AN: This one's for Red.

Chapter Ten: I Wait Without You

*EPOV*

"Damn it."

Annoyed, I ran my hand through my hair and tugged in frustration as I glanced out the window. The path I was wearing on the living room floor with my incessant pacing was getting me no closer to what I wanted.

Where the fuck was she?

It had been four days since I told Bella to leave. Four days of stewing in indignation and shame, and unanswered calls going straight to voice mail. Four days of leaving her messages, begging her to let me explain and allow me to finally meet my daughter. Four days of asking my family to tell me where she was or how I could find her. Four days of fucking torture.

I couldn't believe I'd done that—I felt like such an ass for sending her away the way I had. But the way she was just using me to make herself feel better about the whole situation had pissed me off. Try as I might to control the rage that flowed through my veins, causing me to bite and snap at everyone who came within a two block vicinity of me, I just—couldn't.

Honestly, what the fuck was wrong with everyone? Were they really all that surprised that I was upset about the completely messed up situation with Bella? Was it normal for her to be gone and for no one to know where she was?

The day after she left, I'd called her to apologize and talk about setting up a time that I could meet Gracie. She didn't answer. Figuring that I might do the same thing if she had kicked me out of our apartment and told me to go to someone else, I decided to give her a little space and time to figure her shit out. I only called twice that day: once when I'd woken up and had calmed down enough and once before I went to sleep.

I knew what I'd done was almost inexcusable—I'd never spoken to her so with so much disdain, ever. But what did she expect? Did she think I'd say that I was fine with us almost fucking on our old couch in our old apartment when she had some other guy's ring on her finger and a different last name attached to hers?

No. Fuck no.

The day after that, I'd tried again. Still no answer. I started to worry that maybe something had happened to her, so I called my sister to see if she had talked to her. No such luck. A little worried when she didn't respond to any of my previous calls, I'd called her four times that day.

The next day, I was at my wits end and called my mother to see if she knew anything. She had the nerve to tell me that Bella had talked to Emmett and was fine. I was aggravated. Emmett? Really? She could call my fucking brother but couldn't be bothered to return a phone call to the father of her child? I upped my calls that day, calling her eight times before I decided to take action.

Looking around the pictures she'd left behind in our apartment, full of happy memories that felt like they were from another lifetime, I knew I just needed to see her—to try to explain that I didn't know what else to do. That I wanted to figure shit out, but fuck, she had to figure it out with me. She had to understand that I made a mistake sending her away. I was just a man, and I made mistakes, but in the past we'd always gotten past them.

Frustrated enough to Google her address, I had just picked up my keys to head over to her place when there was a knock at my door.

Emmett. And Jasper.

Opening the door just enough to peek my face through, I told them that I was on my way out and wasn't really in the mood for company. Not surprisingly, Emmett pushed his way through, followed by a sympathetic-faced Jasper.

"Dude, where do you think you're going?"

Is he for real? Like, seriously for real? Anger ignited through my system, causing me to clench my fists at my side as I hissed, "Em, I don't know what the fuck you're on, man, but I'm a grown-up. I don't need your permission to leave my fucking apartment."

"You're headed to Bella's," Jasper stated.

Shifting my glare from Emmett, I looked at Jasper, slack-jawed. "What? How did you-?"

Emmett answered for him. "We talked to Mom. I knew it was only a matter of time before you did something incredibly stupid, like heading over to Bremner's house and accosting his fucking wife, man. What the hell are you thinking?"

Trudging into the living room, I sat on the couch and groaned in frustration. "I don't know. She won't answer my calls. I just—wait. What'd she tell you? And why the fuck was she talking to you instead of me?"

Emmett shook his head condescendingly. "I'm the only one she's talked to, man, which is fucked up on so many levels. Why don't you ask yourself that question? Why didn't she talk to you?"

It was a valid question, even if I was unable to figure out the answer. I knew I'd been a total asshole to her and was sure that setting a timer to call her every two hours was maybe going a bit overboard, but shit—she should have at least picked up the phone to let me know she was alright. There was no excuse for her not talking to me, and regardless of what my brother thought I was getting to the bottom of it.

"I don't need this shit from you. I'm going over there and ask her myself."

"She's not there."

That got my attention. "What? Where is she? I swear to God, if you don't tell me, I'm going to-"

"Whoa. You're going to what?" he interrupted. "Slow down dude. I'm on your side, E. I told you shit wasn't going to be easy. I told you she needed time. I want to know what the fuck happened that made her go to Spokane for the rest of the week."

The relief that I felt at knowing she hadn't told Emmett what an ass I'd been was short-lived as I realized that she'd done exactly what I told her to do—she went to him. At his parents' house. Spokane's that fucker's hometown.

How could we be in this totally fucked up situation? How could she keep me from my daughter? How could she run away? How could she just—leave like that? How could she go to him?

Clenching my hands into tight fists at my sides to keep from punching something, I was so angry—and just devastated. It was irrational, but I just didn't understand how this could have happened. How could she go to him? Did he make her feel better? Of course he did, she was his wife. Knowing that I had the answers to those questions plagued me. No matter how many times I let them play over and over in my head, there was only one answer—because I told her to.

What would I do if she thought I really meant it? It appeared that she did—she left with him. But she had to know—Bella knew me. She had to know I didn't really want to be apart from her, no matter what I said.

I wondered if James had called and asked her to come or if she'd gone on her own. Either way, I couldn't handle thinking about them together, what she said to him when she got there, what they were doing right then.

What have I done?

Remembering where that fucker's parents lived in Spokane, I had every intention of driving there and demanding to see her, but Emmett and Jasper stopped me. I tried to explain to the dumbfucks that anyone with half a brain could see that Bella and I belonged together. I didn't understand how anyone could question that. Sure, I knew shit was complicated, but—I just didn't know what else to do.

I wanted to punch that cool-as-ice motherfucker Jasper in the throat when he had the audacity to ask me, "Edward, have you told Bella how you feel?"

What? Why the fuck did I need to tell her? She knew.

I would give anything to run my fingers through her hair, to touch her lips, to hold her again. I would do anything for her. She knew that, didn't she? Bella and I had meaningless arguments before, every couple did. I recognized that this was so much more than one of our stupid tiffs from the past, but the underlying feelings were still there, were still the same. We loved each other, always had and always would. We had to work this shit out.

Just as I was about to open my mouth to tell him that some things just didn't need to be explained, my phone rang. Hopeful that Bella was finally returning my call, I felt like even more of an asshole when I glanced at the caller ID and realized that it was Tanya.

Understandably, she was upset that I hadn't called her. Was everyone out to get me on this day? I told her about Gracie and could barely bring myself to tell her about the situation with Bella. She begged me to come back to Alaska or to at least let her come down to Seattle to be with me. After assuring her that was certainly not needed at the moment, I hung up and turned to see the look of confusion on Emmett's and Jasper's stupid faces.

"It wasn't like that," I muttered, shaking my head at their questioning looks. "She was like my best friend."

"Uh, that's not what it sounded like from here, dude," Emmett stated.

Shaking my head, I explained to them that though she wanted more, it had never been like that with us. "I just didn't know why I couldn't." I shrugged, hardly able to comprehend my inability to further my relationship with Tanya when Bella could so easily give it up to fucking Bremner. I just didn't know what could have led her to that decision. It was the hardest part of this whole situation for me.

How could Bella tell me every day that she loved me—only me—and could never be with anyone else? I got that everyone thought that I was dead, but she remembered our lives together and everything we had. There's no way the girl I knew and loved for almost my entire life could move on, even if she'd wanted to. Either she was lying about the way she felt about Bremner, or she'd lied to me all that time. I had to believe it was the former.

Just the idea that our entire existence together might have been a lie was enough to bring me to my knees. I tried to fight off the sickening feeling that threatened to overtake me and gain the composure that I needed to be able to finish the conversation with Emmett and Jasper. I realized that if Bella and I didn't work our shit out, there was no way I'd survive it. I doubted that I'd even want to.

After talking to them for awhile longer, I finally saw reason that it wouldn't do me any good to head over there and kick Bremner's ass. It wouldn't get us anywhere. She would still be married to him and I would be in jail for assault. So I decided that I could be patient and wait. I was always waiting for that girl. I hoped the time would allow me to figure out what in the hell we were going to do and how we were going to fix this.

Three more days, that was all. Bella would be back in Seattle at the end of the week. I could last three more days.

Then I'd meet my daughter.

X-X-X-X-X

The rest of the week had passed at a torturously slow pace. I'd left Bella a few more messages, begging her to forgive me and talk to me, but she never returned any of my calls. The day of Gracie's third birthday approached and it had been decided—and relayed back to me via my fuckhead brother—that I'd meet my daughter then.

We agreed that it'd be best if we met on a day that was a happy day for Gracie, in case she was overwhelmed. Of course it would be overwhelming for a three-year-old to meet a guy she thought was dead, but I hoped to make it as un-awkward as possible. Did little kids even understand death?

I didn't know what Gracie thought. Simply put, I had zero experience with any of this—we weren't around kids except when we were kids ourselves. Gracie was the first grandchild for my parents as well as the first niece for my brother and sister. All I did know is that I desperately wanted her to like me. I wanted her to want to be my daughter—I wanted to be her dad, not just her father. I wanted everything to be like it would've been if I hadn't gotten on that stupid plane and literally fucked up everything.

Is it too late for that?

Pacing around my parents' family room, I'd been waiting for them to show up for what felt like forever. My heart stopped when I heard her tinkling voice break the silence of the room. "Nana!" followed by my mother's indulgent laugh.

Time stood still when they walked through the door. I couldn't breathe as they ambled over to me. My daughter was amazing, with perfect curls the color of mine pulled back into a bow and bright green eyes that lit up her face. She had dimples and creamy white skin. Her tiny hand was clutching tightly to her mother's—she was anxious, but smiling. I had never seen anything so beautiful. She looked like an angel.

Sinking to my knees in front of them, I decided to follow Bella's lead on our introduction.

"Gracie," she said softly, as my daughter assessed me with a curious, surprised expression. "I'd like you to meet someone."

Nodding to let her know it was okay, I slipped down further, kneeling in front of her. "Hi," I murmured.

Gracie looked up at her mother then looked me in the eye. She cocked her head to the side before reaching out and brushing her soft fingers across my face. "Hi," she whispered sweetly, looking up with wide eyes at Bella. She clutched on to her calves and pressed her face into the back of her mother's legs.

"Edward," Bella whispered to me, "she just needs a little time. She knows all about you, don't you Gracie?" She peered down at her, at my daughter, and shook her legs a little bit to get her attention.

Wanting to wrap my arms around Bella in gratitude, all I could think about was my need to thank her. It seemed imperative that I showed her how much I appreciated what she'd gone through, how grateful I was for her being strong enough to create and raise the perfect creature standing right behind her. I started to get up but quickly realized my legs wouldn't hold me.

I was dumbfounded.

Worried that I might scare her, I blinked back the tears that welled in my eyes.

"Mama." Gracie motioned for Bella to lean down to her so she could whisper in her ear.

I couldn't hear what she said to her as Bella leaned over, causing her hair to cascade down around them like a mahogany curtain. Her tiny fingers grasped the ends of Bella's hair, reminding me of how I used to feel shielded and protected from the outside world with her shiny brown locks wrapped around us.

Bella's giggle brought me out of my musings. She brushed her hair aside to look at me, still bending down. "Gracie would like to know if it's okay if she talks to you for a little bit, Edward." She looked at me with a sheepish grin.

I could hardly contain myself.

"She can talk to me all she wants." I smiled at her. "It's so nice to finally meet you, sweetheart."

"I know who you are. You're my d-" she trailed off, holding her hand out to brush her fingertips across my cheek and eyebrows. I leaned forward into her touch and felt a tingly current that would have knocked me to my knees if I hadn't been there already.

She paused for a second and I saw the flicker of some emotion across her innocent face before she gave me the most delightful smile ever, showing off her perfect little teeth. "D'you know my name?"

Nodding at her, I responded, "Y-yes. Emma-Grace Anne Cu-" I faltered and looked up at Bella, who was nodding her head. Though I wasn't sure how these things worked, the affirmation that my child had my last name caused pride to course through my system, warming me. I quickly set my gaze back on the beautiful girl in front of me. "Cullen…Emma-Grace Anne Cullen."

She beamed at me. "That's right! And I know your name, too. You are Edwerd Anfronee Cullen. We gots the same 'nitials." She was so proud of that fact. It stunned me.

Glancing up at Bella again, I was dumbstruck that this two-year-old— No, I told myself, she's almost three—three-year-old child would know my name and be so resolute in it.

Bella didn't meet my gaze as she continued to peer down at Gracie. Finally she whispered, "She knows a lot about you, Edward. How could she not? It isn't as if you were a secret."

Gracie reached up and held her mother's hand as if she were comforting her, her gaze still on locked on mine.

"I know you name's Edwerd, but I don't know what do I call you." I smiled at the way she jumbled up her words. She paused for a minute, and her little bottom lip poked out as she glanced around the room, looking for someone. In an instant, realization crashed over me—she was looking for James.

A foreign sense of gratitude for Bremner swept over me. Shockingly, I was thankful to him for taking care of my family. I was also seething with jealousy. It should have been me. It took every bit of restraint I had not to scoop them both up into my arms and run away with them.

I held my hand out to her, which she tentatively grabbed one of my fingers with her small hand. "Gracie, you can call me whatever you want." I paused and ducked my head down so she would look me in the eye again. "I'm just so happy to finally get to meet you today. You're just so beautiful." I paused, trying to think of a way to reassure her. "I know that you have Jamie, baby, I would never take him away from you."

Once again, my eyes started to fill with tears as her green eyes pierced mine. I didn't know how Bella did it all this time—looking at her was like looking in a mirror to the past. It must have been terrible, yet wonderful at the same time. To have this perfect person in her life, but be constantly reminded of what she had lost.

In that moment, I realized that I had been wrong to begrudge her moving on with James. She had endured so much—she deserved to find happiness after all that time. She'd wanted to give our child a complete and secure family. It was just another sacrifice she'd made for me. I would never understand how she did it, because I knew I never could, but I did understand that she needed it.

Gracie was looking at her hand wrapped around my finger, then up at Bella. She seemed calm, almost relieved somehow.

"Did you know today's my berfday?" she whispered to me, trying to contain her excitement.

"Yes, baby, I did. I did know that."

"We having a princess party at my house later. Auntie," she paused, taking a deep breath, "you know, that's your sister, she bought me a swimmin' suit with sparkles on it. She had it made just only for me! And Uncle Jazzper's gettin' me a big pink truck and we're going to paint my toenails ec-zactly the same color as my hat so everything's co-ordinaded."

I could tell that this child was my sister's niece. The way she lit up, talking about the party and clothes. I was so thankful that my family had remained close to Bella and to our daughter.

She continued, "You know it's a swimmin' party and even my Paw-Paw's gonna be there today. He took off from bein' a please-man to come here for my party. Didchoo know my Paw-Paw, too?"

"Charlie?" I murmured to Bella to be sure I knew who Gracie was talking about.

Bella nodded, and I reached up to brush away the tears that had spilled down her cheeks with the pad of my thumb. She shook her head when she realized that I was going to ask her about Charlie. As she leaned into my palm, I felt the familiar electric spark tingling through my body. I wanted to pull her down to me and hold her so bad. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted me, too.

"Yes, of course I know your Paw-Paw," I laughed at Gracie. "Your Paw-Paw and I go waayy back."

She giggled at me. "My Paw-Paw likes to fish. He doesn't go to golf with Grandpa."

Bella chuckled, apparently at a memory of Charlie golfing with Carlisle.

"You know what, Gracie? I went to golf with your Grandpa and your Paw-Paw one day. And guess who else was there? Your Uncle Jasper and your Uncle Emmett. And…your…your… Jamie too." I trailed off, feeling sad for myself at the memory of what I'd lost, but happy for my little girl standing here and that I could offer her that.

"You did that? My Paw-Paw went with you to golf? Why?" she asked, placing her hand on her little hip. "He hates it. Whenever he says anything about golf, my mama cries. Because she knows that he don't like it."

Bella was shaking her head at me, silently begging me not to question it. I remembered the last time I'd been golfing with Charlie. It was the week before I left and all of us guys went golfing together, knowing we wouldn't get another chance to go before the wedding.

Reaching out and taking Bella's hand in mine, I squeezed it gently and gave her a small smile. I really wanted to hold her in my arms, but this was the most I could do to comfort her.

"You know, Gracie," I said, smiling at her beautiful face. "I'm sorry that I went golfing that day. I wish that I never would have gone anywhere, or done anything that would make your mama cry."

I hoped that the apology I was making to our daughter was enough to let Bella know that I was sorry for the way things had gone the last time we'd seen each other. I wanted her to know that I felt awful for the way I'd treated her. I needed to tell her that I wished I could take back every mean and hurtful thing I'd ever said and done—including getting on that plane and ruining our lives.

Gracie looked at me so sweetly. "It's okay, D-" she looked up at Bella again before continuing, "you here now." How could such a simple statement from such a little girl mean so much?

She gently stroked my face before breaking out into the most glorious smile I'd ever seen. Then, a thought seemed to hit her and she shuffled back toward Bella, suddenly shy. "Do you wanna come today? D'you wanna come to my party?"

I nodded my head at her, trying to repress the gamut of emotions I was feeling. "Yes, if you want me there, and if it's okay with your mom. Baby, I would love to come to your party."

She jumped up and down and clapped her fingers together, looking oddly like my sister in that moment. She squealed, "It's my party, I getta invite whoever I want!" She quickly leaned toward me and kissed me on the cheek, jolting me. "You wanna know the best part?" I nodded. "We'll have cupcakes, too!"

She started to run off, but turned to look back at me and Bella. It was then that I noticed we were still holding hands. Bella quickly jerked her hand from mine and my body actually ached from the loss of contact.

"I'll see you at my party later! Oh, can you bring me a puppy?" Gracie giggled, then ran off.

Smiling, I grabbed Bella's hand again and pulled her down toward me. Before she could protest, I wrapped my arms around her. "Thank you, Bella," I murmured into her hair. "God, just thank you so much. Thank you for being a mother to my daughter. I'm so sorry that I missed it all, that I missed you and our baby…" I choked up on the words as I held her tighter to me.

She sighed, seeming to relax after a moment. I just rocked us a little bit, sitting there on the floor of my parents' family room. Emmett walked in and opened his mouth to say something, but after taking a glance at us, he shook his head and walked out the door.

Running my hands down Bella's arms, I inhaled her scent again. I couldn't get close enough to her. I missed her so much. All the time that we had been apart, I knew I was missing something. The unknown had stayed with me constantly, tormenting me with memories I hadn't been able to unlock. But this moment—this limbo of being right here, right now and unable to have what I wanted—was the worst kind of torture. It was painful.

She squeezed her arms around me and took a deep breath before pressing her hands to my chest, indicating that I should let her get up. Her gaze met mine and for a brief moment, her eyes flickered to my lips.

Taking a deep breath, I resolved right then that we were going to figure things out. Yes, I knew she was married, but fuck, it'd been Bella and me our whole lives. Didn't that mean anything? It meant everything to me, and I wasn't going to stop until either I had her in my arms to hold forever or she told me outright that she didn't want me.

Maybe I had been going about everything the wrong way. My self-centered, brooding behavior wasn't reminding her of our past. If anything, it was pushing her away. I needed to show her, to remind her how it used to be with us. What it had always been like with us.

Just as I was about to pull her to me and do something, anything—maybe kiss some sense into her, Gracie bounded back into the room. "Mama, we gotta go!" She ran over and grabbed Bella's hand and started pulling her toward the door. Bella looked back at me with what looked like longing on her face.

I felt it, too-like my whole world was being pulled from me.

"I- We'll see you later, at the party?" she questioned.

I nodded and called out to her to be safe, as she turned around and walked out the door.

I needed a plan.