Note: If you sense any bit of angst or the like in this chapter or the previous chapter of Bleeding Heart, then the reason is simple: There's a big virus going around at the College, and it's one of those that keep replicating itself through USB Drives. It's very annoying, when you have to use USB Drives to do your schoolwork.

But that's not the worst part. Guess who is one of the Senior-year Computer students who is saddled with the angst of fighting this raging monster? You guessed it: me.

Never have I felt such a sense of hatred and admiration at the same time.

If you're a computer user where I'm from, then it's a bad day for you.

If you're the one making the Virus, then your efforts are to be praised. You really made an evil one this time.

Chapter 11- Skilled Beyond All Common Sense

"Vincent, why do people have to do experiments that ruin our lives?"

"I don't know, Yuffie. I guess they 'Just have to know'. Why?"

"Did Hojo ever come to Wutai?"

"A long time ago. Hojo hasn't been to Wutai since the days when he was an assistant to Professor Gast."

"So, if there were any weird experiments going on, it would be for good?"

"I guess."

"I guess!? Why didn't you say something like 'It'll be alright' or 'Don't worry about it'?"

"Whoa! Calm down, Yuf!

"Okay. Fine."

"Come. It's time for your surgery."

The Valentines were all smiles as they entered the Eye Clinic and Yuffie Kisaragi was placed onto a table in preparation of her surgery. Everything was good to go. Yuffie was ready, and the machine was setting up…

Until…

'Warning! Laser settings not sufficient to work on patient. Error 103: Not Human Eye.'

When the machine had finished spouting its error message out loud, Yuffie exclaimed, "What the hell? Not human eye?! Aw Gawd, I'm gonna die!"

"Calm down! The doctor will take care of it. It's probably just a system malfunction, right Doc?"

"Actually, no. These systems don't usually have malfunctions."

"Meaning what?!"

"Meaning that your wife does not have a human eye. Wait one second."

The Doctor typed away at his computer. He had an awful habit of 'announcing' everything that he was doing.

"Okay. Yuffie, I need you to lay flat. Laser, scan for eye type."

'Eye type: Partially Robotic'

This time, Yuffie shot up at attention.

"WHAT?! VINNIE!? What did you do to me?!"

"I didn't do anything, but I think I know who might have. Have you ever had a real examination by a Doctor before?"

"No. I mean, I go to the gynecologist a lot, but I'm scared of real doctors."

"I see. Then it's a possibility…You might be right…about the experiments. It would be for good, of course, like we said. Doctor, do your computers have fingerprint sensors attached?"

"Yes. That's our form of security."

"Good. Yuffie, put your hand on this pad."

As Yuffie placed her hand onto the fingerprint pad, she was amazed to hear what the computer said next.

'Welcome, Yuffie Kisaragi! Initializing file . Startup successful!'

"So I'm a robot?! Cool!!"

"Wait, Yuffie…it's not done."

'Automatic procedure EyeRestore initiated. EyeRestore successful!'

"Aw my Gawd! Yes! Yes! Vinnie, I can see!"

"That's great Yuffie! That's just…"

The siren interrupted him.

'Warning! Virus infection! Infected file: . Infection could not be healed.'

Yuffie shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well, we already knew that. Maybe you can get rid of it!"

"We'll try. Doc, try locating this file."

"Alright…found it. Right-Click, Delete."

'File cannot be deleted. It is in use by another program. Please terminate file and reboot.'

Yuffie jumped off of her seat and yelled, "Don't hit yes! Don't do it!"

"Oops, too late!"

"WHAT!?"

"No, Yuffie! We're just kidding."

Yuffie grew very red in the face, and she began to ball up her fists. Once she had reached the breaking point, she kicked Vincent with extreme force…between the legs.

Vince rolled around on the floor for a few minutes before the pain finally subsided.

"You can't kid about serious stuff, Vin! Isn't there a different way to get rid of the file?"

"Not really."

"Then just try again."

"Okay. Right-Click, Delete."

' has been deleted.'

Yuffie began jumping around the room yelling, "Yay! Yay! It's gone! It's finally gone!"

"Let's check it again to make sure."

"Fine. Scan hard drive."

'Warning! Virus infection! Infected file: . Infection could not be healed.'

"WHAT?!"

Vincent bowed his head and muttered, "Damn it. It's a replicating file. Doc, can we try to see where this thing is coming from?"

"That's easy. It's located inside the folder labeled Reproductive System."

"Alright. Scan that."

"Begin scan."

Behind him, Vincent could hear Yuffie begin to squeal and let out a few low moans.

"Ooh…It's scanning, alright!"

"Interesting."

'Scan complete. No threats found.'

"No threats! Hah! That's a laugh. Darn selective, isn't it? I guess you're stuck with it, Yuffie."

"Oh well. It's nothing new. This robot thing is cool to me. And I can see! Don't forget that!"

"Yeah. Let's go."

As the couple turned to leave, the Doctor queried, "Aren't you going to pay me?"

Vincent countered, "For what? I fixed her, not your machine."

"You used my computer."

"Oh. Here's a 50…"

"Thanks."

"…and a breath mint, and a small ball of pocket lint."

"No, that's quite alright."

"What, you don't want the 50?"

"No…Yes…just go."

Yuffie stared up at Vincent and asked, "Where are we going now?"

"Christmas shopping, and a fine restaurant."

"Where did you get all of this money?"

"It's the reward for capturing Hojo."

"Oh. Thanks for that."

"You're welcome."

Yuffie and Vincent had completed their shopping, and were on their way to a Chinese restaurant when they happened to see a group of young carolers on the side of the street.

"Hey, Yuf. What's your favorite Christmas carol?"

"I like those funny parodies that comedians do."

"Like what?"

"O Holy Crap, Virus Night, God Rest Ye Fairy Nederland, O Come All Ye Faithless. Stuff like that."

"Now that's funny!"

"I'm glad you like them. I've got the CD at home."

"Cool. How does Chinese food sound?"

"Sure. Hey, do you think that I have secret robot powers?"

"No, I don't."

"Then what's the purpose of experimenting on me?"

"All I have to do is log in to a computer with my Turk authentication, and they'll know. They keep good records."

"You can use my new phone."

When Vincent had logged in and accessed the case file, he instantly closed his eyes and whispered softly:

"After supper, we're going to visit your father."

"Of course. It'll be the first time you've ever seen him."

"When was the last time you visited him, Yuffie?"

"A couple of years."

"Why did you wait so long."

"Just 'cause."

"What about your mother?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"After all of these years?"

"I'm Japanese. I hold grudges."

"But I thought everybody did that."

"It's just a visit. You don't have to act like Sherlock Holmes and solve every mystery."

"But you'd appreciate it if I do…"

"Maybe, I don't know."

"If you're going to go prying around, don't let me know."

"You're my wife. I shouldn't have to pry around."

"Usually…but I'm Yuffie Kisaragi."

"And I'm Vincent Valentine."

"I see that."

"I'm thankful."

"Then that makes two of us."

"Are you really?"

"Really what?"

"Yuffie, are you really thankful for your father?"

Yuffie threw her hands up in the air and said, "Fine. I give you permission to snoop around. Is that what you want?"

"No. I want honesty."

"Vince, when you've got love, who needs honesty?"

"Well, it is one of the Top Ten."

"What top ten?"

"Ten Commandments."

"Vince…I'm not Christian. I'm a Spiritualist."

"Okay."

"Aw, let's stop arguing, Vince. Let's go eat."

"For you, of course."

"You really do love me with your whole heart, don't you?"

"And my hands."

"That's a list that could keep going on forever. You love me with your whole body then, don't you?"

"What about the soul?"

"Ah, I see! Infinity, then!"

"Maybe not that much."

"Hey!"

"Don't worry. You're alright, kid. You're quite alright."

"Good…but I'm not a kid."

"You know what I mean. Do you like being difficult?"

"I love it."

"And it loves you back."

"Um…okay."

"Do you want to sing?"

"Sure."

'Virus night, holey night. All is gone, out of sight. Found one problem, into the file. In an instant, I format your drive. Link to every PC…Link to every PC!"