"I'm fine!!" Kintra wanted to scream. This was one of those times when having no one to understand you made you feel like you were completely shut off from the human world. Ever since she had taken a step off her hospital bed, her parents, sister and grandparents had been unbearably helpful. It seemed to Kintra that they had nothing else to do besides help her! After that thought, she berated herself. Of course they had other things to do. Her dad should've been at a meeting in Texas, her mom should've been at home paying bills, her sister should've been at school, and her grandparents had a business to run. No one had time to help her, yet they were all there, doing every little thing for her, and this realization made Kintra fell guilty.
"Sorry," she mouthed to her mom, making her mouth movements overly exaggerated.
Her mom swatted Kintra's shoulder gently. "Don't be silly," she said reproachfully. "I know what you're thinking, so stop." Kintra gave her an innocent look and her mother shook her head. "You're thinking that you're a burden to us. You're not."
Kintra shrugged, letting the matter drop. There was no way she was going win this conversation, especially when she had no way of communicating verbally. She allowed herself to be gently placed into her grandparent's car and leaned her head on Emma's shoulder. It was already turning into a long ride home. The car made Kintra feel confined in a way it had not done before the accident. She felt like she could not breathe, and sporadic images of the crash flew back into her mind. They startled Kintra, for she had thought that she had banished them all, but she had been wrong. Not even the ever-present music proved to sooth her nerves. Unconsciously, her hand gripped Emma's tighter, and her sister saw Kintra's reaction.
"Mom," she piped up from the back of the car. "I think we need to stop and get something to eat. It's past lunchtime and both Kinny and I are hungry."
"Where'd you like to go?" her mom asked, turning around from where she sat in the front seat.
Emma named Kintra's favorite restaurant and the family reached the restaurant in a matter of minutes. Kintra stepped out, placing her hands on her knees and breathing hard. She blinked as black dots swarmed in front of her eyes, threatening to send her into a faint. She desperately tried to pull herself together and waved off her mom's concern. "Fine," she mouthed, trying to convince everyone that she was fine.
Eating at a restaurant proved to be one more thing that was difficult. When the waiter arrived, Kintra noticed that his attention was riveted at once to the angry red scar across her neck where the surgery had taken place. Then, when Kintra had tried to order, forgetting once again that she couldn't speak, she had been so embarrassed that it was all she could do to point to what she wanted on the menu so that Emma could order for her. Everyone noticed her discomfort and tried to make the meal easy on her. Without realizing that she was doing it, Kintra rubbed the scar on her throat, covering it from the waiter's curious stare.
Emma leaned over and whispered in her sister's ear. "I have a surprise for you when we get home," she told her sister. She glared at the waiter. "You'll like it," she promised.
Kintra nodded and continued eating, swallowing carefully so that her throat would not protest by aching. The drive home was rather silent, and Kintra was glad to finally get out of the vehicle and get into the house, genuinely smiling for the first time since the accident. She was home! Everything looked familiar, yet somehow strange. Even though Kintra could have gone through the whole house blindfolded, after having been away, the house seemed like it didn't belong to her. "It'll take a while to get used to," her mom told her, using a soothing voice so that she could gently bring Kintra out of her reverie. "A home always seems strange when you've been away from it for a while."
Kintra felt a tug at her sleeve and turned to meet Emma's excited gaze. "Come on," she said. "I want to show you my surprise."
Their mom smiled and informed Kintra, "She started working on this after she saw your scar." Emma invited everyone up to Kintra's room, leading Kintra as though the older girl didn't know where her room was. Kintra smiled at that thought, but let Emma lead her, knowing that her little sister only did it out of excitement. Her mouth fell open when Emma led her into her bedroom. There before her was every outfit Kintra owned, and a matching scarf was draped around each one. She turned in amazement and pointed at Emma, and then at the scarves, asking if her little sister had done all the work.
Amazingly, Emma understood her sister's question, even though there were no words involved. She nodded. "With a little help from grandma," she said, aiming an appreciative gaze at her grandmother, who stood by the door, her arm around her husband.
Kintra hugged Emma, her way of saying 'thank you,' and then hugged her grandmother the same way. "You're most welcome," her grandmother responded. Emma did most of the work though."
"You've always wanted to wear them," Emma told her sister, "so here's the perfect excuse!"
Kintra hugged her sister again. She was so fortunate as to have a sister who was so understanding and loving. Kintra knew that most people had horror stories to tell about their siblings, but she and Emma never had those problems. Every now and then, an argument would make them wish that they lived on separate universes, but never for long. They were best friends, and Kintra loved her sister for that fact. "Thank you," she mouthed to everyone.
"You're welcome," her mom said. "You should probably figure out what outfit you'd like to wear tomorrow for your first class."
Kintra stiffened. In all the excitement, she'd completely forgotten about having to go to Mrs. Grey's house tomorrow. Emma saw her face fall and piped up. "Just think," she said cheerily. "You and I'll be able to talk to each other at school, and no one else will know what we're talking about!" Emma leapt around, clapping her hands excitedly, and Kintra had to smile at her excitement. The awkward moment soon passed and Kintra's mom invited her parents to stay for dinner.
Kintra was playfully shooed out of the kitchen after her mom declared that she was not allowed to help cook for a while. Instead, she trudged up the stairs and slipped into her room. The laughter from downstairs swirled into a cheery ballad of notes that made Kintra smile. When she saw her clothes strategically placed around her room, her smile fell. She would have to pick some outfit for tomorrow. The thought of leaving the decision for tomorrow morning flittered across Kintra's mind, but she brushed that thought off. Knowing her, she'd be late if she tried that. There was a knock at her door and Kintra turned to find her mom standing there. "I thought you might need some help," she told her daughter with a small smile. Kintra nodded and used her arm to sweep across the clothes in her room. Her mom understood the unspoken question of, "Which one?"
She stepped up to a pair of jeans, a bright yellow scoop necked shirt with a pretty blue shirt underneath and brought it over to Kintra. "This always looks very cute on you," she told her daughter. A yellow scarf was delicately tied around the hander, and Mrs. Philips held the scarf up to her daughter's cheek. "Yes," she said, almost to herself. "Very pretty." She put the hanger back in its place and touched her daughter's cheek with her hand. "It's just a suggestion, though." She smiled and turned to walk out. "Better wash up," she told Kintra. "Our dinner's almost ready."
Dinner was a very small affair since they had eaten lunch only a couple of hours ago. Kintra listened to all the talk around her, and a feeling of loneliness fell over her. She had no way of responding, or giving input, so she had to sit there, shut off from everything. Emma, who was sitting next to her, kept squeezing her hand to show that she had not been forgotten, and Kintra would smile back. Throughout the dinner, Kintra felt herself getting tired. Her body started to feel as though it was made of lead and normal motions became difficult. Her mom herded her off to bed after everyone had said goodnight.
As she lay in bed, Kintra struggled once more with the fear of the accident. She had thought that she had overcome those fears, but she had been wrong. With the darkness of the room enveloping her, Kintra felt stifled. She felt claustrophobic for the first time in her life. This time, the faint music in her head helped to sooth her a little, but images kept flooding her mind, making her wish that she could cry out. Her body jerked as she cried, but her eyes remained dry.
She was still waiting for the tears to fall.