DISCLAIMER: I own nada. Sorrow. Please forgive me for not updating faster, I had a lot of stories to work on and my account on Fanfiction was playing up when I tried to post stories. Anyway. Finally got it up – enjoy! And again, sorry!
"I think you should see a therapist." Jim began seriously. Pam groaned. It was cold outside with a frosty snap in the air. Watery sunlight streamed through the window and pooled onto the kitchen table where Jim and Pam sat.
"I pressed charges. It's been months. Its over, forget it. Roy hasn't bothered us." She said defensively.
"But I'm worried about you. You have to talk, get these feelings out. You won't talk to me or your mum. I really want you to get some help Pam. Please." He pleaded desperately. Things had been better since they'd pressed charges. Roy was let off with a warning and since then he hadn't bother them. In fact, they hadn't even heard of him since then. But Pam remained withdrawn. She smiled a little more but she started to walk slowly. She went to bed early and woke up late. Sometimes she woke up screaming, otherwise she slept restlessly. And Jim, being Jim, noticed.
"It's bothered you so much, Pam. I can tell. Your so scared, just too live everyday life. You've forgotten what its like to be safe."
"That's not true." She said protectively. He took her hand from across the table, his eyes full of care and concern. He shook his head slightly.
"Just try." He offered. "Please. Just try."
And that was how she ended up outside Leah Carman's office that one Monday afternoon.
"Pam." A woman was opening the door to the office, holding a clipboard. "Welcome. I'm Leah. Why don't you come in?" Pam studied the young woman before her. She had chestnut hair bluntly cut off just above her shoulders. Her cheekbones were high and her eyes were large and a warm brown. With these features and dressed in a knee length pencil, navy blue skirt paired with a neat, stylish white blouse and black heels she looked very put together. Well, you'd hope so, for a therapist.
"Okay." Pam said after a moment of hesitation. Beside her, Jim squeezed her hand once before releasing her. She followed Leah into the office, heart pounding. She'd never been to a therapist before her and she'd never really thought about it. It was pretty much what she expected. There was a red couch that you were supposed to lie down on, as well as a couple of cushy armchairs.
"Take a seat." Pam moved towards an armchair, and then paused.
"Is this a test?" She asked suspiciously.
"Hmm?" Leah looked up, confused.
"Is this a test?" Pam gestured impatiently towards the chairs. "Are you testing me to see which chair I sit in or something?"
"No. You just have to sit." Cautiously, Pam sunk into the chair on the right.
"Hmm. The right one…well that's new…" She heard Leah murmur.
"What?" She snapped her head up.
"I was kidding. It was just a joke." Leah winked at her and sat opposite in the left armchair. Pam tried to laugh but it sounded more like choking.
"Alright, Pam. Well, why don't you start off by telling me about what's been going on for the last few months and how you're feeling about it?" She felt trapped and suffocated. She twisted her hands uncomfortably.
"Isn't that a little personal?" She asked.
"Well, it's sort of the point of therapy." Leah smiled warmly.
"If you don't feel comfortable with that, perhaps you could just tell me a little about yourself."
"Okay. Well. I'm uh, Pam...ela. Pamela Beesly. I uh, I'm 23 years old. 24 next month. Umm, I like writing. And reading and music. And drawing of course. I love art." Leah looked up from her notes.
"You enjoy art?"
"Yes."
"Why?" Pam spread her hands towards the ceiling.
"I don't know. For as long as I can remember I've been drawing. Water colour, charcoal, paints, pencils; whatever I can get my hands on. It relaxes me."
"It relaxes you."
"Yes. I know my work isn't very good, but I like it. I forgot about…about other stuff when I'm handling art."
"Why is that, do you think?" Leah sat up a little straighter and poised her pen over paper.
"I'm not sure. It's just like, when I start to draw of paint or whatever I can sort of just fade into the shadings and colours I want to create. I don't have to live in the really world where bead stuff happens because art isn't real. Art can be anything. I can get lost in the ups and downs, the shadows and light, the colours…" She trailed off.
"I like that. I like that you enjoy art." Leah said. Well, yay. Pam thought irritably.
"So what you're saying is that you express yourself through art."
"I guess you could say that. Sure."
"Have you thought about using art to express what you're feeling now?" Pam frowned.
"I haven't been working on artwork lately." She admitted.
"Why not?"
"Behind it reminds me of stuff. Bad stuff."
"Such as…" Leah prompted. Pam restrained form rolling her eyes.
"Like bad memories. Pain. Suffering. Roy." The R word slipped out before she could stop it.
"Roy." Leah paused on the word. Pam released the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding.
"Roy." She repeated.
"Tell me about Roy."
"No." The word came out to quickly, too harshly.
"I mean, I don't think I can." She backtracked. Even now, she didn't want to be rude.
"Why not?" Leah pressed gently. Pam let out a shaky breath and willed herself not to cry.
"Because…because I don't want to. If I start it all builds up. There's too much to say and I can't let it out all at once."
"Pam, our time for today's session has run out. But today has been a good start. What I'd likely you to do, in your spare time, are just think about what you'd like to say about Roy. Maybe we could talk about it next time."
"Okay." Pam said. She was willing to try.
"Its been wonderful meeting you Pam. I'll see you Thursday." She led Pam out of the office to Jim who was waiting anxiously.
"Remember what I said Pam." Leah said. "Strong people can beat the worst of things." And that was her goodbye.
I know you probably hate me because I haven't updated in forever, but maybe you can put that little minor detail behind us? Thanks. :) I've already started the next chapters, I just have to edit them a bit but they will be up SOON! Thanks for reading, reviews always welcome.