It was a sunny spring day in Charleston, South Carolina. The sea breeze coated Fort Marshall like a refreshing blanket and the military base was busy appreciating the fair weather.
Specialist Jeremy Sherwood and army brat Emmalin Holden were taking a walk on that pleasant Saturday morning. An awkward silence engulfed the couple and Emmalin had no idea why.
The silence was smothering, the light tension more obvious than just the stiffness of the soldier's posture. What was wrong? Was it something she'd done, or said? Why was Jeremy unhappy? All these questions and more filled Emmalin's head, each begging to be spoken aloud but getting trapped in her throat just as they were about to be released. She couldn't fix something, when she didn't know what was wrong.
Without a word, Jeremy grabbed the seventeen year old's hand and lead her to a bench just outside of the bustling park. Taking a seat on the wooden bench, he sat and silently observed. His thumb stroking the back of her hand, gentle and loving.
It seemed that Jeremy's dark chocolate eyes were looking everywhere but at Emmalin. He stared at the children that played all around the park, they were everywhere: the jungle gym, the monkey bars, and there where at least seven of the little ones at the seesaw.
"We need to talk, Emmalin. I…I've got big news to tell you." Jeremy said suddenly, after being quiet all morning. Trapped in his own thoughts. He squeezed her petite hand in his large, calloused one.
"We need to talk?" Panic filed Emmalin's almond shaped eyes. We need to talk was the kiss of death in relationships. "Are you…are you breaking up with me?" Emmalin stammered, fearing the worst.
"No. It's not like that! I'm not breaking up with you…it's just…" Jeremy sighed, looking away from her again. His pearly white teeth sunk into his full apricot-colored lip, as he turned to face her again.
"What's the matter then? Did I say or do something?" Emmalin looked at her boyfriend, searching his eyes for clues to what could possibly be wrong, "You've barely said a word to me since this morning." Emmalin said.
Jeremy's strong arms wrapped around her tiny frame, holding the Army Brat close. He pulled her into his lap and buried his face in her neck and hair, breathing her in deeply. "I…I'm being deployed." Jeremy whispered against her collar, his arms tightening around his girlfriend. He placed a loving kiss against her neck, his lips savoring her taste. Knowing he wouldn't be able to enjoy it much longer.
"Deployed?" Emmalin's eyes widened, as she wrapped her arms around him. Tears springing to her eyes at the thought of Jeremy, her Jeremy, leaving. Her hands stroked his russet-colored buzz cut, small fingers toying with the hair at the nape of his neck.
"To Afghanistan for six months." the Soldier clarified, placing a kiss on her rosy cheek before laying his cheek flush against her's.
"Six months, Jeremy? When?" Emmalin whispered breathlessly, burying her body as far into his as she could. Her fingers clutched in his shirt. His gray civilian shirt made of cotton absorbed the one or two small salt droplets that fell from Emmalin's amber eyes. His light blue jean, soft against her thighs as she cuddled close to Jeremy's body, not caring who saw them.
"Two months after your eighteenth." Jeremy kissed her forehead, and cheeks, and finally her lips. His lips brushing her rosy one's as light as a feather.
"After my birthday?" Emmalin mumbled, as a trail of tears fell from her eyes. Big streams this time and not small droplets.
"Yeah…I…look, don't cry. Please, baby." Jeremy pleaded, kissing the salty trails away. His warm hand rubbed smooth circles in her back.
"I don't want to, it's just…Jeremy, I don't want you to go." Emmalin sobbed into the soldier's shoulder.
"I know." He pushed her hair out of her face and then stroked the long silky chocolate strands.
"I…I…why do they have to send you? Can't they find someone else, anyone else?" She rubbed her eyes, brushing the last of her tears away. I will not cry, I will be strong: Emmalin repeated in her head over and over again, like a mantra.
"Baby, you know how the Army works, it's my job." Jeremy whispered into her ear, his deep husky voice soft against her skin. Music to her ears.
"But…what about me Jeremy? I…I don't know if I can let you go." Emmalin ran her hands up and down his muscled chest soothingly.
"You'll have too. Come on, baby, you had to have known that this would happen eventually." His hand cupped her chin, bringing her face up to look him in the eyes. "I'm a soldier and we're in a war. You know how it goes."
"I know. And I knew this would happen eventually b-but I…what if you get hurt?" Emmalin whispered, "What…what if you don't come home to me? I can't lose you, Jeremy, I need you." Shakingly she voiced her biggest fear, that he would go away and never come home, never come home to her.
"I know, baby. And don't worry about me, I'm all trained." Jeremy smiled gently, reassuringly. He brought her deeper into his lap, placing tender kisses on her forehead, his lips lingering.
"Promise me." Emmalin said, kissing his shoulder and neck, "You have to promise me that you'll come back to me." Emmalin requested, leaning up to kiss his cheek and temple.
"I…I can't promise you anything Emmalin. As much as I'd like too…" Jeremy knew he couldn't make any guarantees, he could get hurt and never see it coming, things where unpredictable over there and no one knew that better than him. And Jeremy Sherwood was never one to make promised he couldn't keep.
"I know you're not supposed to but, do it anyway. Promise me. Because then I'll know you mean it. You'd never break a promise." Emmalin needed this, needed his word. She couldn't let him go to Afghanistan until he promised to make his way home to her.
"Okay… I promise." Jeremy promised reluctantly, kissing the corner of Emmalin's mouth.
"Good. I…I'm sorry for being selfish when it comes to you. I wondered if you knew that." Emmalin apologized, stroking his cheek.
"Selfish when it comes to me?" He quirked an eyebrow.
"Yeah. I mean you're mine. And I'm selfish because I want you all to myself. I don't even want to share you with the Army." Emmalin grinned before begrudgingly admitting, "And if I had to choose between you and someone else getting hurt, especially over there, I'd pick them in a heartbeat." She leaned forward and kissed Jeremy's lips lovingly, "No matter who they were, even if they had a family, even if they had kids or a fiancé or something. Because I…because you're mine and I can't bring myself to care about anyone more than you." She admitted shamefully, arms tangling around her boyfriend's neck as she spoke.
"It's not a pick and choose game, we don't take turns getting hurt over there, baby." He said solemnly, squeezing her close. Briefly he thought of the best friend he lost last time he went overseas. He wondered, not for the first time, how Rison's girlfriend felt about her lost love. How Emmalin would feel if he died like Rison had.
"I know…does it make me a bad person because I would rather someone else get hurt over you? I wouldn't care if they had a wife or a baby, I would still pick you." Selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish. That's what she was, selfish, and she knew it better than anyone.
"No, you're not a bad person Emmalin. Nobody wants to see someone they care about get hurt. It's easier watching someone you don't know get hurt than it is watching someone you love get hurt." Jeremy reassured, kissing his baby's cheek.
"I'd let someone we know die before I let you die, tell me that doesn't make me a bad person?" Emmalin begged, and pleaded, she needed reassurance that she wasn't an awful person for wishing someone dead over him. She needed validation for loving someone that much.
"I'd let anyone die if it kept you safe. I go overseas and fight, and kill people, and it's to keep you safe. Does that make me a bad person?" Jeremy asked rhetorically. She wasn't a bad person, and if she was, what the hell did that make him?
"…No." Emmalin voiced softly, her voice a gently hum. Her fingers played with the dog tags that hung around her neck, his dog tags.
"You're not a bad person." And then he kissed her. Their tongues tangled and danced, and hands wandered, lips mingling: as if they were each other's life support.
"So we have three months left together before I have to send you off to Afghanistan for six months?" Emmalin sighed, kissing Jeremy again.
"Yeah." He drug his index finger across her full bottom lip. They'd make the most of those three months, he knew.
"Well…then I guess I just have to be extra selfish with you until then, so I can make up for lost time. I can't help but be a little angry with you Jeremy, getting me addicted to sex and then just getting yourself sent away for six months...hardly seems fair to the poor innocent you corrupted." Emmalin teased, giving his butt a smack as they stood from the bench.
"How awful of me, denying you sex so that I can go fight for our country. I'm an ass alright," Jeremy chuckled, kissing down Emmalin slender neck, "I'm selfish with you too. Really selfish."
"Oh really?" Emmalin asked curiously, as Jeremy toyed with the spaghetti strap on Emmalin's tank top.
"Oh yeah, why don't we go back to my place, you can strip down and I'll show you just how selfish I am." Jeremy waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
And sure enough, when they got back to Jeremy's from the park they were selfish for hours…much to the dismay of his mother who realized that the walls of her home where entirely to thin.