I know, I know, it's short and mostly... filler? I dunno. Forgive me, I've been having writer's block and a lot of stuff to do in my life.
I hope some of you are still out there. That'd be very nice. If not... well, I'll try to complete this one anyway.
Next chapter will be longer. But perhaps this one will be to your liking.

He that is taken and put into prison or chains is not conquered, though overcome; for he is still an enemy.
- Thomas Hobbes

Chapter Sixteen
Sanctuary

X

''So, Boris'' the woman in the awful oak chair leaned against the armrest, sending him a knowing, almost condescending, look of false sympathy. ''How are we feeling today?''

He did not like the woman. From the instance he met her, he knew he would come to loathe her. Distantly in his mind he could imagine Rei's voice, saying that Boris' dislike was probably just a last try at rebellion. A last effort to be difficult, a last little kick and scream as he was slowly dragged back to the world of the sober. It was stupid of him, but part of his nature.

''Boris?'' came her thick, almost whiny voice again but he gave her no response.

It wasn't just his predetermination to be difficult which formed the hate. The woman really was unlikeable, that he knew from just one glance. Her small, chastising eyes and wrinkled, pressed together face which seemed to be in a struggle with gravity. That little smile of pity and self-appreciation, beaming at him as if he were a child. A stupid little boy who knew nothing of the world or what he'd gotten himself into. As if he could not fathom the weight, the grave seriousness of his condition. Maybe in a sense that was true. He probably knew not even half the severity of his life, but that didn't mean he was some kind of idiot and the way she spoke to him, like he couldn't even be trusted to dress himself properly - like she was some kind of superior, better than him - it made him want to close his bony, large hands around her fat neck and strangle her.

In a way she reminded him a lot about Baba Yaga, the evil hag who ate little children, a myth parents told at night to keep their sons and daughters in line. She looked like he imagined Baba Yaga to, the only thing missing was an insane witch's laugh.

''Mr. Kuznetsov'' this time the voice broke through to him, fiercer and slightly annoyed even. ''Are you alright?''

He smirked hatefully at her.

''Yeah, just fucking fine and dandy. I mean, why else would I be at a fucking rehab?''

The psychiatrist smiled with poorly concealed strain at him. Trying to remain composed she begun fiddling with her papers. Of what was written on them he had not the slightest suspicion. Whatever it was, it was sure to mean nothing good for him.

''How are you settling in here at our facility?''

''The food sucks.''

A dry chuckle bobbed her chin. Or rather, chins. He smirked thinly. Mocking her in his head seemed to make the session more bearable.

''Ah, well, one gets used to it after a while. You've only been here a few hours, after all. I thought we should get to know each other, introduce ourselves before you go through detox. Once you're done with that, our therapy may start for real.''

He rolled his eyes and scoffed disdainfully.

''Whatever.''

She smiled again. Understandingly but at the same time not at all.

''So, how has the morning been for you?''

Well, Boris thought, shit. Obviously. The taxi ride out to the place had seemed to take forever, and it had taken place in a silence so rotten at times he found it foul to breathe. Rei had looked solemn and stiff, as if trying to act unaffected while his left eye's twitching screamed otherwise. They got off and the driver offered to help them with the bags, but Boris ignored him and carried the luggage by himself. He felt weak and pathetic enough as it was, maybe if he carried the heavy bags he could redeem some of his reputation. It was stupid and foolish, but for the moment it was all he had.

Rei had sighed and trudged after him, the walk to the front door being one of the most exhausting ones the Chinese had ever endured, still only taking them barely a minute. They'd been greeted by a member of the staff, introducing himself as Soren, a young man still older than the two Bladers, looking kind but worn as he gave them a tour of the building. The man gave some quick information on things and after about an hour he left the two in the lobby to say their goodbyes.

''Great, just fine and dandy. That nurse sure was helpful!''

If she was bothered by his sarcastic tone, she did not show. Instead she continued as if he'd been sincere. Boris angrily wondered if she was the one mocking him.

''That is wonderful, Boris. Did you arrive by yourself?''

His eyes hardened. Knowing she'd hit a vein of gold, the woman kept on hacking.

''Someone close to you? It must have been hard to part ways. But there are visiting hours, I suppose.''

Rei had been awfully calm for a change. For a brief moment there he saw the old Rei Kon, the one the world had loved and praised, eyes strong and determined. He sounded almost arrogant when he told Boris they would get through it, no matter what, speaking as if of a normal match. For some reason Rei's confidence irked Boris.

''So how long've I got to listen to your shit?'' the Russian drawled, looking bored already.

The doctor smiled.

'''Til you get better, of course.''

Boris scoffed.

''Oh yeah?'' he shifted in his seat. ''What the fuck does better even mean?''

He'd never even been good, had he? He'd been bad, terrible even, from the start. He remembered very little of the time before the Abbey and even days in the Abbey, years, were faded and distant. Memories that felt borrowed from someone else, looked upon through a dirty lens. There was the feeling of thieving when reminiscing sometimes, though he hardly ever did.

''It means you will able to stop drinking, indirectly stop ruining your life and not push those you love and who love you away.'' she tilted her head and he saw something evil dance around her. ''How long was it since you had a pleasant moment with someone?''

Boris had been stoic as usual, that morning, remaining hard and gruff. They had stared at each other for a while until he finally nodded. He didn't feel like verbalizing anything, it felt wrong to make Rei hopeful. He wanted to get his shit together, he really did. But he knew from experience that people who trusted and believed in him only got disappointed in the end.

''Well, I can tell you this moment here right now ain't one of them.''

She chuckled tersely.

''You seem very rough around the edges, Boris.'' her eyes glinted in a way that made him wary. ''Hard. Cold. Hurting inside, desperate to look strong. You are protecting your loved ones, feeling possesive, am I right? If you are strong then they will not hurt.''

They had stared for each other a while longer, taking in the light turqoise walls and white tiled floor, the smell of perfume and cleaning supplies, the clatter of keys from the front desk receptionist and the muttering of a coffee maker from the break room. That was when Boris noticed it, for the first time since they woke up; the hardness in Rei's eyes. An unsusual, surreal, almost artificial hardness which told Boris it was just a fake. A facade put up to protect himself and incidentally, to protect Boris. Rei smiled a crooked smile and opened his frame with arms slung out, inviting Boris to a hug.

''How has that been working for you?'' she, at the lack of response, continued pushing his buttons with childlike glee. ''How many people have been hurt because of your addiction, Mr. Kuznetsov?''

Without hesitation, much to both men's surprise, Boris had plunged in, bending down to reach the shorter man, and wrapped his arms around him. It took a moment for Rei to react but eventually his arms closed around the Russian, his face burying in the curve of his neck and for the first time during the day Rei let himself break down. The tears poured into the larger man's sweater and trickled down his chest and back, making Boris furrow his brow in slight discomfort. But it was momentary and short lived. Eventually the grey haired man hardened the embrace and buried his face in Rei's dark locks.

''I know what you're doing'' he said, leaning forward with hostility practically shooting out of him. Pointing his finger accusively at her he narrowed his eyes and hardened his face. ''And I will not let you get anywhere near my thoughts. You know what? There are no emotions down here, there never will be and even if there were you'd be the last person I would ever show them to.''

''Oh, Mr. Kuznetsov'' she shook her head haughtily. ''You and I both know that's not entirely true.''

He was so used to Rei's emotional rollercoaster now that it no longer fazed him. No tears could ever really bother him again because he had lived with them for years. Smelling the aroma of Rei's shampoo, Boris was surprised to find himself to be the calm one of the two. He'd expected yelling, throwing of furniture, anything of the likes, but instead he was eerily placid. Almost apathetic but more accurately indifferent and reisgned, accepting his fate by not thinking too much about it. All he allowed himself to feel was nothing but the urgent need to hold Rei like this again. And he knew the only way that would ever even maybe happen, was by getting better.

Boris glared with more energy than he had possessed in months. He wished so hard that he could kill a person with his eyes.

''Someone got you here, didn't they? Because I do not believe you are a man who would ever admit yourself. That'd be a loss, a weakness, wouldn't it?'' she said, sounding a little too cheerful. ''It'd be defeat.''

Rei had sobbed harder and eventually his shaking body even moved Boris' own frame. He tightened his arms and burrowed deeper into his head, wanting to submerge into Rei and stay in there forever. He'd muttered in the other's ear how he did not want to go, how he wanted to go home and forget everything. How he wanted to start again. Rei had not answered, only cried harder, because there was nothing Rei wished for more than that.

''You know'' he smirked teasingly. ''I'm going to get out of here.''

''I'm sure you are, Mr. Kuznetsov'' her voice though, indicated her opinion was of the contrary. ''I'm sure you are.''

Boris had continued talking. Usually Rei was the blabbering one, but for some reason they had entered the twilight zone, their roles reversed and still the same as they'd always been. Rei had promised not to cry and felt a burning need to apologize, but he was not strong enough for words. Instead he drew in a last whiff of the Russian, feeling the fabric of his sweater against his damp cheeks. Pressing as close to him as possible without breaking something. In a way Rei feared that if he let Boris go now he would never get him back.

''I'm doing this for him.''

She arched a brow.

''You know that usually only leads patients back to relapsing.''

''Maybe so.'' he crossed his arms, eyes resembling steel, daring the world to break on him. ''But not me.''

Boris had kept on saying that kittens looked awful when they whined, and that no one wanted to see his ugly, swollen face. It was intended as a teasing joke, and Rei had laughed, but the laugh broke half way through and erupted into more vicious sobbing. Boris said he never understood how Rei could cry so damn much all the time without dying of dehydration. Thoughtfully he had said that the 70 % of Earth covered in water must have been supplied from Rei's own sissiness.

People who passed them threw some curious looks, but the staff was used to such scenes and paid little to no attention to them. The two men knew nothing of their surrounding that moment, it was not important to them. Sighing Boris had grabbed Rei's shoulders and leaned back to look at him. His own face was blank but not hard, still it wasn't soft. It just was. His eyes thoughtful but steady, all of him a mix of determined composure. It made Rei stop his crying for a moment, resolving to quiet sniffling instead. God, he had felt so embarrassed.

''I thought I'd have gotten used to it.'' Boris said absentmindedly. When the doctor only looked puzzled he elaborated, biting his finger with a smirk, gaze distant and elsewhere. ''His crying, I mean. God, he's such a girl sometimes. Always crying over something.''

The woman snorted, but this time it was almost sincerely kind. Leaning back in her chair she smirked at him.

''I don't think you ever can get used to seeing your loved ones in pain.''

Boris rolled his eyes.

''But he's always in pain. Over everything. He cares so god damn much. Shit, if I stepped on a spider he'd probably need counseling the little twit.''

Boris just looked at Rei. Saying nothing, moving no facial features and giving no indication of thought. It made Rei fidget before the tears started falling again, but slower this time. Accepting their fate, knowing he had to, Rei wiped his face and smiled. Good luck, he had said, grabbing Boris' sweater, as if holding on to him was the only thing steadying him that moment. Boris looked at him thoughtfully for a while before, with no more warning than he ever did, he forecfully, almost violently, grabbed the other man's face and plunged in deep to kiss him.

''But that's what you love about him. Isn't it?''

The kiss hurt in ways both horrible and exciting. Rei savoured that moment with every fibre of his being, taking in the feeling of rough hands against his face, chapped lips against his own and wet droplets hanging onto his eyelashes. His heart pounded so hard he was surprised it hadn't knocked him unconscious. People were really starting to stare now but Boris ignored them as he dug his hands into Rei's hair, clawing into his skull. It was a very rare public display of affection and Rei's mind had to shut down from the shock. But Boris held him still, extending the kiss for just another second before he pulled back. This time, his eyes held something Rei could not decipher.

''Tsk'' Boris rolled his eyes. ''I don't love him.''

''Then why are you here?''

The Russian shrugged.

''He has a big cock?''

The shrink looked unimpressed and unamused by his antics. Shaking her head she chuckled superiorly.

''I doubt he's the only one in this world. Not really worth giving up your drug for, is it, Mr. Kuznetsov?'' When he didn't answer, only looked at her grimly, she shook her head, an evil glint in her eye. ''Besides, I don't think you're on the recieving end, or am I wrong?''

Rei offered him, for the first time that day, a meak and quivering little smile. I'm going to miss you, he had said, taking in the sight of him as if the man was on his way to death row. Boris frowned and pinched his cheek, making the asian jump with an irritated growl. Come on kitten, he had answered, I'll be back. Rei let out a shuddering breath. He knew that, so why did it feel like this was the last time they would ever see each other? Boris recognized in amusement how much harder it seemed for Rei than for him. It wasn't like Rei would be the one shitting his guts out and screaming at withdrawal induced hallucinations for the following days.

''Just so we're clear on this from the start'' she said. ''you're never going to make this, I don't care how tough you are, you will never survive this and be able to never touch a drink again if you do this for him and him alone. This has to be for you, mainly. Otherwise - ''

''This will never work. I know.'' he sighed. ''It's not like Rei haven't told me a million times already.''

The shrink leaned over her desk with a playful smirk, eyeing him hungrily, like her psychological persona was just about ready to eat his wrecked sorry person up for breakfast.

''Very well, Mr. Kuznetsov. Just as long as we're clear on that.''

Boris scoffed. He took in the surroundings, but really paid no real attention to them, before he gave her a bored but challenging grin. He'd enjoy toying with her. He was the one expected to break and cry, but Boris Kuznetsov did no such thing. He made others fall apart, laughing as he did so.

''Just you wait, Baba'' a brief look of confusion entered her face at the odd nickname. ''I'll be out of here faster than you climax during your sexual fantasies about Freud.''

The woman frowned at him but did not look insulted. Instead she scribbled something on a paper, putting the pen down she offered him a smile.

''We'll see about that next week, Mr. Kuznetsov.''

''We certainly will'' he said, rising out of the chair and heading for the door, stopping in the doorway he gave her a sadistic grin. ''We certainly will.''

''Goodbye, Boris.''

''Don't miss me too much.''

''Oh, don't you worry your little head about me. I'm sure I can manage.''

The question was, she pondered, could he?