Note: Only one more chapter after this one. I promise that I will….not finish this tale within the bounds of this story. There will be a ficlet about Yuffie after this one, perhaps only 6 or so chapters long. It will be called 'Beating Heart', and I have to warn you: It will be rated M, and deservedly so. (Sexual Content)…

…but as for what it is really about, I can't tell you yet. Read on, and you may be able to figure it out.

Also, if Yuffie seems more than a little out of it in these last two chapters, it's because she is. After all, she would never agree to 'The Plan' when she's of a sound mind.

Chapter 14- Missing: Sanity. If found, please contact Yuffie

The eighth month of Yuffie's second pregnancy marked the beginning of the repetitive days in for the Valentine family. Everything in the feisty ninja's daily routine was becoming drab and boring.

There was always the once-a-day Herpes pill. Breakfast couldn't be forgotten: bran flakes and toast. Vincent had to leave for work, if you can call bounty hunting 'typical work'. And of course, Yuffie stayed at home with Hunter, watching TV and herself, as if she could see her belly growing before here eyes.
Lunch followed, along with Hunter's play time and nap.

By the time Vincent arrived home from work, Yuffie had done some serious thinking.
"Vincent, I've done some serious thinking."
"About what?"
"I need a job. One where I can work from home."
"That sounds reasonable."
"I was thinking about becoming a full-time novelist, just like Tifa!"

As Vincent scanned the mail that had arrived that morning, he casually replied, "If you get famous, you won't be home for too long."
"You mean for stuff like book signings and interviews? That's what babysitters are for."
"But I…"
"Vince, you're afraid to leave Hunter with a babysitter, aren't you?"
"And you aren't?"
"Yeah, but sometimes you have to take that chance. Anyway, I won't have to write too much to finish my first book."

Vincent looked up and pointed to a closet in the corner.
"Well, you do have that one in the closet that you never finished. I forget, what was it?"
"Which one? I was thinking about finishing that short story, 'The Problem With Emily'. You know, the one about the girl who's addicted to pinball machines?"
"Maybe, but short stories don't sell well individually. What else do you have?"

Yuffie placed her finger on her lips and thought for a while.
"I have 'Across Route Nine'."
"The one about the penguin crossing the road? Not commercial enough."
"But you said that you liked it."
"I'm not your average reader. What about that one you did finish: 'Burlesque'?"

Yuffie shifted her weight on the couch so that she could place her hands on her hips while replying, "Vincent, that was a novel meant for our eyes only. It was simplistic…over the top…unacceptable!"
"I know. It was very explicit, but it's the best thing you've ever written. The market for this kind of stuff is growing fast."
"Do you really think so? You know that once I send this in, that's the genre I'll probably be stuck in for life."
"I'm fine with that."
"Of course you are. You're my inspiration."
"Thank you. Oh, and Yuffie…"
"Yes…"
"What are we having for supper?"

Yuffie pointed to the back door and continued, "It's starting to warm up outside, so I was thinking you could put some burgers on the grill, and some corn too. I like grilled corn."
"Okay. I'll get it started then."
"You do that."

"Yuffie, is there something else on your mind?"
"Yeah. I want to do something crazy for this second pregnancy."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm talking about the labor process. I want to do that thing where they put you in the little pool."
"You want to give birth in the water? Sounds great. No complaints here."
"I thought you'd say that."

Yuffie sighed deeply as she sat on the couch. Between the scared look on her face and the timid way in which she patted her belly, Yuffie definitely seemed like she was hiding a secret.

"Vince, if I was keeping a secret, would you still love me?"
"Of course, Yuffie. I could never stay mad at you. You look so cute when you're expecting."

Vincent's loving words brought a smile to Yuffie's face, so she continued, "Yep. I'm pregnant."
"You're with child."
"I've got a bun in the oven."
"You're preggers."
"I've got a voluptuous baby bump."
"You're knocked up."
"I'm in the family way."
"You're eating for two."
"…Or three."
"…Or four."
"...Yes, four, because we're like little rabbits, aren't we?"
"We sure are."

"You really know how to turn a man on, Yuffie."
"I…"

Yuffie's face instantly grimaced.
"Ow! Oh…no worries. It just kicked, really hard. That hurt!"
"Well, Yuf, I wouldn't be surprised. You're beautifully enormous!"
"Seriously though, Vin, what do I look like?"
"You look like you a swallowed a beach ball. Are you sure that you want to be surprised when it comes? You could very well be having more than one!"
"I'm proud of it", Yuffie replied half-heartedly.

"You said that you had a secret."
"I do."
"What is it?"
"I can't tell you all."
"Then tell me half."
"One light: Stay. Two lights: Go."
"Um…okay. I'm confused."
"I'll explain later. I don't know when it's going to happen, but when it does, you have to promise that you and Jaynie will take good care of Hunter."
"Okay, Yuffie…now you're scaring me."
"How scared?"
"If it's as bad as I think it is, I may cry."
"It's worse."
"How bad?"
"So horribly bad, you'd probably piss your pants."
"Oh God, Yuffie! What is it?"

"Look at me, Vince. I'm unthinkably big, and I'm smiling. I've been told that there will be exotic drinks where I'm going…where they're taking me. Do you like exotic drinks? I do."

Vincent snapped his fingers in front of Yuffie's distantly staring eyes. "Stay with me, Yuffie! Don't blank out on me now!"
"…And there's gonna be cake and candy. Lots and lots of candy where he'll take me."

Vincent slapped Yuffie's cheek, jarring her back into full consciousness.
"Ow! Hey! What was that for?"
"You were talking nonsense about someone taking you somewhere."
"Oh. What did I say?"
"That there will be exotic drinks and candy. Where is it that you're going, and who's taking you?"

"I don't know who, and I don't know where. I don't know if I'll be leaving alone, or you'll be leaving with me."
"Tell me now, Yuffie! I'm not letting anyone take you away from me!"
"You have to. It's not safe here!"
"Why not?"
"He's got a lot more growing to do."
"Yeah, sure. Yuffie…you're crazy! I don't know how to break this down to your level of comprehension right now, but you're a few crayons short of an 8-pack."

"I want to be as big as the universe, Vicente!"
"I'm not Spanish. Whatever. You need some rest."

Yuffie leaned over as far as her near-swollen belly would allow and passionately French-kissed Vincent.
"I love you, Vin, and I'm not lacking any crayons. I have enough to color you. Of course, you'll have to forgive me if I go outside the lines."

"I see. How many fingers am I holding up?"
"That's a foot."
"Dang it. That's right."
"Vincent, am I drunk?"
"You might as well be. When did you start feeling weird like this?"
"I feel fine. I've felt grand ever since that dashing young man came through the window so long ago. Ah, how I'd like to have a slice of that again!"
"Okay…what guy? Who visited you?"

Yuffie's seemingly-drunken smile turned into a semi-coherent, yet spiteful, smirk.
"You're just jealous because this baby isn't yours! Yeah, that's right! My lover came in through the window on the first night that I arrived in Wutai. He was bigger than you. Much bigger."

Yuffie giggled seductively as she admitted, "It was almost too much for me to handle!"
"Who was it?!"
"Don't worry. He'll come."