Yay! Quick update! Hopefully this makes up for the loooong wait before. =)
Pam sunk into the warm water, beneath the layer of rose scented bubbles. It was Wednesday night and she hadn't thought about Roy all week. She figured she should start considering the fact that her next therapy session was tomorrow.
"Think Pam, think." She murmured, dipping one foot out of the bath water and twirling it in the air. How would she start to think about him? She wondered what she'd be doing if she was still with Roy. Definitely not relaxing in the bath tub. Jim was downstairs doing the dishes and whistling brightly. She could hear him from the bathroom and smiled faintly. Roy would probably be on the couch, watching some sporting event while she cleaned up the kitchen. He wouldn't have kissed her like Jim had and offered to clean up the way Jim had. He wouldn't have helped around the house, the way Jim did or massage her shoulders when she was having a bad day, the way Jim did. In fact, in every way, Roy was the opposite of Jim. How weird. To be with 2 completely different guys in your life. Pam sunk beneath the water until her entire body was surrounded by water, She closed her eyes and let the warmth seep in to her aching body. She could still feel the faint aches where bruises still scarred her body. They weren't just physical bruises either. Under the cover of water, Pam raised her fingertip and pressed into the spot on her arm, just above the elbow. She had touched it so often she knew exactly were it was, even with her eyes closed. She pressed slightly on the bruise, wondering what would happen if she just stayed here forever under water. And then she came up for air.
Jim came with her to therapy again.
"You don't have to. I'm not 5." She protested.
"I know." He had said calmly. "I just like the magazines they have there." Now she was sitting in the right armchair once more, facing Leah. She was wearing a brown pencil skirt today with a pale blue blouse.
"So, how have the last few days been?" Leah asked, crossing her legs.
"Fine. I suppose." Pam offered meekly. "I thought about Roy a bit."
"Have you? Tell me about him." Leah replied. Pam closed her eyes and carefully went over each bruise in her mind.
"Hmm." She wondered where to begin.
"I met Roy in high school." She said. "We dated for 7 years and we were engaged for 3."
"And you broke up because he was abusive." Leah prodded gently.
"Yes. And other things." She opened her eyes. Leah was watching her with the kindest expression on her pretty face. It made Pam want to cry. She went on.
"I don't know. When I was in high school was young and shy and weak. I was dazzled by his popularity. It felt good to get some attention. After a few years, I grew up a bit more and I guess I slipped out of that day dream. That daydream was he'd carry me off on white horse or something. But by that time it was just a routine, a way of life. Nothing better was coming my way and I was too deep in to get out. The more time I spent with him the more I sunk away, I barely felt like myself. And then I met Jim."
"Jim."
"Yes. We met at work actually. There's quite a history. Anyway. Um, I suppose at this point I was just giving up. It's kind of like being in a deep hole. I couldn't quite find my way out and I honestly couldn't be bothered climbing out. Jim was like a root, lifting me out. He was the sunlight streaming though. He was – still is – my best friend."
"That's nice." Leah commented, scrawling something on her notepad.
"Yes. He's great. He wouldn't let me sink any further. It got to this point where I wasn't happy unless I was with him. I think Roy realized that. It's probably why he hates Jim so much. But he treated me so badly. He was just…disrespectful. He forgot about me. It was awful. We were so lost. We weren't the same people we used to be. We were sharing a high school relationship as adults and it was just…terrible. I hated it."
"When did he begin to abuse you?"
"Not for a long time. He'd always had a quick temper but he never, ever hurt me. But one day, I was on the phone to Jim and he came into the kitchen for dinner. And he just…blew up. I don't understand. He just lost it. He smacked the phone out of m-my hands and…uh...just…hurt me." Pam felt her hands go clammy and her heart twist. She hadn't thought of that night for so long.
"Jim heard it all. On the phone, you see. "
"How lucky!" Leah's eyes widened. Pam thought it was funny to see something as composed as Leah surprised.
"Well, Roy left and Jim came and he really helped me through it. And then…Roy came…b-back. One day. He…uh…h-he found out I was dating Jim. He-he hit me. He just…beat me up." Unconsciously, Pam raised her fingertip to a bruise on her wrist that was almost faded. She closed her eyes, remembering.
"Looking back…I just remember the grass. The light. There was one streetlight, pooling onto the footpath. The grass was wet and slimy, clinging to me. Jim was late. He was picking up dinner. Roy ran away and I was scared. So, so scared. It was raining and cold and wet and dark." She shut her eyes tighter.
"I'm so sorry." Leah murmured comfortingly, handing her a tissue.
"Thanks. I haven't told anyone about that for so long. I forgot…"
"How do you feel now? About things?"
"I'm not sure. It just feels so…unreal. You know? I'm just expecting him to come back and hurt me again. Knock me down as soon as I stand. I'm scared to cry. I thin if I start I might not stop. And I'm scared Jim will leave me."
"From what I've seen and heard about Jim, I don't really think that's an issue." Leah said with a smile in her voice.
"Yeah." Pam agreed in a low voice. She couldn't help smiling through her tears.
"That's one thing I never have to really worry about."
It was 2am. They were both awake and they both knew it. The moonlight streamed through the window, pooling onto the bed, making it glow golden. Jim rolled over onto his side to face Pam. Her hair was fanned out around her and her skin was even paler in the shadows.
"Hey." He whispered into her hair.
"Hey." She whispered into the darkness. He reached down and wrapped his hand around hers. His was warm and big and hers was small and cold.
"Hows it going?" He asked softly. She smiled a little.
"Meh." She replied. He laughed quietly and moved closer, letting her lean into him. They listened to the hushing whisper of willow trees outside and the ticking of the clock in the hallway. He breathed in the scent of her shampoo and perfume. She snuggled deeper into the safe warmth of the covers.
"I will love you until the end of forever." She smiled sleepily.
"And you'll never leave me, right?" She asked quietly. He held her even tighter and because the both knew the answer to that, they let the words hang in the air until they faded into the dark of the night.