Chapter 9: Tension

"Hey, are you OK?" Traci asked worriedly when she finally caught up to Andy.

Andy looked around, startled, "Why did you follow me? You're going to miss the game."

"Sam sent me. I think it's killing him not to come after you himself. Don't be too hard on him until you give him a chance to explain everything more fully. He's a good guy. If I had any idea back then how much he was in love with you, I would never have told you to put him on ice and stick with Luke," Traci confessed.

"If he really loves me, how could he have kept this from me? He should never have agreed to keeping a secret from his own partner, the person involved in the incident. I mean, he trusted that guy to be able to pull it off without using my name, but he didn't trust me? You know, he didn't trust me with the location of his off-the-books C.I. either. I understood that at the time. It was our first day working together. But after all the time we've been partnered together, he never confided any of this Boyko maneuvering. Yet he blurts it out tonight. How can I not be hurt by that?"

Traci gave Andy's arm a supportive squeeze, "Of course it hurts. But try not to get too worked up about it until you hear how he saw things. I think you're reading way too much into this. He probably doesn't even think about it in terms of trust. Just tell him how you feel and hear him out with an open mind. It's fine that you needed to leave to collect your thoughts. The two of you haven't been together romantically for long. But don't let your fear of conflict turn this into a habit."

"Maybe you're right," Andy said doubtfully. "I hate that I'm having doubts about him, but I can't help it. I really am damaged goods, I guess," she confessed, blinking back another rush of tears.

"Don't be so hard on yourself either! I think what this is really about is that you're afraid that you can't do a really serious, intense relationship. From what I can see, it's too late, you're already in it. And you'll be fine if you just stop with the self-fulfilling prophesies. You can do this if you have a little faith in yourself," Traci encouraged.

"Thanks, Trace. I really hope you're right about that," Andy sniffed, pulling herself together. "I'm sorry I made such a scene back there. I wanted this to be a fun night for all of us, and I let my hang-ups ruin one of your nights out."

"You haven't ruined anything. Well, Sam probably won't have much fun. But now that I see you're calming down, I'll still have a good time. Go home and do whatever you've let slide while you've been playing house over at Swarek's. Collect your thoughts, but try not to obsess over this. Put in a movie or something, if you have to.

Then get things back on track when Swarek comes over. Having someone like that who is as smitten as he is doesn't happen every day. Don't throw it away because he made a tough call that caused some wounded feelings. You should actually be flattered that he cared enough to go after Boyko and impressed that he was able to pull it off without any of us having a clue he'd done it."

A cab pulled up, so Andy waved Traci off, promising to take her advice to heart.

~~~~0~~~~

"Well?" Sam asked, scanning Traci's face anxiously for a clue about what she'd found.

"Try not to worry too much. She's calmed down quite a bit already. Things will be fine for you two. She'll hear you out. I think you did the right thing letting her go, but if she doesn't open up on her own later, push her to tell you why she got so upset. Don't let her pass it off as a temporary over-reaction that doesn't matter. She's still pretty gun shy about intense attachments, and I think she's as freaked out by how vulnerable getting hurt by you made her feel as by anything else. She knows she has to get over the instinct to retreat, but she's not quite there yet."

"C'mon. Let us help you keep your mind off it while you give her some time to cool down. We don't have to stay for the whole game if you don't want," Jerry clapped Sam on the shoulder and guided him toward their seats.

"Good luck taking my mind off this. The last two days have been perfect, and then I blunder along and trip that lurking time bomb in about the worst possible setting. Waiting around to give her space is going to be torture. Sometimes I think the Inquisition was a cake walk compared to being hung up on Andy McNally," Sam groaned.

"Focus on how great the making up part will be Sammy," Jerry said with a comic leer to lighten the mood. "This woman's given me a few fits too, but it's always been worth it in the end," he added, throwing his arm around Traci.

When she opened the door, Sam just stood on the threshold, drinking in the sight of her. What should his first words be? I'm sorry? I love you? Don't ever do this to me again? For endless moments neither of them could move or say anything as they stared into each other's eyes, probing all the fears lurking in each.

Finally, she extended her right hand to take his and draw him into the room. It reminded him of the handshake gesture of truce she made in the parking lot after their first shift together, so instead he said, "Let me take you home," as he enfolded her hand in his.

"No," she replied, reigniting his panic for a moment. Then she drifted closer with the nervous chuckle that let him know she recognized the moment he was recreating. But this time she looked him in the eye as she placed her hand on his chest before sliding it up to the back of his neck. She leaned up to breathe into his ear, "I want you to ravish me," and after a beat she pulled back to look into his eyes again before adding, "Now."

"Andy, I really think we should talk first…" Sam objected half-heartedly.

"Later. I promise," she insisted.

This time it was Sam who pushed her back against the wall and kissed her hungrily the way she had the night of the blackout, kicking the front door closed.

Andy clung to him desperately, boosting herself up so she could wrap her legs tightly around his waist. Sam took the hint and strode quickly into her bedroom.

"I was afraid you wouldn't come tonight," she said as she frantically tore at his clothes.

Sam dispensed with her clothes with similarly rushed fumbling hands before trapping her against the wall again. "I will always come after you. You don't get to do this anymore." He placed his hand on the bare skin over her racing heart, "No more building walls around this because you're afraid some response of yours will drive me away. I want all of you. This will not be our only time, no matter what we end up saying later."

Too perceptive, she thought. Still, hearing him speak her fears aloud only made her that much more desperate to hold onto him, "You're not the only one determined not to stand for any more walls or secrets between us," she said. "You just try leaving me, Sam Swarek," she choked out, raking her nails down his back.

He was certain she'd drawn blood, but he didn't care. "Never," he said, picking her up again and turning to settle her on the bed. Truth be told, his own need for reassurance matched hers. He explored every inch of her body with a fierce possessiveness, driven by an blazing need to make her irrevocably his. Fortunately, that seemed to be what she needed judging by her volcanic response. Because he was beyond making this the tender, leisurely experience he'd originally envisioned. The frustration and anxiety of the past few hours was still too raw.

When she was finally able to regain her breath after the last explosive orgasm, she smiled as she snuggled into his chest. "You took me home after all."