"I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go. These words are my heart and soul. I'll hold on to this moment as I bleed my heart out to show I won't let go."

There were very few things in the world that could make Arthur Kirkland truly angry, and the fact that his ex had sauntered into his house with complete disrespect for his personal privacy was definitely one of those things. And then for the man to filch his cell phone when his back was turned. To answer it. It was only logical that his fist connected solidly with the man's all too perfect face.

"You bastard, what makes you think you have the right to pull these stunts?" He towered over the now stunned man who had fallen flat on his rump with a dull thud. At the very least he deserved an apology. He'd seen the caller id. It had been Alfred calling. And that only made it worse, he wasn't completely sure why, but it damn well did.

"Don't look at me zat way Arthur, we both know that boy was nothing but a farce to get my attention." Francis's bright blue eyes glittered cunningly up at him even as a bit of blood dripped out of his nose, the man had no self-respect. He could probably say with full honesty that this was far more insulting than when he had stumbled in on the orgy that had been the final straw in their relationship. "And while the boy was quite handsome, we both know zat you are spoiled for all others except moi. "

At that, Arthur grinned. It was a devilish, hellish, frightening thing. Francis immediately found himself growing pale and attempting to scoot as far away from him as quickly as possible. His green eyes glittered dangerously, he had been pushed far beyond the normal limits of his patience. No longer was he going to stomach this man's cruelties! He'd been nothing more than a bitch to him for over three years and now...Now when it seemed that he might gain some measure of self-confidence once more...

No. He was done.

"Are you willing to bet on that Francis?" Never before had his voice been so strong, so frightening as it crackled in the warm air of his living room. "Would you like to know exactly what happened when Alfred and I left your place last night? Because I'm willing to bet that inside you would be crying at the details, thinking that your favorite "little" boy finally outgrew you." It was true enough, Francis was nearly five years older than him, had originally teased him about being his little British brother upon their first meeting. Those bright blue eyes widened in outrage and something more.

At last it seemed he had found a way to hurt Francis.

It wasn't nearly as satisfying as he thought it would be. Mainly because what it had cost him. When he'd attempted to call Alfred back after the initial moment, well he hadn't gotten an answer. He left a message the second time he attempted a call, he could only hope the man would call him back. Heaven only knew what he was thinking right now, even if they'd only been together the once...

He damn well couldn't deny anymore that he relished the idea of seeing him again.

"Prove to me zat you want me no more." Francis stumbled to his feet, using the wall that he had scooted towards for support. The guy was a complete wimp to be frank. "Prove to me zat you are indeed engaged to zis American zat I met last night and zen I shall leave you well enough alone." He paused for a moment, a familiar and conniving smile creeping across his face. "But if zis charade falls apart as I assume it will, zen you will be mine. I grew fond of you, even on your boring days, for at least when the women run dry I shall still have you by my side and warming my bed."

It took all of the patience that Arthur could summon to not charge that man, to throw him against the wall and beat the living daylights out of him. Because that's definitely what he wanted to do this very moment. He wanted it so bad he could practically feel his fists connecting with that man's face...A deep breath and the feeling managed to fade even if the desire to follow through didn't.

"Fine Francis. I'll prove it." He prayed with all of his heart that this would work. "I'll call up Alfred and we'll get this all sorted out. And then you will have to swear that you'll never come near me again. I meant it when I was done with you. It was sheer ego that lead me to your door last night, I wanted to prove my words were true, and tonight you will know for sure. No longer do you have any claim to me." His voice was far steadier than he expected, there was still the dangerously sharp undertone, but it was clearly under control now.

For the moment all was relatively calm.

"I'll believe zat, when I see it, Arthur." He really hated the way Francis said his name, still like he owned him or something along those lines. With another deep breath he fished his phone out of the pocket of the designer jeans he had changed into when he got home. He went to the recent calls list and dialed Alfred's number yet again, hoping blindly that the man would pick up this time around.

"The number that you have dialed is no longer in service, please hang up your phone and try again later." It was a robotic voice that filtered through to his ears, his eyes widened. For some reason he had a sick sort of feeling in his stomach, like something was completely wrong with this picture. (Or was more wrong that in clearly already was.) So he cleared his throat and turned to Francis, pretending with a grin that everything was just fine.

"Excuse me for just a minute." He didn't bother to hear the man's grumbled response before he turned around and headed off to his room, still holding that phone to his ear. That robotic voice repeating the message over and over and over again. He locked his door behind him, tossed his phone over on his bed as he scrambled to the phone book on the dresser. He was a man that often lost numbers and other such things, so it was good to have around.

He flipped through it, desperately searching for the number to the hotel that Alfred was staying at, it was moments like these that he was grateful for his memory. It only took a couple moments before he found the number and was anxiously punching it into his phone. It took approximately two and a half rings before a woman answered the phone with the resounding smack of bubblegum in her mouth.

"Hello." She was most definitely a sarcastic one, Arthur gritted his teeth before he replied in as cordial a tone as he could possibly muster.

"Hi, I'm looking to see if Alfred up in room..five eight-six is in." Another smack of bubblegum, the quick clatter of manicured hands on a keyboard, and then that high tone came again. Delivering unwanted news with a holier than thou enunciation.

"Mr. Jones was checked out about five minutes ago, some sort of medical emergency." Arthur struggled to maintain his composure even though he knew no one could see him at this moment. It was just ingrained within him. He had to remain calm, stoic, unreadable.

"Well, thank you for your time...Do you happen to know where he would be at this moment?"

"Probably the hospital over off of Burkes I imagine."

"Thanks again." It was hardly a breath later that he slammed his phone shut and began searching for his coat. He wasn't an optimist to begin with, but there was most definitely something wrong with this picture. Something very very very wrong. To hell with whatever Francis would be thinking at this point, he had to get to Alfred. If he was hurt...if he was hurt...It would be all of his fault.

And that was a very disconcerting thought.

A lot more than it logically should have been. This was what he got for acting impulsively. He brought everyone down around him. Just his fucking luck! And then there was Francis's snarky voice coming from outside his door, almost frantically searching for his attention. He really could care less.

"Come now Arthur, I shall be having all of you to myself this night." Arthur threw open the door and nearly hit Francis in the face with it in his effort to get out of the house as fast as physically possible.

"For once Francis, will you just shut the hell up?" This was thrown harshly into the air as he tore his car keys out of the little dish he kept in the hallway, he didn't have time for this. Had to get to the hospital. Hoped it would be the right one. Hoped everything was alright...He just had to get his thoughts in some semblance of order.

"Where are you going?" Arthur ignored the obviously flustered Frenchman as made his way towards the door, threw him off when he tried to hold him back by his arm.

"This is none of your business. You had better not be here when I get back." Never before had Arthur heard his voice so cold, never before had he felt so desperate. His vision swam for a minute when he opened his front door and was greeted by a frigid blast of winter air. It was with a grimace that made his way to his old, clunky vehicle, leaving Francis dumbfounded in the doorway behind him.

There was no secret joy in destroying that man in this moment. He just felt empty. The key stuck momentarily in the ignition before the engine sputtered to life, he didn't even bother to turn on the heater before he roared out of his small drive and onto the not so crowded streets of his area of town. His grip on the wheel was iron, though he felt as if he should be shaking, what with the many thoughts currently racing through his head at a frantic pace.

Every single "worst situation" scenario increasing in severity with each passing moment. Thankfully enough, he managed to keep his focus on the road, every meter covered another meter closer to Alfred. To somehow making everything right, even if he didn't know what was wrong.

****xxx****

It was all a blur.

Colors, words, faces...everything swirled together in a maelstrom that made no sense. It faded in with the pain. Offered a distraction. Something to cling to as he felt the tugging of darkness tempting him. He had to find something concrete. Something real. Something to hold on to before it all fell away.

Never before had he felt the urge to give in, to give up and let it all fall away. And now... Now it was just so tempting.

So close.

Another whirl of movement, another hint of garbled voices. Frantically calm. Disconcertingly unaware of what he was feeling. He wanted to cry but couldn't find a way to squeeze the needed tears out. At the very least he felt his hands clench, the muscles cording in frustration. None of this was fair. All he'd wanted was to chase a whim! What the hell was wrong with that? Why in the world did he have to be here now?

It wasn't fair...

It was all slipping away faster now. The colors fading, the voices slipping away. He felt a few of those tears creeping out now. Didn't want to leave yet. Didn't want to let go. Wanted to live. Wanted to see it all.

His eyes flickered for a brief moment, bloodshot eyes making the brilliant blue iris's seem to glow for an infinitesimal second. No one noticed. The figures surrounding him were too focused on their tasks...It hurt. To be ignored. To be alone.

Grey. Behind his eyes the world was grey.

Like they always said, there were memories flashing. Flickering like an old movie through his life. Through the moments that meant the most. His grandfather handing him an old leather jacket...Hopping on a plane for the first time and seeing the world set out below him, ready for the saving...Bright green eyes flickering up at him lazily in the low light of a bar. A stolen kiss outside a too bright house. A heady embrace in an elevator...

That night shouldn't have remained so vividly in his mind.

But it was there. Those green eyes were the only color now. He wanted to see them again. Didn't care about the rest of it. Didn't care that it was a foolish whim. At the very least he had found something to hold on to. Something solid in this world of swirling memories and rising tide pain. He focused on that. Made a solid promise as the rest of the world slipped away.

He would see Arthur again.