Leave the light on

Chapter 3

It hadn't been long... and yet it was long enough. Too long since Mark Sloan left Seattle. Since he left for a new home, with his new family in a new house and a new state. She squeezed her eyes tightly as she collapsed sideways on her bed laying her heavy head down on the soft pillow as she raised her arm and flicked through the channels without even registering what was on the small, black screen at the end of her bed.

It had only been a couple of days but the promise Mark had made of calling her when he got there was left empty and so was she. She didn't want to call him; she understood that he'd be settling into his new life, his new job, his new house, new weather, new friends. She didn't want to interrupt that, intrude on that. Her heart stung,

She wondered who he'd replace her with. And Derek. Then again maybe Derek had heard from him. She remembered Christina telling her that Lexie had been gushing about the hot weather or something like that to Meredith the other day. Maybe Mark had spoken to Derek then. He'd ring...she was sure. He never broke his promises.

So she'd wait, she'd wait for him to ring. Wait for her heart to heal again and wait for the gaping wide hole in her heart to close up. She was struggling without her best friend she'd always needed people or a person or whatever. First she'd had Addison who had ended up being the closest friend Callie had ever had. They shared everything and were always there for each other, drop everything and anything for each other. As far as Callie was concerned the red headed neonatal surgeon won the best friend award of her life. And then she left. And she took a part of Callie with her because losing Addison was like losing a part of her, was like losing a sister except she had been closer to Addison than her own sister. And so she cried, and grieved at the loss.

And I thank you every day, for all you gave to me

And it was then that Callie Torres learned that she didn't cope with loss very well. And then out of nowhere Mark Sloan came along. Not the hot, steamy sleep with you here and now Mark but the man who would ultimately blow Addison out of the water in the best friend innings. It wasn't that he replaced Addison but he filled the gaping hole that Callie gave to her and he was everything she needed and more.

And she was thankful, so very thankful. Without him...she didn't want to contemplate where she'd be now. He was her friend, her best friend nonetheless and nothing more...he couldn't be. He was everything and nothing all at the same time like a good best friend should be. He had saved from the loss of her best friend, the loss of her husband, of her baby. He'd been their when her father had cut all ties with her and stood by her side and dried her tears through it all. He had given her all the strength and comfort in the world.

For saving me, for the strength to carry on

He'd saved her when she needed saving, he'd helped her when she needed help; he'd held her when she'd needed to be held. He'd given her life back to her, her strength back. He'd always reminded her of who she was and never let her lose herself through it all.

And then he left too. And she was reminded that she certainly didn't cope with loss well...at all. She had Christina but it wasn't like the others because Christina was still Meredith's person. And even though she knew it was stupid, Meredith was still the sister of the woman who stole her best friend away so...It just wasn't the same. She was great but for a best friend..well she was taken. By Meredith. And Owen.

It was funny Christina and Owen. To her they were two of the toughest shells. He, the solid trauma surgeon and she, the cold, strictly business cardiac surgeon. But with each other...they were softer, they were happy and kind of sappy which made Callie feel a range of things from happiness for her friends to a jealously of her friends happiness.

And when I close my eyes, I feel you close to me, still holding me

But she never told them, she just avoided them. Owen and Christina had been amazing and she knew that Derek had made the effort more than once to talk to her, to see how she was doing. And she knew that he was missing his best friend as well she could see it in his eyes and he wondered if Mark Sloan knew how much he meant to them.

She closed her eyes tightly trying to evade the tears that were threatening to fall. She hugged her pillow tightly in the dark after having frustratingly given up on the television and switched it off pressing the small button harshly before letting the controls fall to the ground.

She missed everything. She missed everything from his stupid little smirk and his random midnight phone calls to the way they shared a bottle of tequila and the way he would dance with her even though he hated dancing. She missed his apartment across from hers, she missed talking with him until the sun would come up she missed absolutely everything there was to miss and more. She missed him.

It wasn't normal to miss someone so much right?

Even though you're gone

She felt alone, so positively alone. She felt lonely all the time even when she was at the hospital surrounded with people, patients...lonely. She had tried not to feel it, didn't want to feel it, but she did. Half of her was missing. There was no Mark and Callie .. or Callie and Mark...or Torres and Sloan, Sloan and Torres all of which were a common combination of gossip and talk around the hospital and within their group of closest friends since they'd commonly be found wandering the halls together, or scrubbing in on each other's surgeries or consulting with each other, researching, whining, having sex, drinking coffee, annoying Derek, annoying Bailey but always together. There wasn't any together anymore, it was just Callie and just Torres. And without the other half of her team she was alone.

She wondered if that was part of the reason Lexie had suggested they move away, the leave. They break their bond and stretch their friendship. Because then there couldn't be any together. Any wandering or scrubbing in or researching or whining or drinking or annoying. None of it. There would be no more Torres and Sloan just Grey and Sloan just Mark and Lexie and Lexie and Mark and Callie knew that was how it had to be.

It was harder than any breakup with a boyfriend and there was no way she would ever compare it with her disastrous marriage; it was a different kind of hurt. A different kind of gut wrenching, heart stabbing kind of hurt.

Because you love him

And every night I leave the light on

She frowned kicking and cursing herself. She had been fighting with herself for the last couple of days. She did not love Mark Sloan. She could not love Mark Sloan. She could not love him for a multitude of reasons, for one he was her best friend and two, which was a very big, significant two, he was practically married. She wouldn't be surprised if she didn't receive an invite to the grand wedding of Mark Sloan and Lexie soon to be sometime soon.

Tears welled as she thought of the pretty little card that would break her heart and she sat up sighing exasperatedly. She had to stop it. She did not love Mark Sloan. She. Did. Not. Love. Mark. Sloan.

Yet she missed him a little bit more every single night when she got into bed, tried to fall asleep and fail miserably. Then with nothing useful to distract herself with the tears would come and nine times out of ten she'd cry until finally her body let her slip into exhausted sleep and give her a little peace.

As Callie's wet eyes slowly closed her bedside lamp flickered slowly allowing a dull light to slightly illuminate her dark room. Darkness made everything worse. She could feel the pain and the hurt times a million in the dark so the light stayed on flickering through the night.

She did not love Mark Sloan.

Reviewwww! Please review let me know what you think, 1 more Callie pov and then I think I'm going to do one from Mark's point of view...

Let me know what you guys think of this one...please!

Nina xx