OMWGNOTE: This is a one-shot based off of He Lives On universe, though it takes place before He Lives On does. To understand this, you probably should have read that already. But seeing how everyone who reads this reads everything else I post, I sense no problems.
I missed little Logie so much and I just needed to write him again. He'll probably pop up several times in the next 97 chapters.
Also this one-shot is again dedicated to Miss Fenway.
James had always had problems with insomnia.
The inability to sleep had plagued him constantly when he was younger, forcing him to watch others fall asleep quickly and then stay asleep while he was stuck staring at the clock, waiting for the moment where sleep would find him. Even when he did finally fall asleep, it was restless and he only got a few hours.
He had been living with Camille and her son Logan for four years. After his best friend Logan had died from cancer a day before his son was born, James had a brief run in with drugs that cause his long-time girlfriend Julie to break up with him. He regrettably distanced himself from Camille and little Logan for almost a year before gathering the strength to get past Logan's death and embrace his best friend's son like he was his own.
Although Logan's death pained him, everything he loved about his best friend could be found in his son. Little Logan had the same dark hair and brown eyes, and already James could tell that Logan was smart for his age. He was careful and surprisingly calm for a five-year old and was so much like his father that sometimes it hurt James to think about it.
James very much enjoyed his current living arrangement. He helped Camille raise Logan and they helped him remember that there was something in life worth living. Of course, he and Camille were just friends and nothing more. James didn't want to completely impose on the life his best friend should have had.
Thinking about Logan was usually what kept James awake at night. He missed his best friend horribly and taking care of his son, although an amazing experience, only made James miss Logan even more. He wished that Logan had never been diagnosed with cancer because he was the person least deserving of his fate.
James hadn't slept in his room in months. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept in his own bed because he rarely slept anyway. He usually camped out in the living room and watched reruns of Full House until the early hours of the morning when he would finally crash in the early hours of the morning.
At that point it was nearing five in the morning and James was finally beginning to feel tired. He let his eyes drift shut and turned the television down several notches so he didn't have to listen to the noise. He was just about to finally fall asleep before a soft voice made his eyes snap open.
"Jamie!"
It was so sudden that it made James jump a bit. Rubbing the sleep away from his eyes, he propped himself up on his arm and turned towards the direction of the noise. "Hey buddy," James said to Logan. "What are you doing up so early?"
Logan gripped James' shoulder and used it to help himself get onto the couch. "I had a bad dream," He explained as he situated himself next to James. "I came to get you so you could scare the monsters away."
"Logie, there's no such thing as monsters," James told him softly.
But Logan refused to listen him and shook his head wildly. "Yes there are!" He protested. Before James could add anything, Logan asked, "Can I sleep with you, Jamie?"
James sighed. There wasn't much room on the couch as it was and he wasn't going to have Logan sleep in a chair. Sending Logan back to his room wasn't an option because there was no way he was going to let his best friend's son go to sleep when he was terrified. He would send Logan into Camille's room, but he always felt like he needed to make it up to Camille for leaving her alone with a crying baby for the first few months of Logan's life. Besides, he never minded having Logan with him.
"Alright," He finally relented, earning an excited smile from Logan.
"I want to watch a movie," Logan suddenly declared. "Jamie, let's watch Hercules!"
James laughed. "Logie, you asked if you could sleep in here," He said. "You never said anything about a movie."
"But I'm not tired," Logan protested, but James still looked like he wasn't going to give in. Logan pulled out his puppy dog eyes and peered up at James through his lashes.
"Pleeeaaassseeee?" He asked again. "Please please please please please please plea—"
"Fine," James finally relented with a sigh, earning a cheer form Logan. "But if your mother gets mad, I'm blaming it on you, little man."
James left Logan on the couch and padded over to the cabinet they kept all of their movies in. It was supposed to be used for books, but seeing as no one in the house read a lot, James and Camille decided to use it for their extensive Disney movie collection. James didn't even have to bother to look for Hercules, knowing it would be on the top shelf will all his other favorite movies.
He grabbed the VHS case and opened it with ease, popping it into the VHS player that they used much more often than the DVD player. He sighed with relief when the opening previews began rolling, thankful that he had rewinded the movie after the last time he watched it. It saved him five minutes of standing by the VHS player and waiting for it to be back at the beginning.
When he returned to the couch, Logan was patiently standing beside it, waiting for James to reclaim his earlier position. Once James was settled in, Logan wasted no time in curling up to James, letting his head rest on James' chest. Although he had done it on several other occasions, James felt his heart swell with adoration for his best friend's son at the action.
They got through the beginning of the movie with no trouble, and James' love for Hercules kept him awake. Logan was on his best behavior as well, staying silent until one of the songs came on and he sang along to the words he knew. His voice was another thing that Logan had inherited from his father. James was almost certain that his best friend had just been reincarnated into his son.
"Hercules is lucky he gets to talk to his daddy," Logan commented, pulling James out of his thoughts to see Hercules talking to Zeus' statue form. "I get to talk to my daddy too but he never talks back."
James' heart nearly broke in two at the words and he struggled to keep his tears at bay. "That's true," He said, fighting to keep his voice even. "But you know your daddy loved you very much, right?"
"Mhmm," Logan replied immediately. Suddenly he sat up, taking his attention away from the movie and turning towards James. "Jamie, can you tell me about my daddy?"
It was the first time Logan had asked about his father. James had of course told him stories of Logan when little Logan was only a toddler, but he was too young to understand any of it. But now he was old enough to understand, and it was getting harder and harder for James to hold the tears back.
Despite this, he forced a smile onto his face. "Alright," He said finally, earning a smile from Logan.
"Your father was one of the greatest people I ever knew," James began, both him and Logan ignoring the movie playing in the background. "He was also one of the smartest, too. It was like he had the answer to everything. He always helped me and Kenny and Carlos with our problems."
"Was he fun to be around?" Logan asked.
James smiled again, this time not forced. "Very fun," He answered. "You were named after him because you looked just like him and your mom knew you would be just like him, too."
Logan smiled proudly for a moment before it fell. "Jamie, how did he die?"
James' smile faltered as well and he didn't even try to stop the tears from coming then. "Logie, a long time ago your dad got really sick," James explained, his voice wavering. "But it wasn't like the colds you get where it only lasts a few days. Logan was sick for a really long time and it was very scary.
"He got better, though," James said. "A few years later he married your mom and then a year after that, your mom and your dad told me and Kendall and Carlos that they were going to have a baby. That baby was you." Logan beamed at him.
"But," James continued. "A month before you were born, your dad got sick again. But this time he was a lot sicker than he was the first time. A few days before you were born, he got too sick and he died. But your dad is in heaven right now, and even though you can't see him, he can see you. And I can bet he loves you with all his heart, Logie."
Logan smiled wider at the comment and was silent for a few moments. The smile fell from his face and his brow furrowed like he was deep in thought. Finally, after a minute of silence, he spoke up. "Jamie, I have a question."
"Alright," James said, wondering what it could possibly be. "Shoot."
"Since my real daddy is in heaven," He began. "Can I call you Daddy?"
The smile that had reappeared on his face completely vanished in that moment. He tried to speak to respond to Logan but the lump of tears that had formed in his throat was making it difficult for him to do so. Taking a few seconds to try and compose himself, he said, "Logan, I—I don't know."
"Okay," Logan said quietly, turning around so he could watch the movie again. It was now more than halfway through at that point.
James was still speechlessly staring at Logan. He had been caught off guard by the boy's question, but that wasn't to say that he felt completely honored that the thought even crossed Logan's mind. The fact that Logan wanted to refer to James as his father left James with mixed feelings, though. For one, he was incredibly happy that Logan saw him as a father figure. It made him feel accomplished for coming back from his drug use and learning to get past the death of his friend. But on the other hand, he was incredibly sad that his best friend Logan never got to meet the amazing child that was his son.
He lamented on this fact for the remainder of the movie, paying no attention to how the room was becoming lighter as the sun rose. Instead he remained caught up in his emotions while the movie kept playing, barely even noticing when Logan's eyes began to droop while he rested his head on James' chest.
The final scene of the movie was playing, and Logan was almost asleep. And as the movie ended and the credits began rolling, before Logan was about to fall asleep, he whispered something so quietly that James almost missed it.
"I love you, Daddy."
Only moments after it was said, Logan's breathing evened out, signifying that he was asleep. James' heart swelled again and he smiled through his tears, running a hand through Logan's hair as he began to drift off to sleep himself.
"I love you too, son."
OMWGNOTE: You see, with experienced angst writers such as myself who write nothing but angst, very few things I write about actually brings me to tears. I'm not very emotional when it comes to writing things like this.
Can I just say while writing this I needed a bucket for my cries?
Review. I'll be in Laura's Weeping Corner.