Chapter 11: I Thought That I Was Strong

*BPOV*

"Mama! You listenin'?"

Gracie's high pitched giggle from the backseat, along with the sudden vibration of my phone in my pocket—again, roused me from my thoughts. I wasn't sure of how many of his calls I'd disregarded over the last few days. Though I was completely aware that I had to talk to him at some point, and soon, I just couldn't yet.

While I felt bad for ignoring him, I was just too upset to deal with this in a rational, calm manner. My daughter's well-being was on the line—we couldn't afford to screw this up any more than we had already.

My heart couldn't take listening to him try to explain to me what had happened with us at our apartment, and why he'd pushed me away. I already knew the reasoning behind his actions: he didn't want me, he couldn't forgive me for James, and things were never going to be the same way that they used to be with us.

I'd been over this in my head a million times already. From a rational stand point, I knew that being with Edward was no longer an option, and I needed to wrap my head around that fact. I'd made a choice when I'd decided to let go and move on with James, and no matter how much I might have wished I could change go back in time and change that, I couldn't.

The early morning sunlight blurred through the trees as we cruised down the interstate. The long trip reminded me of what it had been like in my junior year, when my mother had made the choice that she didn't want a life with my father anymore. The devastation and betrayal I'd felt... Even now, I couldn't put into words what that had made me feel.

After serving nearly twenty years on the Seattle police force, Charlie had transferred, moving back to his small hometown and taking over as the Chief of Police in Forks. It was a drastic change in both of our lives—where I had previously spent time every day with my father, he currently lived almost four hours away.

Carlisle and Esme had been friends with my parents for as long as I could remember and knew that I didn't want to be away from everyone, especially Edward, on the weekends that I'd go visit my dad. They'd let Edward or Alice go with me as often as possible, and even Emmett tagged along a few times. Carlisle went as far as to take off an entire summer from the hospital , heading to Forks to help get a small community clinic started. They would never understand how much it meant to me that the entire Cullen family uprooted all of their lives to spend that summer in Forks.

Though it had been magical and Edward and I fell in love more than ever that summer, it still wasn't the same. I would have given anything for my mom and dad to have been in the same place—together and happy. While it was true that Edward was technically Gracie's father and she had been told all about him, James had been one of the most important people in her life up to this point.

He was who she ran to when she wanted to show off her artwork or share her latest ideas. It was James she sought when she was hurt or needed anything. Gracie deserved to have a stable life, and though that life should have been shared with Edward and me as a couple, that's not how it was, or how it ever could be. She didn't deserve to be separated from one of the people who meant the most to her.

"Maaamaaaa," she sang, breaking me out of my thoughts again.

James gave her a quiet chuckle before reaching over and grabbing my hand. His touch felt comforting and almost normal. Even though our relationship had started out with both of us vulnerable, I really did love him—but could it ever be enough? It almost seemed unfair to him to go on the way we were living, but he'd insisted over and over again that he wanted me and was willing to wait however long it took. I wondered if he really meant that, and if he knew that I probably would never be able to love him the same way he loved me.

"Emmy Bear, give your mama a break. She's got a lot on her mind. I'm sure she's trying to think about what to get the birthday girl today."

She clapped, bouncing in her seat and giggling happily. "Can I get a puppy?"

"No!" we both exclaimed at the same time. James would surely give in to her and let her get a baby tiger if that's what she really wanted, but I'd put my foot down. A 2-year-old had no concept of taking care of anything, much less a puppy, and it would be me who would have to do all of the work. While I wouldn't have minded letting her have an animal if she were older, it wasn't an ideal situation at the moment.

"What about Jacob?" I asked her. He might get jealous."

"Mama," she sassed, narrowing her eyes at me. "Fishes don't get jeawouls. Jacob knows I looove him the mostest." She looked thoughtful for a moment before starting in on the familiar argument for why she should get a puppy. "Jamie, if I hada leetle puppy, I could put a dress on it. And it would be my bestest fwend, and Jamie, I wouldn't let him jump on Auntie, you know? She wouldn't like that. My puppy would be the bestest puppy in da whole wide wor-wuld."

Tuning the puppy conversation out, I thought about what would transpire later that day: my daughter would meet her father. I'd spoken to Emmett earlier in the week, telling him my plans to return just in time for her party. I thought that it would be better for Gracie to wait until then. That way if she felt overwhelmed or if there was just too much going on for her 3-year-old mind, she'd have everything else that was happening at the party to distract her. She'd also have all of her family around her to make her feel safe and secure. Emmett argued with me, saying that it would be too overwhelming for both of them to meet at her party.

Conceding to his astute reasoning, I decided that they could meet early in the day and then have the party later that evening. I couldn't believe that day was finally here.

James released my hand as he pulled into our driveway. "Sweetheart, are you alright?" he asked me softly. The silence in the car as he waited for my response caused my head to turn and I anxiously glanced at Gracie, who was sleeping in her car seat.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You know, I just…have a lot on my mind."

"I know," he stated. "Bella, you know, you don't have to do this today."

Shaking my head, I bit down on my lip and stared out the window. "Yes I do." Thinking back to our conversation at the park, I remembered how he held me after I told him that I wanted to be with him. He was so happy, yet there was the underlying anxiety that I wasn't being truthful and that he was about to lose everything.

I wanted to want him, couldn't he see that?

"I'm gonna bring the baby inside, why don't you go take a nap, too?" he murmured, worriedly looking over at me.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." I thought for a moment and reached out, stroking his jaw with my fingertips. "You know, why don't you just bring her to bed with us? All of us could use some rest."

A wide grin lit up his features as he agreed with me, lifting Gracie carefully from her carseat. He shifted her so he could grasp onto my hand as he led us into the house.

x-x-x-x-x

Watching Edward meet our daughter for the first time had to be one of the most beautiful things I'd ever witnessed. It had been everything I wanted—she seemed instantly captivated by him, and he was already wrapped around her little fingers. I'd been worried that they wouldn't get along or that she would feel shy around him. Although she was timid at first, I guessed all the times we'd talked about him and all the pictures she'd seen allowed her to feel like he was safe, familiar.

I thought back to the way he smiled when I leaned down over Gracie, letting my hair fall around us. I couldn't help but remember how much Edward loved for my hair to cascade around us, and I'd wondered if he was thinking of that right then, too.

The shift in the atmosphere had been palpable, almost tangible. There was no doubt in my mind, even though it was the first time they'd seen each other, that they would have a solid, wonderful relationship.

When Gracie raced out of the room and Edward pulled me down into his arms, I'd never felt as whole, or as hopeful. Though I had no right to feel that way, I couldn't deny the electric shocks caused by his warm hands running up and down my arms, the completeness I felt as he wrapped his arms around me, or the emotions that coursed through me as he thanked me—actually thanked me—for going through the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I wanted to tell him that it was okay when he apologized for missing it, for missing out on her, over and over again, but I couldn't. No words that I could say would make it better for him or give him back the time he'd missed. There was no reason to apologize—it wasn't as if he he'd left and missed out on our daughter's life on purpose. All I could do was encourage their relationship and help them be close.

Over the next few days, it was obvious that he wanted to be with her and be a good father. He'd even insisted on talking to her via webcam for a few minutes each day that he wasn't able to see her in person. Truth be told, it was really, really sweet, and it was easy for anyone to see that Edward's burgeoning relationship with his daughter was good for him. It was good for her as well. I watched day by day as she got a little more comfortable with him, and began to truly show him more of her personality.

It was as if meeting her had mellowed him somewhat. He seemed so, so angry before with everything: our crazy situation, James, and me especially. Though I couldn't pinpoint exactly what had changed for him, something definitely had.

On the day of her birthday party, Gracie literally squealed when he showed up at the house I shared with James, arms full of presents and about fifty balloons. Our eyes met across the room as he grinned at me and shrugged his shoulders. Edward apparently wanted to spoil our daughter, to try and make up for all the lost time he'd missed.

He deserved that. They both did.

The party had gone off without a hitch, despite my apprehension. I was worried about James and Edward seeing each other after everything that had happened with us. They had been roommates in college, and had played on the all-star football team all four years of high school before that. James had been devastated when Edward went missing—I could only imagine the gamut of emotions he was feeling about having his best friend back, but not being able to enjoy him.

Pretty much the same way I was feeling.

Their meeting had been tense to say the least, and I held my breath while the entire family looked on. Finally, after a few stressed moments, James stuck out his hand and clasped it around Edward's, pulling him slightly closer and giving him one of those awkward man-hugs.

His voice was quiet, but I still heard it from a few feet away. "Edward, I know you don't believe this, but I am glad to see you, man. Welcome back." It was heartfelt and made me proud to be standing beside him. No matter what, he cast his fears and anxiety aside for the time being to let his friend know he'd missed him.

Edward nodded his head and said, "Thanks, man." His gaze raked James over for a second or two before he took a deep breath and rubbed his hand down his face and through his hair. I gasped when he continued, "Thank you for... taking care of her, of them."

My father chose that moment to make his appearance, breaking the anxiety-filled moment as he clapped them both on the shoulders and said, "Good to see you boys gettin' along. Where's our girl?"

Everyone laughed after that (even though it was forced for some) and went on to the celebration of my daughter's life. She flitted easily between James and Edward and everyone else, until Jasper walked in towing a huge pink Escalade ride-on truck behind him. Edward's face fell as Gracie ran into the room squealing for "her Jamie" to "come and see," but he quickly recovered and plastered a genuine-looking smile on his face as he watched them inspect her present.

I wanted to go to him, to tell him not to worry about it. He was going to be such a big part of her life, and, while I knew that he wanted to be past this getting-to-know-you phase of their interactions, James was a part of her life as well. And she was used to James. Still, Edward's pain hurt me, too. It always had.

Alice got to him first. I watched them, glad Edward had someone to confide his worries in before turning my attention back to my daughter.

After that, the only interaction any of us had with Gracie was her waving to us as she drove by on her tricked out truck.

My dad went back home the next day, even though I begged him to stay. I couldn't get the conversation I'd had with him before he left out of my mind.

"Baby, you know you aren't doing anyone any favors. You don't owe either one of them anything."

"I know I don't, Dad. It's not…"

"Look, Bells, I know you. You feel obligated. Obligated to Edward because of your past. Obligated to James because of your marriage. The only person you're obligated to is yourself."

"What about Gracie?" I barely whispered.

He looked at me for a long moment before leaning over and wrapping his arms around me. "Oh, Bella. Don't you know? If you are miserable on the inside, there's nothing you can do on the outside to make it right. Sooner or later, that girl of yours will figure it out. You owe it to yourself to be happy. She's three. She'll be happy no matter what."

He didn't understand that I couldn't be happy, not any more. Even if I could change things, James would never be able to understand why I'd never really be able to let go of my past with Edward, and Edward would never understand why I had to try to move on and have a future with James. I just didn't know who I was as Bella. My priority was, and would always be, being Gracie's mom. But other than that, my only identity was wrapped up in either being Edward's past or James' future, and I couldn't be both.

I felt overwhelmed. And lost.

We sat and talked for a little while longer before he had to go. He couldn't take off work to stay with us, so we agreed to try to go visit him in Forks sooner rather than later. Gracie scrunched up her nose at him and shook her head when he told her he'd take her "fishin'." She was totally a girly girl and wouldn't get within a hundred yards of a worm if she could help it, and he knew that—he just liked trying to get her riled up.

James had an important case that caused him to be out of town for a few days, and, though he'd practically begged for us to go with him, I thought the time alone would be good for Gracie. She was so dependent on James, and I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't let go and enjoy spending time with her father.

Edward and I decided that he should start off seeing Gracie with other people around. It wasn't because I didn't trust him with our daughter—I did, but I wasn't sure how she'd react. Or how he'd react for that matter. Edward hadn't been around many kids that I knew of.

Not knowing what his life had been like in Alaska bothered me. I used to know everything about him, but he was practically a stranger to me now. I couldn't get used to that feeling, and that bothered me, too.

Rosalie came over for lunch one afternoon. Gracie and I had plans to have dinner over at Edward's, so naturally she was grilling me. She'd gotten particularly snide when I asked her what he'd said about me.

"Really, Bella? We're going there? We're not in high school anymore."

"I know that, Rose. I just wanted to know—how is he, really? I'm only around him with Gracie, so I can't really tell…" I trailed off.

She tutted and shook her head in exasperation. "How do you think he is? He's a mess. He looks like hell." She narrowed her eyes at me as I winced in response to her tirade. "What do you want me to say—that he's fine with what you're putting him through? Shit, Bella, we're grown-ups now. I'm tired of everyone pussyfooting their way around you, girl. What the fuck are you gonna do to fix this?"

Gasping, I spluttered, unable to answer her. What could I say? Fix it? DIdn't she know that there was no fixing it? Hadn't Edward told her that he didn't want that anyway? "Rosalie, come on. What do you even mean?"

"You used to be so smart. You never got over him. Who gives a fuck that you're with James? What is that, really? It's just ink and paper." She waved her hand dismissively. "You need to leave this sham behind, take your daughter, and go the fuck home."

"I can't do that," I pled with her. "Besides the fact that Edward doesn't even want me anymore, I couldn't just leave James. What about Gr-"

Just then, Gracie came bounding into the room, interrupting me. "Aunt Rosaweee!" she trilled, flinging her arms around her aunt. She held onto her for a moment and ran her chubby fingers along Rosalie's perfect hair. "Soo pwetty," she murmured before turning to me and asking, "Mama, where we goin'?"

"You know where we're going. We're going to our apartment, uh…" I stammered when Rosalie's sharp gaze caught mine. "We're going to have dinner with your father at his apartment," I emphasized.

Gracie looked at me, confused. "But Aunt Rosawee said you leavin'," she questioned, furrowing her brow. "You leavin' Jamie."

Giving Rosalie a heated glance, I looked at Gracie and reassured her, "No baby, you know Jamie will be home tomorrow." I didn't need her to worry herself over such a grown-up matter, and I certainly didn't want her to repeat what she thought she heard to James. It would only upset both of them.

She clapped and started telling Rosalie what we were making James as a welcome home dinner the following night. Quirking my brow, I mouthed, "See?" at Rosalie, hoping to demonstrate the most important reason that I couldn't leave. She just rolled her eyes at me as she listened intently to her niece.

Just before we got up to leave, Rosalie placed her hand on my arm. "Bella," she said as her talon-like nails gripped me, "I know you've wished you could go back and change what happened. Don't do this, please. You've got the chance to do what you've dreamed of doing every single day for almost the last four years. Take it back. Fix it. You're the only one who can."

x-x-x-x-x

"Why we knockin'? It's my 'partnement," Gracie huffed, placing her hand on her hip as she shifted the bag of fruit she was holding.

"Because, Sweetie Pie, like I told you, your daddy lives here now. We can't just barge in," I tried to explain just as Edward wrenched the door open. His hair was messy, as if he'd just run his hands through the wet strands, and he smelled like soap and steam. A pang of nostalgia curled in my heart, making me smile softly.

"Sorry to make you wait, ladies." He gave me an apologetic glance as he reached down, lifting Gracie up to allow her to throw her arms around his neck and leaning over to kiss my cheek. "You look beautiful, Bella," he murmured. Grabbing my hand, he led us into the apartment and sat Gracie down so he could step back out into the hallway and pick up the bags of groceries we'd brought over. "You know, you could have just come in. You don't have to wait for me to answer the door to our apartment."

Rolling my eyes at him, I thought about how it would've felt to just walk in a few minutes before—when he was clearly just getting out of the shower. Though he'd already told me he hadn't been with anyone while he was gone, I couldn't help but wonder what exactly that meant. How many other women had he kissed, touched, showered with? Admonishing myself for my inner musings, I stated, "Edward, come on. I don't live here anymore, and you deserve your privacy."

His small smile was not very comforting as I pushed the thoughts of him needing privacy away from my mind. No matter how much I knew I didn't deserve the possessive feelings I had, thinking of him with someone else was enough to make me physically ill.

Get a grip.

The easy domesticity was not lost on me as we moved into the kitchen and started preparing dinner together. If Gracie hadn't have been there, it would've been like old times, the way we moved around each other: fingertips occasionally grazing, standing close enough to feel the heat radiating from each other's skin, his arms lifting as he spun around me effortlessly. With our daughter in the mix, however, there was a new aspect—it was like we were in a bubble of what would have been. My breath caught in my throat and I gripped the counter in front of me when he pressed up against me slightly, reaching up to grab a dish above my head.

She giggled when Edward got flour on his nose, and he looked at me, eyes glassy and full of emotion as she explained that we needed the "good dishes" whenever we were eating chicken Florentine. "'Cuz it's princess food, Daddy," she stated, not even missing a beat as she "gave" him his new title.

A dazzling smile stretched across his face as he bent down to rub his nose against hers. Standing up and leaning into me, he watched her scamper off to set the table before whispering, "My God, she's amazing, baby," before walking away to help her and leaving me temporarily stunned.

The food was delicious, the company even better, and I enjoyed myself despite the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that this wasn't my life, and I didn't deserve to get to live it—even if only for a few moments.

After dinner, Gracie tugged us into the living room and climbed into Edward's lap. She wanted to show him her baby album, and he looked on with intense fascination as she recalled the stories she'd heard a thousand times about her birth. He grabbed my hand when she showed her his father's signature on her birth certificate, attesting to her paternity so Edward could be listed on her birth certificate. He threaded his fingers through mine and gripped my hand tighter as she showed him pictures of her first bath and taking her first steps. His fingertips gently traced over the bronze curl that was stored safely beside the picture of her first haircut.

Not for the first time in the past few days, I wished fervently that the accident had never happened, and that Edward had gotten to experience all of the "firsts" right along with me. Pictures in a memory book were better than nothing, but I still felt bad that he'd never gotten to see her walk the first time, or heard her first word, which had been "da-da."

When Gracie was satisfied that she had shown him "everything important" and had told him all the stories she could remember hearing, she decided it was time for a movie. She clapped and kissed him on the nose when he said he actually wanted to watch "The Little Mermaid."

Heading into the kitchen, I quickly finished up the dinner dishes and made my way back out to the living room with a huge bowl of popcorn. Taking in the sight of my daughter peacefully resting on Edward's chest, it all seemed so natural, so normal—like it was an everyday occurrence. I could feel it in my bones as his eyes met mine, his gaze silently imploring me to join them, when she noticed me and called me over.

"Sit wif us, Mama."

I started to sit on the chair beside the couch when Edward reached out and grabbed my hand, shifting over on the couch so I could get in behind them. He furrowed his brow at me when he sensed my hesitation. "Come on, Bella, she wants you with us."

Shaking my head, my voice was barely above a whisper, I said, "I don't want to give her the wrong impression."

"What impression would that be?" His eyes danced as a slight smile played across his face. "That her parents can watch a movie together?"

Gracie leaned up on his chest slightly and put her little hands on his face. "She can come," she said simply, as if my acquiescence was never in question. He nodded at her and looked at me, waiting for me to move over to them.

I did.

Immediately, I regretted it as the warmth of his arm and this moment and the family that I'd never have enveloped me. I didn't get up, though. I just rested my head on Edward's shoulder and rubbed my daughter's back as we watched "The Little Mermaid"—like a family.

It wasn't long before Gracie fell asleep. "We should get going," I whispered as Edward brought his arm around me and held me to him.

"Bella, I…" He paused. "Stay. You don't have to leave yet. The movie's not even over yet."

"You've seen it. And Gracie's not even awake to see it."

"I'm not asking you to…Bella, I'm not asking for anything else here. Just stay. Don't go yet. Finish the movie."

Unable to believe that he couldn't feel my heart practically pounding out of my chest, I looked away from his gaze and laid my head back down on him. If he wanted to pretend for a little while that we were a normal family, then I'd let him. There was a time that I would have given up everything I had just to breathe in the same air as him. I wanted to pretend for a little while, too.

Becoming lost in my thoughts, I felt so content yet so conflicted all at once. It was like I couldn't even tell which way was up. The movie played on, and though I knew it by heart at this point, I couldn't have told anyone what happened on the screen if they'd asked. The return of the sweet, carefree Edward that had grown up with me and always been there for me was certainly welcome, but his fast shift in attitude was confusing the hell out of me. So instead of thinking about it, I closed my eyes and relished the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around us.

The bright blue screen illuminating the room alerted me to the fact that the movie had ended. Lifting up slightly, I peeked at Gracie and watched with rapt fascination as her body moved rhythmically up and down, following the pattern of Edward's breathing. They looked so alike—similarly shaped-lips opened the same amount, nutmeg-colored hair curling around each other, dark lashes lining the lids that covered identical eyes. Stifling back a yawn, I started to get up as Edward's arm instinctively tightened around me.

Just a moment, I told myself. I just wanted to pretend for just a moment longer. So I stayed still and closed my eyes again.

x-x-x-x-x

Without opening my eyes, I woke up feeling the weight of Edward's arm pressing down on my abdomen. His scent assaulted me as I took a deep, refreshing breath. He was here— we had spent the night together on the couch in our apartment. My apartment, I mean, his apartment. This was too much for a sleepy brain to deal with, especially before I'd even had a cup of coffee...

Taking stock of my surroundings without opening my eyes, I heard Gracie's voice drifting through the hall. Straining to make out what she was saying, I realized that she was up and singing her "potty song."

As we slept, he had scooted down on the couch and rested his face on my stomach, wrapping his arms tightly around me. My shirt had ridden up over my hips, exposing my stomach. My hand lazily massaged his scalp as I unconsciously ran my fingers through his hair.

It felt so natural to be like this.

He inhaled deeply, leaving a wake of gooseflesh across my stomach with his slow exhale. Remaining as still as possible, I allowed myself to remain here in this moment with him as long as possible. His long eyelashes fluttered against my skin and his breaths quickened slightly, alerting me to his awakened state.

As I felt him glance up to my face, the stubble of his chin was rough and ignited something deep inside me that had lain dormant for so long. He traced his fingers across my jaw and down my throat before sweeping them across my collarbones. He always did love touching me there.

Another deep breath. More of his scent. Oh God, I didn't want to move from this spot. I wondered what was going through his mind in that moment.

The pads of his fingertips ghosted across the flesh of my lower abdomen, pausing at my navel before traveling down further and stopping just above the waistband of my cutoff shorts. I couldn't believe he was touching me like this.

Just as I was about to say something, to ask him what this meant, to try to figure out what we were doing, I heard him murmuring against my skin.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered as he trailed his fingers across my stomach and caressed the few stretch marks that I had near my hips. "You were always beautiful, but now…" he paused before lightly brushing his nose across my sensitive skin.

Keeping constant contact with me, he continued to murmur reverently to me, almost like a prayer. "Thank you. Thank you, body, for growing my baby. Thank you, breasts, for feeding her. I am so sorry I missed everything—that I wasn't here to take care of you."

Willing myself not to allow the tears that had formed behind my eyelids to fall, I tried to remain as still as possible. I wanted to give him this moment of unfiltered candor. As he continued his devotions, he ran his hand down my outer thigh and ghosted along my calf before lightly circling my ankle with his warm hand. "I should have been there to rub you, feet. I am so, so sorry."

As he continued to whisper words to my body that I could no longer decipher, I realized that couldn't take the overwhelming emotion of this moment anymore. He was sorry? I was sorry.

But there was nothing that either of us could do to fix it.

I was married, and he couldn't forgive me.

Wanting to comfort him so badly, I realized that I didn't know how. I wanted him to comfort me, too, but I didn't know how he could do that, either. We couldn't be together. We couldn't be apart. We were trapped, and there was no way out. I didn't even know what that meant anymore.

My life had been turned completely upside down, and I was so utterly confused about what the right thing to do in this situation was. One thing that I did know was that I had to stop his sweet, loving caresses before Gracie came back into the room. Stifling back a yawn and stretching, I alerted him to my impending awakening. His breath hitched slightly with a small gasp as he removed his hands from me before reclining beside me again. I opened my eyes to his controlled smile.

Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Gracie came bounding into the room, curls bouncing and talking a mile a minute. "Mama, we gotta go! Get up, come onnnn!"

Laughing a bit at her energy, I was thankful that she didn't seem to care that I was lying on the couch with Edward.

"Where's the fire, dollface?" Edward asked her.

"Edweerd," she said, leaning over me to place her hands on his cheeks and looking at him intently. "My mama and me gotsa go home. My Jamie—he's been gone four whole days, but he comes back today. And my mama said we're gonna make him his favwet food. D'ya know what it is?"

He stared at her, his expression stricken. "No, sweetheart. I can't say that I do."

She leaned back, clapping her hands and bouncing. "Chicken Corded Blooooo," she sang out.

Edward smiled at her and chuckled. "Wow, Gracie, I had no idea you were truly a chef," he announced enthusiastically. "I love Chicken Cordon Blue." He avoided looking at me as he continued, "and I'm sure Jam- James will love it."

"You could come too, Edwerd," Gracie whispered. "My Jamie said you useta be best fweends. He'd want you to have his favwets, too."

Edward glanced at me for a moment, his grief over the time he had lost with his daughter, the time another man had been able to slip in and give what he should have mirroring my own. He shook his head. "No, baby, I don't think James would want me to. How about I come another time?" he asked when he saw the pout starting to form on her little lips.

"'Kay," she agreed, hopping down and running toward her room. Halfway there, she turned and looked at both of us, a curious glint in her eyes before walking back over to the couch. "You know, I wish you could live wif me and my mama, Edwerd." She stroked his face with her tiny fingers as she looked at him, seemingly trying to sort out some sort of solution for us.

If only it were that easy.

"I've got it!" she beamed. "I'll just tell my Jamie. He'll let you come stay at my house."

Shaking my head, I forced a giggle to keep myself from crying. "No, baby, I don't think that'll work."

"Yes, it will. Jamie loves me and gives me what-eh-ver I want. Oh, 'cept a puppy," she said, pouting as she crossed her arms over her chest. "He said I'm his pwincess, he just wants me to be happy."

"That's right, Gracie. James just wants you to be happy, but I don't think-"

Gracie cut him off, her mind already made up. "Yeah, you just wait and see. Imma ask him tonight. When he's eatin' his favwet thing, I'll tell him you comin'. He'll be happy too, because you his best fweend."

Edward maneuvered out from behind us, stepping over the picture books on the floor. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead and murmured, "I would give anything, Gracie, so that I could be with you always." He looked at me, his intense gaze making me want to kiss him and run away from him at the same time. "Anything."