*This one is for my American research assistant. Sorry Angy but you're still not getting paid!*
NCIS Squad Room. Mid December.
"You're cutting it fine McRolex" comments Tony looking pointedly at his watch as McGee hurries across the bull pen and settles in at his desk.
"It's the snow. All the roads were more like ski runs."
"Yeah, I know. I'm thinking of getting a sleigh."
"I think it is nice" chimes in Ziva from across the room.
"Well at least I made it and I'm still alive. Where's Gibbs?"
"In with the Director. The scuttlebutt is it's about his dealing with the CIA on the Hanari case last month. I heard someone, somewhere has made a complaint. Gibbs is probably getting the riot act read to him as we speak."
"Riot act? Has some new terrorism legislation been released?"
The guys chuckle. "No, Ziva. It just means the Director is well..." DiNozzo thinks a moment. "Telling Gibbs off and how to behave in the future. That is what 'reading someone the riot act' means."
"Oh." A few minutes later and silence of the bull pen is broken by an exclamation from Tony.
"Oh, my God. Oh, my God." He pushes his chair away from his desk whilst staring at his monitor as if trying to burn the image contained there onto his brain. Used to his outbursts David and McGee continue their work unconcerned.
"What is it Tony? You monthly picture from Big Bare Breasted Babes?" asks Ziva.
"No, this is so much better than that. Although it is a bit unfair. This could be me."
"What is it Tony?" questions McGee turning from his computer.
"Come and take a look." McGee walks over from his desk to do so. "It's an email with photos from Agent Brown."
"The agent who replaced you on the USS Seahawk?"
"Exactly Ziva."
"And what is so exciting about photos of a boat?"
"These are not photos of a boat Ziva. The Seahawk is docked in Sydney, Australia. I've never been but I've heard it's better than Puerto Rico and you know how I love Puerto Rico. The weather, the beaches, the babes in bikinis."
"Tony that is almost poetry."
"Thanks probie." They continue to look at the photos until a few moments later they both cry out and pull back from the screen.
"What's wrong?"
"In among the photos of hot women Brown inserted some close ups." DiNozzo is shaking his head and blinking as if to erase the last image from his eyes.
"Of what?"
"A guy...beautiful beach...weather looked perfect...hairy...budgie smugglers.." Tony splutters.
"What? Agent Brown sent you a photo of some guy who smuggles birds. Is he working a case with ICE? A budgie is a bird right?"
"Yes, Ziva a budgie is a bird. One of the top five birds for a pet in America along with parakeets, cockatiels, finches and canaries, love birds and African Grey Parrots. However budgie smugglers does not refer to a person who smuggles birds."
"To what does it refer then?"
"Have a look at this." Ziva walks over from her desk and gasps when she sees the photo on Tony's monitor. "Those tight, tiny swimming trunks are budgie smugglers?"
"Yes."
"I think they should be banned. That is not a good look."
"You might be onto something there Officer David. I'm going for coffee." Tony leaves and the other two sit back at their desks. Ziva sighs.
"What's up Ziva?"
"It is Tony."
"What about Tony?"
"I really thought his experiences undercover, you know with Jeanne Benoit had changed him. Made him grow up a little in relation to his dealings with women but this shows he's just the same as always."
"Hmm but if he changed too much he wouldn't be Tony very special agent sex machine DiNozzo that we all know and ah tolerate right?"
"Right. I guess you really can't expect a zebra to change its stripes."