Loki was an observer. He liked to watch people. He wanted to know what made people tick. It made it easier to mess with them and if need be hurt them. Not that he was inclined to hurt anyone at that moment but he knew his goals changed often and it was always good to be prepared.
Out of all of them, each of those Avenging fools, he liked Barton. Barton was another watcher. True, Natasha had her charms and Loki respected her, but he was found of Barton. It was one of the reasons why he turned him into his minion the first time he came to Midgard. Of course now he realized that you can't actually mind control someone into liking you. Or rather you could, but if they ever got control of their minds again, they'd be really, really mad at you.
Tony was too flashy, Bruce too unpredictable and Thor was his brother and Loki wasn't ready to be friends with him.
The Avenger wives were infinitely more interesting than their significant others. Pepper was a two sided woman. Not two faced, she was honest and sweet, but two sided. That sweetness and kindness could quickly melt away and she'd become a fierce mortal to be reckoned with. He'd heard plenty of arguments between her and Tony and some of the things she said to him made Loki wince.
Ether, or Jane as Thor keeps insisting Loki call her, was intelligent. Loki liked to hear her talk even if he wasn't listening to her words. She wore her emotions on her sleeves. There was no mistaking what she thought. It made her fun.
Then there were the other non-superhero mortals that came around often. Erik was cautious of Loki, which Loki could understand. Truth be told they had very little in common. They were both naturally curious but that was nothing to build a friendship on.
Darcy was probably the most fun. She always had some kind of delicious snack that she was eager to share with him, though the Avengers thought that was a bad idea. "He won't want to leave if you keep feeding him." Steve had said one day when Loki knew he was being particularly annoying to Captin. Loki wanted to laugh as right at this moment his lair was almost built and he was building it right underneath The Avenger Towers. They would be seeing him all the time whether they fed him or not.
There were a few things he noticed about these Avengers. For one thing, they could never agree on anything, not even what food to order. And their personal lives often interfered with their work. Bruce was near useless when he tried to control the Hulk because he had lost control of his anger. That always put them behind.
Tony, when he and Pepper had an argument which was almost all the time lately, made idiotic choices. When Barton and Widow fought with a foe, they were more concerned with having each other's backs than protecting the rest of their team. And Thor, for all his claims of maturing and changing, still liked to fight even in times when fighting would endanger pedestrians.
And they called him a villain.
Not that he cared, of course. The more out of sync they were the better for carrying out his own plans. Not that he had any plans at the moment. He was actually enjoying this time off. Thinking of new ways to annoy humanity was becoming laborious.
Loki headed towards the kitchen to make a sandwich but was surprised to see Pepper there. Usually during the day, the Tower was empty, or at least the common areas were. She looked awful too and smelled like sickness.
"What is wrong with you mortal?" He asked standing by the door way not daring to go any further in the room.
"I'm sick." She answered and punctuated the sentence with an attempted to sniff with her stuffy nose.
"Well, shouldn't you quarantine yourself in your room or something? I hear mortal illness can be very contagious."
"I would, but I want soup and tea." She turned to grab a pot.
"Well don't touch anything." He ordered. "Sit down there at the table. I'll make you something."
Pepper shuffled her way; blankets wrapped around hers, to the kitchen table and pulled up a seat.
"Do they have the flu on Asgard?" She asked as he started putting water in the tea kettle.
"Yes, though we don't call it the flu and I've never had it. Thor had it though and I tell you he complained about it even after he recovered. This is why you should really stay out of common areas."
"You've never had the flu?" The shock in her voice was evident. "Ever?"
"Not in the thousand years I've been alive. I don't get sick."
"You're lucky."
"Yes, instead of a weak immune system I have homicidal tendencies. I've lucked out." He wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or just pitiful. He decided he wanted to be sarcastic.
Curiosity lit up her blue eyes. "You think you're a killer because of your heritage?"
"Oh, I have no doubt. Jotuns kill people all the time. It's a like a world of serial killers."
"Sound's scary." Was her nasally response. "But still, you were raised in Asgard right? Nurture verses nature?"
Loki snorted. "Odin is a serial killer too though he would never admit it. You think I'm quick to murder? Eighty people are nothing compared to his score card."
"I see." She said as he placed a cup of tea on the table before her. "You know, you aren't like other villains. I can't imagine The Goblin or Dr. Doom making me tea."
Loki walked back to the stove and turned the fire on for her soup. "Actually Dr. Doom makes great tea. Not too great with coffee though."
Pepper giggled. "You're funny."
Loki smiled and looked over his shoulder. She had her back towards him sipping on the tea. Quickly, he murmured a spell over her soup before she could notice. He put the enchanted soup into a bowl and walked it over to her. "Here, this should make you feel better."
"Thanks." She said as he slid into the chair next to her. "What are your plans for the day?"
"I have to see to my new lair. After that, I plan to pop in on Darcy. I don't think she realized I was serious about needing an assistant."
"Villainy comes with a lot of paperwork?" She teased.
"Actually yes." Came his answer. "For one, money is always needed to carry things out and it difficult to for someone like me to get money. And further more, a front is needed. Someone no one would expect and is unassuming."
She could see that. "How are you affording your lair?"
"I won the lotto." He admitted
"WHAT!" It came out more like a screech.
"Not the jackpot, but I was able to… guess? The numbers."
A blonde eyebrow rose. "Guess huh?"
He just smiled that evil grin. "Yes. Guess."
He stood up. "Well, I must be going. Feel better Minion of Stark. I'm off to see to my lair."
"Thanks for the soup Loki."
"Don't get used to it. I'm only nice on Tuesdays."
Loki teleported down to his lair. Things were going according to plan. It was a bit difficult finding a construction place that would build an evil lair for a man who had tried to enslave the human race, but King Pin put him on to a place that took cash and wouldn't ask questions.
They were doing a bang up job too.
After checking in on them, he teleported over to Darcy's favorite pizza and bought a pie. One had to know what to bribe people with. Tony liked technology, Jane liked gadgets, Darcy liked food. It was probably why she was so very curvaceous.
And Loki liked curves.
He thought about teleporting into Darcy's kitchen, but after her major freak out last week when he teleported to her bedroom, to find her in nothing but her bra and panties, he decided to knock on her door.
Tasers hurt. A lot.
"Who is it?" Came her response to his knock.
"Your friendly neighborhood villain!" Was his response.
She opened the door with a smile on her face. "Lokes. Lokes and pizza? Awesome!"
He walked in placing the pizza on the kitchen table. "My dearest Darcy! Have you given any thought to my offer?"
She grabbed two plates from her cabinet for the pizza. "You made an offer?"
He took a plate from her and made her a plate. "Indeed I did. I am in need of a partner, or assistant."
She took the plate and watched him serve himself not sure what to say to that. Finally, after he took a seat and pulled her into one she responded. "You were serious?"
"Indeed I was. I mean it takes all of The Avengers to capture me so adding one more person should make it near impossible."
She sighed not sure how to turn down a psychotic god's offer. "Loki, I'm not into hurting people."
"That's perfect! Neither am I… lately."
"I mean it Lokes, you're cool, but I really don't want to go to jail."
He put his pizza down and sat back thinking of something that might change her mind. "I see your point. I've been in jail twice and it really is boring."
"But…" She interjected. "What if I become you assistant but you help The Avengers."
He blinked at her. "Help? The? Avengers?"
"Yeah. I mean, I can help you make right decisions and keep your mischief as mischief instead of villainy."
He shook off the idea. "I have no interest in being a superhero."
"I suppose not. I mean, I read somewhere, that villains are just lazy superheroes anyway."
"Lazy?!" Was his outraged response.
"Yeah. They are too lazy to help people so they bother them instead. I mean Thor is always working and doing things to help and you yourself said you are useless until the afternoon." She almost snickered, so she stuffed a bite of pizza in his mouth.
"I am just as energetic as Thor!" How dare she? He could do whatever Thor could! "If not, more so!"
"Well then prove it! Hire me for twenty five dollars an hour and show the world you are energetic!"
"Done! Be at the Avenger's Tower by noon!"
"Noon! No, heroes get up at 8."
"Then 8! Be there at 8!"
Loki left Darcy's house stomping hard and walking with purpose. Tomorrow everything will be different! Tomorrow he will get up at 8 instead of 11. He would have to go to sleep early so he could be energetic in the morning to do… hero…stuff?
Wait.
Crap!