Contrary to popular belief, Loki was not a loner. Perhaps it was a misconception that quiet, studious types didn't know how to interact with the world because Loki was the opposite. In fact, he had many friends. Not just villains on Earth, but he was popular with villains in other worlds. It seemed, in the world of villainy, Loki was the guy to go to in order to get things done.

Darcy was surprised how many meetings and urgent requests to see him were demanded. After programming his phone to also ring to hers, she was constantly answering calls and scheduling meetings. Though many of these friends were actually very nice, Magneto called her darling; it was really becoming a job.

Most of the calls were for advice or a request for spells. Though Loki was free with his advice, he wasn't at all free with his magic. He was very cautious who got spells or potions and usually it was for a hefty price.

She could see where he got his money from.

To make things worse, Fury got wind about her new position and ordered her to inform the Avengers of any inappropriate planning and doings by Loki and his peers. This forced her to keep track of the phone calls she got and sometimes, listen in to his phone calls.

That was interesting all by itself. He and Doom texted all day and Loki even sent a selfie of his new hair cut which Doom said made Loki look less like a villain and more like a Disney character. Then Doom refused to tell Loki what Disney was and so Loki forced Darcy to show him. This led to Loki sending a text message in his native Asgardian language and then Loki refused to translate for him. This led to phone calls and text messages all night as Doom tried to decode the message.

Doom apparently had a bit of an OCD about cryptic messages. Loki told her the message was actually his to-do list which made it funnier. To her knowledge he never did translate it.

When Saturday evening rolled around, Loki handed her a list of names he wanted invited to his room to watch the boxing match on Pay per View. On the list were King Pin, Magneto, Doom and Amora. A group of elite villains were meeting in The Avenger's Towers. This seemed like something Fury would want reported but there was a small problem.

She was growing to like Loki. When he wasn't busy being a jerk, he was actually a very intelligent guy and playful. He made her laugh and even started making her coffee the way she wanted on most days. Every so often he would "forget" how to make it and add things he knew full well shouldn't be in coffee. Like salt.

She was just starting to gain his trust and in truth, starting to trust him. If she told the Avengers about it they would crash the party and he'd know she sold him out. But then, if the party was a rouse and they all got together to kill the Avengers, she'd feel awful and Jane and Pepper would never talk to her again.

So while he was rattling off a list of food to get, she was busy trying to find a way to approach this situation in a way that wouldn't make her a traitor to Loki or her friends.

"I think that's it." He finally said as he tore the paper out his note book and handed it to her.

"What about drinks?" She offered as she grabbed the paper. "Perhaps we should invite Tony, he has great liquor." Though Loki pretended he didn't like Tony, he actually enjoyed his company. He would often break things in Stark's workshop just so Tony would have a reason to visit him.

"Nah, no superheroes allowed." Loki answered. "I spend too much time with them as it is."

Crap. "Well, what about Barton? Aren't you guy's friends now? He took you out to lunch yesterday."

He looked over at her, his green eyes piercing into her blues as if he could see her intent. She wondered if he could. She wasn't sure if mind reading was one of his powers, but she knew he could read body language well. She tried to look relaxed but it was hard to do when she was under his unblinking stare.

"Ok, yeah. Barton can come." He answered eventually.

She let out a silent breath. Good. She'll tell Barton, who'd tell Natasha who would tell everyone and if there is evil afoot they'd snuff it out.

Darcy sighed, being a villain's assistant was proving to be hard.

000

TEXTING

Darcy to Barton: Hey, Loki is throwing a party tonight he wants you at his room at 8 for the fight.

Barton to Darcy: Who will be there?

Darcy to Barton: A whole bunch of evil doers.

Barton to Darcy: Sounds like fun. I'll be there.

Barton to Widow: Nat, Loki's throwing a party tonight for the fight. Can I go? You know? To spy?

Nat to Barton: Loki throws parties?

Barton to Nat: Apparently he has a lot of villain friends. And they get together to watch fights.

Nat to Barton: There is a lot about villains that we didn't know about it.

Barton to Nat: I know right! Don't worry though, I'll tell you guys everything tomorrow.

Nat to AVENGERS: Loki is throwing a party tonight. Barton is going to spy.

Thor to AVENGERS: Loki has friends?

Darcy to AVENGERS: A lot of them.

Iron Man to AVENGERS: Darcy you aren't an Avenger, how did you get included in this?

Darcy to AVENGERS: Loki added me into everyone's phone to spy for him. He said he got tired of reading texts about where to eat and how to use electronics and wanted me to do it.

Steve to AVENGERS: It's not my fault! The world is so different now.

Thor to AVENGERS: We have not these devices on Asgard.

Bruce to AVENGERS: Is no one else bothered by the fact that Loki was able to program my phone without having to be in the same COUNTRY as me.

Steve to AVENGERS: We assemble tomorrow to get Barton's report and question Loki.

000

Barton wasn't sure what to expect when he arrived in Loki's room, but it definitely wasn't this. They all looked so… casual. Even Magneto was dressed in jeans. Without their evil costumes they looked like ordinary people. Well, not Doom. Doom still looked odd.

He also wasn't expecting to be so accepted by them. No one questioned why a superhero was there and in fact, Kin Pin handed him a beer.

Barton took a seat next to Doom who threw his phone on the table with an exasperated sigh.

King Pin shook his head. "You still wrapped up that Invisachick?"

Doom sighed. "She calls me like every day."

"She's using you." Loki told him from his chair on the corner that looked suspiciously like a throne made of ice. "Every time she has a fight with Mr. Fantastupid she calls you."

"Does anyone else see a resemblance between Invisachick's brother and Captain America?" Magneto asked. "It's been driving me crazy."

"It's complicated." Doom answered Loki and ignoring Magneto. "You wouldn't understand."

Amora laughed throwing her head back in a most exaggerated fashion. "Loki understands complicated more than you think."

"Do not," Was Loki's juvenile answer. "You want to know what's complicated, how Thor left you and Sif for a mortal." Barton couldn't be sure why Loki would actually deny being complex other than the fact that he just had to be disagreeable.

King Pin screamed out. "OH! I wouldn't take that if I were you!"

"Can we focus guys?!" Doom yelled out. "What should I do? She's calling me again!"

"Let it ring." Loki answered. "Let her think you're with another female."

King Pin nodded. "Yeah, you can't let her think she's all you have. She's gotta know you have options."

Doom let it ring another second before he reached for the phone. "I can't take it!"

Before Doom could pick up the phone Loki used his power to throw him against the wall and held him there, sealing Doom's lips as he answered the phone. Barton was surprised by Loki's strength. With all the pranks he pulled it was easy to forget how powerful the sorcerer could be.

"Doom's phone." Loki answered. "Oh I'm sorry, Doom is balls deep in a blonde right now. Shall I take a message?" Doom was trying to put up a fight but Loki looked as if it took no effort to keep him against the wall. Magneto and King Pin were covering their mouths trying not to laugh as Amora started making passionate sex noises.

"Oh Victor! Victor! VICTOR!"

"Oh it seems he's cumming right now hold on!" A second passed before he held up the phone triumphantly. "She hung up!"

The room busted with laughter and Loki lowered his arm dropping Doom fell to the floor. "You're such a jerk Loki." Doom said getting to his feet. "I can't believe you did that!"

"Enough about Victor's Invisachick. Who's that leggy blonde that opened the door?" King Pin questioned. "She's got a rocking body."

"Oh that's Pepper." Loki shapeshifted into her in a blink of an eye. "I'm Tony's minion. I'm super sweet but I can bring a Metal Mortal to his knees!" Loki walked around the room, swishing his hips in the form of Pepper while everyone yelled cat calls.

"Who's the red head with the big butt?" Doom asked. "She looks like she's into kink."

Loki shape shifted into Natasha. "I'm Nat. I keep Barton locked in my basement as my love slave!"

Everyone pointed at Barton laughing as he turned a bright red. "Hey, I have you know that she is not the boss of me."

"Oh yeah?" Loki started in Nat's voice. "I bet you had to ask permission to come out tonight."

Barton's tight lips gave him away.

"Now hold on boys," Amora started. "I saw a curvy little lady with an ample chest when I walked in."

King Pin smiled. "Oh yeah I saw her too. Loki's type all the way."

Loki shifted back into Loki. "Shut up."

Magneto laughed. "That's your assistant isn't? The one who answers your phone? I see Fifty Shades of Green after work hours!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you read that stupid book. You're too old to be having sex."

Amore snorted. "Aren't you a thousand?"

"In Asgardian years. By Midgardian years I'm like twenty five."

"Besides," Doom started. "We all know Loki's a sub. It would be more like Lady Chatterley's Lover. "

"Am not! I'm so dominant."

Barton shook his head. This couldn't be what villains really did when they got together. Where were the master plots and hatred? Where was the self-loathing and evil-ness?

"Well, I tell you this much." Amora started. "Your assistant is way hotter than your brother's girl. What's with those sweaters?"

Loki shrugged. "Jane's got her moments. You're just jealous because she won him over with ugly sweaters and your breasts have been hanging out your shirts for centuries and he never spared a glance."

"OH!" King Pin yelled. "I wouldn't take that if I were you."

000

The Avenger's sat around the table waiting for Barton to give his report. None of them slept well wondering what Loki could be up to now. Though his tricks have been light hearted, they knew his consorts were anything but.

"Tell us Barton." Steve started the meeting. "What is Loki up to?"

"Well, let's see," Barton cleared his throat. "Magneto reads pornographic novels; Amora and Thor had a thing."

Thor snorted. "She wishes."

"King Pin is an instigator, Doom has been sleeping with Invisible Girl AKA Invisachick, Pepper is one of the hottest women in the house and known as Tony's minion."

Tony smiled. "Alright, go Pepper!"

"They think Natasha is a dominatrix, and they all agree that Darcy is Loki's type. Oh yeah and Loki might be a sexual submissive, but he denied it, which means it's probably true."

Steve blinked. "That's it? What about their plans for world domination?"

"Well, maybe if they get their love lives in order, but for right now, they are all passed on in Loki's room and he's drawing mustaches on their faces. One really notable thing though, Loki was able to pin Doom to the wall with one hand. Apparently his magic is stronger than Doom's."

Thor nodded proudly. "My brother has always been dedicated to his magic. Now tell me, where did Jane fall in the list of pretty women?"

"Well, they agreed that she wears ugly sweaters, by Loki is found of her."

Thor nodded. "I keep telling her those sweaters are ugly."

Natasha shook her head in disbelief. "This is why she's always mad at you."

Loki entered the kitchen, magic marker still in hand. "Morning superheroes."

"Loki, how did you program Darcy as an Avenger in my phone?" Banner asked not wasting a second. He didn't like the thought of people finding him so easily.

"I did no such thing. Why would I want Darcy to be an Avenger?"

Tony sat back, arms across his chest. "She said you wanted her to read our text messages because you were tired of reading them yourself."

"Why would I read your text messages? None of you are that interesting. Except Widow and Hawk. I would love to read those messages."

"How did she know what we texted each other then?" Steve asked. "She had pretty specific details."

Tony stood up. "I think we should look deeper into this."

All the superheroes filtered out except for Barton, who turned to Loki. "You're lying aren't you?"

"Of course I'm lying. It'll take those buffoons all day to realize it too. How else would the Little Mortal gain access to their messages? It amuses me so to read them."

Barton sighed. "You know, Doom is right."

"About what?"

"You really are a jerk."