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My Heart Burns

Chapter VII: Monster

SsSsS

The truth is that monsters are real. They live inside us, and sometimes they win.

SsSsS

Weeks went by. Harry waited only the right time. Some moment when he could strike, the perfect time to get away with murder.

It was Snape who gave him the solution.

The Slytherin Head of House was substituting for Lupin, after the Defense professor got sick. When someone could tell if Lupin was too sick to teach was a mystery. The man always looked too sick.

Snape was in a particularly snarky mood, and decided to switch up the material. They should have been reading about Red Caps, but thankfully, the lesson was on werewolves instead. How to recognize a werewolf and its bite. How to differentiate between werewolves and other creatures and beings with shape shifting abilities. Truthfully, Harry wasn't paying as much attention as he should, especially in a class Snape was teaching. He just couldn't.

He'd just had a telling conversation with Lord Voldemort. He'd opened himself to a dark lord, and in turn, the man had told him to kill someone.

Harry knew it was wrong, what he was planning. He knew he shouldn't listen to anything Voldemort said, but what if it brought him what he wanted? What if it really were for the best? Many different thoughts were screaming at him from inside. Some called him an idiot, some called him evil. The loudest one called him pathetic for even thinking of backing down. The voice that ended up winning was telling him to forget about it for now and pay attention to Snape.

It was like a slap to the face. Like Harry had run straight into a wall. Lupin was a werewolf. Of course he was. Snape had practically just told them. It was too obvious now that Harry had seen it. Could that be the reason he felt anxious and uneasy around Lupin? Probably. That didn't really matter though, as Harry had found the answer to the problem that had started haunting him since Christmas.

Lupin's death would be a matter of self-defense, not premeditated murder. Now, all that was left was the act itself…

Kill him.

sSsSs

Voldemort reclined in the plush chair, holding a small, black book. He stroked the spine lovingly, reminiscing a time when this diary had first helped him. As a teen, he would spend hours writing in it, letting out all of the pesky feelings that would have held him back. He wouldn't be here now if he hadn't have had this little plain book. The writing was no longer visible, but had taken on new meaning all the same. Now, the diary had literally kept him alive. It is a treasure he had hated to part with. Tom Riddle's very first Horcrux.

It wasn't the last time he had killed to split his soul, but it was his favorite time.

"Lucius. Did you do as I asked?"

Lucius bowed as he entered the room, keeping his eyes on the floor. It may be his own home, but Lucius wasn't about to choose pride over his life. Or the lives of his family. The Dark Lord will be respected, no matter where, how, or by whom. That was just the way the world worked.

"Yes, my lord. Fudge was only too happy to help, of course."

Voldemort chuckled. The Minister of Magic was a sad excuse for a leader. He would always back whoever seemed to have the most money.

"Good. Now that I will have Harry Potter where I need him, and when, the ritual can be held off until I get back a few of my old… valuables."

Voldemort was excited, but it wouldn't do to move too quickly, make a mistake. Just because he could call on Potter's services whenever he pleased didn't mean he should wait too long to complete the ritual that would return him to his true form. The next stage would be difficult, especially in Quirrell's body, but it needed to be done first. He needed them back…

"I will ready the portkey for us, my lord."

Both men stood and donned traveling cloaks and wands.

"Thank you, Lucius. I believe I'm quite ready for a trip to a nice island resort. What about you?"

sSsSs

Harry made his way briskly back toward the common room. He'd just come from the library- the Restricted Section, thanks to Snape- and picked out a much more advanced, in depth book about werewolves. If he was going to go through with this, he needed to plan. He needed to be absolutely prepared.

Killing werewolves was not an easy task.

Just as Harry turned the corner, he nearly ran straight into someone coming from the dungeons. Oh, no. Lupin. Harry quickly hid the book under his cloak, hoping the man hadn't seen it.

"H-Mr. Potter. Hello."

Good. Lupin hadn't seen anything.

"Hello, Professor. What are you doing down here?"

Lupin stalled, looking to the left. Harry knew the man was nervous about something. When a person darts their eyes to the left, it usually means they are looking for an excuse, thinking up a good story after being caught. Good. Let him squirm.

"Well, I was looking for you, actually. Professor Snape said you might be in the library, and I was hoping to find you there. I… would like to speak to you."

"Why?"

Lupin jumped at Harry's tone. It was harsh, cold, short. Harry was making it all too clear he wanted nothing to do with Lupin.

Lupin knew he deserved it.

"Harry… I wanted to apologize to you. About the boggart. I thought maybe you might listen to me if I told you I knew your parents. I could tell you so much about th-"

"Well, you were wrong, Professor. I don't care what you say, nothing will make me want to be alone with you. And I think it's a very low thing for you to try to use my dead parents to lure me in. Wouldn't you agree?"

Lupin never saw it coming. Harry's words were cutting deep. He watched with wide eyes as this boy, James' boy, showed nothing but loathing for him. It was in his eyes. Green fire blazed, ignited by anger, by hatred. Hatred for him.

Harry moved around him slowly, heading for the Slytherin dorms. Lupin couldn't move.

"Oh, and Professor?"

Harry had stopped just feet away. Lupin could not see his face, but heard the crack in his voice, some kind of hidden grief.

"Please, just stay away from me."

sSsSs

Footsteps. Coming toward him.

Sirius Black quickly shifted back into his human form. His canine animagus form worked to keep his sanity safe from the Dementors, but it wouldn't be good to be caught by one of the guards.

Sirius moved from his dark corner, trying to look out at the world, which was nothing but a long, grimy corridor in Azkaban prison. A guard was walking briskly, followed by two men. One, younger looking, Sirius could not recognize. The other one, the tall blond, Sirius knew.

What was Lucius Malfoy doing here?

The three men stopped at one particular cell, and it became immediately obvious to Sirius. Fear gripped his lonely heart, as he saw the guard leave Lucius and the stranger to speak to their prisoner of choice.

Bellatrix Lestrange.

Now, all of the old Death Eaters had come awake from their persistent state of lethargy, all moving about in their cells. Something was about to happen, something big, something bad.

Sirius knew then if he didn't get out now, he was going to die.

sSsSs

"I must be insane."

Now that Harry thought about it, standing out under the full moon, he really must have lost his mind somewhere along the road.

He was actually planning on killing a transformed werewolf. Alone. Outside in the Forbidden Forest.

It had better be worth it.

Harry stood within a clearing just inside the forest, far away from the hut that Hagrid called his home. Harry could not be seen tonight.

Harry had watched Lupin transform and take off from this very spot. The same place where Lupin would return once the night was over and he would turn back into his human form. Harry had a number of traps set up and had planned this whole operation out to perfection. He wasn't likely to fail.

For some reason, Harry felt like he really should fail. A small part of him wanted to get caught, wanted to be hauled off for this. Somewhere inside, Harry felt like a monster.

Pathetic.

Harry stilled his nerves and got ready to move.

To avoid being found by the werewolf, Harry had cast a useful little charm on himself. It kept him from being found by animals by masking his scent. He'd learned it from the werewolf book from the Restricted Section, and it explained how the spell worked. It was very much like the Bubblehead charm, but instead of just keeping breathable air around the mouth and nose, it covered the entire body, keeping the human scent from permeating the air, like a reverse shield.

Harry still kept downwind though, just in case.

When he was ready, all he had to do was lift the anti-scent charm, and Lupin would come right to him.

Harry checked the traps once more, paranoid they wouldn't work when he needed them. Scared they wouldn't go off properly while he was face-to-face with a vicious animal.

The traps had simple enough to construct. They were basically a magical bomb, rigged to explode in an inferno when he cast Incendio. They were spread around in a tight circle, with himself at the center. All he would have to do was wait until the wolf was in the center with him, the cast the fire spell at one of the bombs, and they would all go off at once. Or at least, they were supposed to.

Once the wolf was trapped in a circle of flames, it would have nowhere to run. Werewolves, like many animals, hated fire. It would be scared, it would possibly hurt itself trying to run through the fire. But the fire would not let it escape. The bombs, once ignited, would furiously burn anything that touched the flames.

All Harry would have to really do was sit back and watch the creature burn itself to death.

"Dear God, what's wrong with me?"

You're weak. You're too soft. That's what's wrong with you.

"Shut up. Just shut up…"

sSsSs

Potter wasn't in bed.

Where the hell is that little brat?

Severus trudged down the hall, making his way from the dungeons. Potter was gone, and he needed to be found. Potter wouldn't really do something… drastic, would he?

He'd better not. Severus would ring him good if he found out Potter had gotten himself hurt. This would be a lot easier if he only knew what the Dark Lord had told the boy to do…

There. Lupin's office was lit. Lupin always made sure it was locked and no candle was left burning. It was a full moon, Severus knew for a fact that the werewolf was roaming the forest right now, so who was in his office? Severus didn't need to guess.

There was Potter, sitting on the floor, in front of a open wardrobe. So, the story about his boggart wasn't exaggerated, after all. The creature had taken the form of a young Harry Potter, and he was a horrifying sight of bloody bruises and broken bones. The real Potter just sat staring at it.

The vision hit Severus just a little too close to home for his liking.

"Potter! I should give you detention for the rest of your school years! Why aren't you in bed?"

Potter just sat in the shadow of the wardrobe. He suddenly nodded toward the boggart.

"What do you see when you look at him?"

Severus sighed. He did not want to do this.

"Potter, get up and go to bed."

"Please, sir. Just… what do you see? Do you see a monster?"

A monster? Oh Merlin, what was going on now?

"Potter…"

Sigh. Well, there is one way to end this.

"I see a boggart that turned into a little boy."

"That's all?"

"Yes, now get up before I have to-"

"I killed him."

Severus stopped dead, his blood running cold. Potter's voice was different, his entire body was shivering. There was dirt caked along the bottom of his robes.

"What did you say?"

"Lupin, sir. I killed him. Just now. In the forest. I… I took his life as if it were mine to take."

Voldemort. That son of a bitch. He's using kids now.

"I…he'll never smile again. He'll never laugh again. He'll never speak again. Because of me. I took Lupin away, it's my fault. Why? What have I done?"

Potter finally looked away from the boggart. His eyes shone, he wanted to cry. Needed to cry. Severus knew this situation. He'd been through it himself. He knew Potter would not cry.

Those green eyes were just so broken, though.

"Come on, Harry. It's over now."