Ooc: Sorry about such a long wait. I recently got ideas for this, so I decided to pick it up again. I also have ideas for "Mad Love". Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: Lewis Carroll owns "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Beyond the Looking Glass". Syfy owns "Alice".
She felt as if she was moving through a fog.
The hours seemed to stretch and she barely spoke anymore. She had a hard time trying to concentrate on anything, and more than once Jane had to try to bring her back into any conversation they were having. For her part Jane was trying her best to help her mistress in this transition. She had attempted to catch Alice's attention by helping her gather together the items needed for her trousseau, but found herself choosing the clothing by herself.
Alice couldn't find herself concentrating on what shade of blue she wanted her new formal gown to be or exactly how many new pairs of stockings she would need. Such things had no meaning when she was still trying to comprehend her father's death along with her new engagement. She was expecting her father to walk into the room and tell her that it had been all a joke and that everything would go back to normal. But she knew quite well that it would never happen.
Her eighteenth birthday should have been an exciting time for her, but she dreaded the party that was to be thrown for her that night. If it had been up to her she would have been content to just forget about the party and hide in her apartments as she had been doing for the past week. But Jack insisted on still throwing it in an effort to cheer her. She had noticed the few times that she had seen him that week that he had almost a pinched look to his face and had snapped at quite a few Suits. Normally he was well-tempered around them and his sudden change in behavior was setting a few to whisper about the cause.
Some days he tried to talk to her the entire day even though she only came out from her apartments for an hour or two. Others he didn't even attempt to see her and only came out of his rooms for council meetings. Had she been able to clear her mind and think she might have realized how bad this was hurting her friend too. He was in love with her and the thought of her being another man's wife was something he couldn't stand to think of.
She had clung to the idea of being his wife for so long that now that she knew it would never happen, she didn't want to face him. But she knew that she would have to at that night's ball. Wearily she allowed Jane to help her dress into the gown that she had picked out weeks earlier. It fit nicely, having been sewn by the king's own seamstress. Yet she didn't care how she looked and needed to be prodded by Jane to even consider putting on rouge to liven her face. Alice had been stubbornly refusing to even glance at the dress hanging on a small hook near her door.
The gown was beautiful-even she had to admit that-but she would rather wear a flour sack down the aisle. It wouldn't matter, seeing as how she didn't want to impress her groom at all. The ivory silk trimmed with lace around the neck and wrists almost seemed to implore her for her attention. She refused, and kept her back towards it. The maid carefully curled her hair and set it back with a clip before clasping a pearl necklace around Alice's neck. Jane hesitated before reaching for a ring box on the corner of the vanity table. Before she had a chance to grab it Alice's hand had come to rest on her arm.
"Not tonight," was all she said, causing the maid to abandon the idea of having Alice wear her engagement ring. Jane herself thought it was quite pretty. A man had delivered it the previous morning , and she thought the gold ring with the sapphire surrounded by a cluster of diamonds looked nice on her lady's hand. But all Alice had done was snap the box shut and place it on the edge of her vanity table, where it had stayed until this moment.
Alice quietly thanked Jane before beginning the short walk up a flight of stairs to Jack's apartments. This would be the last time that she would run up those flight of stairs to visit her friend; she was getting married tomorrow. The idea sent her stomach into a series of flips. She couldn't do this.
But her thoughts were interrupted by the page that had been in the receiving room, who had gone to alert Jack to her arrival. Moments later he emerged. He forced a smile onto his face as he greeted her, even though by looking at her eyes he could tell that she wasn't in the least bit excited to go to her own party.
"You look wonderful," he said, gently taking her hand. She allowed a small smile to flit across her face but it quickly fell. He squeezed her hand before folding her hand over his arm to escort her to the ballroom.
A girl's eighteenth birthday was a special thing in Wonderland. It marked her accession into womanhood, and nearly every well-to-do young lady had a party to celebrate it. She had been excited for months for this night and now she would very much like to just forget that she had ever planned it. But she would have to pretend that tonight was the most exciting night of her life, and to graciously accept congratulations on her impending wedding.
The two were announced to the crowd of nobles waiting in the ballroom, and were greeted by polite applause. After opening the first dance Alice found herself surrounded by a group of young women all speaking of her engagement and how lucky she was to have found a husband already. She politely thanked them even though she could see that the Duchess Rosalie seemed the most enthusiastic of the group. She thought it odd, until she realized what her marriage meant for Rosalie: Jack was free.
Excusing herself from the group she hurriedly picked up her wine glass and moved through the throng of people on the dance floor. Quietly she stepped out of the ballroom into the empty hallway. The quietness of the hallway felt weird after the volume of the ballroom. Leaning her head back against the wall she focused on the wall in front of her.
She knew that she would be married someday-it was expected of her-, but she had always pictured herself married to the fair haired man inside the ballroom. Her entire world had shifted so quickly that she was struggling to right herself. Being a merchant's wife wasn't something that she had ever thought that she would become. Jane had insisted that the transition wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would be. As Jane was allowed to accompany her, she would at least have a familiar face with her in her new home. Jane had been bold enough to mention that Hatter seemed to genuinely care for her, which had caused her mistress to give her a harsh look.
It was much easier to hate Hatter if she believed that he didn't care for her. But she knew as well as Jane did that he did care. It was a little upsetting. She almost felt a little bad disappointing him that she would not be reciprocating his feelings. After all, he had been her friend. She couldn't imagine viewing him the same way that Hatter saw her. She wasn't sure how their relationship would be after her marriage the next morning. If she had the choice, she would continue the way that they had always been together. But a chaste wife wasn't exactly encouraged. At night, sometimes when she was unable to sleep, she would remember the feeling of Jack's lips upon her own. Then she would think, for a fleeting moment, of possibly allowing Jack to be with her in the way that a husband was to a wife. But soon after the thought flew from her mind in shame. She didn't want to picture the look of shock on her father's face, had he still been alive. He had never wanted her to become Jack's mistress.
She wasn't sure how it would feel. There were, of course, some less than respectful ladies of the court. She had put up with listening to a few of them whispering about which man they had the night before, or which Suit they had their eyes on. Alice herself often found herself blushing at their talk, which led to their teasing of her. She wasn't sure how it would feel. Better than a kiss? She wasn't sure how anything could feel better than that. But she knew the mechanics, at least. When she had been eight she had witnessed one of the kitchen cats being pursued by a male stray. She had than tracked down her father and told him the terribly hilarious tale of the two cats 'fighting'. Her father had turned a shade of red that she had not thought possible before requesting Jane to explain to her the formation of life.
That had been years ago, and she knew that what had been explained to her was to follow in her marriage. She just found it hard to imagine doing that herself with Hatter. He didn't seem the type to force her, as she had noticed some of the noblemen in court had that tendency with their wives. She had never seen him in that position to know what he would do. The years that she had known him hadn't given her a look into his love life. Really, she didn't think that he had even had one. All she had seen him do was work.
Alice found her thoughts turning from her life with her husband once Jack emerged from the ballroom. He looked a little flushed, most likely from the heat of the ballroom. "Are you alright?" he asked, clearly knowing that she wasn't. The sash of his royal position suddenly seemed to capture all of his attention as he was unable to look at her. She reached to grab his hand causing him to look up at her. "Walk with me," she said, not bothering to use any of the courtly politeness that she should have used if they had been in public. Instead they were simply Alice and Jack again, and not a soon to be married woman and a king.
She found herself in the courtyard of their childhood a few moments later, having only chosen to go there moments before. It had been their refuge in their youth, and it would serve that purpose again tonight. She placed herself on the stone bench before gently tugging him to sit with her. Jack numbly placed himself next to her, refusing to let go of her hand. They remained in silence for a few moments before she finally spoke.
"Things will never be the same, will they?"
She sounded surprisingly calm, but he knew her well enough to not believe her tone. "We will still see each other," he insisted, although he wasn't sure if that would be possible. She would be another man's wife now, and he didn't want to taint her reputation if she was constantly seen around him. They stayed silent, just enjoying the time they had. Somewhere she could hear a feminine laugh following the mumbled words of a male's voice. It seemed as for the most part, everyone was still in the ballroom. Without realizing it, she had begun to cry. The sight of tears falling onto her hands left her almost shocked, as she had not even felt her eyes water. Jack looked down, having felt the liquid on his own hand as her hand was enveloped in his. He embraced her, not caring that his doublet was being stained by tears. He had planned this night so differently. He was going to propose that night, as he had kept that her final present.
"I was going to marry you," he whispered and was met by silence. The two stayed that way until the footsteps down the corridor alerted them to the end of the party.
Alice found herself woken early the next morning by Jane who insisted on thrusting her charge into a warm bath. Following that the maid set her hair into curls before helping her into the elaborate gown. Finally she retrieved the neglected ring box from Alice's vanity table. The young woman spared it a glance before carefully withdrawing it from the velvet lined box. Slipping it onto her left hand Alice glanced at it, a little surprised at how nice it looked on her hand. The early morning light caught the diamonds nicely, which complimented the sparkling sapphire nestled between them. Refusing to give the ring anymore attention she buried her hand into the folds of her skirt. Jane attached the pearls that she normally wore at special events around Alice's neck before standing back to view her.
"Perfect," she said, trying to get the young woman to show some sort of smile. But instead Alice simply looked at her causing Jane to abandon the idea of getting her to seem happy.
Jane had already dressed herself in her best gown that morning, as she was to be one of the witnesses at the wedding. It was not to be a great spectacle and instead would simply be Hatter, Alice, the priest, and two witnesses. The chapel was not to far from Hatter's townhouse so the bride wouldn't be showcased to the public. At least he had taken that into consideration. Already Alice's things had been packed and shipped to her new husband's house. The chambers where she had grown up seemed bare and cold.
Alice began the short walk down from her chambers to the courtyard. It was too early for the castle to be awake, and the only people she came across were yawning pages and stumbling maids. As she came up to the waiting carriage her bravado seemed to disappear. She wouldn't be coming back to her chambers afterward. She would be going to her new home. Jane gently pushed her on her back to help her realize where she was. After a moment she placed her hand into the footman's and stepped into the carriage, followed by Jane.
Alice was reminded of the trek to her father's funeral as they carriage was pulled along the deserted streets of the city. Only this time she was wearing white.
Shopkeepers began to open up their stores as they passed by. She numbly noted that all three of Hatter's shops would probably be closed today in celebration of his nuptials. She almost wanted to laugh. The jolting of the carriage as it stopped outside the chapel caused a feeling of panic to run through her. Her husband would be waiting beyond the door and she would have to follow him, whether she wanted to or not. She momentarily thought of refusing to leave the carriage, much like her five year old self would have done. But doing such a thing would be embarrassing and she didn't want to call more attention to herself.
No; she would act as a martyr.
Feigning a look of bravery she allowed herself to be led into the chapel by Jane. The only other people inside were Hatter, the priest, and Mr. March. She made her way down the aisle in silence, not running back to the exit as she wished to. Once she reached him she allowed him to take her hand, which felt cold against his skin. He looked at her in concern before the elderly priest launched into the ceremony. With gentle hands Hatter slipped the simple gold band on the same finger as her engagement ring while repeating what the priest was telling him.
Alice wanted to scream. The world felt as if it was spinning all around her. Why wouldn't it stop spinning! But she was carefully brought back to Earth by the priest addressing her. She whispered what she was told to say as with fumbling hands she placed a ring identical to her own wedding ring on Hatter's hand.
The priest finished up the ceremony shortly after that, requesting that the groom kiss his bride. Alice watched as her new husband carefully leaned toward her before quickly pecking her lips. The kiss was meant to cause her the least discomfort, and she appreciated his gesture although she was not about to tell him that.
"Congratulations, Alice," Jane whispered before embracing her longtime charge. Alice clung to her, barely noting that March had gently patted her on the shoulder.
"Alice."
She turned from her friend to Hatter, her eyes fixed on his hand offered to her. Flustered, she placed her hand in his as he led them back down the aisle. Already life was moving about on the streets. She ignored the small smiles sent her way by strangers by ducking her head as the two moved toward the carriage. Hatter first helped her in before assisting Jane. He climbed in to sit in the bench opposite them.
Alice finally found her voice, remarking on something trivial.
"Where is Mr. March?"
Hatter was a little surprised that she had spoke.
"He is running to my shops to make sure that the employees remembered not to open this morning," he said, trying to sound as if they had not been married only moments before. It was almost as if she had come into the shop for a cup of tea and they had remarked on something stupid like when the next shipment of mint leaves was coming in.
"He'll be joining us for dinner later. As we did not have a party I wanted to mark the day for you in some way." He seemed a little flustered, and quickly glanced out the window. He thought that she would have resigned herself to the marriage by now. Weeks away from him should have made her used to the idea. But instead she seemed as cold as when he had first told her.
He noted that her maid was looking out the window and pretending not to listen, but he could tell that she was secretly trying to pay attention by the glances she would throw to Alice. Alice in insisted on keeping this woman in her service although Hatter hadn't the slightest idea why. They had Mrs. Merryweather for the household chores and the other servants. If she had wanted a lady's maid he would have given the job to one of the other maids. But for whatever reason this woman has been insisted upon, and he hadn't the heart to deny her.
No one said anything else while the carriage pulled up to Hatter's home. He exited the carriage before helping both women down. He knew that the staff would be waiting in the entrance hall, as he had instructed. The best thing for both himself and Alice would be a quick and easy transition for her into her new life. Meeting the people that she would see everyday would hopefully help her to ease into the daily routine.
His valet opened the door once the three approached it before returning to his place in the line of staff. The five members of the staff stood a bit straighter as Hatter gently led Alice to stand before them.
"Alice, this is your household staff. You already met Mrs. Merryweather, remember?" he asked, looking over at the older woman who already had tears gathering in her eyes.
"It is a pleasure to see you again, Mrs. Hatter," she said, not seeing Alice stiffen slightly at the name through her tears.
Hatter went down the line of the servants, explaining to her who each was. The valet who opened the door for them was Mr. Bill Lizard while the cook and maid were introduced as and Miss. Amelia James respectfully. The last man to be introduced was Mrs. Grey's husband, who was Hatter's driver and took care of the stable located in the back of the property. Alice was pleased to find out that her gelding had been moved into the stable already.
Jane was ushered up the stairs by Amelia to be shown to the room the two girls would share. Amelia seemed pleasant enough, and Alice was glad that at least Jane would be fine. She had known the woman since she had been ten and was not about to let go of her. Alice guessed her age to be around forty or fifty, but she didn't look a day over twenty.
"I'll show you upstairs, if you like."
Alice barely noticed that Hatter had been speaking to her. The staff had dispersed, most likely to return to whatever they had been doing before. Alice wasn't sure how to act around him. She wasn't sure if things would go back to normal, as they had when they had been friends. If nothing physical came between them, she assumed things would be that way. But if she treated him as a wife treated a husband she knew things wouldn't be as easy just yet.
She did want to see what the rest of the house looked liked, even if she still was upset with him. Wordlessly she accepted his hand as she pulled her toward the nearest door. "You've already seen the sitting room," he said, not bothering to show her that room again. They had fought the last time they had both been in there, and he didn't want to start a shouting match now. He showed her the rest of the first floor before leading her upstairs.
"The second floor is our bedroom, the study and two other bedrooms. Upstairs is where the staff sleeps. I had Amelia install Jane with her since her room is the closest to the stairs if you ever need her." The tour ended at their bedroom door, which caused the two to become awkward. He fumbled for the recently shined pocket watch clipped to his vest before looking back at her. "It is almost noon, and March should be here soon. Would you like to change into something else? It looks...cumbersome."
If she had to drag this train around for any longer she thought she would just rip it off. She kept her eyes on the door before reluctantly looking back at him. "Thank you," she said, finally allowing a small smile. He seemed to be visibly relieved before opening the door for her. "Would you like me to send down Miss..."
"Miss. Rivers?" she asked, giving him Jane's last name. "Yes, that would be nice. Thank you." He closed the door gently behind her. Turning to take in the room her eyes first fell on the pile of fur resting in a basket in the corner.
"Dinah!"
She ran over to the sleeping cat before grasping her in her arms. The cat seemed unfazed at their reunion and instead buried herself into the crook of Alice's arm. Alice had, for a fleeting moment, been afraid that Hatter would not allow her to bring her cat. She recalled a conversation they had years ago when he had explained to her that he didn't like cats, as they looked at him funny. But apparently he was going to put up with that.
Keeping the cat in her arms she walked around the room. A four poster bed was pushed to the back wall with a window overlooking the street on each side. Two chests of drawers were on the other wall, one containing her clothing. A vanity table had been installed and already the few photographs she had were placed on it. Placing herself on the stool as she waited for Jane.