AN: this is my very late disclaimer-I don't own Twilight..unfortunately. =[ But anyhoo-sorry I haven't said anything until now, but I forgot I could do this. =] Reviews make me happy. Thanks!!
FOUR
"Bella, I need to tell you something." He stated quietly. Obviously, or else why would we be alone right now? I did not say that however, instead I said, "Okay. I'm all yours." I heard him sigh, and couldn't help but wonder what could be so bad, he was having problems getting out.
"I love you!" I blurted it out before I even realized it. Shit! I hadn't intended to do that.. at all! I stared out the window, my face at least ten shades of red, waiting for the inevitable. I glanced over at him as I felt the car slow, and then stop all together. Was he.. he was! He was smiling! This was funny to him? I started to get angry, until I saw the pain in his eyes. Then, I was just concerned. What was going on?
"Bella. I love you, too." He whispered. I just stared at him. I was speechless. I wasn't even sure I had heard him correctly. He.. loved me? Impossible. He was a ..God, and I .. was so not. He was perfect.. and I was the furthest thing from perfect ever created. No. Definitely not possible.
"I have loved you since the day we met. I just.. I never thought we'd end up friends. I figured once you got bored with us, you'd leave us alone. And then, when you guessed our secret, I thought for sure you'd leave. So I just.. kept quiet about it. And then, as time went on.. it was just.. easier to not say anything. We had grown so close, I didn't want to ruin that by saying I loved you." He said it so quickly, I wasn't sure I'd gotten it all. I was about respond when he continued.
"But, see Bella. This.. us.. it wouldn't work out. I'm a monster.. and you.. well, you are an angel. If we were to be together.. I'd only hurt you. I'm too strong for you, I could never.. make love to you for fear I'd break you. Literally! I can't give you any of the things a human a can. You deserve a normal life, with a normal man, and children, lots of children! I'm not good for you Bella." He whispered.
I was trying so hard not to cry at this moment. It seemed vital not to let him see how badly he'd wounded me. How deep this cut had truly gone. "So, you.. don't.. want me?" I coughed out. That was hard to say, yet I knew the answer before I even asked it. How could he? I was plain, ordinary next to him.
"No, Bella. I don't want you." He responded coldly. Well, that changes things. "Look, Bella, you'll find someone-"
"Take me home, Edward. Now, please." I whispered, cutting him off. I couldn't bear to hear another word about how he loved me but didn't want me. My heart could not stand another piece to be shattered. Stupid girl. How foolish of me to believe for one damn second, that he could ever feel for me what I felt for him? I knew, deep inside that it wasn't possible. A man like Edward could never be with a girl like me. A simple, boring, plain little human. There were obviously much more appealing women that were vampires. He deserved much more than me anyway. My dream.. was just that. A dream.
The ride home was the longest drive of my life. It was quiet, but nothing like it used to be. The quietness before, was comfortable, adoring even. This.. was cold, tense, heart wrenching. To be sitting next to the one you loved, knowing he would never be yours, even after he claimed to love you as well, was the worst pain I'd felt since my parents died. Once home, I went straight to bed, ignoring Alice's pleas for me to stop. I lay there, crying, replaying his words over and over in my head. One night. Just one night to cry, and mourn what could have been. Tomorrow, I would wake up, and forget this ever happened. I would say goodbye to him, finish my high school career, and apply to a local college while the Cullen's left for Chicago. I would not let this break me completely. If you'll buy that, I have a yacht for sale, too.
He was wrong. I would never love a man the way I loved him. I would never even try to love another. He was all I wanted, all I craved, forever, and I couldn't have him. I had found my soul mate, why settle for second best? I would never marry, which was fine by me anyways. That's what killed my parents. Once they got married, they fought constantly. They were arguing the night they died. It was pouring, naturally, and they were fighting. My dad turned his head to yell at my mother, and then the car was upside down, airborne. Doctors said it was a miracle I'd survived a crash like that. Especially since I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I used to believe it was because God wanted Edward and me to be together, but now I know the truth. He wanted me to suffer a life without love. A life without Edward.
He came in this morning to tell me goodbye. I waved, and told him to have a nice flight. Said I'd talk to him later. If I'd allowed myself to say anymore, I would have begged him to stay. Begged him not to leave me, to please love me. Want me. I couldn't do that to myself. I was embarrassed enough as it was. Not to mention the pain I was in. He was leaving, and there was nothing I could do about it. He didn't love me, and I couldn't change that either. Why bother?