A/N: Alright I am back! Thank you to ., GrimmSistah, YayGerardWay, teenkid2010, and my good friend Valentine Thornton for their reviews. This chapter is for all the Twilight haters! Go us! Oh and I have no idea where my best buddy came up with this from, but she did, so enjoy the idiocy. ^.^

Warnings:
1. Complete idiocy
2. Twilight bashing
3. Pervertedness
4. I can't think of anything else…but…just beware

Edward Cullen wasn't rich. Nope, he was just a lunch server at Forks Hospital. One day, sausage was on the menu. And he actually had to grind the meat, poor thing. So as he was grinding the meat, he started to think about his boyfriend, Jacob. And you can guess what that meant. Well, I bet that you know what's happening next. No? Well, I'll make it multiple choice.

He'll cut his dick off in the grinder

He'll randomly get pulled into a wormhole and have his dick crushed by an asteroid

I don't know but something will happen

Well for all of you who picked C, I applaud your laziness. But the answer is A!

Edward didn't even notice when his dick got cut off (yeah, he's that high too) and just served a young man his lunch.

The young man (Jasper) sat down and ate his sausage quickly. He did notice something…off about it but paid no mind. He just went about his day.

Later that night when Jasper got home, he ran to the bathroom. At work, all the toilets had either been clogged or broken and he had to go. Unfortunately, he didn't make it. His pants ripped open and out came…a rainbow? What the fuck? Yes readers, a rainbow. He suddenly had the magical ability to shit rainbows. Amazing huh?

Well, to end it, he went to bed and woke up a rainbow-crapping unicorn. The End.

Edward: WAIT! What about my dick?

Me: Well Jasper ate it. End of story.

Edward and Jacob: o.O

Me: MWAHAHA I'M SUCH AN EVIL BITCH!

Sorry for the shortness. Next chappie: Dally's Bitch. Stay tuned, readers! Oh and by the way, does anyone need a beta. I am one, and I would be happy to beta anything! And I do mean anything! Oh and I need a beta, so anyone who is willing, just message me or review this.