Sarah vs covers, lies and ticking time bombs
A/N Thank you so much for all the great reviews on the previous chapter. I'm way behind on the writing, but am working really hard to catch up. This chapter is for Coreymon77, happy very belated birthday!
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I don't own Chuck.
Chapter 7
Sarah had no fight left. She dropped her head onto his shoulder and inhaled his scent. It was comforting. As was his hand that was running up and down her back. For a moment she forgot she was supposed to fight this.
"Are you okay?" Chuck asked when the silence stretched too long. Instead of answering she just tightened her arms around his waist. "Sarah?" His voice brought her back to the present. Her eyes shot open. The bugs. She forgot about the damn bugs. Not only did Casey probably get an eye full, but she confronted Chuck about their other kiss in full view of the surveillance. She made a rookie mistake and it could cost her dearly. Sarah pushed Chuck away forcefully. He gave her a puzzled look, but didn't notice when she lifted her hand. The slap echoed through the room. Her hand flew to her mouth when he went down.
"Oh my God," she gasped and knelt beside him. She watched the video feeds often enough to know where the cameras were positioned, so she was fairly certain she blocked his face from view. "Chuck, you're bleeding," she stated and helped him up. With her hand on the side of his mouth she led a dazed Chuck to the bathroom. It was the only room in the apartment that wasn't under surveillance. She convinced Casey at the beginning of this assignment that Chuck would need some privacy. He reluctantly agreed, but she swept the room twice a month just to be sure. Sarah pushed Chuck down on the edge of the bathtub and removed her hand. His hand instinctively replaced hers. Then he moved his fingers away and studied them for a moment.
"Did it stop?"
"What?" Sarah asked confused. She wasn't looking at Chuck. Instead she pacing as best she could in the small space. She had to fix this.
"The blood. Did it stop?" Sarah caught on. She halted and turned to him.
"Oh, no Chuck, you weren't…I had to get you in here away from the surveillance and…" Sarah noticed the bruise starting to form on his left cheek. She didn't mean to hit him that hard. "Wait here," she ordered and went to the kitchen for some ice. She retuned minutes later with a bag of frozen peas. "You're out of ice," she explained and stepped closer. Before pressing the peas against his face she suddenly bent down and touched the spot lightly with her lips. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"It's okay." Chuck took the bag from her and winced slightly when it made contact with his skin. "I had that coming. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that."
"It's okay, Chuck." She didn't know what else to say.
"If it's that okay, why are you wearing a whole in my tiles?" Sarah didn't realize she was pacing again.
"Sorry." She faced him again. "Chuck," she began. She didn't know what to do with her hands. She folded her arms and then unfolded them. "Chuck, we can't do this. We shouldn't."
"Okay," he shrugged. Sarah's mouth fell open. Okay? He's going to kiss her like that and just dismiss her like it didn't matter? Then she closed her mouth and eyes simultaneously. He was following her lead. He just treated her like she had been treating him these past few weeks. She had no choice, but maybe she should have explained it better. Before she could say anything, Chuck continued. "I mean, it's always the same dance, you now? I want something more, you push me away, I fight it, you fight me, you win, I retreat. This way I eliminate steps three, four and five and save us both a lot of energy." Chuck wasn't mad anymore. He just sounded so defeated.
Sarah sighed and sank down next to him. "Chuck, I'm sorry. I really am." She wondered if he had any idea how long her list of regrets was, especially when it came to him.
"Sarah, don't apologize. You can't help the way you feel. Or not feel. I get it. I mean, you're you and I…"
Something inside Sarah snapped. "Don't you dare tell me how I feel. You have no idea…" Her cell phone started to ring and she almost cursed. She pressed the answer button harder than necessary.
"What is it, Casey?"
"Just checking to make sure you didn't kill the asset. You two have been in there an awfully long time."
"Don't you have a bonsai that needs butchering?"
"Touchy. Hope I'm not interrupting anything." She recognized the grunt. Number seven. Sarcasm.
"Was there a reason you called?" She would not let herself be baited, but she made a mental note to get a few extra kicks in next time they sparred.
"I need to speak to you. Once the nerd is done bleeding, stop by my place."
"Can't, I'm busy. I'll see you tomorrow." Without waiting for a response, she ended the call. She'll probably pay for that in the morning, but she can't face him in the state she's in.
"He saw, didn't he?" Chuck removed the bag of peas, dropping it on the floor.
"Don't worry, I'll handle Casey." She leaned closer to inspect the bruise. "It shouldn't be that bad. I'll leave some concealer so Ellie won't notice."
"You want me to wear make-up?" he teased, breaking the tension between them. Sarah gave him a small smile.
"Are you going all macho on me again, Chuck?"
"Again? Oh, you mean earlier…I was trying to prove a point."
"Well, point proven." The words slipped out and Sarah shot up. "I should go before Casey storms in here to see if you've bled out."
"Sarah," Chuck called as she reached the door.
"Yeah?" She turned around, meeting his eyes. It always amazes her that she can see exactly what he's feeling.
"Are you joining us for Christmas? I mean are we…the cover…?"
"Well, Ellie doesn't know we're supposed to broken up, so yeah, I guess so." She didn't have the heart to tell him she doesn't really celebrate the festive season, not after everything that just happened. And it would lead to a lot of uncomfortable questions.
"Okay, good." She just smiled in return.
Sarah was alone in her room wrapping gifts for the Bartowski's. She listened to Christmas carols to try and get into the holiday spirit, but it wasn't really working. Her mind kept drifting back. She can't believe she actually asked Casey is he ever wondered about a different life. Of have a family. Kids. He was quick to remind her why they've chosen this life. It might have been his choice, but she didn't exactly have one. Not that she wasn't proud of serving the greater good. At least she managed to fix things with Chuck in a way. He was right about the crates and she was relieved. She really didn't want to follow through on her promise to ask for reassignment if she couldn't resolve things between them. Casey suspected that she was compromised and she had to be more careful in future not to let on. She just hoped that Chuck would understand.
Things seemed to be back to normal after the Buymore holiday party, but that didn't last long. Sarah expected a cover sleepover on Christmas Eve. What she didn't expect was Chuck suggesting that they go to her place. Ellie protested, but Chuck insisted that they needed a little more privacy. Of course what privacy meant to Ellie was worlds apart what it meant to her. Now she was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, trying to stall as best she can. Chuck wanted to talk. That much was obvious. When she decided it would be ridiculous to floss for a third time, she quietly opened the door, hoping against hope that Chuck had fallen asleep. No such luck.
"I was about to come in there and rescue you from some evil loofah or something," Chuck quipped, the sheets pulled up to under his chin.
"Sorry," she shrugged. Trying to keep the mood light she waved a hand down her body, "this doesn't happen on its own, you know." She was rewarded with a Bartowski grin.
"Well, it's worth it." His attempts at flirting were a little clumsy sometimes, but she always found it endearing. She switched off the light and slipped into bed, carefully avoiding touching him. They both stared at the ceiling in silence for a while.
"Sarah?" he started hesitantly. She suppressed a sigh and turned on her side, propping her head up on one hand. Chuck did the same. "We never finished our conversation the other day. You didn't tell me how you really feel." His fingers were playing with the corner of the pillow.
"My feelings aren't important, Chuck," she couldn't meet his eyes. "What is important is to keep you safe. I can't do that if I'm compromised."
"So if we…uhm…if this relationship was real, you'd be compromised?" Sarah sighed. Did she have to spell it out for him?
"Yes," she answered simply.
Chuck nodded slowly, his brows furrowed like he was trying to figure out something. "So having feelings for me doesn't compromise you, but only acting on them?" Sarah could only stare at him. She hoped that her lack of response would discourage him, but he was relentless. "And because care about me, you would be less inclined to protect me?"
"The agency doesn't see it that way."
"Then maybe they should rethink the 'Intelligence' in Central Intelligence Agency."
"That's not what's meant by…"
"Sarah," Chuck interrupted, "I don't mean to brag, but in case you haven't noticed, I am a pretty smart guy."
Sarah couldn't help but smile. "I've noticed."
"Okay, now tell me again why we can't do this?"
"Best case scenario, the agency will reassign me as far away from here as possible."
"That's best case? I'm scared to ask what the worst case scenario is."
She didn't want to tell him, but he needed to understand. "The government is building another intersect. Once it's complete…there will be a burn order, Chuck. To either throw you in a bunker or eliminate you. If Graham or Beckman so much as suspect that there's more between us…they won't tell me. How am I supposed to protect you then?" She expected him to freak out, but he didn't.
"Sarah, you can't protect me against that even if you know. That would be treason." She couldn't believe it. Here she was telling him that he might die and soon and all he was worried about was her going to prison. "You're not seriously considering that, are you?"
Without answering she got out of bed and retrieved a lockbox from the closet. Then she placed it between them, opened it and handed him one of the fake passports. "I have enough cash saved up and an escape route all figured out. All we have to do is make it to the train station in one piece."
"You did all this?" Chuck asked when he got over the initial shock.
"Yeah. Do you get it now, Chuck?" She put the passports back in the box. When he didn't answer she looked up at him. He was simply staring at her. "What?"
Chuck reached a hand out and tucked a few blond locks behind her ear. "I love you too, Sarah."
Awareness seeped slowly into her brain. Keeping her eyes shut against the offending bright glare of the early morning sun, Sarah let out an even breath. She knew instinctively what day it was. She couldn't help but wonder which unlucky branch of the Salvation Army would be scammed this year. Of course she will find out in a couple of days and make amends in her own way, but the thought still made her stomach churn. Everyone deserved a nice Christmas. Well, almost everyone. But unfortunately she couldn't do anything about that right this moment. So instead she let her mind wander in a different direction. The dreams were becoming more frequent and intense. It was starting to drive her insane. In last night's Chuck even came up with a plan for them to be together for real. It was crazy and it was brilliant. But then again, she wasn't one to let herself be guided by dreams.
The slight chill in the air caused her to shiver. Groggily she pulled the covers tighter around her. That's when she felt it. Something wasn't quite right. She was comfortable. Very comfortable in fact, but also… She didn't need to check, but she lifted the covers slightly anyway and peeked. Then she dropped the duvet, her mind suddenly wide awake. The memories of the previous night came flooding back. Her first thought was of director Graham, the man she spent her entire adult life trying to impress. He was going to kill her and then reassign her. She just…she just…
"Sarah, don't freak out." Chuck's words confirmed it. This was definitely not a dream.
Her hotel room was not wide enough to burn off the nervous energy by pacing. She longingly eyed the punching bag in the corner, but abandoned the idea. That would just add to the amused grin Chuck was sporting. Last night he dismissed every argument with five words. Sarah huffed and turned to him. She gave him a pointed look. He wasn't fazed. She gestured wildly. "Could you please put a shirt on?"
Chuck's smile grew. "It's really hot in here and," he gestured back, "you're currently in it." Once again Sarah did an unnecessary recon. Looking down she saw the word DREN written across her chest. Chuck cleared his throat and pulled the sheet tighter around his waist. "Was it really that bad?"
Sarah's head snapped up. She tried to form the word 'yes', but failed. She was trained to withstand the influence of every thinkable truth serum out there, but she wasn't immune to the look in Chuck's eyes. Or the memory of his hands. Fixing computers was definitely not the only thing those hands were good for. With a groan she fell backwards onto the bed, her legs dangling off the side. Chuck scooted down to lay beside her.
"The stakes are too high. I'm not going to gamble with your life." She spoke to the ceiling.
"You can do anything. And I'm still going to follow you around like a lovesick puppy as Casey put it. No one is gonna know the difference." Chuck propped himself up on one elbow. She could feel him studying her face.
"You're crazy, you know that?" She turned her head towards him and he leaned closer.
"Mmm hmm," he whispered, rubbing his nose against hers, "crazy about you." Sarah could barely make out the words over the pounding of her heart. She dropped her gaze to his mouth, but seeing as he was so close she went a little cross eyed so she met his eyes again.
"Damn you," she whispered in surrender. With a smile Chuck captured her lips, only to release them after a brief, teasing taste. Her arms slipped around his neck of their own accord. With a hand on his neck and the other fisting his curls, she pulled his head back down. His mouth closed over hers more securely this time, his tongue tracing her bottom lip. Hers met his, inviting him into her mouth. An involuntary moan escaped from the back of her throat when he complied. His free hand moved down her side and came to rest on her hip, angling her towards him before slipping down to the back of her thigh. He pulled her leg up and hooked it around his waist. She broke off the kiss, took a quick breath and attacked his lips again. Rolling onto her back, she pulled him with her. His lips left hers and he started tracing up her jaw with his lips and tongue. She arched her head to the side, giving him better access. When he stopped at the pulse point in her neck, she inhaled sharply and breathed "you can have your shirt back now."
A/N Okay, I'm going to stop there before it's necessary to change the rating for this story. I am aware that there are parts that may seem a little confusing or abrupt now, but all will be revealed soon.