Okey dokey, this flashback is a bit short, but I just wanted to throw one in while I worked on the current story line. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and thank you to all who are reading and reviewing =D I really wish I could give all of you a big hug haha

Spencer's POV

I Love

the way you hug me like you never want to let go

I had been away a week and a half. A week and a half. That is it. I should have been happy. I was back in Ohio visiting family. Visiting friends I hadn't seen in ages. And part of me was happy, I guess. To reconnect with all the people that had been such a big part of my early life before I ever moved to California. Before my life drastically changed.

I would love to say that I was visiting all the people that had made me, me. Spencer. But that wasn't quite true. I never really knew myself in Ohio. I just went along with what was most common, what was expected to me. But when I came to L.A, that's where I really found myself. I am in no way saying that I have myself figured out, I surely do not.

But does anyone?

For some reason, I would constantly compare all of my old friends with my one, new, extraordinary one. With Ashley. She seemed better than all of these old ones put together. I would think:

"Ashley has a better smile."

"Ashley's hands are softer."

"Ashley would have laughed at my lame joke just now."

This was before I realized I loved her. Before every time she touched me I felt a burning sensation spread through my whole body. Before I thought about what it would be like to have her kiss me. Or to push her up against and wall and feel her skin against mine. Before all of that.

And I missed her like crazy. I never realized how attached to her I was before I left for those eleven days. When I was in Ohio, we talked every night and constantly through texts everyday. I don't know when she called me or when I called her, but our voices always seemed to end the day with each other. I'd tell her about all my old friends and what we'd do that day. She didn't seem too thrilled about it. She'd tell me what she did with Aiden, Kyla, and Chelsea. I had wished I were there with them.

"So, you'll never believe this, Spencer." My good friend Ally was telling me one day as we were catching up, having lunch at the local diner. "Sharon is gay!" She basically shrieked this in my ear. Not an excited shriek, but a "Can you even believe that?" shriek.

"Oh wow." I said.

"How weird, right? A lot of us are uncomfortable in the locker room with her now, like, come on." Ally said with disgust in her voice. My head snapped to attention.

"What's a matter with that?" I asked, trying not to sound too interested, or involved, or…..gay.

Ally looked at me wide with surprise. Like I had just spoken Latin. She didn't understand. "You know I don't judge Spencer, but I don't want her looking at me like that. It's kind of strange." She said, basically contradicting herself. Trying to look like the victim when really she was the accuser.

"Right." I said plainly.

After that lunch, I didn't speak to Ally a lot at all. It was kind of a mutual thing. I didn't mind much. I couldn't believe how different the two places that I had spent my life were. Ohio and L.A.

I had found out from one of the very first conversations I had ever had with Ashley Davies that she liked girls. "I'm not into labels.' She had told me once. But I could tell from the tone of her voice and the way she sometimes watched other girls walk away that she teetered towards the girls' side. That was one of the things that had initially drawn me to her. Her confidence. How she was so accepting of who she was and how she didn't care what other people though. I admire her for that. I always would.

Come to think of it, I don't care much for labels either.

"Are you home yet?" Ashley answered my call immediately with this, drawing out every syllable.

I chuckled into my cell phone. "Unfortunately no. two days Ash, two days."

She sighed. "Right, two days." She sang. "And what do you mean unfortunately, don't you like seeing all your old friends and all that fun Ohio stuff?" Ashley asked me sincerely.

I thought for a second. I wanted to word my response truthfully. "I like you better." I said simply.

I knew she was smiling. I could tell by her breathing and her silence.

"Well you should." She said, breaking the tender, comfortable silence that had come after I made my little confession.

"Aren't we self-absorbed." I stated.

"Oh, we are Spencer, we are." Ashley laughed her deep laugh and my insides went all mushy.

"So you miss me?" I said with a slight chuckle. "I bet you dooooo."

"Eh, maybe. It's nice not having your annoying voice talking all the time." Ashley said seriously.

I mocked surprise. "Ashley!"

She laughed again. "Of course I miss you Spence." She said completely seriously and quite simply. "A lot." She added quietly.

And then I bet she could hear and know that I was smiling.

It was two days later and I could not wait to get home. I could not wait to get out of this stupid cab with this stupid driver who had no idea what was going on. I could not wait to shower off the plane air and curl up in bed. I could not wait to get away from my stupid Ohio friends for good.

I could not wait to see Ashley.

I knew that when I would tell her that I had had a sucky time she would try to console me but she secretly would be ecstatic. Adding to her already inflamed ego that she was better than any "dusty Ohioans." In her own words.

And she would be right.

The cab pulled up to my wonderful, sunny L.A. house and I threw my money at the driver, wanting to get out as quick as possible. I was so hasty in my departure that I didn't even see Ashley on my front lawn until my bags were dropped and her arms were engulfing me in an airtight hug. She was hugging me so hard that I could barely breathe, and I believe I was doing the same thing.

She was holding on to me like she never wanted to let go. And that, I'm sure, is the moment I realized that I loved her way more than I should. The moment that the thought "I wanna kiss you" popped into my head, I was surprised for a second until I looked into her sparkling chocolate eyes. Then I thought, "oh my God, I wanna kiss you." She again hugged me tighter to her own body and pressed her head in my neck, face right by my ear.

"You are not allowed to leave me again Spencer." She said softly, brushing her lips against my ear. I laughed, but I knew that I really wouldn't ever be able to leave again. "Seriously." She said a little rougher this time. Telling me she was as serious as a heart attack. I nodded into her.

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I never knew what torture was until that very night.

We were all at Chelsea's house, welcoming me home. I was surprised when I walked into her basement, thinking I was just going to say hello and leave. But Aiden, Kyla, Glen, Chelsea, and Ashley were all there. It felt good to have friends welcome you home. I felt loved and wonderful and it almost made me forget about my old unsettling friendships back in Ohio. There was no reason to ever go back.

Everything I needed was here.

"So Spence, you see any old boyfriends?" Chelsea asked me as we sat down to watch a movie.

I laughed, remembering running into Charlie at CVS. "Yeah actually, Charlie, I saw him at CVS."

"How'd he look, good?" Kyla asked me while raising her eyebrow. For some reason I felt propelled to look at Ashley sitting next to me. She was picking at her fingernails.

"Uh no," I said, tearing my eyes away from her neck, "he had a mustache. Not good." I chuckled.

"Ew a mustache? What, was he gunna be in a western?" Aiden laughed, turning the lights off and popping in the DVD.

"And why are you so quiet?" I whispered to Ashley next to me. "Didn't you miss me?" The last part came out cracked, nervous.

She looked at me and gave me a lazy smile, her eyes tracing my face over. "Of course. Come here." And she grabbed me closer to her. I snuggled up to her side, with her rubbing my back, and felt something I had never felt before with her.

With anyone.

All of a sudden I felt hot, until her hand touched my bare skin and then a chill went through me.

"You're not gunna go back there any time soon, are you?" She whispered to my ear. There was nervousness in her voice, an unsteadiness I was not familiar with. Ashley Davies was never panicky, she was always joking, always the opposite of serious.

I looked up at her from my position in her lap. Before I could stop myself my hand moved to touch her face softly and place a gorgeous brown curl behind her ear. I almost gasped when I realized what I'd done. This contact was so much more intimate than I had expected or was used to.

I hadn't understood, then.

"Nope." I said to her and smiled as she hugged me closer.

How could I ever leave again if this was where my heart was?