It was hard to avoid. He was watching her every move.

Of course like every guy on the planet who doesn't want the object of his affections to notice his interest, he was trying to hide it. He kept pointing out to Derek objects of interest of the feminine persuasion around the room. The trouble was Bea had known him since they were children. She knew every mood he possessed, every expression;

She knew every inch of his skin. She was pleased that he had now been able to shed the cast and was instead relying on just a stick. He looked like the person she knew again.

Take the moment when she emerged from the Ladies room and returned to the bar with Casey. The latter had quickly slipped into the circle of Derek's arm, standing between Derek's legs as he perched on the bar stool.

Trailing Casey as she walked to the bar and, in an attempt to avoid watching what was quite an intimate greeting, Bea looked away from her friend and caught the moment when Jazz spotted Bea for the first time. He rapidly swallowed his reaction, but Bea recognised it because she had seen it on his face before.

It was the look he had worn on the night of their Senior Prom when she entered the room in her new evening dress, her hair perfect, her make-up perfect, her mood perfect – because the love of her life was perfect.

That night Jason had told her she was perfect, that they were perfect and that one day he would marry her - although it had been another six months before he had actually proposed.

Tonight Jason looked out from Jazz's face and she wanted to cry and throw herself at him so badly because for once he wasn't looking at her with thinly-disguised hatred. Just admiration – and something else.

And in her turn she wasn't looking at him through a red mist of disgust; just a fog of longing and regret.

Casey had been right about the way he looked in a pair of tight jeans and a black dress shirt. He still made Bea's "girly parts" weep with excitement. (She rolled her eyes at her internal phrasing). He still made every cell in her body wake up and work overtime. Her heart pounded, her breathing quickened and even the hair on her head tingled from his proximity.

Derek and Casey had their heads bowed together, lips on skin. They missed the moment when the two ex-lovers re-met.

"Hi." Bea said to Jazz weakly.

He coughed. "Hi." He said equally lamely and then when he remembered his manners "Do you want a drink?"

Bea shook her head and nodded towards the bar. "Derek's already got me one." She said.

Jazz frowned and then noticed the bottle on the bar. He passed it to Bea.

"Thanks." She said.

"You're welcome." He replied.

They stood in awkward silence while Derek lightly teased Casey in a voice so low they couldn't hear the details even if they did hear her amused, but frustrated bleat of "Der-ek!"

"This is…nice." Bea said more to fill the silence than because she believed it.

"Yes it is." Jazz said wondering why he sounded as though he was making conversation with his aged aunt; a thought which seriously disturbed him because the idea of his aunt when he was so consumed with old memories of Bea was just…wrong. "Have you not been here before?"
"I…erm…don't get out much. Work keeps me rather busy." If she worked hard there wasn't time to think, time to regret, time to miss.

"Me too. I guess you spend your free time at Paddy's."

Bea snorted. "That's not free time. That's me drumming up business. The lawyer business, I mean, before you start insinuating anything."
Jazz looked taken aback at the harshness of her comment. He frowned wondering what possible comment he would have come up with that she was pre-empting. His mind was too full of her, of her beauty, of the past though.

Bea noticed his confusion and recognised she was at fault.

"Sorry. Snark…it's a habit."

She didn't clarify whether it was a general habit or just one around Jazz.

They both knew.

He smiled wryly and waved it off.

Bea looked around for something to change the subject with, but all her eyes fell on was Derek who was nuzzling Casey while her fingers played with the hem of his shirt at his waist. Bea rolled her eyes.

"Do you think those two will come up for air anytime soon?"

Jazz laughed. "Probably not. They've got some catching up to do." He glanced over at the pool tables behind her. "Ah! The table I booked is free. I guess Derek isn't interested right now. It's been a while since I wiped the table with your ass, you fancy a game?"

Bea nodded, wondering if Jazz had meant the double entendre. A memory of hot frantic sex on a dining room table passed across her mind and she felt a related heat rise to her cheeks. Jazz noticed as she gulped beer in an effort to cool down.

"Penny for them."

Bea spluttered. Jazz smirked. But it was gentle and almost…affectionate, like the old smirk. The one she fell in love with so many years ago.

"I have to warn you." She said taking a cue from the rack against the wall. "I've been practising for many years."
Jazz curled an eyebrow. "So have I babe, so have I."
Bea sighed. "Yeah. I'd heard that."

And they both knew she wasn't talking about blue baize and multicoloured balls.

Derek and Casey did surface not long after. Casey would have apologised to Bea and Jazz for her earlier distraction but why should she since it had been Derek's idea? The moment he had pulled her to him by the bar, the deep longing kiss a prelude to neck kisses which enabled him to whisper softly.

"Stay right where you are and ignore them. They have no choice but to talk to each other and if we're lucky they go play pool or something."

"If you wanted to spend the evening rubbing up against me, D we could have stayed at home in bed."

"Ah! But then Bea would have stayed in her home and Jazz in his and never the twain would have met. This way we get them to face a few things."

"Der-ek!" Casey moaned against his neck. "You're worse than me!"

He chuckled as he kissed. "No. I'm far, far better than you. You just need to admit it. I'm better in everything."

She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "Really? Even when I do that thing…?"
His eyes widened. "No. Clearly, you win on that score." There was a pause. "Although you're getting a little rusty at that." He pointed out. "You might need some more practice."

Casey giggled and he pulled her close for another deep kiss.

"How's Gamma?" Jazz asked, chalking the cue.

Bea smiled. "She's still going. She's my secretary."
Jazz chuckled. "No shit? Wow! Yeah I can see her doing that. Tell me, who bosses who? You or her?"
"She's my grandmother, Jason. Who do you think?"
He laughed again. "She keeps you in check then?"
"Oh Yeah. No one fucks with Gamma."

"Give her my love. I miss the old crow." He said meaning it, but without thinking.

Bea said nothing but her face said everything.

"What?"
"You're not exactly her best friend these days." She pointed out.

"She used to love me."
"Yeah. That was before you…" Bea stopped. "You know what? This is ridiculous!" She said, putting her cue down on the table. "We're behaving as though everything is normal. It isn't. This was a mistake."
Bea started to move towards the door, but Jazz stepped in front of her.

"Don't." He said quietly.

"Don't walk away? It was fine for you all those years ago. Why the fuck can't I do it now?"
"Because I was immature and stupid. You aren't any of that. You're smart and amazing and beautiful and…" His voice trailed away. "Jesus, BB." He looked conflicted.

Bea sucked in a breath at the nickname. It was a nickname only he had ever used and even he only rolled it out when they were in their most private of situations.

"Don't call me that." She snapped.

"Why? Because it reminds you of the fact that we once shared something?" He snorted. "Ashamed of me? The fact that I was your first in so many ways. I know you in ways no one else will ever know you! I've seen your highs as well as your lows."
She rolled her eyes. "You caused most of my lows."

"That's not fair."
"What? You think you sleeping with my best friend should be classed as one of my high points?"
"For the last fucking time, Beatrice, I did not sleep with that whore of a roommate of yours."
"Alice says you did."
"Alice was a manipulative bitch who was jealous of everything you ever had. She propositioned me the day that I proposed to you and then took offence when I turned her down. Hell! What kind of woman hits on someone else's fiancé on the day of the engagement?"
"She said you tried it on with her repeatedly."
"She was lying. You knew me. You knew I was committed to us. "Why the hell did you believe her?"

"You didn't understand why I wanted to postpone the wedding."
"No. You're right. I didn't. Why did it make a difference whether you graduated as Mrs Ransome or Miss Evans? I didn't see why you going to Harvard should require you to break it off."

"Maybe I wanted to be able to concentrate." Even she wasn't sure.

"You graduated from High School Valedictorian. Despite being my girlfriend. You were on course to graduate top of your class from college. Despite being my fiancée. What makes you think I would be a distraction if you went on to Harvard? You never gave me a chance. You never even asked."

"I wanted you to come. You flew off the handle."

"It was a shock. We'd been planning that wedding for two years!"

They were standing beside the pool table, Bea's hands empty. Jazz's still grasping the cue. He wasn't brandishing it, just holding it vertically as if about to chalk it, yet the tension in their voices was drawing some attention – a fact they both quickly realised.

"Now is not the time." Bea said quietly.

"No. I guess not."
"I don't think I'm ready to…hash this out."
Jazz sighed. "You'll never be ready. I'll never be ready. That doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it though."

"Jason…"

"It's Jazz. Jason makes me sound like a gay investment banker."
Bea snorted and their eyes met.

He itched to touch her; to be close to her. She wanted him there, with her. Together.

Jazz took a step. Bea took a step.

Derek ruined it.

"Jazz? You got your piece on you?" Derek asked his voice frantic, a worried Casey behind him.

"Yeah. Why?" Jazz asked his eyes still firmly fixed on Bea.

"I just saw him."

Jazz frowned. "Just saw who?"
"The guy that put the metal plate in my head."

"How are they doing?" Casey asked, her view of Jazz and Bea restricted by Derek who was grabbing all her attention – as well as a couple of other things.

"They're fine. By that I mean I think they're about to throttle each other but it looks like us just before we start ripping each other's clothes off so I think we're safe."

She chuckled. "I hope they get this sorted. Bea's quite lonely, I think."

Derek snorted. "Jazz is just a morose fucker all the time. Unless he got laid, then he's just smug. Having said that, it's been a while since he's picked anyone up, at least since before the whole Robin shit."

"Maybe it's to do with Bea."

Derek lifted his head to look at her. "Casey, everything is to do with Bea even if it's sleeping with the bath scum of the earth just to stick two fingers up at her."

Casey frowned. "Does that make sense to guys? Only it seems really backward to me."

"Of course it's backward! He's in love with her. No guy ever does anything sane when they're in love."
"So you'd do the same would you? If you were pissed at me. You'd go out and sleep with some mindless bimbo just to prove a point?"

Derek looked at her like she was crazy. "Duh…no! I said I was insane not suicidal."

Their eyes met and they grinned at each other.

"I like that, you know." Casey said without letting her eyes fall from his. "I like that you didn't deny it."

He smiled. It could have been one of his usual self-satisfied smirks – but it wasn't. Maybe Casey should have elaborated on what he hadn't denied. It wasn't necessary. They both knew it was love.

"I'm done denying it." Derek said softly (or as softly as you can in a noisy bar). "What's the point? I've said it to you repeatedly, during our highs and our lows."

"Our highs are catching up with our lows." Casey pointed out.

"They are, aren't they?" He pulled her close to him again. "It's a good sign for the future."
"Future?"
"Yeah. Maybe we have one!" He chuckled. He glanced up above her head and towards Jazz and Bea.

Then the laughter left his face abruptly. Standing off to one side, not looking at him was a familiar face.

It wasn't a familiar face in the way that a friend's face is. It was the kind of "familiar" that comes with being a cop; A completely different sensation. It isn't a pleasant sense of recognition, and inevitably it results in a large wave of frustration as you try to work out which side of the law and order divide you know the person from; have you met them in a court room? Or did you see their picture on the criminal record database?

For Derek, it did the unthinkable, it triggered a flashback: a flashback of an ATM, a guy with a weird face mask and a loaded gun.

Derek shoved Casey violently behind him.

"FUCK!" "Ow!" They said simultaneously.

"Derek what was…?" Casey stopped. Derek had slipped from the bar stool, grabbed her arm and was dragging her towards Jazz.

"Quick! I need you to stay with Jazz and Bea." He said urgently.

"What?" She protested, pulling back.

"I've just seen him! The guy that shot me. Over by the other end of the bar. He hasn't spotted that I've seen him yet but when he does he's going to leave and I need to follow him." Derek was rambling like an excited child.

"Derek! You can't. Not on your own." Casey insisted, the maternal voice of reason…again.

"I don't have time to wait for back up. Go to Jazz so I know you're safe." Derek was equally determined. It was a testament to how much he loved her that he hadn't just abandoned her and immediately confronted the guy from his past.

Casey wasn't prepared to acknowledge that. Nor was she about to let him walk into danger without a fight on her behalf. "No. I'm coming with you. I'm armed."

"Good." Derek nodded, meaning it. "You and Jazz will need that to keep Bea safe."
"Jazz can look after Bea, I'm…"

The conversation continued as they pushed their way through the crowds. Casey was insistent that Derek wasn't going to abandon her. Derek was insistent that he wasn't taking her with him.

It went on like that until they reached Jazz.

"I'm coming with you." This time it was Jazz making demands.

"Dude. You may have lost the cast but you still limp like Long John Silver."

"I'm still fast on my feet and you're wasting time arguing. Besides, I'm the one with the car keys."

Derek glanced over his shoulder at his quarry who still hadn't moved, and then back at his co-worker. Jazz's face was set. Casey too stood on the sidelines. Derek turned to Casey.

"If I take Jazz with me will you stop it with the crap about following me?"

She considered it for a minute.

"The more of us that go the more protection you'll have."
"The more of you that come with me the more dead weight I have around my neck; the more time it will take for me to react; the more chance someone will get hurt. Casey, this is no different than my normal job."
"Except this guy has already killed you once before."
Bea frowned at Casey's comment. The other three didn't notice.

Casey sighed. "Okay. But you only follow him, you don't try and take him down without back up and if it gets nasty you run like hell."
Derek rolled his eyes. "You know, Spike, you're a hell of a lot more attractive than the last time I saw you."

Jazz pulled a face. "Dude, that's just plain sick."

They all chuckled. Derek checked on the fugitive in the corner.

"We need to move." He said. "What about the girls? Where are they going to go?"
"I've got my car." Bea spoke up.

"And I've got my gun." Casey said. Bea's eyes widened.

Derek sighed. "Okay. Jazz you come with me. Case, you and Bea go home to our place. Stay there until you hear from us. And I mean stay there! No heroics. If I see you anywhere near me…"

"I won't." Casey said. "I promise." She meant it. Derek had been right. The last thing he needed was her interference.
"Good." Derek stepped towards her. "Be careful, sweetheart. I'll see you soon." He said kissing her briefly.

"You'd better, moron, or I'll follow you on what ever celestial train route you take and make your afterlife suck big time."

He grinned.

"I love you Derek." She said, squeezing his hand.

"I love you too." He confirmed. "I'll see you at home."

Bea and Jazz looked at each other uncertainly but said nothing.

Derek smacked his partner on the shoulder to get him to move and Jazz started to follow.

"Be careful!" Bea suddenly called after them, her voice sounding small and timid. Jazz glanced over his shoulder and nodded once.

"This sucks!" Bea said, stretching out on Casey's couch, a large glass of wine in her hand because they were both so keyed up about the whereabouts of Derek and Jazz.

"Tell me about it." Her friend agreed, equally stretched out across the other side of the room in the armchair, a similar glass in her hand.

"Why is it the stupid male half of the population seems to think we need to stay at home when the going gets tough?"

Casey shrugged. "It's the old Neanderthal man syndrome. They think Woman need to be in cave keeping campfire burning while Man hunt. And by "hunt" I mean…"
"…you mean hunt for his own penis!" Bea joined in.

Casey laughed. "Something like that."

She sighed. "I hate this. It's bad enough the times he's at work without me when he can get called into a situation that might be dangerous. Knowing he's going after the guy who almost killed him…" Her voice trailed away. She didn't need to explain more because Bea knew the basics of the story.

"I don't know how you date a cop." Bea pondered.

Casey shrugged. "I'm not dating a cop. I'm sharing my life with Derek. I can't live my life any other way anymore. What he does for a living is only a small part of him."

"I used to think that about Jason." Bea said wistfully. "You know when he was just a student like me. I used to think that nothing would make a difference. That I would love him no matter what. Always."

Casey shifted round to look at her friend.

"And you think just because you've had time apart that anything has really changed?"

"I don't follow…?"

Her friend sipped her wine. "Does he still make your heart race when he enters the room?"
"No." Bea stated straight away. Casey curled an eyebrow. "Okay. So maybe a little."
"Was I right about his jeans?" Casey went on.

"Hmm…" Bea said non-committedly.

"If he was dying and he asked for your help would you do everything in your power to give him that help?" Her friend insisted.
"Okay…yes. But only after I'd folded my arms and pretended like I was going to go shopping instead." Bea admitted.

Casey laughed. "Oh god! You two remind me so much of me and Derek!"

"We used to fight a lot, even at school." Bea said quietly. "The making up was fun though." She drank some wine. "I've missed him so much."

"It feels like someone leeched all colour from the world and with it all the heat, doesn't it?" Casey commented.

Bea's eyes widened. "That's it exactly! And then there's the dreams."

"Where you dream that you're still together and everything's okay?" Casey suggested.

Bea nodded.

"It's called grief. It's just like someone dying because losing a relationship is like a death too if the relationship was strong enough." Casey explained. "The only difference is there is a cure for your grief. You need to take it."

It felt like hours while they waited. They had tried watching television, playing a game, but the only thing that made the time pass was talking and even then the conversation revolved around the two missing guys. They wanted to call them, but appreciated that they might blow their cover or distract them at an important moment.

Two hours after Casey and Bea arrived at the apartment, the slamming of the front door announced that Derek and Jazz had also made it back.

"It was your fucking driving again!" Derek moaned as he kicked off his shoes. "At least it was your car you totalled this time."

"The department's. I didn't trust my leg to drive my own car. I thought it would be too stiff and my reaction times were off."
"And you think to tell me this now? Why the hell didn't you let me drive?" Derek groaned.

"Because you were so fucking focused on the guy ahead, you forgot about the people in-between. I had visions of you ploughing down a walking bus full of five year olds or something."

"At nine in the evening?"

Jazz shrugged. "Okay, a walking Nun bus. You get my drift." He sighed and rubbed at his eyes as Derek made for the fridge and his beer stash. "Who are we kidding? We stood no chance of catching him."

"Yeah you're right." Derek slid a can to Jazz who caught it and looked around.

"Nice pad." He said appreciatively. "You kept this one quiet."

"Of course I did. I didn't need you assholes turning up every five minutes interrupting my down time."

"Your playtime you mean." Jazz said nodding to where Casey was sprawled out on the couch. Derek rolled his eyes but there was a grin on his lips.

Casey and Bea had been dozing in their relative positions on the couch and armchair so they were slow to react to the arrival of the two men.

"What happened?" Casey asked when her brain recovered enough to process speech.

"We lost him." Jazz told her. "It was a long shot anyway."

Derek perched on the arm of the chair and leaned close to his girlfriend for a kiss.

"What Jazz means is, he led us on a wild goose chase and then wrapped us in late night traffic so badly Jazz was forced to take a chance. It failed, the car lost."
Casey frowned. "You were in a car crash?"

Derek shrugged. "Actually, it was more of a shunt. Only two ambulances needed. A real crash involves at least a fire truck."
"By "real crash" he means when he's driving." Jazz snorted.

Casey reached up to Derek's neck. "Does it hurt when I do this?" She asked worried about whiplash.

"That depends."

"On what?"
"On whether you're offering a back rub as soon as we're in bed." Derek grinned at her.

She snorted and then frowned. "You lost him. Why are you in such a good mood?" Casey asked suspiciously.

"He dropped his wallet." Derek said grinning broadly now. "We have a name!"

After food, some more alcohol and a lot of companionable conversation, they all decided to call it a night. Casey asked Bea if she wanted to stay the night.

"I don't want you catching a cab this late." Casey explained. "And you've had too much to drink to drive."
"Thanks." Bea said gratefully. "I'll grab a spot on the couch if you like."
Casey smiled. "There's a bed in the spare room these days." She said. "When Derek and I had our falling out all those weeks ago, I slept on the airbed in there. It sucked. I wasn't doing that again in a hurry but I also didn't trust Derek and me not to fight again so I ordered a bed." She looked at Jazz. "Are you going to be staying too?"
Jazz shrugged, but inside he wasn't as nonchalant as he made out.

"I've got bacon and eggs in the fridge for breakfast." Casey said to tempt him. "And the couch isn't that uncomfortable. Seeing as we women are the delicate ones of the species and can't be trusted to rough it, I was duty-bound to offer the bed to Bea first."

Bea grinned. Jazz snorted.

He said. "How many eggs do you have in the fridge?"

"Enough for a couple of Venturis so there will be plenty for you." Casey said.

"I'll take the couch."

Casey busied herself getting blankets for Jazz whilst Derek took himself off to their bedroom to get ready for bed. Bea made for the spare room.

So far, Casey's friend had said very little to Jazz since his return, but Casey had noticed her looking at him – a lot. Jazz too had seemed to be hyper-aware of Bea as the four friends had spent the evening together.

Knocking on the door to the spare room, Casey passed Bea a fresh toothbrush and a set of clean pyjamas. Her friend took them gratefully but stopped Casey as she started to leave.

"Case?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you try again?" She asked. "If it was you and Derek?"

Casey paused. "I will fight for this every day for the rest of my life." She said. "I've lived a life without it. I can't live through that again."

They were quiet for a second pondering Casey's words.

"Thanks." Bea said eventually.

Casey smiled and left the room.

Jazz tried to convince himself that he was comfortable on the couch but it wasn't so much about his physical unease as more his mental turmoil that stopped him sleeping. In the dark of the McDonald-Venturi living room he watched the shadows flicker on the walls and pondered the past few weeks.

He hadn't thought he was content with his life, far from it, but he was used to his life. Bea had been on the extreme fringes for so long he had thought that the past was firmly that – the past.

Recent events proved to him that it wasn't.

She still affected him the way she had always affected him, even now after so long. He still wanted her, he still needed her, and for the first time in a very long time he began to regret some of his past decisions.

The trouble is, how did he let her know he regretted letting her go? How did he make her understand that he had been faithful to her…until she'd accused him of deceit at least! How did he tell her that it had been her face he had seen all these years no matter whom his bedfellow…?

Okay…maybe sharing that one wasn't such a good idea.

He wanted to make things right.

And soon.

"If you try anything on I'll cut off your balls with a blunt knife." A voice said in the near dark. Jazz looked up.

Bea was standing next to the couch watching him, her arms folded.

"I dozed on that couch earlier. It's not built for sleep." She said. "If you behave…" she began and jerking her head towards the spare room, turned to leave.

He leapt off the couch like a shot and followed her.

"I mean it Jason. Behave or else." Bea said as he settled in bed next to her. She turned out the light.

They lay there for a few minutes in total silence and once again Jazz was back to looking at shadows on the wall.

Fuck it! He thought.

"I'm sorry." He said in the darkness, not entirely sure how much or how little he was apologising for.

Several heartbeats later, Bea sighed. "I'm sorry too." She said.

Jazz closed his eyes at the words.

The bed creaked as he turned over, his body now facing her back. Taking his life (and his ability to reproduce) into his hands, Jason Ransome tentatively slipped an arm around Bea's waist.

Her body froze under his arm, but he left it in place.

Then, in the silence of a dark bedroom where the glaring pain of separation lit every corner, Bea slipped her own hand up and interlaced Jazz's fingers with her own.