Hina Digger Chapter 12, a Love Hina + Gold Digger Crossover fanfic

Kudos, once more, to inuboy86 for reminding me to post this update. I should hire you full time man.

Expect a few surprises this time round, though you won't get any spoilers from ME!

Chapter 12.

It had all started with a vid-call from Penny, not long after Keitaro and Dr. Diggers had gone off in search of Cheetah and the following adventure in the cavern beneath El Dorado.

Gina had been sitting in the lab reminiscing with Brianna and Genn, flushing scarlet as her sister recounted tale after embarrassing tale of Gina's 'accidents' in the field for the Rakshasa's ears. The blonde scientist had actually felt a bit relieved to be called away by her video-phone, though the sight of Penny smiling smugly back at her had quickly soured THAT.

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"You remember those Atlantean's we rescued a while back?" Penny asked, a smug little smile on her face as she spoke "Well they contacted Ace and let him know they have our reward ready to go."

"Hmm…" Gina muttered, narrowing her baby blues at the screen "And why are you telling me this?" she asked, a little suspicious of her rivals motives "I figured you'd be all for taking all the loot for yourself."

"Says the pot to the kettle." Penny shot back, frowning slightly before sighing "But you have a point, it's just Ace made me promise to tell you before we leave for Atlantis."

"Alright-alright…" Gina sighed, shaking her head. At the very least she could trust Ace not to screw her over…though the idea had a certain appeal, "What time to I have to be at the airport?"

"Pretty soon." Penny replied, her smug smirk growing smugger by the second as the sound of engines started up in the background "We're leaving in TEN MINUTES!"

Penny's little act of subterfuge aside, for Gina was used to her rival's underhanded tactics, the ride to the airport in the Gina-Mobile MKII was fairly smooth, especially with the base stickers to get her past security. Even the fact that Ace's plane had already taken off was not a problem for our blonde adventurer, a simple combination of her built in teleporter and computer coordination landing the Gina-mobile smack-dab in the middle of Ace's, fortunately spacious, cargo bay.

So Gina had sat back, peeking in on the pilot and her rival as they conversed, quietly plotting her revenge on Penny for trying to pull a fast one, her eyes glinting with mischief as she decided to give Penny's new Mini-sub the 'gremlin' treatment.

Of course, the sound of gunfire and photon torpedoes slamming into one of the engines quickly put a monkey wrench into the flight plan.

"Oooooh boy…this doesn't look good…" Gina muttered, listening in as Ace was forced to land his bird on the wing of a giant aircraft that was apparently labeled 'Gull Base'. "Definitely not good." She muttered, ducking behind some crates as the hanger door opened, Ace stepping out to confront the crew while a concerned Penny hung back to avoid a hostage situation…her short-shorts providing a perfect target.

It was childish, Gina would admit, stemming from years of bitter rivalry and professional jealousy, and quite frankly, this was not the time OR place to even the score. But that last one she'd gotten in El Dorado had HURT dammit, and Penny had it coming to her after what she'd tried to pull.

So one Melvin later, she and Penny were dragged out of the aircraft at gunpoint, the dark-skinned woman seething as she tried to tuck her underwear back into place, unaware of the view she was providing her 'escort.'

"Alright Gold Digger…" Penny muttered, standing next to her rival with her arms crossed as they watched Ace head off to be debriefed by that 'Dark Bird' woman on the upcoming dogfight "How in the hell did you sneak aboard Ace's C-141…and how do I disarm the BOMB you hooked up to my sub's super charger?"

"I teleported." Gina replied cryptically, smirking at her rival in a way she KNEW drove the woman up the wall "And just cut the Red wire first, then the Blue one."

Penny eyed the grinning blonde suspiciously, her eyebrow quirked "You DO know I could sue your ass if those instructions are wrong right? You left your fingerprints all over the timer."

"Blue THEN Red." Gina grumbled, pouting at being caught out so soon, at least on the surface. The bomb had been a decoy after all, she'd had plenty of times to…fiddle, with the sub's mechanisms before hand.

""Now about the duel…" Penny muttered, sighing deeply "Look, we both know we can't stand one another…but Kevin's really worried about both of us."

Gina frowned at Penny's using of Ace's real name but let it slide, she wasn't one to break up a couple out of spite. "I get what your saying, last thing we need is Ace worrying about us and getting a bullet in the back." She looked up "Whadd'ya say we put our feud on hold for a while…for Ace?"

"Anything for Kevin." Penny shot back, the two slapping hands over it even as Ace returned, along with Dark Bird and two of her crew, the accented woman revealing them to be her wingmen.

"Oh don't worry dere Ace, yoze get some too." She assured the suspicious pilot, even as two hulking figures sidled up behind him, their faces lined with dark amusement "Red Club and Killah…Dey'll take REAL good care O'ya!" she smirked at Ace's sarcastic muttering "An' wit DAT taken care of, we choose weapons!"

Ace and the girls whistled, watching as his selection was brought up onto the runway, an A-4ku Skyhawk, an F-14c Tomcat and an MIG-21bis NATO-Fishbed, all top machines in their respective countries and in peak condition if the look in Ace's eyes were any indication.

Of course, his admiration for Dark Bird's sportsmanship turned to outright contempt as she revealed SHE and her goon squad would be flying in 3rd & 4th generation tactical fighters.

"Sunnuva-! This is WACK!" Ace cursed, slapping a palm over his eyes as the crooked mercenary pilot went to get ready, her sniggers carrying on the breeze "Bad enough I'm going up against five Veteran ELITE pilots, but I'll be doing it in a ride they could shoot into damned bacon bits!"

"I'd recommend the F-14c." Penny suggested, looking the, admittedly well maintained, American fighter over with an appraising eye "Even if you only have two sidewinders, it's still outshines the other two."

"Was thinkin' the same thing." Ace muttered "Problem is, I need a W.O for that one. Either of you two know how to operate a Hughes AWG-9 Radar unit?" at Penny's affirmation he turned to Gina "Right, Gina, soon as the fight starts you head down to Atlantis and wait for us." He held up a hand at her protest "I know you're worried but the last thing I need is them taking you hostage." He smirked "Besides, these guys might be hot shit in the air, but I'll bet they don't do so well in the water."

Gina had looked troubled, but eventually relented to Ace's request, setting off in the Gina mobile for Atlantis after exchanging a few parting words with her friends, Leaving Ace and Penny to prep for the dogfight.

Not ten minutes into it though, with Red Club jumping the gun on the BLAZINGLY obvious backstab, and Ace was already pulling out the best of his repertoire to put the treacherous wingmen in their place, in this case smack dap in the middle of the Atlantic.

Of course Dark Bird wasn't one to let setbacks keep her from her objectives for long, the crooked aviator came blazing in, Frenchie and Bull Dog sweeping in from the right, only for Ace to keep slipping out of their targeting crosshairs, and view, by seconds.

"Bull Dog to Dark Bird!" the wingman yelled over the intercom "Break high and Left! Ace stopped Jinking and is breaking into your turn radius! I'll pull a lag-roll to improve laser deflection!"

"That's what YOU think buddy." Ace snorted, a smug smirk plastered across his face as he turned on his Cassette player, nodding his head to the beat of 'WHOOP DERIT-IZ!' even as he lead the annoyed wingman into an obvious trap, cackling as he watched Frenchie's missiles nearly blast the poor schmuck out of the air. What followed next was a super sonic game of tag, as Frenchie and Dark Bird tried to get a lock on Ace's jet, only for him to loop around, apparently chasing one, when actually targeting the other, shooting out Frenchie's engines and sending the distraught jet into the ocean. Even Bulldog launching a proton torpedo at the jet proved no threat, Ace turning his evasive maneuver into a chance to clip Dark Bird's wings, so to speak.

It was only after dunking Bull Dog in the briny deep, losing sight of Dark Bird for a few precious seconds, that things begin to get difficult.

Ace let out a curse as Dark Bird's Kinetic Energy Rocket's slammed into his wing. He'd forgotten the merc's F-13 could fire the damn things, and it was going to cost him.

"Should we bail?" Penny asked, quite frankly preferring the idea. Just because the engine's explosion hadn't caused a chain reaction in th jet, didn't mean one wasn't about to happen.

"Naw, I still got one good engine!" Ace assured her, gritting his teeth as he leveled the injured bird into the air "Hydraulics are shot on the right tho…"

"I got worse news!" Penny relayed, looking over her flashing display monitor in growing alarm "Our last sidewinder won't launch! Dumping it's all we can do!"

"No problem!" Ace assured her, pulling up sharply, or as sharply as he dared to with a wing hanging on by a thread and a prayer, the jet rolling as they climbed higher into the stratosphere, Dark Bird on their tail, cackling like the wicked witch of the west all the while.

"I don' think so Acey-boy!" the Brooklyn accented merc countered, firing her Vulcan cannons at her opponent, forcing Ace to veer away or take hot lead to the rear "I ain't givin youse time ta breath!"

'Sh*T!' Ace cursed, swerving out of the path of another KEM, bullets peppering his wing like hail as Dark Bird cackled in apparent victory 'How in the hell do I get outta this one? Only one engine, a missile that won't launch, and Dark Bird breathing down my neck like the IRS on tax day!' he chuckled shakily 'Man, times like this I almost wish I believed in the cavalry.' He frowned 'But you're not getting me without a fight Bird!'

Penny blinked, looking up as something whipped past the cockpit of their jet, so small and fast that she couldn't register it's shape before it was out of sight.

'So predictable…' Dark Bird scoffed, watching Ace attempt a roll to get t her flank 'But I'm better armed and youse's runnin' on fumes.' She smirked as she armed another KEM "Here's lookin' at youse…ACE!"

Gunfire sounded, peppering her hull and screwing up her concentration, the merc looking around in alarm, only to blink as her radar showed nothing on screen but Ace's fighter, which was still straggling in her crosshairs. Before she could do anything however, another salvo emptied itself into the glass of her cockpit, the merc yelling and barrel-rolling out of the line of fire, allowing Ace and Penny to take the lead.

"What da hell's going on down dere?!" Dark Bird snapped over her intercom to Gull-base, ready to call in for backup if Ace somehow managed to invite some friends over "who da heck's up here wit us!?"

"Ma'am?" A confused crewmember reported, his voice riddled with uncertainty "There's no-one else out there, our instruments show no aircraft in the battle zone save yours and Ace."

"Den Who da hell's shootin' at me-!?" Dark Bird snapped, only to shriek as bullet's penetrated the cockpit, smashing into her radio and cutting her off from base, her eyes wide with alarm as she ignored the instruments and relied on her peepers. Even the most advanced stealth craft couldn't be hidden from sight in the middle of the day, even moving in the clouds left tells to an experienced merc.

But the sudden appearance of a shadow overhead, her eyes widening as the beeping of her proximity alarm finally registered, barely managing to pull the eject lever on her seat before Ace's dumped sidewinder crashed into her cockpit, the explosion nearly knocking her out cold before she could deploy her parachute.

As the merc sailed towards the ocean below, her head lolling dazedly with a minor concussion, she thought she heard the sound of a propeller, the type the old world war fighters used, buzzing over her head like a cloud of hornets.

"AW YEAH!" Ace crowed, pumping his fist in victory as he watched Dark Bird land in the ocean alongside her cronies, Penny's laughter highlighting his victory as she kept recalling Dark Bird's last squawk before having to eject "I AM THE MAN!"

"But don't you think she was acting a bit…odd, Kevin?" Penny asked, wiping a tear from her eye, her expression still one of good humor, but lined with confusion and intrigue "Not to mention that call she put into Gull Base…"

Ace nodded, his expression settling into a frown at his girlfriend's words. While he was all for laying the smack down on uppity mercs, back-stabbing jerks like Night Flight especially, the fact that someone might have interfered with his fight put a dampener on the mood. Not that he didn't appreciate the help, hell Dark Bird probably had a missile aimed right at them for all he knew, but in an official dogfight, outside interference was the greatest of taboos.

"Whatever it is, let's jet." He reasoned, turning the struggling jet beck towards Gull Base, not willing to take the risk of the other engine giving out "We can wait up for Dark Bird and see if Gina got to Atlantis alright."

Penny nodded, scowling at the thought of Gold Digger swimming in HER share of the treasure like scrooge McDuck, only to blink and look around in confusion "Ace, do you hear that?"

"Hear wha…the hell?" the pilot wondered, cocking an eyebrow as he looked around in confusion "Sounds like a propeller…like a crop-duster or something…" he looked down at the radar "But nothing's showing up on the scope!"

"Let's just get out of here!" Penny insisted, gripping his headrest nervously as Ace gunned it back to Gull Base to await the rescue team.

Unseen by the victorious couple, a strange little airplane, no bigger than a man's head, performed a barrel-roll and followed after the stricken Jet, the whining of it's single propeller buzzing like a swarm of hornets.

Several hours, and several bottles of Dark Bird's celebratory champagne, later, and Ace was in a rather chipper mood, all things considered. They still hadn't heard back from Gina, Penny accrediting it to some sort of jamming array around Gull Base to prevent the UN from tracking them down, but judging by the fact there were guards still storming around looking for her, and her car, he wasn't too worried. For all he knew she was chowing down on sushi and calamari till the coast was clear.

His mysterious wingman was what was currently holding the pilot's interest at the moment. Members of Gull Base had accosted him as soon as he and Penny disembarked, asking who he'd contacted, only for Ace to disrepute their claims by the simple facts he and Penny had been patted down before take off, had flown in one of THEIR jets, which meant they had been monitoring his communications, and had no ties to any military facilities that could've gotten a stealth fighter all the way out here in time.

Reassured that they WEREN'T about to be hauled out before the UN disciplinary committee for their activities, and tax evasion, the crew of Gull Base left Ace and Penny to their own devices, grudgingly allowing them to drink the champagne, as they had bigger fish to fry, or reel in rather.

"Here comes the rescue helicopter with Dark Bird and her goons, Kevin." Penny called out, pointing at the descending red chopper, her eyes narrowed slightly as she mentioned the merc leader.

Ace nodded, pouring two glasses of champagne and stepping up, cautioning Penny to stay back. If he knew Dark Bird, and the woman's reputation proceeded her like a radar lock, she was likely to be hotter than a Cayenne Pepper, so better to play this like a good sportsman.

"By the way…" he whispered out the corner of his lips "Did you manage to get through to Gina with that weird radio of yours?" he asked, nodding at Penny's confirmation, before stepping forward towards the scowling merc, who wa advancing on him like a tactical nuke.

"Hell of a dogfight Bird," he offered, smiling respectfully at the woman despite her obvious anger and drenched appearance "Gotta say, you're the best Leader I faced off against, closest I've come to hitting the silk since-!"

A shot sang out, the champagne glass Ace had held out to the mercenary shattering, glass and droplets of alcohol spraying everywhere as Ace leapt back, dropping e other glass and gripping his trembling hand, Penny yelling his name in alarm.

"Don' youse DARE patronize me!" Dark Bird hissed, glaring spitfire at the duo, her sidearm still smoking from the shot she'd just fired. Behind her, the crew of Gull Base herded Bulldog, Frenchie, Red Flag and Killer off to the brig, the four wingmen looking decidedly glum, but looking forward to a month in solitary compared to what their boss had planned for Ace and his girl.

"Now…" Dark Bird growled, leveling her firearm at Ace, who was still holding his hand. She hadn't hit it, but the impact of the shattering glass had likely numbed it "yoze is gonna tell me bout who youse had helpin' youse out up dere."

"We don't know!" Penny insisted, her hands on Ace's shoulders as he cursed, tying to rub some feeling back into his hand "We just saw you level off like you were being fired at and-!" she yelped as a shot nearly clipped her ear.

"Da next one won't be no warnin' shot toots." Dark Bird warned, her eyes narrowed as several of her guards stepped up beside her, aiming AK-47's right at the duo "Now…I'll asks youse nicely…WHO did youse call fer backup?!" she aimed at Penny "HUH?!"

Ace cursed and shoved Penny out of the line of fire, only a barked order from Dark Bird preventing the rest of her goons from taking potshots at the duo. As they hit the floor however, the pilot felt something run across his shoulder blades, sort of like that massage roller Penny had gotten him for his birthday, only he was DAMN well certain that didn't sound like a propeller engine kicking off.

Looking up in confusion, he saw Dark Bird and her goons leveling their weapons at him, the flight crew stowing away the recovered jets…and what looked to be an old World War fighter plane in the distance.

It was only as he heard the sound of the engine, like the buzzing of angry hornets, or like something out of a cartoon, that Ace realized that not only was the plane not in the distance, but simply the size of one of his models, but that no-one seemed to be reacting to it, despite the fact it was heading straight for Gull base.

"What're youse lookin' at?" Dark Bird muttered, turning round and glaring out at the horizon, her guards keeping an eye on the prisoners "Thinkin' youse can escape inta da ocean huh? Well tough luck, 'cause th' only way youse getting' in there's when we buries youse at sea!" raising her arm, the merc captain brought it down with a sharp yell "FIYAH!",

Ace leapt, covering Penny with his body as the sound of gunfire started, but rather than feeling the merciless bite of assault fire, the couple heard the sound of confused screams, looking up to see the firing squad and Dark Bird dancing around as SOMETHING fired at their feet, causing them to perform the weirdest tap-dance in history.

"Ace-!" Penny hissed, pointing upwards, the pilot following her gaze to the weird little airplane from before, his eyes widening as it swooped in, miniature guns blazing, bullets no bigger than pencil tips raining down on the confused mercs like hail, several of them firing wildly into the air.

One of them, a rookie by the looks of it, had pulled out his sidearm and was aiming around wildly, only for a stray shot to make him drop the weapon and run off, holding his bleeding hand. Penny, seeing an opportunity, and being a better shot than Ace, leapt for the handgun and ducked behind a crate, Ace leaping beside her. "What the hell is that thing?!" Gina's rival demanded, leaning round and firing off a potshot at one of the guards, causing him to drop to the floor, holding his knee.

"No clue!" Ace shot back, equally confused as he watched the fight from behind the crate, his teeth clenched "Damn…Can't see anything from this angle…huh?"

"What is it?" Penny asked, only to blink as she turned to regard he suddenly mute boyfriend "Um ace…what's with the monocle?"

Ace honestly couldn't answer. One minute he'd been cursing the fact that outside a plane he was virtually useless, he was a better shot than Gina, but that wasn't really saying much if you thought about it. That. Coupled with the fact that he couldn't really tell what was happening on the other side of the crate, meant they were still sitting ducks for enemy snipers. Crate or no crate, this was Dark Bird's turf.

And then, just as he was wondering if he could make it to a jet without being perforated, a small radar screen had popped up in front of his eye like something smack dab out of metal gear solid. In it, several small clouds were moving about, and he found that if he tapped the screen, the range increased, almost like a jet fighter's radar.

'Waitaminute…' the pilot wondered, looking round as the sounds of gunfire continued, noticing that only Dark Bird's cronies seemed to be shooting, the mysterious little plane having apparently disappeared 'could it be…' he wondered, and then focused his attention on one of the guards, who was looking in their direction. Abruptly, a burst of miniature machinegun fire diverted his attention, the miniature fighter zooming in low to avoid being shot at.

'Dunno what's going on…' Ace reasoned, even as he pressed a hand to the radar array hovering next to his eye, a cool smirk settling over him as he directed the small plane towards several blips hiding near some fuel tanks 'But looks like I earned my second wings!'

Dark Bird cursed as she rolled under the rescue chopper, blood trailing from a narrowly avoided shot one of her, soon to be punished, crewmen had fired at her in panic and confusion. The Merc captain didn't know who was taking potshots at her, but she knew two things: firstly, that whoever it was had to be the same git that jumped her during the match, which meant he was on Ace's side. And second, as she espied Ace and his girl crouching behind some crates, was that NO-ONE took potshots at her on board her own damn ship!

Rolling out from cover, the merc took aim and fired at Ace, the shot going wild because of a sudden explosion that rocked the deck. By the time she recovered, Ace was already scurrying the hell out of sight, his girlfriend taking random shots at her with a pilfered handgun.

'Stalemate.' Bird noted, her face grim as she kept herself hidden behind the landing struts of the chopper, pulling a pilfered AK-47 up to her shoulder and smirking 'but not fer long…that wooden cover of youse don't mean nuthin' ta semi-automatic gun-fiyah!'

Penny yelped as she ducked back behind the crate, having nearly lost her head to a burst of automatic fire. Sliding the magazine out of her pilfered gun, the archaeologist groaned at the sight of the four remaining bullets 'Dammit! And they've got us pinned!' she swore, slamming the magazine back into place and trying to se if she could get a better angle on Dark Bird, only for their position, and the mercenary's own beneath the chopper, to provide neither with a decent shot.

"Can't you do something?!" she demanded to ace, sweat dropping as the pilot, unknown to her, directed the miniature fighter to ferret out a few guards that were hiding behind a jeep. "Men…" she muttered, leaning against the crate and gritting her teeth, before whipping round and popping off a shot at Dark Bird.

Dark Bird grinned as the shot went wide, nowhere CLOSE to hitting her from that angle, tightening her finger on the trigger of her AK, only to yelp as something smashed into the underside of the chopper, missing her by scant millimeters.

'Where'd DAT come from?!'

"I got her?" Penny wondered, blinking at the mercenaries yelp, knowing there was no way in hell her shot could have gotten close from this angle. She was good but not THAT good.

"Nah, near miss." A cheeky voice corrected in her ear, Penny whipping round to gape in alarm at what looked like five little sprite-like creatures, their skin a metallic grey and their heads shaped like bullet rounds, the numbers 1-3 and 6-7 adorning them "Number five ain't the best shot out there."

"Who the hell're you guys?!" Penny gaped, watching in confusion as a sixth one, the number five on it's head, popped up, rubbing his head apologetically, only to be slapped upside it by No.3.

"We're you!" the one marked as No.1 replied, pulling off a cheeky salute as it grinned up at her "We're part of you! Just give us an order and we'll carry it out."

"We'll maim 'em!" No.3 agreed, grinding his knuckles into the sides of no.5's head, earning squeals of protest from the blubbering sprite, the others agreeing eagerly.

"And just what can you guys do…?" Penny asked, clearly skeptical of their ability to do anything, only to blink as they clustered around her gun in a huddle.

"Just fire us at the enemy!" No.1 insisted, perching on her shoulder as the others seemed to phase into the weapon "last time there was four shots, so we missed, but this time there's three!"

"How's that supposed to make any difference?!" Penny demanded, only to yelp and duck lower to avoid a burst of machine gun fire "Oh to hell with it!"

Rolling out from cover, she squeezed the trigger, the bullet tearing from the muzzle of her gun, only this time there were three little sprites riding on it like it was some sort of bronco, one of them actually crying out 'YEEEHAAAW!' as they rocketed through the air.

Halfway across, one of them gripped the nose of the bullet and pulled, the projectile veering slightly off course towards Dark Bird's location. The other two leapt off, one kicking the bullet to accelerate it, right into Dark Bird's shoulder.

The merc yelped, only her flight suit saving her from a lasting, crippling injury as she rolled out from under the chopper, gripping her shoulder and ready to call in for a damned air strike if it meant taking out the troublemakers, only to blink at the sight of several million tones of giant, make that mountainous, crab looking down at her, all the sounds of battle stopping as the crustacean let out a deep, wet growl that caused waves to rise and fall around them.

Needless to say, the white flag couldn't be raised fast enough.

Ace sighed in relief as he slumped against the crate, looking over at Penny, who flashed him a thumbs up in response to his own "Why do I always get mixed up in you girls' messes?" the pilot chuckled, shrugging his shoulders, only to blink as the little fighter plane landed on his shoulders like a runway and vanished, taking the radar-monocle with it "Whoa…"

"Least yours is quiet." Penny muttered, Ace blinking as he espied six little bullet things clamoring around the girl, fighting over the pieces of gum she was handing out "I swear, we are NOT having kids."

Ace decided right then that this was ONE conversation that he was quite glad to get interrupted by Gina, who had just stepped off the giant Atlantean crustacean to shoot the breeze. He just wasn't ready, nor suspected he ever would be, for Penny's 'marriage talk'.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

You see what it did there? Did'ja?

Fans of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, more specifically Series 5, Vento Aurum, should be familiar with Ace and Penny's stands, but for those who aren't here are their names:

Ace: Aerosmith.

Penny: Sex Pistols.

Stand Stats will be posted next chapter, if this one gets enough reviews.

Halibel: Cheapskate.

Kyugan: Hey, my title includes 'Review Whore' for a reason you know.