"Da-Da-da-" Amelia chatted. Casey turned in surprise and Ruth laughed.
"Oh yeah! She's speaking her own little language now."
"Really?" Casey said with a laugh and then her face fell. "I'm missing so much."
Ruth put a hand on Casey's shoulder. "Yes. But you look so much better than you did. Ottawa agrees with you...or at least, Mikey does." She stood up and went to collect their coffees from the kitchen.
"Someone sure knows how to drool a lot." Casey announced with a smile at the little girl in front of her.
"She takes after her father!" Ruth shouted back from the other room. Casey laughed and reached up to the coffee table for a paper tissue to wipe the dribble from her god-daughter's mouth.
"Are those new teeth troubling you?" Casey asked.
"They're definitely troubling me." Ruth told her, coming into the living room. "Breast -feeding is getting to be a little painful right now. In fact," she said with a sigh. "I'm thinking of stopping."
Casey sat up and looked across at her friend who was now perched on the couch. She sensed that Ruth was troubled and Casey had noted her friend looked pale and drawn.
"She is nearly nine months." Casey said. "How do you feel about stopping?"
"A little sad." Ruth admitted. "But also..." She straightened. "I love my daughter. She's my world and I want the best for her, but..."
"...but you have other commitments too and satisfying everything is draining you?." Casey finished. "You need to find a balance in everything. If breast-feeding is starting to impact other important things..."
"That's exactly it!" Ruth announced. "It's wearing me down to the point where I'm so exhausted I can't function. She's just so active and I'm not."
"Only you can make the decision, Ruth."
"I know...I just...How can it be right that doing the right thing by my daughter means making me ill?
"Have you spoken to your feeding co-ordinator?"
Ruth sighed. "She says the same as you. Only I can make the decision. But how do I make a decision like that? Some people breastfeed for years."
Casey smiled. "And some people never breastfeed at all. You're doing a great job, Ruth. She's thriving but only a small part of that is down to the milk. Most of it is the time and effort you put into her care. If you are too tired to function..."
Ruth nodded. "I'll think about it."
Casey rolled her little charge a ball. "When was your last check up with your doctor?" She asked as if distracted. Ruth shrugged.
"Not for a few months, why?"
"Maybe you need some supplements. Why don't you go and see your doctor? Get yourself checked out."
Ruth nodded and then smiled. "Thanks Casey. I've missed you and your advice so much."
"Ottawa isn't cut off you know. You can still phone me."
"But I don't want to intrude...you know...into your life there."
Casey laughed. "What exactly do you think you are going to interrupt?"
"We'll you're not single any more and..."
"Oh for heavens-sake. Don't you start."
"What?"
"I'm not dating Mikey. We just..."
"Live together?"
"Exactly. We're not sl...having sex. He's just a very good friend." Her face pulled into a frown. Why was it so hard to define the relationship she had with Derek? She chuckled inwardly. It had always been hard to define the relationship she had with Derek. Even when they didn't have a relationship...not that they had one now or...
Oh hell!
"It's just well...what if I ring during a moment...the moment?" Ruth tried to explain.
"Moment?" Casey looked confused.
"You know. When he's confessing undying love to you or something?"
Casey's eyes widened and then she laughed a deep-rooted belly laugh. "Oh that's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time." She said when she had caught her breath. She noted Ruth's own puzzled look and patted her friend on the back of her hand.
"I think I can safely say that the chances of that happening are very, very remote. Derek and I may care about each other but Derek confessing undying love...he he!"
"Derek?" Ruth asked, now really confused. Casey froze.
"I meant Mikey." She said. "Mikey."
Ruth looked sadly at her friend. Clearly there was some way to go before Casey was her normal self, however much it might appear otherwise.
Casey said nothing further. In the quiet that followed the door to the living room opened and Sam came in.
"Casey!" he cried as soon as he spotted her. Casey quickly stood up and went to hug him.
"Hi Sam!"
"I didn't know you were coming home!"
Casey shrugged. "Last minute time off. I didn't get chance to call ahead. You're looking..." She frowned. "Sam? Have you put on weight?"
Ruth sniggered. "I told you she'd notice."
Sam pouted and Casey grimaced. "Sorry Sam, that was rude of me."
He chuckled. "Nah. It was just the truth. I keep telling myself it's contentment but I guess if it's that noticeable I need to start doing a bit more exercise."
Casey smiled. "Amelia will be on her feet soon and that will be exercise enough. You always were a little on the thin side at school."
They all chuckled as they sat down.
"So how's Ottawa?" asked Sam, although they all interpreted it as is that Mikey character still on the scene?
"Ottawa's fine. Great." Casey replied."The apartment is starting to look like a home now that I've added some furniture." Which meant, yes he's still around. We live together actually.
"I've always fancied visiting the big city." Maybe I should come check the guy out. Sam was ignoring the stink-eye his wife was giving him.
"Toronto's a city too, Sam. You go there regularly." Casey pointed out. I know what you are up to, wiseguy.
"Yeah, but it would be nice to see you in your new home. And soon." I wonder if I can use my frequent flyer points to pay for the flight?
Casey rolled her eyes. "It would be nice to have you both to visit although I have to warn you, there are only two bedrooms and there isn't a room for a crib in my room or the spare room."
"I'm sure we can sort something out. My sister might have Amelia for us." Two rooms and one is spare? They sleep together? Mentally booking that flight right now!
Ruth watched the ping-pong between Casey and Casey's ex-boyfriend with amusement.
"IF we come to see you in Ottawa," Ruth said, pointed looking at her husband. "there will be no need to put us up. We'll stay in a hotel – and we'll give you [and Mikey] plenty of notice. Won't we, Darling?"
Sam scowled. Ruth knew how he felt about Casey's internet boyfriend. The trouble was from Sam's point of view, he still didn't understand why none of her family had met him. Wasn't George itching to see who his step-daughter was shacked up with? Hadn't he hopped on the first flight to the city to see for himself the guy who had swept her off her feet. After all, Casey did have an appalling track record of dating loser guys – with one obvious exception...himself. Although frankly he wasn't too happy with his own behaviour on occasion back then.
Some how he couldn't see Derek taking this whole Mikey-business so casually – and therein was his motivation; with Derek's death, Sam had taken over the role of protector for Casey McDonald.
It wasn't that Derek had ever admitted to seeing himself in that role, but Sam knew his best friend and he had known that Derek had devoted a lot of energy to ensuring the only messes Casey wound up in were ones of his own making...and therefore ones which he could guarantee she would emerge from relatively unscathed. Relative being the operative word...although of course as he had reminded Derek once, Casey and Derek weren't actually related. He still remembered Derek's reaction on that one occasion where Sam brought up the subject of step-sibling relationships – and their legitimate status in the world. Sam had chosen the wrong location for the discussion – the school lunch hall.
"Sam. For the love of fucking MIKE, shut the fuck up before someone hears you!" Derek had hissed.
"I'm just saying..."
"Yeah. Why don't cha just shout that a bit louder so that dude at the back with the purple hair and the bad taste in rock bands can hear you?"
And of course, the situation was compounded when Ralph added his opinion.
"Casey's hot, dude. You should totally..."
Derek glared at him, Ralph closed his mouth and Sam felt like he ought to intervene.
"It was just something that I read somewhere that I thought you might not be aware of."
Derek snorted. "Of course I'm aware of it! I've been aware of it since day one."
"You mean you read it somewhere?"
"No I mean Dad gave me a fucking lecture before he married Nora about respecting my "sisters". He said the word "sister" so often and got so nervous when I corrected him about the "step" bit that I started wondering why the four letters made such a difference."
"And you found out?"
Derek had looked down at his food then. "Yeah. I found out. I also found out that for once my Dad was right. The four little extra letters really made no difference whatsoever." His voice was quiet before he recovered and Sam wondered what else Derek had found during his research. Or what George had said to him.
"Of course it's still fun to mess with the old guy now and then. I swear he has kittens every time he sees me coming out of Casey's room." He grinned at Sam.
Then the smile faded. "But just because you and I know the real legalities of the situation does not mean that I want you blabbing them around the school. You know what this place is like! People work out that I could date her and then they'll start to think that I am. They'll make up stories about me meeting her in boiler rooms, rubbing her up against the lockers, screwing in her bedroom late at night or worse – screwing in the front seat of the Prince."
"Let alone what Casey would say..."
Derek laughed. "Oh she knows."
"Oh?"
"She watched an episode of one of her lame medical TV programmes about childbirth and she was horrified when the loving parents of the newborn baby were actually step-siblings. Man! You should have seen her face!"
But Sam remembered that Derek's face hadn't looked as cheerful about Casey's epiphany as he made out. He had always wondered about that.
By the time Casey left Sam and Ruth's home, she was fully aware that Sam still harboured massive doubts about Mikey. She drove back to the apartment she nominally shared with Marti, smiling to herself. Sam might feel differently if he knew who "Mikey" really was...or then again...
Maybe not!
She should have known the evening was going to turn into a farce the moment she spilt the red pesto down her cream dress. Casey swore colourfully at the stain, much to Marti's amusement.
"I can see my brother is influencing you in many ways." Derek's only sister said with a chuckle. "I spotted a couple of his favourite curses in there."
Casey rolled her eyes. "Please Marti, we have to stop talking about Derek tonight. If you mention him in front of the family it could be disastrous."
"Relax. I won't mention him or at least other than the pointed grilling about "Mikey" that I'm going to give you in front of Nora."
"No!" wailed Casey. "Please! I've already got the two names mixed up this afternoon when I saw Ruth, I can't make any mistakes tonight. The trouble with the Venturis is you are all as sharp as a knife when it comes to picking up on secrets. I don't know how I ever thought I could keep Mikey a secret from you."
"Neither do I. But then I also don't understand how you managed to go so long before you realised that he was really Derek – and even then it took you seeing him face to face."
"I know. I guess I was so used to pushing the vague hope that he was still alive away from me that I missed the signs that it was really true." She couldn't hide the small smile of relief which crept onto her lips. Casey wasn't particularly religious but she sent a small prayer of thanks to whatever power existed that the unthinkable had happened and he was alive again...for now.
Talking about Derek with Marti was easy and difficult at the same time. It was nice to have someone "in the know".
They were currently in the kitchen and Casey was preparing the ingredients for cooking because the rest of the Venturis were coming for dinner. In an effort to pacify her mother and George, who weren't happy that it was only a flying visit, she had invited them to spend the evening; and with the promise of decent home-cooking the other remaining members of the clan were coming too. It was going to be Red Pesto Chicken – a new recipe that Casey had discovered whilst in Ottawa – and which had now been adopted by Derek as his "favourite non-cow" dish. She smiled as she thought about the last time she had cooked this. Derek had picked at the cooked chicken pieces while she was preparing it so much she had been forced to keep the rolling pin handy to discourage errant hands. The tactic had worked and she though he had given up, until he slipped an arm around her waist, leaned his chin on her shoulder and whispered flattering comments about her cooking into her ear. His voice had been deep and soft, and incredibly distracting...
...which was clearly the point because when he had teased her for several minutes she looked down to see that half a cooked chicken breast was missing from the chopping board and she hadn't seen him eat a mouthful!
It had been less than 48 hours since she had last seen Derek but it felt like forever.
"Penny for them..." Marti asked, leaning against the worktop. She had a slight upward curve to her mouth that Casey was trying to convince herself wasn't a knowing smile.
"I was just thinking about the last time I cooked this meal." Casey commented.
Marti reached across and picked up a chip from the selection of chips and dips Casey had already prepared. She crunched it before speaking.
"Let me guess, you cooked enough for four and only ate a quarter of it, and my brother ate the rest."
Her step-sister chuckled. "Something like that." she admitted.
"I miss him too, Casey." Marti said a moment later.
"I know."
"What if something happens and I don't get to see him again."
Casey sighed. "It's not his choice, Marti."
The younger girl nodded in understanding and changed the subject. "You should change that dress it's covered in sauce."
"Yeah. Could you finish chopping this chicken for me? And don't eat it all. I haven't got time to go out and buy more."
"What do you think I am? A Venturi?"
"Exactly!" Casey laughed back.
She returned to her room to change her clothes shivering slightly as she entered. The room had many unhappy memories for her; most of them involved her crying over something she couldn't change, someone she couldn't have. But part of the problem was the recurring nightmare she had been having over the months since Derek's reappearance in her life, since her move to Ottawa. It was the nightmare where she kept feeling as though she was living a dream and that the reality was the cold bedroom in which she was currently standing. To try and break the eerie sensation she concentrated on the details of the room she could see in front of her. Dreams were all about generalities. If she concentrated on the specifics then she could convince herself that it was still real.
As per the conversation she had with Derek when she first arrived back in London, the plan was to take as many of her things back to Ottawa with her as she could, so stacked in the corner were a handful of boxes she had filled and sealed. Some were labelled "Mom's" and some were labelled "Home". All that remained was the bed, the furniture and Casey's empty suitcase; her few unpacked clothes were hanging in her closet. She opened the door and took out a red thai silk dress she had brought from Ottawa. It wasn't the same as the one she had ripped that night in the club - that had been thrown away by the hospital while she was recovering. It was however, an identical dress. Derek had bought it for her while she was still recuperating at home. Then he had taken her out to dinner to give her somewhere "normal" to wear it.
She dressed quickly and sighed at the ruin of the cream dress.
As she turned to leave the room, Casey felt a new sense of unease, as though she was being watched. She glanced towards the window where the drapes were drawn back but the night outside was empty. She heard the doorbell go and shaking herself, pulled away from the unease and moved out into the living room.
"Hi Dad! Hi Nora!" Marti opened the front door for her parents and then pretended to shut the remaining McDonald-Venturis out.
"Oh...you all came!" Her voice didn't sound very enthusiastic.
"Be nice Marti!" Casey warned from beside the couch. Marti laughed.
"Spoilsport!"
"It's okay," Lizzie said with a grin at Marti. "I'll get my own back. Next time it's my turn to cook we'll be trying out some of my all time favourite Quorn recipes. We all know how much Marti loves Quorn."
"You try and feed me that rubbery grey stuff and I'll feed it to your cat."
"I don't have a cat."
"Get one."
Edwin and Robbie laughed, stepped over the door threshold and made immediately for the large plates of chips and dips. Like a plague of locusts, they hovered for a moment near the coffee table with the snacks on them and then when they stepped away – there was nothing left except a tiny piece of toasted pitta that had been missed and the dregs of the four difference dips. On the side lines, the three young women watched the two guys eat all the snacks and turned to each other in disbelief.
"That's just..." Lizzie complained.
Nora smiled indulgently. "They are growing men, sweetie." She glanced at Casey who was normally the first to react to that sort of behaviour.
"It's okay, Liz. I've got more in the kitchen. It was predictable behaviour. I'm used to it."
"Is Mikey the same then?" Nora asked. Marti coughed and scratched her neck in a way that made Casey think of Derek...again.
"Oh yes. You wouldn't believe the amount of humus we get through in a sitting."
Nora laughed. "You want to bet? I did cater for Derek during his teenage years!"
Casey said nothing, because Nora couldn't be more right if she tried.
"You're looking stunning, Casey." George said, pressing a kiss against his step-daughter's cheek.. She blushed and muttered her thanks. George turned his attention to Marti. "You're looking...colourful." He said with a stutter in the middle as he struggled to find something complimentary about Marti's latest fashion creation.
"Thanks Dad! That means a lot to me." Marti said without a trace of irony.
They had come bearing wine and post-dinner chocolates which Edwin tried to take charge of, but was pipped at the post by Marti. He scowled at her.
"Don't you think you've pigged out enough on the snacks?" Marti questioned taking the gifts into the kitchen.
The family sat down on the sofa and the floor and everyone began talking at once. Casey smiled. It was the noise she missed most about this part of her life. Life with Derek wasn't exactly quiet, they still argued so much it could never be considered as tranquil, but the noise when the family got together definitely trumped it. And they hadn't seen her for a long time. She answered as many questions as she could and was surprised that none of them related to Mikey and her domestic situation. In fact, it wasn't until she got up to go and start cooking the dinner that Nora followed her and the gentle interrogation by a mother began.
"You look happy." Nora said, watching as Casey filled a large pan with water.
Casey smiled. "I am happy." She replied.
"Good. Because the moment George thinks Mikey isn't treating you well he's going to be on the first plane to Ottawa."
Casey laughed. "I think the moment we have a big argument I'd better block book some seats because Ruth said much the same thing to me about Sam." She placed two large frying pans on the hob. Nora smiled.
"This move..." She asked tentatively, knowing that Casey could very well resent the intrusion. "...is it permanent? Only I notice more of your things are missing from the living room here and..."
"Mom, I don't know, okay? I just know that I need a break from here, from London and Toronto. It hasn't been good for me since Derek's death."
"I know and I think you are right. I just...Casey it's all happened so fast. And roommate or not, you hardly know the guy."
Nora was fishing and Casey knew it. She had given her parents the sanitised version of the Mikey and Casey story but she knew they wouldn't be satisfied since they had never even seen a picture of him. Nora would like to see a picture so that she could get some sort of feel for what Mikey was like. Early on in this drama, Marti had suggested to Casey that she find someone else and take a picture of them instead, but Casey couldn't do it, because that would be lying to her mom. Whilst she had been economical with the truth, or phrased things very very carefully, she had never out-right lied to her mom about Mikey: he was a friend of Derek's, they had "met" at that party – although they had known the other one was going at the time- and he was a cop who like Casey worked incredibly long hours. Casey knew her mother however, and where as some parents might accept a lack of critical information, and the knowledge that their child lived hundreds of miles away with someone they've never met, she knew Nora wouldn't. She was working her way up to it, but Casey knew that the crunch moment would come at some point – and she loved her mother for it, even while she panicked about how to handle it.
"I should warn you," Nora said. "George is talking about a family trip to Ottawa in the Summer."
"Oh." Casey stopped stirring the food in the pans.
"Will that cause you a problem?" Nora asked. Casey glanced at her mother to see how she was asking. If she had her "hard" look on, Casey would know that she had had a hand in the suggestion.
But Nora's look was soft, as though she understood how that would make things awkward. Casey said nothing so Nora went on.
"I've told him I'm not comfortable with the idea. I want to be invited to Ottawa, not force it on you."
"Mom..." Casey started, but Nora put up her hands.
"We have several months yet, four maybe five. Why don't you think about it? Talk to Mikey. See what he says."
Casey nodded. "I'll try Mom." She said. Her words made Nora frown.
"Is it that he doesn't want to see us?" She asked. "You can be honest with me. I wouldn't blame the guy he wouldn't be the first."
Casey shook her head. "No Mom. He wants to see you more than anything in the world. It's just...complicated. I'll try. I promise."
Nora held her arms out for her daughter and Casey walked into them.
"I'm just so happy to see you living again." She said into Casey's hair.
"He makes me want to live." Casey said.
"You're in love with him?"
Casey sighed. "It's..."
"...complicated." They both said with a smile.
A short while later, Casey was moaning about the pesto stain in her cream dress. Nora told her she knew of a specialist cleaning firm in Toronto and offered to take the dress in.
"I can post it back to you when they are done." Nora said.
Casey smiled. "That would be fantastic! Thanks Mom. I'll go get it now while I remember. Would you watch the dinner for me?"
The rest of the family were playing a heated game of Trivial Pursuit in the living room as she passed through it on her way to her bedroom. They didn't even notice her as she went. She opened the door to her room, slipping inside quickly and shutting the door because she didn't want them to see all the boxes stacked about.
Casey didn't turn the light on until the door was closed and then she got the shock of her life.
She wasn't alone in the room.