No beta
There are a lot of sexual themes going on and a lot of suggestion.
On the surface, this chapter means nothing to the plot, but it actually does.

Natasha wasn't surprised one bit when Thor, Barton and Tony tried to extend their stay in her kitchen during their girls only night. Men were all the same whether human, alien, or whatever the heck Tony was.

Tony swore he was only there to make sure Pepper arrived safely which was ridiculous because their apartment was only three floors away. Thor claimed he was only insuring Jane had everything she needed for the night and Barton made it clear, "If Tony and Thor is staying so am I."

It was all so romantically annoying.

Nat looked over to Darcy, whose face was down. She imagined it must be hard being the single girl in a group of romantically involved females. She would ask Barton if he had any friends she could pair her with. If need be she'd beat Loki into give her essential information on her preferences. Well, even it wasn't needed.

A green shimmering light appeared, which was a magic Loki only used when Pepper was around to announce his arrival. Pepper screaming whenever Loki appeared out of nowhere seemed to actually make him remorseful. He seemed to delight in making Jane scream though.

That's when she saw it, the smile that spilt Darcy's face in two. He was carrying a bottle of Pina Colada, which everyone knew was Darcy's favorite and he put it directly in her hands.

Interesting.

Then he proceeded to tare all their packages apart, inspect the food and taking a bite out of everything, even the onion rings which everyone knew he hated. When he took a bite out of it he made a grossed out face and shoved the rest of it in Darcy's mouth.

Also interesting.

She took it willingly, which wasn't really surprising since Darcy really did enjoy food, but along with the onion ring, she also took his fingers in her mouth.

Widow smiled. This was by far the most interesting thing she'd seen in a long time.

The men started filtering out but Loki lingered taste testing everything before conjuring a plate and taking some food for himself.

"Female Mortals, have a good night. Darcy stay away from the chicken, it's of poor quality."

Wait, did he really taste everything to make sure it was suitable for Darcy to eat? As soon as Loki retreated to wherever it was he went to, Nat turned to Darcy. "Good for you!"

Darcy arched a brow. "For what?"

"You're banging Loki."

Darcy turned a bright red as Jane looked mortified. "You're sleeping with Loki!" Jane squeaked. "Like, Loki Thor's brother?"

Darcy's cheeks turned so red Natasha thought her head would pop. "We haven't had sex." She explained. "But, we are definitely no longer just friends!"

Peppers blue eyes opened wide, jaw slacked. "When did this happen!"

"Like two weeks ago."

"Why?" Jane demanded. "Why?"

"He got me 401K Jane! Do you have any idea how awesome that is?"

Natasha frowned. "How did he get you 401K?"

"He got SHIELD to take over my salary. He got me a sweet raise and benefits."

Pepper moaned. "Mmmm benefits."

"Ok, so if you haven't actually gone all the way, then tell me this, what have you done that has that man coming to taste test your food."

"We just made out a little." It wasn't a little. She had him naked, in her hands, heard him sigh in pleasure and watched him erupt on her hallway table. She never took him inside her but then it didn't really seem necessary. She was already more intimate with him then she ever had been with any other man.

"Ok!" Pepper called out. "Time for compare brother time!"

Natasha and Pepper pulled their chairs closer as Darcy laughed. "I don't think that would be fare, they are very different."

Nat snorted. "I already know Loki is a better lover than Thor."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Just because he wears leather doesn't mean he's better at sex."

"It's not his clothes baby, it's his need to strive for the best. " Natasha explained. "He would not settle for a mere orgasm. He would strive for five, fall short at three, because let's face it he's a loser, and be mad at himself all day for not being able to accomplish his goal. This would lead to presents."

"He's not a loser!" Oh how right she was about everything else though. When Loki stopped being shocked at being manhandled by a female mortal, he quickly went to work finding new ways to please her before she had to make him stop.

Pepper nodded. "Yeah. Thor doesn't have to work as hard because, you know, he's Thor."

"And on top of that he's got abandonment issues." Natasha went on. "His fear of disappointing his lover and her disposing of him would make him insane. He'd act off emotion, which we know he does, and let it cloud his better judgement. He wouldn't even realize he was enslaved until he was chained naked to the foot of the bed."

Jane and Darcy exchanged a look of bewilderment. Natasha was a freak.

Pepper reached for a pen and paper. "Alright let's start the scoring. We have Barton, Tony, Thor and Loki. The categories are kissing, dirty talk, staying power, kink factor and romance."

"I'll go first!" Nat raised her arms to start the game. "Ok, Barton likes to kiss but he doesn't because he knows I don't like it."

Darcy went next. "Loki doesn't seem to like kissing much. He only does it if I kiss him first."

"Tony loves to kiss only when he's about to orgasm."

"Thor gets over excited with kissing."

Natasha made a face. "Eww I hate sloppy kissers."

They all seemed to agree.

"Ok so Loki doesn't like to kiss, no point for him, Thor is gross so no point for him so should Tony or Barton get the point?"

"I go with Barton." Darcy said. "He puts Nat's preference above his own."

Pepper writes the one point. "Ok, dirty talk."

"Barton says what I tell him to say."

"Loki is very quiet. No moans let alone words. He sighs though." Only when he's about to release.

"Really?" Pepper is surprised. "He strikes me as the kind that would monologue during sex."

After the women laugh Darcy responds. "I thought so too, but he is very quiet."

"Well, Tony talks dirty. He's got a foul mouth outside the bedroom and it's a thousand times worse inside."

"Thor dirty talks but it's in such proper English that it makes it silly."

"We need examples!" Darcy demanded.

Jane's color reddened. "Well, he said one time 'the moisture of your quim excites the very heart of my manhood.'"

The laughter was instantaneous and loud. "How did you not laugh?!" Darcy asked. "The heart of his manhood? Oh brother. Point has to go to Tony."

Pepper wrote the point. "Staying power."

"Barton cums when I tell him too."

Darcy laughed. Barton does everything Nat tells him to!

"The longest Tony has gone has been an hour and a half."

"We haven't done it often but Loki's orgasms are weird."

Paper went down, all attention on her. "Weird how?" Nat asked. "What's weird?"

"Well for one his ejaculate is clear."

Jane nodded. "Thor's too. Apparently they can ejaculate semen without sperm."

"And it's cool." Darcy continued.

Nat and Pepper glanced at each other before Natasha asked. "Cool like awesome?"

"No cool like cold." She explained. "He himself is kind of cool to the touch."

"Maybe because he's a Frost Giant." Natasha thought out loud. "That is different."

But that wasn't all Darcy had to say on the subject. "And he can orgasm many times without actually ejaculating."

That got a response from all three women. "WHAT?"

"Thor can't do that." Jane stated. Why couldn't Thor do that?

"Maybe another Frost Giant thing." Darcy shrugged. "It makes him stay ready until I am done with him."

"Jane, can Thor top that?" Pepper asked shoving a french fry in her mouth.

"Give the point to Loki." Jane shook her head.

Pepper nodded and swallowed the fry. "Kink."

"I chain Barton to the bed at night."

"We aren't surprised by that Nat." Darcy stated flatly. "Not at all." She goes on to say, "I don't know if Loki could be considered kinky. I mean, we've made out in weird places."

"Like where?" Nat pressed. "Like outside of the home?"

"Yeah. Well, see, Loki can put up mirages so people see one thing, but we were actually doing something else."

The ladies looked back and forth at each other. Pepper cocked a brow. "Wait, you were where?"

"The Applebees on the corner."

"Darcy!" Jane sounded scandalized.

"Well in my defense, I wasn't doing anything! He was the one under the table…"

"Stop!" Jane said covering her ears. "I don't want to hear this!"

"I do." Nat said.

"Seriously." Pepper added. "So there was a mirage up making it seem like one thing but he was under the table doing… wonderful things?"

Darcy nodded emphatically. "Such wonderful things!"

Nat looked at Pepper. "We'll give you Tony a point too if you guys did it while he was wearing the suit."

Pepper covered her face in her hand to hide her embarrassment. "It was one time!"

"A point to Loki and Tony." Nat stated. "That actually doesn't surprise me."

"Romance." Pepper moved on.

"Barton…"

"Does what you tell him to do?" Darcy laughed. "That could be romantic. But romance is also spontaneous."

"Tony bought me a rabbit with boobs."

"So not romantic." Jane told her.

"I don't know, Loki is romantic but it an odd way."

"Yeah like taste testing your food." Nat realized as she said it that she might be a little jealous of that. In the world Loki came from, servants would taste test food for royalty and he was royalty. Did that mean he looked at himself as Darcy's servant? In other relationships Barton was the aggressor and it was sweet that he allowed her to lead, but Loki was a man that felt entitled which made his gesture more sentimental.

"He's always feeding me. All the time. I don't get roses or anything but one time he caused this girl to trip over nothing so I could get the last black sweater on the rack."

Pepper laughed.

"Loki is weird." Nat stated. "Really weird."

"Thor brings me flowers. And really anything I ask for."

"Thor gets a point. We need a tie breaker. Loki and Tony are tied."

"What about…. Presents." Jane offered.

"Barton gives me what I tell him to."

"Well there was the boobed rabbit. Strawberries that I'm allergic too. He once had a star named for me but I later found out it was re-gift." Pepper told them.

"How do you re-gift a star." Darcy questioned, one eye lowering in confusion.

"Tony needs help." Nat told her. "Like get him help now."

"Thor has gotten me plant life from Asgard, books from Asgard. Clothes from Asgard food from Asgard…"

"Gees, he really likes Asgard. Well Loki gets me muffins every morning. I got a new lap top but I think he stole it from Doom because there were a lot of weird pictures of the Invisible Girl in it. He conjures me coffee without me having to ask for it, like he could feel my energy levels depleting. He got me health insurance, 401K, books from other realms about their political structure. He got me free songs from ITunes, but I think he stole those too because ITunes wouldn't give 150 songs away for free. You know come to think about it, I'm not entirely sure Loki pays for anything. Is he a klepto?"

"You got all of that in two week?" Now Nat was really getting jealous.

"Yeah."

Nat turned to Pepper. "Give Loki 5 points."

000

"Loki, come sit with us brother." Thor beckoned Loki into the living room after he left Nat's kitchen. We are watching a square sponge named Bob."

Loki walked in and sat on the couch next to Steve eating his stolen plate of food. "Grown men watching cartoons." He grumbled under his breath.

"There is a delightful character that reminds me of you brother. I believe his name is Plankton. He is small and wants rule the Krabby Patty Kingdom but deep down inside, he really just wants to be seen as equal."

Loki glared at his brother. The trouble with Thor was that he never really thought about what he was saying. Calling his brother, known as the runt of Jotunheim, little and then comparing what he did to New York with what this one eyed freak did to a burger place was more than a little insulting. But then Loki looked in Thor's face and nothing in his blue eyes said jesting or cruelty. This little creature actually reminded his brother of himself.

Loki shook his head. "I have more than one eye." Was the only response he could think of that didn't include an insult.

Thor nodded. "Yes this is truth brother. But he's so cute when he's angry." Now there were glimpses of mirth in his eyes.

Loki put down his plate of food knowing this could get violent. "Cute? I am cute when I'm angry?"

"Oh yes. 'I'm going to take over Midgard,'" Thor mimicked in a small baby like voice. "'Curses to you Thor and your mortals.'" Then he started pointing the other men in the room making "pew" sounds as if they're being shot.

"My scepter did not make such ridiculous sounds."

"Yes it did little brother. You want that Krabby Patty don't you? Oh yes you want that Krabby Patty."

Loki had to fight hard not laugh at Thor's ridiculous voices and exaggerated gedstures. It reminded him of the days before his fall. "Well, if I'm Plankton. Then you are Mr. Krabs."

"Wait what?"

With a snap of the fingers Thor transformed into a larger version of Mr. Krabs with pinchers and all.

Oh how Tony loved that.

Thor was not as amused. With a mighty roar Thor jumped up to get a hold of his brother. Loki jumped up too in a fit of giggles and led Thor in a vigorous run around the living room.

"Run, Loki, run!" Barton cheered.

As Tony encouraged Thor. "Snap his head off!"

Thor caught up to Loki taking his thin neck in his claws and squeezed.

Through chokes and gasps Loki squealed out. "Give me the Krabby Patty formula."

Barton and Tony laughed hysterically.

There was no telling how long these shenanigans were going to go on but they were interrupted by Loki's phone. Thor let him go.

Loki grabbed his phone and answered it as he snapped his fingers and returned Thor to his proper form. "Hello. Yes, this is Loki. I'll accept. Doom are you in jail? Well how did that happen? I told you, you shouldn't hang out with Goblin that guy is crazy! He gets caught every time! No, I do not have a billion dollars to bail you out. No, I will not ask Captain America to break you out it goes against everything he stands for. Yes, Thor broke me out of prison. Our mother died Doom! Did your mother die? Yeah that's a no to Thor breaking you out of jail. Alright fine, I'll gather the troops, where is Goblin. HE GOT AWAY! A green deformed freak on a snowboard got away from the police but Dr. Doom stood around to get arrested? Well this is what happens when you play with someone other than me." Loki hung up. He looked at the three superheroes in the room. "Gotta go."

"WAIT!" They all yelled.

"Are you going to break Doom out of jail?" Tony questioned.

"Well yeah, we don't have a billion dollars bail."

The three heroes gave startled looks to each other, each trying to think fast. They had to find a way to keep Loki from doing such a villainous thing. Tony tried first. "Maybe you should try to gather the money first."

"I could rob a bank."

So Barton tried. "You know what; maybe we could get Goblin to admit it was him that did the deed."

"I can be convincing. Torture, blackmail, conjuring false evidence."

Thor tried to think fast. Any heroic idea that they gave to Loki, he would turn it villainous. So he did what any man would do when their brother was about to do something stupid. "DARCY!"

Darcy came running out of the kitchen at the sound of her name being bellowed. "What's going on?"

"Loki is trying to break Doom out of jail!"

"Ah snitch!" Loki yelled. "This is exactly why I keep trying to kill you."

"LOKI! That is so not what we're supposed to be doing!" Darcy screamed at him. "Not killing your brother or breaking people out of jail!"

"Well then you tell me how to get Doom out of jail when his bail it set at a billion dollars."

"A BILLION DOLLARS!" That was crazy! "We might as well rob a bank!"

"Thank you! That's what I said." At least Darcy understood his logic.

"No, this is what you're going to do. You are going to go to King Pin, he has a bunch of lawyers in his pocket. It might be shady, but it's not breaking the law. And if you deviate that plan, even one inch, I will call Bruce, turn him into the Hulk and laugh as he bashes your pretty face in. OK?"

Loki blinked then cleared his throat. "I just want to be clear. What would be considered deviation?"

"Breaking Doom out of jail, harming anyone physically, stopping for ice cream…"

"Ok, so physical harm is out. What about threatening? Can I threaten people?"

She had to think about it for a moment. "Threats are fine."

"And then I can get ice cream after?"

"Yes."

"But not before or during."

"Correct."

"You're a cold hearted woman Darcy Lewis."