Chapter Two- Crass Diligence

When Yuffie's pencil had made its final mark onto the paper, she looked at her husband, Vincent, and asked, "Are we there yet?"

"No, Yuffie. I don't even know where I'm supposed to be going."

"I told you, we're going to Kalm."

"But Kalm is just down the road. That's not much of an adventure."

"So? Kalm is calm."

"I guess that makes sense."

In the hours before Yuffie and Vincent had departed Midgar, they began to see a change in the town. In just that short amount of time, already there were flyers and posters going up on lamp posts and city lights. Every one of them depicted Yuffie, wanted for murder. When the family arrived in Kalm, they were glad to see that no such spectacle had followed them here. If they were wanted in this town, then it was a silent search.

"Wow, Vince. It's like Midgar's the only town that cares about putting me behind bars."

"Well, by law, yes. But our ShinRa buddies can still track us down anywhere. You do have a point, though. We need to keep moving, but it should be okay to stay the night here."

Yuffie, Vincent, and little Hunter checked into the Kalm Inn for the night. After finding their room, Vincent stated, "I'm hungry. Do you want a bite to eat?"

"Of course! Where are you going?"

"I noticed that there's a seafood place by the town entrance. I didn't catch the name, but I'm in the mood for aquatic food."

"Okay. That's fishy."

"And that's a horrible pun."

"Yeah, I know. That sounds good. I brought some of Hunter's baby food, so I'll just stay here and feed him."

"Okay. I suppose they do takeout. I don't see why they wouldn't. Well, I'm going now. Bye."

"Bye."

Baby Hunter was surprisingly cooperative at his suppertime. It was the first time in a while that he hadn't spit up all over Yuffie's shoulder. When Hunter had finished his food, Vincent had not yet returned. Every time Yuffie would look at Hunter, she couldn't resist the temptation of speaking to him, as if he could comprehend every word that she said.

"Mommy and daddy are having an adventure, aren't we, Hunter?"

There was no real response, just the loving smile of a child without cares.

"You look like you're having fun. I wish it were that fun for me, too. But mommy's in big trouble, okay? Don't worry though. I'm still your innocent protector. Gawd, I must sound so silly right now. But that's alright, isn't it, Hunter?"

Hunter giggled in agreement, or at least that's what Yuffie took it to mean.

"That's right. We're going to run away to a beautiful place, where there's no death, and no crime or punishment. We'll live happily ever after in a land between the clouds, just me, Vinnie, and baby Hunter…

…and fish…

…man, I wish Vincent would get here soon. I'm starving."

As if on cue, Vincent arrived through the door. He looked happy to have retrieved nourishment, but there was still some worry hidden in his face.

"Vinnie, what's up?"

"I had to fill up on gas on the way. This is insane, Yuffie. It was 4.50 a gallon and I had to wait in line forever. Everything in the stores is just gone. It's all gone."

"Why? Surely, this isn't a side affect of anything Rufus did."

"Of course not. If anything, it's because of the uncertainty of our new leader. I suppose change has its downsides."

"So you're saying that the world of money is turning upside down just because of a change in leadership."

"Well, you can't really say that exactly. Money is never anyone's fault. It's everyone's fault."

Vincent sat the bag of food on the table, and took the seafood baskets out.

"Okay, I've got Jumbo Shrimp for myself, and Alaskan Flounder for the lady."

Yuffie began to giggle, and Vincent queried, "Why are you laughing?"

"Because, Alaskan…Flounder…!"

"I don't get it."

"You wouldn't. It's a political joke."

Yuffie was the first to bite into her food, and Vincent just sat there on the bed for a while.

"Vincent, what's wrong?"

"Isn't it odd how sometimes we just come out of the blue and talk about social issues…stuff that really matters?"

"Yeah. Weird. What's on your mind now?"

"Why do we want to hurt so much?"

"…'Cause we tied our pain below, and no one ever has to know…"

"That's not original."
"Nope. That's straight from the book of Hayley Williams."

"That's another thing. How do we know these people? They're not even from our world!"

"Oh, the joys of Teh Internetz!"

"O….K…."

Vincent and Yuffie munched on their deep-fried aquatic life silently, until Vincent interrupted the silence.

"You know, the guy at the fish place cooked these things all wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I know how you cook fish."

"Yeah, I try to use as little oil and frying as I can. It makes it healthier."

"Apparently, this man doesn't get it. He must have soaked our fish in a literal ocean of grease."

"That's not good. It's like they're trying to kill us, or something."

"Yeah, maybe."

After the food was finished, Yuffie announced, "Vincent, it's already 9:00 PM, and Hunter still isn't asleep yet. The only way he's going to go to sleep is if we do also."

"Sounds reasonable."

"Okay. I'm going to change into something more comfortable."

Yuffie tried to open the door to the bathroom, but it wouldn't budge.

"Vincent, the door's stuck."

"It can't be. You're just doing it wrong."

"No, I'm not! Come try it yourself!"

Vincent also tried to open the door, to no avail.

"Wow, it really is stuck. Oh well, I guess you'll just have to undress in here."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you, Vinnie?"

"Yes."

"Of course, because I'd start by taking my shirt off, just like this."

Yuffie removed her shirt, revealed her young beautiful skin, and her lacy undergarments.

"And then I'd push you on the bed, like this."

Yuffie did just that, and Vincent softly fell onto the bed.

"And then, because I can't get that door open, I'd lift up my leg and pee on your head, like this."

"Okay! Okay! I'll get the door open!"

After several attempts, Vincent finally slammed the door open…

…knocking it off of its hinges.

"Uh, there you go, Yuffie."

"Great. Well, you better not peek!"

"I'm your husband. Don't I have a right to peek?"

"No, you have a right to ask."

"Can I…"

"No."

Vincent sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Yuffie to 'finish her business'. However, all of the sounds, along with the idea of running water traipsing through his head, made him want to go very badly. When Yuffie had 'completed her duty' and exited the bathroom, Vincent rushed in for his turn. Yuffie was thankful that the sounds she was forced to hear weren't quite as tempting as Vincent's, since she'd already taken a leak. Still, there was something odd to this water-like sound. It didn't finish. It just kept rushing, on and on.

"Vinnie, what's the matter? Did you swallow an ocean?"

"In a matter of speaking…..no."

When Vincent exited the bathroom, he saw Yuffie with a mirror in her hand, trying to catch a reflection from the bathroom.

"Yuffie, I thought you said no peeking."

"Oh, that was just for me. You see, women have privacy issues. But as for you, you probably have some kinky thing in your head that likes being watched."

"Let's give a round of applause for Grand Psychologist, Dr. Phillis."

"Don't even compare me that media hog!"

"I thought you loved watching that show."

"No, it was just the only thing on."

The newlyweds went to bed early, and soon after, Hunter did as well. Still, Yuffie and Vincent weren't entirely asleep. Before they both dozed off, Yuffie whispered, "Vinnie, are you worried for me?"

"Yes, I am. I'm terrified. I'm afraid that we'll be caught, and you'll be jailed for life in a best-case scenario. I'm afraid we might have run for nothing, and that we'll spend our lives running scared when we could have stopped."

"I'm worried about Tifa."

Vincent rolled onto his side, so that he was face to face with his wife.

"Yuffie, why did you think of her at a time like this?"

"Because, she gave in to her madness and terror. Vin, the only true friend I've ever had in my life has killed the man that rescued me from the forest so many years ago, and now she's stuck at Renfroe."

"Tifa's not stuck. She made those choices."

"…Because of Cloud."

"No, Yuffie. Cloud got better. He tried to be a better example, just like Sephiroth is still doing."

"It didn't matter to her. Cloud was still Cloud in her mind."

"Exactly….her mind."