AN: This chapter is dedicated to ekels. SingleStrand. Whatever the eff her name is on here.

Ch 18: Scattered Pieces of Who I Am

*EPOV*

I woke up the next morning happy. Drawing a deep breath, I couldn't help the goofy smile that stretched across my face.

Her scent is everywhere.

I wasn't stupid—last night didn't mean that we didn't still have a lot of shit to work through, but I could finally relax. And have hope. We'd figure this mess out, finally…together.

Turning on my side, my hands skimmed across the cool sheets as I reached to pull her close to me. She wasn't there.

Rubbing the heel of my hand across my eyes, I got up, grabbed my jeans from the floor, and went to look for her. Still in a state of bliss, I checked the bathroom first, but it was empty. Figuring that she must have already been up to make coffee, I poked my head into the kitchen. Empty, too. With a rising dread, I checked the living room and then Gracie's room.

She wasn't in the apartment.

Looking around for a note, I tried to convince myself that maybe she had slipped out to grab some coffee. Or maybe even a newspaper. But I knew better than that.

She was gone.

Sinking to the floor, I thumped my head against the door a few times. I thought we were past the running. After what happened the night before, after finally giving in and being together, I thought we were over all the bullshit. I couldn't believe that she left.

What had she said when I was moving inside her? She had wanted it too, didn't she? I tried to remember anything she had said, but came up with nothing. She'd been so quiet, so desperate. Was she trying to say goodbye, and I had mistaken it for what I wanted it to mean? Why did she leave me again?

Sick of the bullshit, I got to my feet and walked to my room to grab a shirt and my shoes. I was done waiting patiently for her to figure out what I already knew. I wasn't waiting for her to get it together anymore. It was time for me to go after her and fight to get my life back.

We'd been through so much together, in such a short period of time. Trying to adjust had been hard for me, but I couldn't imagine what it had been like for her. Her entire life had been upturned in just six weeks. In some ways, it seemed surreal to me that I'd only been back that long, but in others, it felt like a lifetime.

I didn't think she would go back to his house, and I had no idea where to look for her. After a few failed attempts at calling her, I figured my brother was my best bet to finding her quickly.

What I wasn't expecting, though, was my sister-in-law to pick up his phone. "Rosalie?" I croaked out, suddenly ashamed for not calling to check on her sooner. "God, I'm such an ass. How are you? Were you hurt, too?"

"You'll get no arguments from me—you are an ass." I could picture her sneering at. Bitch. "But what are you talking about?"

"Uh…the accident?" I asked. Why did it sound like a question? Unless…

I hadn't really asked what had happened to Bella's arm the night before. Now, though, my brother's strange behavior and the way he answered the phone were a little suspect. Had James...?

I'll kill him.

"Are you there? Are you even listening to me? What accident?"

"No. Look, my mistake. I'm sorry," I said. "Just tell Em to call me, alright?" I hung up without waiting for her reply.

X-X-X-X-X

The drive was shorter than I remembered. I left the car running and the door open as I bounded up the front steps and started pounding on the door.

James opened the door, grumbling. "What're you doing here?" As he looked at me, I couldn't help notice the resignation that was written all over his face. He knew it was over. His eyes narrowed as he spat out, his voice laced with venom, "She told you, didn't she?"

"Told me what?" I asked, surprised at his tone. "Look, I'm not playing any more games with you, fucker. When I woke up this morning, she was gone—"

"Gone? This morning? She was with you last night?"

I nodded. I was baiting him, but I didn't care at this point. It was time for this hassle to be gone, once and for all. "She'll be with me, from now on, every night."

I knew I deserved it when he punched me in the face, but fuck that hurt.

I stumbled backward, thrown off by the surprising force behind James' fist. Cupping my jaw in my hand, I looked up at him and wanted to wipe the shit eating grin off of his face.

"You're going to regret that," I promised.

Moving quickly, I tackled him, satisfied with the thump his head made against the door. I drew my fist back, clocking him in the eye.

James was smart though, always had been, and he used my precarious position of half leaning, half crouching over him to wedge his knee between mine and flip me over. His fist connected solidly with my lip, and I spat blood.

"Fuck you, Cullen," he growled, landing a punch to my kidney.

All I could see was red. I was going to end him.

All of my rage, anger, and frustration from the past few months surged through my veins, leaving me deadly calm and detached. I grappled with his shoulders, rolling him under me and driving my fists repeatedly into his mouth, his eyes, and his nose. Barely able to feel the injuries that he inflicted on me, I didn't stop when blood started to pour from his wounds or when I felt his fist connect with my nose. It only made me more savage.

Taking my aggression out on the one person who actually deserved it, I kneed and pummeled him until we both dropped to the ground, winded and gasping for breath.

Over James' grunts of pain, I heard sirens in the distance. The neighbors must have called the cops. Fucking great.

X-X-X-X-X

Holding my head in my hands, I tried to block out the environment around me. My jaw felt like it had been knocked onto a brick building, over and over. I was sitting in a holding cell. In a fucking jail.

Time seemed to creep by and lost all meaning. The hallway in front of the room that I was sitting in was vacant except for a few officers wandering by every so often. I demanded to make my phone call anytime someone was within earshot. I wondered if his call was to her. Would she come for him?

What would Bella think when she found out what I had done? I hoped James was in worse shape than I was right now, that he felt every sore spot I had given him. My thoughts felt incoherent and vague, jumping from one topic to the next like skittering bugs when a light bulb is turned on.

I had to believe that was all behind us. Or on the way to being behind us. That we could still fix it.

The clicking of heels on the tile floor alerted me to someone's presence. "I'm an attorney—I get a phone call," I practically screamed.

"Your call has already been made for you," the officer stated.

"What?" I questioned frantically. Just as I got the words out of my mouth, Charlie Swan appeared.

Stunned for a moment, I recovered quickly. "They called you?"

He smirked at me. "Who else would they call when my almost son-in-law and my actual son-in-law get into a brawl on the front lawn in a respectable neighborhood." He looked at me, his expression growing serious. "They owe me, so they're not gonna book you."

"They're not? Jam- he isn't pressing charges? I slept with—"

He held up his hands, silencing me. "Don't need any of those details, boy."

I understood. I hadn't meant to blurt that out anyway. "Where is she?"

His stare remained steadfast, constantly appraising me. "I think you already know the answer to that, if you think about it for a minute."

I shook my head. If I had known where she was, I sure as fuck wouldn't be sitting in a jail cell. I laughed and asked, "They're going to just let me go?"

Charlie scratched the back of his head awkwardly before nodding at me. "Well, sort of. You've been remanded to my custody for now, and I will let you go. On one condition."

I knew what that condition would be. And no way in hell would I agree to it. "I'm not going to stay away from her."

"Oh, I know." He chuckled, before leveling his stare at me again. "I'm not asking you to. All the times I caught you two when you were teenagers, I know that's a lost cause. I'll let you go get your girl, Edward, after you give me my time."

"Time, sir?" What the fuck was he on?

"Yep. Right this way," he said as he motioned toward the door.

He led me to a conference room that was usually reserved for attorneys to meet with their clients. As the door swung open, I saw James sitting at the table, shoulders hunched with his head in his hands.

"What the fuck, Charlie?" I asked, enraged that he would bring me into the room with him.

"Watch your language, boy. I have no doubt that you can get out of this, but if you love my daughter, and yours too, son, you'll have a seat and listen."

There was no need to argue with Charlie when he was like this, but I wasn't just going to bend over and do what he said. "Why?" I asked indignantly.

His face softened. "Because you're the only one she'll listen to. And she'll regret it if she doesn't."

The only time I'd seen him look so serious was the night he caught Bella and me in the Cruiser. Though it was one of the hottest experiences of my life, I wasn't sure I'd make it outta there alive. Charlie hadn't asked me for much, so I figured I owed him. Plus I couldn't leave if he wouldn't let me. I nodded.

"Go ahead, J. Tell him everything—this is probably your only chance," he stated simply.

"Whoa, chance?" I held up my hand. "I'll listen because I respect you, sir," I said nodding to Charlie, "but there is no way in fuck that I'm helping him keep Bella. This shit is done."

"I know it is. More than you can possibly comprehend." James' voice was barely above a whisper and he looked so despondent. As he started talking, his face morphed to anxious. "You have to know that I never planned this. I wasn't after her when we were in college. Knowing how much you meant to her has been hell. I knew she'd never look at me the way she looked at you. No amount of time would change that."

"Then why did you—"

"Emmy." He cut me off. "Don't get me wrong. I love Bella, more than you'll ever be able to appreciate, but Emma-Grace? She's my whole heart." He hit his clenched hand on his chest, over his heart as his voice choked up.

I got it. He'd been there for my daughter, from day one. It was impossible not to adore Gracie. It didn't matter, though. He should've known better. "James, you just don't do that. You don't move in on another guy's girl. You were my best friend."

He nodded sadly. "I know. And it didn't start off that way. Everyone was looking for you—we all thought you'd be found, that you'd come home." He leaned back in his seat and continued. "I was there at the apartment, watching the reports, waiting every second for the news that you'd been found—just like she was. She was deteriorating right in front of everyone's faces. But no one saw her. No one paid attention to the fact that she hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, that she looked….like a zombie."

"We were all looking for you, and dealing with it in our own ways." Charlie said solemnly, his voice laced with regret.

James nodded and continued. "She tried to keep up a front in front of everyone. Look strong and have a positive outlook. The day they called off the search was the worst day of my life. Well, until this past Valentine's Day."

"Valentine's Day?" I questioned, unable to make the connection. Charlie cleared his throat, prompting James to continue.

"She was nearly catatonic for weeks. Everyone else was grieving, too. You have to know how devastating it was for all of us. She stayed in bed, only getting up when Emmett would come over and feed her and practically force her take a shower. I came by as often as possible, wanting to do anything I could—not for her, not really. For you. We'd been friends for a long time, and I knew she would've been your greatest concern. I told her about the trust you had set up for her, but it was more than that. She started to rely on me because she didn't' want to bother your family."

Running my hand through my hair, I sighed. "My family would have—"

"Yes, they would have," he interrupted. "And they did. But you know Bella. She's not one to ask anyone for anything. Your family tried to move on," he said, looking at me in the eye. "They didn't want her to be sad, either. I was the only one she didn't have to put up a front for. She could laugh about some of the stupid shit you did or cry or throw things. We could remember you and not feel guilty about bringing up our memories of you. She didn't have to worry about my reaction. It didn't' matter to her what I thought of her wearing your stupid football jersey day after fucking day."

Charlie cleared his throat.

James continued. "When she found out she was pregnant, it was…well, it was hard. She was so happy that she would always have a part of you, but she was scared as fuck and felt like she was alone. She was worried your family would be upset since you weren't married."

"That's ridiculous," I said.

He nodded. "Of course. They were ecstatic. Gracie is the reason your family made it through your disappearance. She gave them—hope." He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face before continuing. "So, just like always, Bella didn't want them weighed down with her apprehensions about being a single parent or her anxieties without you. You've always been there, through everything with her. So I started picking up the slack, and she let me because she didn't want to be a burden to them."

He smiled, remembering the past. "She was always beautiful, but you know what they say about pregnancy and what it does to some women. She was stunning. You have no idea." I felt a pang of jealousy rip through me as he continued. "She let me help take care of her and rub her feet and shit like that. I did it because you couldn't be there to do it, and it was the least I could do. It was like, do what I can because you would have done it for me. Over time, we got closer, and before you give me that look, it wasn't even like that. We were friends—that's it. And then the baby was born. And man, I was in love."

A stupid grin crossed his face as he shook his head. "She was perfect, and I just wanted to be around her all the time. At first, your family was always there, doting on her, so I stepped back. Even though I saw her a couple of times a week, I missed her. I missed my connection to you."

"After a few weeks, things started to go back to normal. They went back to their lives. They saw her and talked to her and came by to check on her, but I guess that it was really hard for them." He looked at me imploringly. "Edward, she looks just like you. She did, right from the start. Anyway, we spent so much time together. Bella never hesitated to point out shit that Emmy would do that was like you. Our friendship wasn't forced, it just was. About a year later, Alice got it in her head that Bella needed to do something besides stay in your apartment or go on play dates with her baby. So she set Bella up with some guy. She didn't want to go, but she didn't want to disappoint your sister. So, I offered to keep the baby, to keep her mind off of at least that. I was a nervous wreck that night, pacing and just—crazy. That's when I realized that I could love her—that I did love her."

My fist involuntarily tightened, and it was all I could do not to throttle him onto the table. He had taken advantage of her when she was vulnerable.

"She walked back through the door less than two hours later and promptly just...burst into tears. I held her while she cried and told me how wrong it was, how she didn't want to be with anyone else but you. I told her she didn't have to—she was fine right where she was."

He looked at me, practically pleading for me to understand. "Right at that moment, when she looked at me—I knew. I knew I'd never be enough—I'd never be you. But you weren't fucking coming back. And I'd be damned if I would let that girl sit there and...waste away over a ghost. As much as I wanted her to be totally in love with me, I'd rather have something from her than nothing. I wanted her. I wanted Emmy. And I know now that I manipulated the situation to get what I wanted."

Rage washed over me and I started to get up when Charlie put his hand on my shoulder, silencing me. I'd almost forgotten he was in the room.

James shook his head and continued. "Not like that. I told you I love her. I just wanted her with me. So anytime someone asked her out or when one of your dipshit friends tried to reminisce with her, looking for an 'in', I reminded her about how awful it was for her, going on that date. How she shouldn't put herself through that. I brought her flowers and presents and took her to the fucking ballet. I never told her how I felt, but I would innocently hold her hand and wrap her hair around my fingertips, like you always used to do. Not because I wanted to be you—I knew that would never happen."

He laughed. "Because I'm an awesome fucking guy. I wanted her to want me. She had to make the first move, though. It had to be her call because I wasn't willing to lose her. I needed to be with her, with both o f them. A few months later, we were at your apartment, watching some crazy ass movie, where this dude dies in a war and the girl hooks up with his brother." He noticed my apparent frustration and laughed bitterly. "His dad wasn't happy and, really, neither was she. I think she might have offed herself in the end."

I blew out a breath. What the fuck was he talking about?

"I don't even know why I'm telling you this, but anyway, when the movie was over, Bella got this –this look on her face and she grabbed my hand and the baby monitor and pulled me into the hallway. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with her. Just when I was about to ask her what the fuck was going on, she surprised the shit out of me by kissing me. It was awkward as hell and I kept chanting 'this is Edward's girl, this is Edward's girl' in my head. No matter how much I wanted her, I knew it was wrong."

Why was he telling me this? Was he seriously so fucked up that he thought I wanted to hear about him kissing Bella?

He kept talking. "But it was sweet, too, you know? She was trying. She wanted to be happy. And fuck, she deserved it. So I started thinking 'this could be my girl.' When she pulled back, she had tears in her eyes and she told me she would try, but that she'd never be able to give me everything. I told her she could be happy—that I could make her happy. And for a few months, I did."

He breathed deeply. "It was slow and our relationship was like a stack of cards. I was always worried it would just fucking crumble down around us. But, even your parents said they were okay with it. I got to see her—both of them, every day. After awhile, I asked if she'd ever want to get married, and she said 'no.' I begged her, for lack of a better word, for months, to think about it. Bella and Emmy were my life, and I wanted us to be a real family."

His expression changed as a broad smile crossed his face. "Anyway, I'd been asking Bella about getting married. When she finally relented and said that she'd think about it, I got us a marriage license, telling her that I wanted to be prepared in any case. I bought a ring, thinking that maybe she wouldn't say no when she saw how serious I was about it. Last year, on the Fourth of July, we were having a party at my house. Some of our clients were there, which is probably the reason your parents were there. They supported us, but I could tell it felt wrong to them. I get that. It felt like a dream to me."

"She had on a pretty little white sundress, and I joked with her that it was perfect for us to get married in. She started to get upset with me when your father told her that they would support whatever decision she made. Well, needless to say, that shocked the fuck out of me. Your father basically gave us his blessing."

Who was he trying to fool? My father would never have said that to her. I stood up. "You lying fuck. There's no way…"

"It's true, Edward," Charlie muttered. "He told me that he did tell Bella that when she was ready to move on, they would support her."

I couldn't believe it. My own father had encouraged her? No wonder she was so lost.

James continued. "That did it. She jumped up right then and said, 'Fine, let's do it. Right now.' I was stunned. I asked her if she wanted to have a wedding, and she told me that she'd already planned a wedding that never happened. 'Why not live life in the moment?' She pointed at my buddy, Laurent, and told him to get an Officiant's License online as she was calling up your sister and telling her to pick up a cake on her way over. I don't think she even told her why."

He looked heartbroken, and honestly I couldn't blame him. His dream girl said 'yes' and then didn't give a shit about it.

He smiled sadly. "She didn't want to wait long enough for my parents to get there. When I asked her if she thought it was a little fast, she laughed and said 'you beg me every day to marry you. I'm saying yes now. It's now or never'."

"So, I chose now," he whispered.

"We got married and things were …difficult. She had a hard time moving out of your apartment and into my house. She wouldn't get rid of the apartment, wouldn't stop going there. She wouldn't even talk to me about having another baby. Things were better when I didn't push her to prove that she wanted to be with me. I always hoped that as more time went by, she'd heal more and miss you less and could just fucking be with me."

He stopped. The silence stretched on as he picked up the drink in front of him and gulped it down. Just as I was about to tell him to get on with it, he spoke again. "And then Valentine's Day happened. We went to dinner with Laurent and his girlfriend. He gave me an envelope and told me to take a look at it later. Bella just thought it was some business dealings. When I opened it, I was shocked."

He looked at Charlie, his expression pleading. Charlie just stared back. After a few moments, James continued. "Laurent's Officiant's License was there, revealing the date his license became valid. On July the sixth. The sixth. He didn't know that it wasn't valid right away. It took two business days. Which means…"

We spoke at the same time.

"You're not married?"

"Our marriage isn't legal."

I sat there, completely fucking stunned. How could this even be possible? "How could you do this to her?"

"You were still dead, Edward! I knew if I told her about it, she'd see it as some kind of sign. If I was crazy in love with Emmy before, that was nothing in comparison to what it was like for me living with her every day. With both of them. Bella is amazing, and I knew, man, I just knew that if she would just give in and let me have her, we could be so happy. I could make her happy." His voice escalated. He seemed to be crazy.

"And then you came back. And I know—I know the right thing to do would have been to tell her then. But I couldn't, Edward. I just…I couldn't. I knew she was going to leave me. I could feel it in the marrow of my bones, but then, something happened."

"What happened?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"She came to me. When you came back, I went to my parents' house. I needed time to get my shit together. My whole life was crashing down around me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. But she followed me. She promised that she would try. That she wanted me, she was choosing me."

"And you still didn't tell her?"

"How could I? What could I say then, Edward? She'd never made that choice before. And in that moment, everything I ever wanted was right fucking there."

I was confused. "So you still didn't tell her? She still doesn't know?"

"Oh, she knows. She found out yesterday."

I couldn't believe it. She had known it when she came to me the day before, before we slept together, and she didn't tell me. I felt almost betrayed as I thought about it. I realized that James was still talking.

"…argued, and then she fell."

What was that? "She fell? Is that what happened to her arm?"

"Yeah, she tripped and fell." He nodded. "I didn't—I would never do anything to hurt her. I love her. I didn't help her though, and when I tried, she…she wouldn't let me. She called your brother, and he came and got her."

Fucking Emmett. He had fucking lied right to my face. I'd deal with him later. But now, I had to get out of here and get to her. "Why did you tell me all of this, James? What exactly do you want from me?"

"I know Bella's hurt by me keeping this from her. You both are. But I need her to know that I didn't plan it. That I didn't do it on purpose. I would die if I lost …"

"If? Man, that ship has sailed."

"No, I know that. Fuck! I never really had a chance with Bella, not really. But Emmy. Edward, I know she's your daughter. She always has been, and I never tried to take that from her. Please, you have to understand, please. She's my whole life."

And I finally got it. He knew Bella wouldn't listen to him and would never believe that he didn't plan to deceive her. He knew she'd never let him see Gracie. I was pissed, but would I have done things differently if I were in his shoes? I didn't' know if I could answer that.

"James, I fucking hate you right now." His face fell and he put his head in his hands. I continued, "But, you used to be my friend, and you looked out for Bella when I couldn't. I told you I appreciated it, and I meant it. I'm going to support her, regardless of what she decides to do, but I swear to you, I will talk to her. It won't be good for Gracie to lose you, either. But listen to me: motherfucker, if you lie to either of us, ever again, I will end you."

He nodded at me, his expression somber. "That's all I'm asking."

I turned to Charlie, "are we done here?"

"Yep. Looks like you got the message, son."

"Yeah, I did. And now I'm going to get my girl."