Chapter 16: Stay with Me
*EPOV*
"What did you do? What the hell were you thinking?"
Tanya didn't say anything, and I rushed past her to the still-open door. The elevator was just closing as I stepped into the hallway; I didn't even have time to run and wedge myself in between the doors. I contemplated running after Bella again down the stairs, but I knew how that would go...and I was only wearing a towel.
I knew what it looked like, with me coming out of the shower and Tanya wearing my shirt. And I was sure Bella had jumped to the exact wrong conclusion.
I'd wanted to talk to her for weeks now. The way I had blown up at her on her front lawn was nagging at me—I was mad, but I had been downright mean to her. And that wasn't fair. Miscommunication after miscommunication—it was a never ending cycle between us. It needed to stop.
I was so tired of running after her, but what else could I do? We had a child together, and we needed to sit down and discuss things like adults—if only for Gracie's sake.
I turned and walked back inside, slamming the door behind me. I began to pace. The normally soothing walls of my apartment felt like a cage, agitating me like the lions at a zoo. I stopped abruptly and thumped my hand against the wall, gesturing to the shirt she was wearing. "For the love of all that is holy, please tell me why the fuck you're wearing that?"
Tanya flinched back and that was the moment I noticed the tears streaming down her pitiful face. Fighting to keep the anger that was coursing through me at bay, I tugged on my hair in frustration. We'd get nowhere if she kept blubbering, and I needed to get to the bottom of this before I could even decide what to do about Bella.
I took a deep breath, harnessing my frustration as best I could. "I'm going to get dressed, Tanya. When I get back out here, you better have some answers for me."
Tightly gripping the towel, I treaded into my room, banging the door shut behind me. She's gone. Again. Judging by the anguished look on her face before she sprinted out the door, she wasn't coming back.
How many times could things get so epically fucked before I ran out of chances?
Shaking my head, I pulled on my jeans and walked back out to the living room, intent on finding out what the hell Tanya had been doing in my shirt.
"I'm waiting."
She stood there, wringing her hands and looking worse than I'd ever seen her. Thank God she'd changed back in to her own clothes. "Anth— Ed—" she stuttered out. "Edward, I...it was the only way?"
"The only way," I repeated, incensed. "Really? The only way for what? The only way for you to be sure that you ruined what's left of my life? What the fuck were you thinking," I yelled, too far gone to stop.
"Is that what you— you think I'm trying to ruin your life? My whole existence has been about you since the moment I laid eyes on you! This was the only way that she would see that you've moved on."
My mouth dropped open. I was utterly fucking stunned. Tanya had played me. She'd done this shit on fucking purpose. Trying to gather my thoughts, I alternated between struggling to control my urge to smash something against the wall and gaping at her. Finally, I got my shit together enough to question her. "Is that what you think is happening here? That I'm moving on?"
She cringed. Just as she opened her mouth to respond, someone started pounding on the door. Please let it be Bella. Please, please, please let her have come back. My face fell as I wrenched open the door.
"Rose?"
She strode into the apartment forcefully, pushing on my chest as she entered.
"What the fuck did you do, Cullen? I swear to God, you have rocks for brains."
"What'd you mean 'what did I do'?"
Who did she think she was, coming into my apartment and accusing me? I hadn't done anything wrong this time, and I was sick of feeling like I was always to blame. And even if I had decided to move on, what business was it of Rose's? I was allowed to have a life—Bella certainly did.
"I just got off the phone with Bella." She looked at me, her gaze piercing and judgmental as my defensive stance turned to one of weariness. "Now do you want to explain what's going on? And what this bitch has to do with it?"
"Well," I said, trying to buy myself time to find and explanation that I hadn't figured out yet myself. "She stopped by and saw Tanya…"
"And?" Rosalie inquired. "So she saw her, so what? There's something you're not telling me. Out with it, or I promise you I'll kick your ass into next week."
Looking her up and down, I had no doubt in my mind that she could do it—and not just because my brother would kick my ass if I even raised my hands to defend my face from her talons. She was pissed.
"Rose, I swear I had no idea what was going on. I was just getting out of the shower, and I heard someone at the door. When I came out, Bella was here and Tanya was wearing my shirt—and nothing else." I shot a look at my "friend", letting her know that I was not at all happy with her.
A look of exasperation crossed her face before she spoke, her voice low and steely. "Sorry, Cullen, I didn't catch that. Because what I think you said was that Bella saw you, in this room—naked, and that this skank was wearing..." she paused, taking a deep breath and standing up tall, "your shirt? I must've misunderstood you, because there is no way in hell you could've fucked everything up that bad."
Though I knew it was wrong, I rose from my seat on the couch, my nose almost touching Rosalie's as anger emanated from me. "Last time I checked, Rosalie, this was my fucking apartment. Nothing's going on with me and Tanya, but if there had been—that'd be my business, not yours. And certainly not Bella's."
She scoffed. "Are you that dumb? She was coming here to—no, you know what? You. Fucked. Up. I don't have to explain shit to you."
"Coming here to what, Rose?"
She shook her head, and though I knew that what I was saying was right, I also knew that being right didn't matter one bit. She looked at Tanya again, scoffed, and then turned back to me. "I'm not going to help you with this, not now."
She wasn't going to help? That was nice—she'd been such a help up until now, playing nice with James. "Since when have you been trying to help me, huh? What did you come here for, anyway? To rub it in my face that I'm such a dumb fuck? Well, then, mission accomplished. But you don't need to come traipsing over here to my apartment and—"
"Oh really?" she interrupted, tossing her hair over her shoulder and letting out a condescending laugh. "Because last time I checked, this was Bella's apartment. You really want to play it like that? This is your life and we need to butt out? Because if that's what you want, that's what we'll do. But don't come crying to me to when you show up and catch James fucking your Bella's brains out. The girl can only take so much, and you're dumber than I thought. Asshole."
She was right, of course. Technically, this was Bella's apartment. I'd left her everything when I "died". If she wanted to, she could kick me out, though I seriously doubted she'd do that. She was upset with me, but Bella had never been vindictive. Now, thanks to Tanya, it was a definite possibility.
Thoughts of the look on Bella's face when she had shoved that box at Tanya flashed through my mind, causing a wave of nausea to roll over me. My sister-in-law turned to leave, and I grabbed for her elbow. "Rose, please."
Glancing over her shoulder at me, she seethed, "take your hands off of me Cullen, or the disease you probably got from this two-bit whore will be the least of your problems."
"I'm not fucking her, Rose," I stated, my voice barely above a whisper.
She paused, shooting an evaluating glance at me and then Tanya. Something in our faces must have made her finally believe, because she moved to the couch, pulling me after her.
"Thank God," she whispered to me. "There's something off about your friend there. I almost kicked your ass just for being so stupid. Forgive me?" At my confused nod, she began to speak louder. "Would someone please explain what the hell is going on here?"
Tanya's voice broke the awkward silence that had enveloped us. "Edward was in the shower when I heard the knock at the door. I knew it was the only way to get her to stop coming after him and focus on her own husband—that if she saw me in his shirt, if she thought we were together, she'd leave him alone."
Rosalie glared at her before turning her attention back to me. "See? What did I just say? Off. She's been nothing but trouble from the start. Someone who cares about you wouldn't be so destructive to you on purpose." She shook her head, before murmuring, "I think it's too late. I honestly don't know if you can fix this."
I could see why Bella would be pissed, but what would make this situation be the final breaking point? I stood up, and began pacing again. "That's stupid. I haven't been with anyone else, not even during the whole time I was gone. Even when I didn't know that Bella existed. She got married for fucks' sake! I hardly think she'd fault me for…"
Rosalie held up a hand, silencing me. "First off, blaming her for trying to move on with her life in whatever way she could is, quite frankly, idiotic. She thought you were dead, Edward. She tried to find something—anything—that would make her even a little bit happy. You cannot fault her for that anymore than you can fault yourself for getting on that plane."
I paused, considering that briefly. She was right, but right now there were things that were more important at hand. I could think about that later.
Rose continued when I didn't speak up. "She isn't upset because she thinks you're trying to move on, too. Sure, she'd be upset about that, but she'd get over it. She would understand that. It's here, this place. She never even kissed James inside this apartment. This is her…" she paused, squinting as she struggled to find the appropriate words. "This was her happy place, the place she felt closest to you."
With that, Tanya jumped up from her seat and hurled herself at me, wrapping her arms around my waist and crying into my shoulder. "Don't you see? I did it for you! All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy—for you to let me make you happy."
Standing there, I kept my arms to my sides, careful not to touch her. Rose was right. She was clearly insane, and I didn't want to encourage her affection any more than I already had. I wondered how quickly I could convince Kate or Garrett to come and get her. At this point, I'd find some way to charter a private jet if it got them here any sooner.
She continued to sniffle. "That's why I did what I did. That's why I've done everything. I knew that I could be the one to make you happy. From the moment I pulled you from the wreckage of that terrible plane crash—I knew God had sent you to me. You were like an angel, so beautiful, and I knew we were meant to be togeth…" She stopped abruptly when I took in a harsh breath.
All the color drained from my face as I gripped her arms and pulled her back to look at me. "What did you say?"
"I meant, uh…" She started fidgeting; wringing her hands faster than ever as her eyes darted around the room. Her face crumpled as her gaze met mine. "Edward, I'm sorry. It was the only way for us to be together."
"I don't...understand. My plane crashed. I...I didn't know what happened next." I turned to Rose, bewildered. "I just...I don't know. I assumed, once I got my memory back, that the car crash was coincidental, like I had pulled myself to the road and found a car and tried to get to help. I thought that, with how bad I had to have been, that I just wrecked and Tanya got there after that. I didn't think she knew about the plane."
It had seemed plausible, and was something I had thought about once I returned home and had unexpected time to myself. My family had asked me what happened back in Alaska, and I had no answers for them. At the time, I had just wanted to get back to Bella. Once I got home, though, it had crossed my mind a few times.
Admittedly, I had found it a strange thing, but I trusted Tanya. She was my friend and had nursed me back to health. I never thought she was lying.
The woods in that area of Alaska were well known for being populated by hunters and hikers. An empty car along the road wasn't unusual. The trauma alone seemed enough to me that I wouldn't remember the exact sequence of events.
All along, Tanya had spoken of happening upon a car wrapped around a tree, the twisted red metal of the frame pushed into unrecognizable shapes. I had been so out of it for months afterward that I'd assumed the police had taken care of everything else and left me to recover. And, at the time, I had figured it was my car that I'd wrecked.
There had never been a car. The police were never contacted. They would have put two and two together, and got me home before...
I would have been back before James could get his hands on Bella.
Pushing the crazy blonde away from me, I fell to my knees as the room spun, as my world spun on its axis. Tanya had known all along. She'd lied to me. She'd taken everything from me—my girl, my life, my daughter. On purpose.
Quickly running through every memory of my time in Alaska, I tried to remember any clue that what she was saying wasn't true. There was nothing. How could she do this? I'd had a family there. Had they all known and lied for her?
"Garrett?" I croaked out, questioning the authenticity of the relationship I'd had with the man who I'd come to think of as a brother.
"No, Edward. Only one other person knows. I couldn't risk it. I was going to tell you—I swear. I was just so scared of losing you. When you woke up and didn't remember anything, well, like I said, I thought God had sent you to me. You would've remembered your former life if you'd really wanted to."
My stomach rolled, a wave of sickness making me gag. Dazedly, I thought of that movie where the crazy lady kept her favorite writer locked in her house. Tanya hadn't broken my ankles to keep me there—no, she'd done something much, much worse.
She'd ruined my life.
The resounding smack that echoed throughout the room caught me off guard. I looked up to see a red-faced Tanya cowering in front of Rosalie. "You bitch," she seethed. "Get out now before I end your miserable excuse for an existence myself."
Tanya called out, extending a hand to me, "Edwa—" Her words were cut short as Rosalie grabbed her by her hair and drug her to the door. She literally threw her out into the hallway before shoving the door shut and locking it. She turned back to me.
"I know you need more answers, but I'm trying to keep myself out of jail for the night. If that girl knows what's good for her, she'll turn tail and run back to Alaska before Esme gets a hold of her. I pity anyone who brings the Cullen wrath down upon them." She shook her head and sank back onto the chair.
"Rose. I don't…I need a minute." I could hardly breathe. My chest was pounding, and I was gasping for air. My head was throbbing and my skin was being stabbed by tiny needles, like I was being plunged into an ice-cold abyss. I couldn't deal with this. Maybe I was having a heart attack. "Rose," I stuttered.
Her voice sounded distant as she called out to me. I think she helped me lie down, because I was definitely on the floor. My shirt was unbuttoned and something cold was pressed to my forehead. Finally I gave up and just let the darkness take me.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Awaking some time later to my brother's booming voice, I shifted slightly and realized that I was on the couch in my living room.
"You alright there? Scared the hell outta everyone," he muttered.
"Yeah. I'm alright. What happened?"
"Dude, you passed the fuck out," he said.
The night's events came back to me in a rush, and I started to get up. I had to get out of there. "Where's Bella?"
He pushed down on my shoulder, restraining me and keeping me pinned to the couch as I struggled against his grasp. "Calm down. We've tried to reach her; she didn't answer. Gracie Lou's with Mom. The plan right now, dickwad, is to bring you over to the 'rents, where she'll be coming to pick up the munchkin. You can talk to her then."
I stopped struggling and lay back on the couch, trying to relax. Fucking finally. I'd be able to tell her everything in just a little while. If I could just get her to listen, we could try to figure the mess we'd made out. Rose's words of warning came back to me.
Thinking back on all the things we'd said in anger over the past few weeks was hard, but it needed to be done. If we were going to sit down and figure out a way out of the mess our lives had become, I knew that I would need to approach with caution and level headedness. Flying off the handle wouldn't do any of us any good.
Though I honestly hated that Bella had moved on, I knew it wasn't unreasonable. People moved on after losing the person they loved all the time. I'd been holding onto the fact that I had never sought anyone else, but not giving thought to the reasons she would have. Was her trying to be happy really that bad of a thing? In retrospect, I didn't think it was. While I may have preferred that she chose anyone other than James, that really had nothing to do with her.
Stupidly, I had clung to my own hurt, lashing out at her when she didn't react the way I wanted. It was enough to push anyone away, and most especially Bella. She'd always been so sensitive, so easily hurt by harsh words. I'd always tried to be the kind of guy she would want, one who didn't yell at her for unreasonable things. With a mental shake, I realized I had acted exactly the opposite of that. My plans had been only to bring about a resolution I was happy with, and not taking her delicate state of mind into consideration.
I resolved to be that guy, the one I was before, and not the angry, insensitive asshole I had been acting like. We would figure out what our next step would be together, and I would do my damnedest to keep my own prejudices out of it.
About an hour later, Emmett and I were getting ready to head over to intercept Bella at my parents' place. Just as we were walking out the door his cell phone rang. Glancing at the screen, he looked at me and held up his hand, indicating he needed a few minutes to take the call.
"What's up Baby B- Baby?" His brow furrowed and I couldn't name the expression on his face when he looked up at me. If I had to put a word on it, I'd say it was panic. "Whoa. Hold on there, where are you? Are you alright?"
He gave me an uneasy smile as he started for the door, with me right on his heels. Placing a hand on my shoulder, he stopped me and shook his head. He held up his hand again and walked out into the hall, closing the door behind him.
Not knowing what the fuck was going on, I paced in front of the door like a madman. He finally came back inside after what seemed like eternity but in reality was probably only about a minute.
"Change in plans, my man," he said, thrusting his hands in his pocket and looking around the room—at everything but me. "Uh, Rose needs me to pick her up—she had a fender-bender. So Mom's bringing Gracie Lou here and Bells will pick her up from you. Okay, everything copacetic?" His speech was rushed and chopped. He was darting around the room, picking up stuff and setting it back down. I'd never seen him like that.
"Is everything—okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, man. She just—you know how shit gets to me. She's fine. Anyway, I'll see ya later. Stay here."
And then he was gone, leaving me alone to wait for my daughter. Bella was coming to me.
x-x-x-x-x
A small noise pulled me from my sleep. I felt groggy and disoriented as I realized that someone was knocking on my door. I swung the door open, expecting my mom and Gracie.
I was wrong.
I gaped for a moment, hardly able to believe that Bella was standing in front of me, and that I would finally be able to tell her what I should have said the second I walked back through the door.
Be with me.
My gaze zeroed in on her arm, which was covered in a bright pink cast, causing me to fumble over the words I was trying to find. I wanted to know what happened to her, if she was hurt. But more than that, I needed to convince her to stay, with me.
"Bella," I began. My voice was rough from sleep.
She brushed her fingertips across my lips, silencing me. Her voice was low, barely above a whisper as she leaned toward me, closing her eyes and shaking her head slightly. "Just—tell me you want me."
How could this girl not know how much I wanted her, how she was everything to me?
"Of course I want you," I murmured. "I've never wanted anything else."
Choose me.
She pulled back slightly and looked me in the eye for a few moments, seeming to take in the weight of my statement. As she took a deep breath, she leaned up on her tip toes and pulled me down to her with her good hand. Her lips pressed to mine, and it was like I could feel her resolve as it slipped into place.
This was it.
Ever since I came back, I thought that Bella wouldn't be able to live with herself if she broke her vows by crossing the line and being with me. Unwilling to let her take on that guilt for me I tried to dictate the terms of our relationship. The only good that did was to make her think I didn't want her, that I didn't want to be with her.
If this was what it would take for me to show her that my life was worth nothing without her, then so be it.
Bending my legs slightly, I grabbed her waist and pulled her up to me. I'd waited so long to be here, to be with her. I felt…desperate. Her thoughts seemed to match my own as her movements became almost frenzied, crashing her lips back to mine and writhing against me.
Deepening the kiss, I tried to take more, to taste more, to feel more.
I kicked the door shut with the heel of my foot and spun us around, pressing her body against the door.
Touch me.
It wasn't enough—my hands roaming over her skin, the sounds she was making, the way she was moving against me. I was unable to hold back as I rubbed myself against her, wanting to show her. She was all I'd ever wanted. Couldn't she feel it with every beat of my heart?
Taking a step back, I clutched her closer to me as I walked us down the hall. Her chest pressed against mine with each heavy breath she took. As my lips trailed across her jaw and down her neck, she cried out and tried to get even closer to me. Her scrambling limbs almost caused me to lose my balance.
Her hand came up to rest on my shoulder before she snaked it into the hair at the nape of my neck, anchoring herself to me and holding me tighter. We stumbled a few more steps down the hall and into the bedroom before I laid her down on our bed, taking care to set her down gently and not jostle her cast.
I opened my mouth to ask her what happened, but she hooked her legs around mine and pulled me over her. Using my forearms to brace my weight, I stared into her eyes. And there she was. My Bella looked back at me; not the dead, resigned look from before, but the eyes of the girl I had always loved. My questions could wait—stopping had hurt us before, and I wasn't willing to go through the heartache again.
Her fingers trembled as she reached out for the hem of my shirt, hesitant at first. She struggled to do it one handed before I got the hint and pulled the shirt over my head. She looked at me, her eyes full of longing and something else I couldn't describe. I grabbed her hand and put it on my chest, right above my heart, willing her to understand what I couldn't say.
Feel me.
It was as if that simple movement lit a fire inside of her. She unhooked her legs, waiting until I moved back a little to shift herself up onto her knees in front of me. Her hands roamed across my skin as she kissed along my chest, up my neck, and finally my mouth. Her shaky breaths became more steady as she looked into my eyes and rubbed her nose along mine, steeling herself in us.
Her cast scratched my skin as she dipped her fingertips into the waist of my jeans. The slight smirk on her face wasn't enough to distract me when she starting yanking the buttons of my fly, and I grabbed her hand to stop her. Her brow furrowed for a second, and as her tongue peeked out to wet her lips, I leaned down to capture it in my mouth. Her taste was just Bella, sweet and perfect. The way she held me to her, like she was afraid I'd disappear if she let go, made me want to fuse myself to her forever.
We only broke apart for me to pull her shirt over her head and my lips were back on her tender skin, sucking along her neck, across the swell of her breasts, tasting her and taking in all that she would give me.
And that was everything. My fingertips trailed up and down her sweaty skin, feeling the indentations of her spine. As I tried to show her how much I loved her and wanted her with my touch, I felt her giving in to it—to us.
How could I have been so stupid? All Bella needed, all along, was for me to show her; to prove that I wanted her.
Deftly unclasping her bra, I moved to her shorts and unbuttoned them before guiding them over her hips and down her long, smooth legs. I kneaded her soft skin before latching onto her nipple and earning a quiet gasp from her. I bit down gently, turning to her other breast before trailing further down her body. As I dipped my head down to press my lips to the skin below her bellybutton, she tugged on my hair, forcing me back to her. She wanted me closer—we couldn't get close enough.
Fuck me. She shook her head and whimpered slightly, pressing her lips to mine and tightening her grip on me. She wasn't in the mood for foreplay—this had been a long time coming and she just wanted us to finally be together.
I almost felt like I was holding back tears when I looked into her eyes. Trust. Desire. Fucking beautiful.
Love me.
Her breaths were my breaths as I hovered above her, touching every inch of skin I could reach, taking her in. I kissed the skin above her cast softly, trying to take her hurt into my own body and away from hers. As our eyes connected, I noticed she was crying. I did the only thing I knew that would make it better—I kissed the tears away and held on tighter. There was no way I would last long. It had been far too long, and I had to make it good for her first—before I ever got inside. She cried out, her fingers tight around my arm as I dipped my fingers into her, my thumb rubbing tight circles around her clit. She didn't have to say anything; I knew she was close. I could feel it in the way she held me tighter and almost stopped moving her hips.
Internally pleading with her to just let go, I kept up the movements of my fingers as I kissed along her skin, rememorizing the way she moved beneath my touch. Trailing my lips along her jaw, I couldn't hold back my smile when she trembled against me.
My teeth grazed her earlobe just before I whispered, "I want you. Can't you feel it, baby? Don't you know that you were made to belong to me?" Tears streamed down her cheeks as she clenched around my fingers.
She sucked on my skin and moaned. She held my face with her free hand, and I could feel her mouth moving along my neck like she wanted to say something, hopefully to call out my name or tell me she loved me. She said nothing though, as if she didn't want any words being said. Our bodies were speaking for themselves.
It was enough for me.
Almost immediately, she pulled me on top of her, grabbing my ass and biting down on the underside of my chin, letting me know she was ready. I looked at her, trying to be sure that she was okay, that she knew there was no going back after this. Her shaky fingers went for my jeans. The pleading look she gave me was enough, and I brushed her hand away, yanking my jeans and boxers down. I pushed them off with my feet. I didn't want our bodies to be separated at all.
My eyes rolled back in my head as she wrapped her fingers around my cock and started stroking me, sending shocks of pleasure throughout my body. Grabbing her hand and entwining our fingers, I brushed my lips against hers as I slowly pressed into her, and I swear to God, the stars aligned.
...Or something sappy like that. Going without had turned me into a damn girl.
In truth, it was like no other feeling I'd ever had, even when we were kids. I couldn't get deep enough—I wanted, needed more. She was just warm and tight and holding me and crying and matching my movements. It felt like coming home after a long, tired journey, but better.
Infinitely better.
Panting breaths, moans of pleasure, and the pitch of our bodies moving together were the only sounds that reverberated around the room.
It didn't matter that I only thrust into her about four times before I lost my shit. She was still trembling and panting from the orgasm before. It didn't matter that it had taken us so long to get this moment. She was wrapped around me, holding on tighter than ever. It didn't matter that she had someone else's name attached to hers. She was mine, and always had been.
I dropped down, pressing my stomach against her warmth and kissing the skin above her heart. My hands ran up and down her thighs, kneading and loving with every pass.
I started to get up after a few moments, when our bodies had calmed, but she held me tighter and shook her head. Not wanting to crush her, I shifted slightly to my side and grabbed a pillow for her arm, propping the cast up and returning back to her side. I wanted to watch her fall asleep. It had been entirely too long since I had been able to do that.
She pulled me down though, resting my head on her chest and winding her arm around me. Wrapping my arm around her stomach, I held on to her and breathed in her sweet scent. Her fingers ran languidly through my hair as she pressed herself closer to me; her heart beat in time with mine under my ear. I knew we needed to talk, that things weren't all fixed now just because we'd had sex. But it could wait, for now.
Things were as they should be. We were finally together, and we had the rest of our lives to fix all the other shit. Not wanting to break the spell cast by our silence, I chanted my plea over and over in my head.
The last thought in my mind as I drifted off to sleep was how right it all felt.
Stay with me.