I know this is very poor after all the time it took me to get it out. But I concocted it in just a few hours. And I wanted a chapter without any special drama, since I needed a break from that. After all, a lot of angst is going to ensue in the following chapters. So, forgive my tardiness and I hope this will be to your enjoyment.

Chapter Nine
Cry Me A River

X

On the contrary to everyone's beliefs, when Boris half an hour later entered the kitchen he did not snarl a sarcastic remark. This had them all a little surprised at first – perhaps even a bit pleasantly so – but then it had them wary. They waited for the long, dreadful minutes it took for Boris to pour himself some coffee, for the man to lash out and hurt them. Or to destroy a piece of furniture. But he didn't, and again they were surprised. But now they were staring at him with varying levels of concealed worry.

He felt their stares on him like needles in his scrotum, and tried quite bravely to keep a nonchalant face and pretend they were just patterns in the wallpaper. Which was quite ugly, he noticed now when he was actually sober. Not a very pleasant feeling, come to think about it, and eventually his worn out head couldn't take any more of their silence. Since he knew it had to mean something bad he turned to glare at them. It was just too hard to muster the strength to yell.

''What?''

It was with a cringe he noticed that it wasn't even a third as threatening as it used to sound. Instead his voice carried a broken down exhaustion, one he suspected was the reason for the strange twitch in Rei's posture.

Ah, Rei. Yes. It always came down to him, didn't it? The more and more he had thought about it, and he'd had a lot of time to think lately, it was all his life seemed to revolve around. Except for the booze and the hatred, there was this one man. Someone who had, at first, been just another meaningless face to him. Someone who had later become his enemy, then his unwanted friend and eventually even lover.

And it scared Boris that his life had been built around Rei to the level that with the other gone, his entire world collapsed. Boris had become all the things he hated. Co-dependent, weak and worst of all doubtful. Now when he had the man, and two of his closest friends – two of his only friends - there, a little voice in his head he hadn't heard in a while spoke.

It was the voice of reason. The voice of understanding and the voice of selfless consideration. It had been such a long time since that voice appeared he'd thought it gone. Dead as so many other things he threw away during his childhood. But here he stood proven wrong, and the little voice kept repeating a question he until now had pretended he hadn't thought about.

Was this really fair? Could he really be this selfish? After all he had done, could he put Rei through more of this? He knew the man suffered, knew he was just as hurt – if not more – as he himself was. Sure, there were a lot of things responsible for the troubles of the Chinese man, but one of these was none other than the Falcon himself. And for the first time he let himself grasp the seriousness of this realization.

It hurt.
Badly.

Rei turned his head to stare at the crumbs that remained of his croissant, while Yuriy and Kai exchanged a stealthy, knowing look. They kept this aura of understanding, a silent telepathic conference carrying on between them. It was creepy, but most of all it was annoying, and Boris wasn't in the mood to deal with their shifty asshole behaviour. Actually, he was tired of them ever butting into his life at all.

He was doing fine. Or, well, he knew that was a lie. But at least he was doing fine enough not to need them. Really.

''You're losing your grip'' Yuriy said swiftly, almost casually and gave him a look of boredom. ''We need to talk about this.''

''Is this a god damn intervention?''

He kept taking large gulps of the liquid, even if it was too hot not to scald his tongue. It was the only thing that gave him enough energy to stand on both feet and project all his anger and hatred onto Yuriy at the same time.

''So what if it is?''

''Well, it's a waste of time''

''You need it.''

''No, I don't.''

For a second there, Boris could almost swear he saw the Wolf roll his eyes at him. Imagination or not, it made him hate the smug bastard just a little bit more.

''You've been evicted. Do you know how serious that is?''

''I'm not stupid!''

''You see – '' Yuriy continued as if the other hadn't said anything, gesturing with his hand gracefully as he spoke. ''I don't think you do. I think you're under the impression that you're immortal or some other stupid shit and it's going to end up killing you.''

The only thing that kept the grey haired man from banging his head against the counter repeatedly until he could see bone fragments, was the ever present and ruthless headache. He wasn't as certain anymore that the coffee was such a good idea either, as it was making his stomach think it was some sort of elite acrobat.

''Do you take your pills?'' now it was Kai of all people, the one person who never cared about anyone's business as long as they didn't care about his, who pointed a meaning look at Boris.

The latter closed his eyes with an indignant sigh.

''Yes, mother. I do, otherwise my immune system will kill me.''

''Maybe I should rephrase that; do you take the pills for your addiction management?''

''Sort of.''

Kai shook his head listlessly. Never letting his friend go with those unforgiving, stripping red eyes Boris felt drained just being in the same room as him. It was as if Kai could see through his head.

''Do you keep the doctor's appointments?'' Yuriy put in, looking at him from over his nose with a certain air of importance around him.

''What's it to you?''

''So that's a no.''

Without warning and much consideration Boris slammed the cup of coffee down on the kitchen counter, making all items placed on it jump a rattling inch. His body hosted a slight tremor of anger and the headache was increasing furiously.

''That is none of your god damn business and I have no obligation to explain myself to you! I want to speak to Rei and Rei alone, and the two of you can just fuck the hell off!''

They regarded him quietly for a moment. Long enough to consider it, but not long enough for it to be of any worth to them.

''Well, does he want to talk to you?''

''I don't know'' Boris snarled almost competitively, turning his drilling gaze onto the subject of conversation. ''What about it, Rei? Do you want to talk to me?''

The Chinese didn't want to stop his exciting little excavation of the croissant crumbs. He really felt quite comfortable sitting in his own little world but the more he could feel the pressure in the room amplify, the more he knew he had to. So slowly, and much stiffly, he eventually met a pair of blue eyes that made his insides freeze.

''Rei'' Boris repeated through tightly gritted teeth. ''Do you?''

''You know...''

He had thought a lot about this. Naturally, he had come to several conclusions all of them confusing him. The more of him that pulled to the emotional side, the rational wanted a part in this story as well. And as much as he missed the stupid idiot, there was a part of him wondering if he could survive another year with him.

''Well?''

Boris was impatient. Rei sighed.

''What is there to say?''

''For one thing you have a lot of shit on your plate you need to sort out.''

Rei had to raise a disbelieving eyebrow at that.

''What, you were thinking about helping me? Be my little shoulder to cry on?''

It was harsh for coming from Rei. His tone of voice was extremely flat and emotionless, but the words carried a hidden edge that cut deeply. It took the Russian by surprise for the fraction of a second, making him consider the next thing he said a little more carefully.

''Also I need a place to stay now.''

''So stay at a hotel'' Yuriy muttered, giving him a piercing sidewards glance.

''You stay the hell out of this!'' Boris barked.

The two of them engaged in a glaring daggers competition, one which was very close to a draw and certainly would have made for good TV if anyone could get it on tape. Rei on the other hand was too tired to bother with them, and instead exchanged a small glance with Kai. Said man just looked at him blankly, nothing in his face saying yes or no. Just good old neutrality and the opportunity for the Chinese to make up his own mind.

Which was exactly what he didn't have the strength or the wisdom or even the sanity to do.

''Well, your stuff is already here'' he sighed, and could almost see the triumphant little outcry crawl up inside Boris' mouth. It didn't get the chance to get further than that when Rei pointed a stern finger at him. ''But if you're going to stay here I have rules.''

Boris frowned.

''Rules?''

''Yes'' Rei nodded slowly. ''There will be nothing that can grab the attention of the press.''

''Fair enough'' he shrugged. ''I can do that''

''Yeah, but there's more.''

The Falcon looked silently at him for a moment, not sure he wanted to hear this. Rei fixed him with a firm and almost aggressive look in his eyes.

''As long as you stay here you will have to stop drinking''

''What if I go to a bar then? You can't keep me on a leash forever.''

''If you decide to go out on town and get drunk, fine. But you will not be welcome here in the morning.''

There was a foreign, almost cold note to his voice and eyes. Something Boris had never imagined could ever accompany the Chinese. Sure, he had seen Rei angry, he had even seen him murderous. Competitive, scared, irritated, cocky. But never had he seen him so heartless.

Despite the order making foul tasting anger seeth in him silently, eventually he nodded. Accepted. Moved on.

When it came down to it, he really had no other choice. He wanted to be selfless? He wanted to try to mend the things he'd ruined and get the pieces together? To make amends? Sure. Whatever. This was a good place to start. Perhaps even the only place to start. And to be honest, he had deserved this coldness from Rei from the beginning and he was surprised it hadn't arrived sooner. In a way it was almost a relief.

Because being angry at someone meant you cared. It was tough love, yes, but it was still love. And that was what it all came down to in the end.

''Sure.''

Rei wanted to reveal his surprise at this. Honestly he never thought Boris would agree to it. He had given him these rules not to be a bastard, but because sometimes you had to be ruthless to save someone. So for Boris to actually accept someone deciding what he should do was like putting him on a leash – the last thing Rei ever thought the man would accept. So it was with all right he wanted to let his jaw drop and his eyes widen. But he didn't. He kept the mask of being resolute and confident in his actions, refusing to show how unrealistically and heart stopping scared he actually was.

''Good'' he gave a stiff nod. ''Secondly, you take your pills. That's all I want from you.''

Boris gave a dry, hollow little laugh.

''No AA? Not even a doctor's appointment?''

Rei shook his head leisurely.

''No.''

''Not even rent?''

''No, but you could help me with the dishes from time to time. And please, don't break any of my stuff.''

Rei could appreciate the irony, he really could. He moved into Boris' apartment when he was evicted, and now it was the same situation but the other way around. Whatever happened it always seemed to end with the two of them stuck together in peculiar, problematic situations. If he hadn't known better he'd have thought it to be faith. Most probably it was just their own stupid choices that made their paths keep crossing. Or maybe it was that nagging little feeling deep inside that told him he couldn't let go.

Rei didn't know, neither did he want to think about it. Not today, at least

The other two Russians had been watching them quietly throughout the conversation. Yuriy with increasing scepticism. Directing his glare from Rei to Boris every now and then. Kai on the other hand had looked neutral and almost uninterested. Letting Rei do as he wanted but making sure to stay in the background in case he was needed. In spite of everything, that was really all there was to do.

''Well, my stuff's already here so I guess moving's not a problem.''

Unexpectedly, it was Yuriy who rose up to slam his fists in the table. It echoed loud and harsh, making Rei jump and the others stare in surprise and slight confusion at him. Clenching his jaws, barely containing the shivers of anger he glared with thin, murderous eyes at the Falcon.

''I'm glad you find all of this to be a big joke. When you grow up and realize you're a god damn fuck up, give me a call.''

And he left the room like a mystery, leaving only the trembling of the walls as a sign of his presence. The anger that had followed in his wake lay hot and labile in the air. For a moment no one was really sure what had really happened.

Eventually, Kai sighed and got up as well.

''I'll call you'' was all he said to Rei before he was gone in a hasty blur.

And that was that. No one said a word in minutes, nor did they look at each other. For a moment it didn't feel like he was standing in the same room as a close friend, ex lover and so much, much more. It was almost as if for those fleeting minutes, they were just two strangers in a broken down world. It was an odd sensation, that luckily passed a little as Boris made a trademark grimace.

''You know, you should get a haircut''

X

And the rest of the day wasn't more eventful than that. Rei called Kai and asked if everything was fine. Yuriy was silently sulking in the hotel room and Rei spent a few minutes trying to convince Kai that he could fit them all into his little apartment, and that it was no problem at all and they shouldn't have to stay at a hotel while visiting their friends. But Kai wouldn't budge and quickly and very gallantly changed the subject. They spoke for another few minutes and Kai promised to keep in touch before they hung up.

Then Rei and his new roommate unpacked what was left of Boris' things. It wasn't a lot to dance about. A lot of his electronic devices and furniture had been stolen. But then again, it was easier to fit it into Rei's apartment, so it wasn't all bad. After that Rei cooked some dinner and for the first time felt like he had reason to enjoy it. It was nice to have someone back in there, and perhaps even a little nicer because it was Boris.

They didn't talk much. Mostly Boris kept to himself by the table, and Rei by the stove. But it was a comfortable silence, one that needn't be ruined by another argument or tired discussion. It was fine to just be, there and then with no expectations or demands. Just like it used to be. It was fine and it made him smile. And it felt good to smile. He had missed that. And Boris had missed seeing him smile and somewhere, deep down it made him feel a bit proud that he had caused that expression of mirth. He rarely did, so he wanted to revel in it while he had the chance.

One thing they hadn't thought about or discussed until evening came and with it also the screaming need for sleep, was where Boris should sleep. Rei didn't offer him the couch, he didn't feel the need to as it was already understood. Boris knew that. Maybe, he didn't mention it partially because he didn't want him to sleep on the couch. Of course, Rei discarded this thought as soon as it came jumping out on him and pretended like it had never occurred at all.

He decided to leave it entirely up to Boris. If the man wanted to take the couch like so many other times, he was free to. If he wanted to climb into the bed with him he was free to do that as well. Not that he should, they weren't a couple anymore and it would just be weird and complicated and Rei shouldn't even think about such things. Even if they weren't enemies they were still just friends now and friends didn't spoon with other friends and oh, he really had to nip that in the bud before it bloomed.

The point was Boris now could do whatever he wanted. Which both amplified the entire 'no expectations' things, and at the same time made the pressure even heavier. If he slept on the couch, would Rei think he wasn't interested and take it as some sort of rejection? If he slept in the bed with him would it be socially awkward and how much of a personal space did Rei require? Was he supposed to be a selfish but content creep or a dissatisfied and careful gentleman?

He had promised himself to start going a bit easier on Rei. But that didn't mean he had to be too considerate. He was still Boris, after all.

Sure enough, nightfall soon came and Rei stood at the deadlock second between exiting the bathroom and entering the bedroom. He kept staring at the door, reluctant to go in as if he waited just one second long enough Boris would come with him. He couldn't stand there forever though, it would just look suspicious and stupid. Which it was. Of course Boris would take the couch. It was easier and less complex and surely it was the better for all of them.

At this point though, Rei didn't care about the best for anyone. He just wanted to feel his smell and his warmth tiptoe across his skin and get lulled to sleep by erratic, forceful heartbeats. He wanted to nestle into Boris' t-shirt even if he knew the man hated that. Which was the point. He knew Boris hated when people clung to his clothes when he tried to sleep, but Rei liked to do it anyway. Even more when Boris let him.

The Russian hated spooning and the likes because when he slept he wanted to move freely, but even so that didn't stop him from snaking his arms around Rei at some nights. He missed the fact that he was happy just lying next to him. He was content watching Boris' back rise and fall in the morning when only Rei was awake. He was happy pretending to be asleep just so he could stay in that moment a little while longer.

He missed Boris' awful morning hair. Hell, he even missed the times when Boris would accidentally kick him in his sleep. Or when his hand would fall harshly straight onto Rei's face. Saying absurd things in his sleep. Snoring, grinding his god damn teeth that drove Rei crazy half of the time. Rei sighed. He was going to go even more insane if he kept thinking like this.

''Goodnight!'' he said a bit too loud and a bit too shrilly, not waiting for a response as he hurried in to his room, shutting the door closed behind him.

In a slight sense it was like stepping into a sanctuary and at the same time a tomb. It was nice to fall into his soft bed and hide himself between the covers and sheets. It was nice to bury himself in his pillow and listen to the silence.

But it was just too quiet.

It was too cold and too dark and the bed was too damn big and suddenly he wasn't too comfortable anymore. With slight disappointment Rei realized he was brooding, and as soon as he came to this conclusion he shut his eyes tightly. The sooner he fell asleep the sooner morning would come and he could stop fussing over this. Until the next night came, that was. So he lay there, still and irritated and childish in his own little silence. All the mental stress had set its marks and it was surprising how fast he actually started to drift off to sleep. But it was nice too, and he gladly welcomed the comfortable bliss of dreamland.

Vaguely in the back of his mind he thought he could hear his door open, if only by the merest inch. But too close to sleep, even if still attached to the waken realm, he didn't think much of it. It was just barely registered in his head under the category of 'random stuff you may or may not need to know'.

There was a shift in the bed's mattress and a dull squeaking of springs. He was just a second from falling asleep, when he was dragged out of it by two warm and familiar arms finding their way around his waist. Warm breath ghosted over his neck, but not in an unpleasant and sticky way and he felt his heart jump.

Rei turned his head a small inch just to see if he was really there. And he was. A warm shadow sharing the covers with him, creeping just a little bit closer. Turning his head back Rei closed his eyes with a calm sigh.

''Goodnight'' Boris murmured over his skin, sending a little shiver through the Chinese's stomach.

''See you tomorrow'' he whispered back.

Tomorrow could do whatever it wanted. Tonight, Rei fell asleep with a small smile.