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Another short chapter. Sorry.

My Heart Burns

Chapter X: World So Cold

SsSsS

How did you get here and when did it start? An innocent child with a thorn in his heart.

SsSsS

Harry watched on as Sirius devoured plate upon plate of food. Watching the man, his godfather, eat as though he'd never seen food before reminded Harry of his own past. He felt a spark of some faraway emotion, something he'd never felt for another human being before. Harry pitied Sirius and wanted to help him. He didn't want to see Sirius eating like this, so he turned his gaze to look out the window.

Sirius made Harry realize so many things, without even trying. Until now, Harry never knew that he was pitying himself. Always and only himself.

Before Sirius came into Harry's life, Harry had never felt empathy.

Harry wondered if he would ever be able to show his gratitude to this man. This dirty, shabby, unstable man who had come to mean so much to Harry. How could Harry possibly thank Sirius, when he couldn't even tell him the truth?

It wasn't fair to Sirius, none of this was. Harry needed to face himself, and the truth, and risk getting rejected by the man. Sirius was a good man who'd made his own mistakes in the past. Would he understand though? After what Harry had done?

Only one way to find out. If Sirius hated Harry, it wouldn't be so bad, right? Harry knew there was one other person who might still want him, even if just for a tool.

"Sirius?"

The man looked up, mouth stuffed full with chicken, making his cheeks puff out, with his eyes wide, curious. Harry chuckled, rolling his eyes at the goofy look on Sirius' face.

"What is it, kid?"

Harry sobered up instantly, preparing him for inevitable failure. Now, how to start…

"I need to ask you something important, Sirius. But I have some explaining to do first."

Harry moved from leaning against the wall. They were in an old abandoned classroom on the first floor, where Sirius could make a quick exit if need be. Harry stopped pacing to stand in front of a dusty window. Sirius followed him, forgetting the food.

"What's wrong, Harry?"

Harry wiped some grime from the window, dreading this moment with all his heart.

"Do you believe some people are born evil?"

You're stalling.

"Well, no I don't. Just because someone has bad parents, doesn't mean they're automatically bad too. I know from experience. My brother and I were completely different. But I have a feeling that's not what you wanted to ask…"

"No, it wasn't."

Harry jumped when he felt a warm hand land on his shoulder. Another thing about Sirius, he like to show comfort with touch. At first, it scared Harry to death, but now he was slowly learning that Sirius really didn't want to hurt him.

At least, for now.

"I… I…"

Just tell him!

Damn it!

"I killed Lupin!"

Harry shut his eyes as tight as could, and waited.

"What? Harry, wha- what are you talking about?"

Sirius had such an incredulous look marring his rough features, that Harry just wanted to take it all back and run away. He couldn't, wouldn't do that.

"I killed Remus Lupin, Sirius. I followed him into the forest one night, and I took his life. I watched him die…"

Sirius' shock melted into anger.

"Did he do something to you, Harry? Did Remus hurt you?"

It was Harry turn to be shocked.

"No… Well, there was the boggart, but no, he didn't really do anything-"

"Who told you to kill him? Was it Malfoy? He made you do?"

Sirius was beginning to scare Harry now. There was a mad fire burning in his eyes and he was muttering nonsense about "choking that blond bastard."

"Sirius, it wasn't Malfoy."

"Nott then."

"No."

"Son of a bitch! It was Snape wasn't it? I'll kill him!"

Harry had to run to catch up with Sirius, who'd already reached the door by the time Harry realized he'd moved. This was not going well at all.

"Sirius listen to me! Just stop! Please… Sirius, it was Voldemort."

That got his attention. Sirius went pale, his blue eyes as wide as they could go. This was it. No turning back. No more running.

"He's back, Sirius. He's back and it's all because of me."

The man was silent. The room was deafened by his silence. Harry felt his eyes start to burn. He would not cry, not now, never again. He had to be stronger than that. He had to fight it until his dying breath. His mouth, on the other hand, betrayed him.

"Do you hate me?"

Harry had never known the feeling of an embrace. It was so foreign, so intimate, that it scared Harry more than any weapon. So when he suddenly found himself in Sirius' arms, the tears he had so valiantly fought against finally won out. They came like a flood of hate and rage and pain, all washing away, all because of one man. Harry's godfather, Sirius Black, who'd snuck into Harry's life, his heart, and finally succeeded in shining a light in a broken child's dark world.

You are strong now.

sSsSs

The news from Hogwarts was distressing indeed.

Barty Crouch Jr., who was currently parading around the school disguised as Alastor Moody, sent word on Potter's new acquaintance. Lucius had been the one to relay the news of Sirius Black to the Dark Lord, and he was thankful to be alive now.

Their lord was furious.

Believing he'd lost his newest slave to a Black, Voldemort went off on a couple very unlucky Death Eaters. It was a good thing they weren't important members though, as one of them was now dead.

Just recently, everyone had been so envious of Potter, the Dark Lord's new favorite. Now it was plain to see, they were all grateful not to be in his shoes. If the boy didn't know he had been playing with fire when he had mislead Voldemort, he would find out soon enough, when he would be engulfed in the raging fury that was Lord Voldemort.