Warning: Some rather M bits in here.
The day after my confrontation with the boys, they cornered me in a corridor when I was heading to my Transfiguaration class.
I saw them approaching with their hands in their robes, obviously on their wands. Peter was with them, too, but I knew I didn't need to worry about this one.
"So you've gone ratting us out to McGonnagal, haven't you?" Sirius asked.
I deliberately retreated to the wall. "Yeah, I have."
"That wasn't very Gryffindorish of you," James remarked.
"I don't see why not," I replied. "You as sure as hell deserved punishing for what you did. I see nothing wrong with telling McGonnagal.
"Has nobody told you peaching is wrong?" Sirius asked again.
"It's wrong only when it concerns minor offences or when you're doing it to save your own ass," I argued.
"Which you did," James said confidently.
"Not really. I just wanted McGonnagal to know. I didn't expect her to let me go, I thought she'd tell me I should have gone to her instead of taking the justice in my own hands. But I suppose she was just so pissed off she didn't think straight."
"She was, we got a month of detention and lost a hundred points," James admitted.
"And you're going to pay for that. McGonnagal is not here now, you see," Sirius added.
I smiled a bit. Of course, I couldn't use the Twilight magic on them, since they had their wands now, but I was by no means defenceless. When I saw their lips twitch - they were no non-verbal masters yet, either - I dodged, stunned Potter and kicked Black right in the balls. Maybe I was a bit sadistic. I wanted him to feel pain. I turned to Peter, but he'd dropped his wand, hands up in the air, and was staring at me wide-eyed. I just rolled my eyes. I tied all three of them up and I turned to Sirius: "You'll stay here till someone finds you, and I wouldn't recommend trying to peach me, as I have my memory to defend myself, and you made it rather obvious you were not around for a friendly chat. And Black, never try this again. I might not be that nice the next time."
They probably stayed in that corridor for a long time, since they never tried anything again. Remus didn't find out about the incident, as the boys knew he wouldn't approve. And as far as Severus was concerned...we now nodded to each other whenever we met, that was all. But I've never come across the boys bullying him that bad again. Of course, that just might mean they were better hidden. But somehow, I don't think so. From their point of view, the it was all about the audience. Without it, it lacked the glory.
Days were getting colder and colder and soon, Halloween came, and with it a magnificent feast. Remus explained to me that it was traditionally wonderful and that I had something to look forward to. That was true: I had never seen such a feast in my life. But as pleasant as that was, it was not enough to distract me from the problem called Anthony Cousens. I was getting slightly obsessive about him, and I was beginning to believe that the only way how to get rid of it was to just go and shag him. From what I knew about him – which, admittedly, wasn't much – I didn't think attempting any sort of relationship would be a good idea. But I could certainly use a bit of sexual stimulation, and he seemed to be the perfect object. As I stared at the carved pumpkins unseeingly, I wondered whether it wasn't time for me to finally grow up and start something more serious than an occasional shag-buddies relationship or, at best, a couple of months lasting fling, very passionate, but usually – nay, always – also very far from anything that had even the smallest potentiality of lasting. I did want a real partnership. I always admired what my parents had, and wanted that for myself, too. But how the hell was I supposed to find something like that in a school full of naive idiots? Come to think of it, there weren't that many options as far as the other kind of affairs went either. I supposed I'd just have to take what was on offer now, get through the remaining two years of my education somehow, and then...I was sure there'd be someone in the Order who'd catch my eye upon closer inspection. I stabbed my ford determinedly in my Halloween meal. For now, Causens was on the agenda.
When the day of the first Gryffindor Quidditch match came, I was left alone in the house tower. Literally everyone was on the pitch. Remus tried to persuade me to go too, which was very naive of him, seeing that I had no interest at all in any sport. I heard Sirius muttering something like "I told you, Remus, an arrogant cow she is," but I couldn't care less. On the other hand, I knew that Cousens shared this opinion with me, and so I made my way to his cabinet, making up some excuse on the way, knowing that he would be there, and thanks to the Quidditch, that he would be alone. Indeed he was, and he invited me in. How I despised the school uniform in times like this! I told him I was there to discuss some advanced aspects of the Defense. Fortunately, this was a believable lie. Thanks to my Czech past, I was a very talented student. I mean, yes, I had spent all summer studying, but just because I hadn't known the spells. I had no problem performing them. When you force someone to do magic without wand and than you give it to them...let's just say it's a very big flaw in The Others' system.
Anyway, I was sitting right there in Causens' cabinet, his favorite student, chances as high as they could be.
"So, what do you want to practice, Belinda?" He asked, smirking.
"It depends, Professor, what are you in mood for?"
"Well...we could do some dueling, couldn't we? If you want to move your body a bit..."
"I'd like that...as long as you moved yours as well," I said with my intentions clearly written all over my face.
"Are you trying to say that I should start the action?"
"Oh yes, I am here and it's all up to you now."
"Your presence is disturbing, I couldn't concentrate on dueling."
"Couldn't you? And what do you concentrate on?" I licked my lips, realizing too late what I was doing and hoping it wasn't over the top.
"You, at the moment..." He replied, assuring me that it wasn't. We were shifting closer and closer together.
"Isn't that against some school rules?" I almost whispered.
"What McGonnagalll doesn't know won't hurt her." He was staring fixedly at my lips.
"Ignorance, indeed, is sometimes a bliss." It was starting to look good.
"Why, because she would be shocked by charms you are using in this duel?"
"It's more like fencing - a battle of swords," I said, with the 's' very quiet, "than a battle of charms, isn't it?" I asked, crossing my legs and twisting my robes in the process, so that my ankles and part of my calf appeared to his view.
"I'd say it's both," he clarified, his voice seemingly dripping lower as he leaned in slightly.
"Well...do show me some of your specialties, then," I said and leaned forward too.
And then Causens blinked, pulled back, shook his head and seemed to be waking up from some kind of dream. He grinned, very unconvincingly, I might add, and said in a strained, falsely cheerful voice: "It'd really love to, but I have to get back to work right now. I was nice talking to you."
I stared at him. It was my turn to blink. And then realization dawned on me. I looked at him coldly, contemptuously. I saw clearly enough that he was interested. I'd known it before, but now he just confirmed it. The thing was that he was a coward. The person who was supposed to teach me defense against the darkest things out there was scared shitless because of a single female student. I was radiating disdain as I got up, letting my robes fall back over my ankles, and my head held high, I headed towards the door. He went to his desk, turning his back to me, and leaned against it, supported by his hands, staring down. When I had my hand on the handle, he called me: "Belinda!"
"Yes?" I turned around.
He looked at me. "I have my position to worry about. You have to understand."
"Oh yes," I said scornfully, "because I would obviously go and tell everybody in the castle all about it. Naturally."
I turned to leave again, but again he called: "Wait." He crossed the distance between us in a few steps and, standing very close to me and looking straight into my eyes, he asked: "What do you want?"
I never looked away. I let the tension build for a moment, and then I said: "I want you to fuck me."
That was too much for him, just as I'd thought it would be. He kissed me with the intensity I expected from him, and for which I'd been doing all this. Once decided, he didn't waste any time. I could soon feel his hands on my breasts – I knew it was a good idea not to put a bra on that day – and so I busied myself with his robes. Reaching under them, I felt for his boxer shorts, only to discover I wasn't the only one who opted for less than the usual amount of underwear that day. Distracted for a moment by the idea of some draught in the Hogwarts corridors causing a scandal among the students, I was brought back to the moment by his attentions shifting to the lower half of my body, too. I moaned. He grabbed his wand, charmed the door soundproof, and directed his wand to me, obviously preparing for a contraceptive spell. I smacked it away. I might had had little expectations of my life at Hogwarts, but not even I was pessimistic enough to stop performing my monthly contraceptive charm.
I concentrated on the part of his body which was crucial at the moment and which, by now, seemed to be rather impatient, just as the Professor himself. And just as me, for that matter. "Come on," I urged, raising one of my legs to wrap it around his waist. He didn't take long to convince, and as he entered me, I cried out. Merlin, how I needed that...I hadn't had sex for more than four months, and it had been slowly getting to me. I was coming apart in his arms, quickly building my way towards a climax, until he came and stopped moving.
He slid out of me immediately, breathing hard, and looked away.
I was disbelieving. I would have expected him to know how to deal with such a situation. Let alone the fact that he was obviously not planning to devote any more attention to me. I felt like waving my hand in front of his eyes. I could easily forgive him coming before me, since I supposed he hadn't had sex for a while too – Hogwarts wasn't really the best place to hook up if you were a teacher – but to leave me hanging? Not that I couldn't take care of that myself, but one sort of expect one's sexual partner to do it...it's considered polite.
I decided I wasn't going to take this, and I took his hand and pressed it to my lower parts. Nothing. Feeling rather like an idiot, I have it a small push. He realized what I was doing and took the initiative. "Sorry," he muttered. He wasn't as good with fingers as he was with his more substantial organ, but I came soon enough anyway. After regaining my senses, I realized he was looking away again. Unbelieveable. What was he, five?
I waited for a moment till I calm down a bit, then I disentangled myself, adjusted my robes, and looked at him patiently. He was blocking the door.
"Professor?" I said. He was startled. "Yes?"
"I'd like to leave, if you'd allow me."
"Of course. Sorry," he apologized again.
Half out of the door already, I couldn't help to ask.: "Oh, and Professor?"
"Yes?" He seemed to be so nervous...he obviously didn't know how to deal with this.
"Am I to take this as a one-time occurrence," I ask calmly, "or are other meetings of similar kind in order?"
"I'll...let you know," he said, clearly distracted, and so I took mercy on him and left him. I rather hoped he'd opt for a continuous affair, since he was the only shageable male in the whole bloody castle.
When I came back to the Gryffindor Common Room, everybody was back from the pitch already, and considering the party, we had probably won. I took a glass of butterbeer as I passed the table with them, when I heard a very unpleasant voice. "You don't care about Quidditch, do you? So why celebrate now?" James Potter, of course. Who else.
"I am quite happy we won, James. I just don't fancy watching Quidditch," I said in a rather friendly tone. I was in a good mood, after all.
"Oh no, you don't care the least," Sirius joined him. "You just want butterbeer."
I sighed, exasperated. "Do I? That's good, then, that you know so well what I want and what I think, better than me, actually. But do you really believe that it's all about one single glass of butterbeer? Well..." I splashed the content of my glass right in his face. "...it's not."
I walked to my dormitory, rather amused by the fact that everybody probably thought how furious I was. But I wasn't, really. I was merely bothered, didn't feel like arguing, and I just wanted Black to know that he should leave me alone.
I was wondering what the next Defense class would be like. Causens never looked me in the eye – not once – but when the class ended, he asked me to accompany him to his office. I supposed that was a good sign, although of course, he could always be wanting just to 'talk over what happened'. I hoped it wasn't that. I hated these talks.
As soon as the office door closed after us, he kissed me with the same intensity as last time. Good. I responded rather enthusiastically, and he, embracing me, maneuvered me to his desk, on which he sat me, locking the door by a wave of his wand, and sound-proofing it again. "As horny as ever, are you?" He asked, pulling my robes up.
"Always, for you," I replied, never missing a beat. I loved dirty talk.
"Oh yes, I can see you being all wet for me already..."
This time, he made me come first before entering me and ensuring another orgasm with the advantages of his size and skill. This was getting better and better.
After that afternoon, we reached an understanding. When I felt like having sex, I simply turned up at his office. Sometimes he told me he wasn't in the mood, but not very often. When he felt like it, he let me know in the class or in the Great hall somehow – always asking for my presence in his office would have been rather obvious, so we settled for some other means of communicating it. It wasn't really necessary to have a code or anything – it was pretty clear what he wanted when he approached me. But I usually came on my own, he didn't really have to ask very often – normally only after he said no to my visit, since I didn't want to be a bother. It seemed I wouldn't turn into a nun while at Hogwarts after all.
The Christmas was approaching at a rapid speed and I had found out that I wouldn't be able to spend them with my parents. They had their Order mission, and there was really no point in going to Headquarters without Mum and Dad there. So I was to say to my schoolmates – as if anyone except Remus would ask – that my parents wouldn't be able to pick me up at Kings Cross station and that I, naturally, couldn't Apparate, so I had no way how to get home and I was staying at school for Christmas.
I heard Remus arguing with his friends a lot those days, and I wondered what it was that made them so upset. I just hoped it wasn't about me – I didn't want him to have to choose. Especially not at that time, since, once again, he was ill – it seemed to be some persistent virus, for this was the third time he was ill that year. If he was a woman, I would have said that he had a difficult period, but as it was, it seemed unlikely. He still refused to go to the Hospital Wing, and I didn't feel like arguing. The important thing was that he told me he would be staying for the holidays, which was really great news. I was actually looking forward to it. And seeing that Causens was staying too...it was bound to be a very nice Christmas.