Own nothing. This is AU, and everyone is a little OOC. Ha, I used the abbreviations... I feel like I belong!
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The new British girl (Daisy? Doris?) knocked hesitantly on the emperor's bedroom door, holding a basket of clean linens, wincing at the shouting coming from within. Before Sonja had time to pull her back and tell her try again at an opportune time, the door opened.
"Who is it?" said the emperor, red with anger.
"I have clean sheets and I was wondering if-" BAM! The door slammed in her face. Taken aback, the girl turned to Sonja. "Well!"
"They were obviously arguing. Next time wait until they're out. Also, try to speak with a less atrocious accent."
"Thank you, er..." The old woman fought back a laugh. Clearly, the girl didn't know her name either.
"Sonja Baumgartner."
"Deryn Sharp, pleased to meet you."
"So where are you from? England?"
"No, Scotland."
"Oh, isn't that next to England?"
"Yes, it is like... up. Up of England."
"You mean north?"
"Yes." She repeated it to herself several times. Sonja handed her a duster and they began to dust the cabinets.
"So why are you in Austria?"
"I wanted to see the world, meet people, travel."
"So you became a maid?"
"I'm not sure how that happened." Sonja liked the girl. She had spirit, and respect for her elders. Although her German really was awful.
"Well, the Ferdinands are a good family to work for. Actually, I was the emperor's nurse when he was a little boy. I was old then. Now I'm positively ancient!"
"Why does he fight with the empress?" she whispered.
"Personality differences."
"What?"
"He's an arrogant conservative with a temper and she's a frigid bitch."
"Oh." She giggled, and began to dust the areas where Sonja's arthritis just wouldn't let her reach. "Rumors say he's very handsome."
"Ah, don't you even think about it, little miss. One year a stupid little French beauty came to work here, tried to flirt with his highness. Fired faster than you can say, 'Empress Valentina.'"
"So she was his mistress?" asked the girl, now beating the dust out of the curtains.
"Oh Lord, no. His highness considers himself far too noble to lower himself to mistresses."
"But in the British paper, I heard there was an actress-"
"Lies. But you hear me, little miss, stay away from him. A good maid is appreciated but never seen or heard."
"Of course."
"Good girl. Now do you mind helping an old bat fold sheets?"
"Most of my childhood was helping old bats fold sheets."
"Let's get to it, then."
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Shall I continue this? Or no? I'm writing Barking Spiders!. I know BHPC was first place, but I chickened out. Sorry, I just don't think I can match the campy-ness.