if he remembered the Normandy's layout.

Joker swiveled in his chair at the sound of approaching footsteps. "Alenko."

"Joker." Kaidan gave a curt nod. "Where's Shepard? Are you sure she wants to see me?"

"Shepard's in the loft." At Kaidan's puzzled expression he added "That's what we call her cabin. I'm pretty sure she'd love to see you. Her frustration levels are going through the roof. The damn collectors didn't stand a chance with her in that mood."

Kaidan stared at the man who had once been one of his best friends. It seemed he hadn't changed much.

"Let me give you some advice. If you really want to patch things up with Shepard, action first. Leave the talking for later. And for god's sake don't let her get wound up. You need to take charge. You do outrank her now, after all." Joker paused and gave Kaidan a sly wink, "Let Shepard serve under you this time."

"I didn't come here for action. I came to talk." Kaidan spoke quietly, trying to ignore Joker's sly innuendo. He didn't need reminders of serving under Shepard.

"Your funeral, Alenko." Joker shrugged. "Head to the CIC, you can't miss the elevator. Take it to the top level. See ya."

"Yeah, maybe." Kaidan turned and walked away.

"And now the fun begins." Joker turned back to his monitor to watch the fireworks.

"Serves you right Alenko. I warned you not to talk." Joker was so caught up laughing at Alenko being berated by Shepard that he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"What the fuck are you doing Joker?"

"Jeez Jack, you scared the crap out of me. If you must know I'm winning our bet so I hope you brought your credits with you."

Jack nodded towards the monitor. "So that's Alenko, huh? Looks like he's in trouble. I wouldn't be counting my credits just yet, Joker."

"He wouldn't have this problem if he'd listen to me. The guy knows nothing when it comes to women."

"He's lucky Shepard didn't warp his ass on Horizon. I wouldn't have taken that shit from him."

"His ass is definitely the last bit of Alenko that Shepard would warp. Trust me." Joker chuckled.

They both turned back to the monitor in time to see Shepard's biotics flicker, but it was actually her fist that she threw at Kaidan. They both laughed as he backed away holding his stomach.

"Now it's getting interesting. Fuck. It's about time Shepard." She turned towards Joker with a calculating look on her face. "How about a side bet, Joker? Fifty credits say that Shepard is going to wipe the floor with him."

You're on. If Alenko decides to take charge she'll be putty in his hands. You're forgetting I have prior experience with these two." He turned back to the monitor. "C'mon Alenko, take charge for god's sake."

"Holy shit!" Joker exclaimed as Shepard's biotics flared and she let loose a warp that just missed Kaidan but didn't miss the fish tank behind him. Alenko's own biotics flared. "Yes! About time," Joker yelled as Kaidan advanced towards her soaking wet.

Shepard backed up till she came up against the wall. "Stand your ground, for fucks sake, Shepard." Jack said, obviously disgusted in Shepard's actions. This was the woman who had taken on just about every bit of scum in the galaxy without blinking backing away from one man.

"Told you." Joker said smugly as Alenko held Shepard's arms against the wall and pinned her body with his own.

They watched as Kaidan kissed Shepard and she pulled her hands free to wrap her arms around his body. They broke apart briefly as she pulled Kaidan's wet shirt from him and reached for his belt buckle.

"Ok, I think that's enough." Joker turned away from the monitor and held his palm out to Jack, "Pay up, Jack. I told you I'd get them back together." He looked at Jack who was staring intently at the monitor. "What the hell are you looking at? If Shepard finds out we were spying on her she'll kill both of us. And if she doesn't, Alenko will."

Joker turned back to the monitor in time to see Alenko's naked butt. "That is something I definitely do not need to see." He reached forward to switch it off as Jack's hand reached towards the controls at the same time.

"Fuck what you want to see." She pushed his hand away and hit the button that would freeze the picture. "The rumours were true. Alenko does have a damn fine ass."