A/N: I do not own twilight. sadly. *le sigh* hate this chapter, but its neccessary to continue on. so flame me whatever i dont care. =/ R&R please
SIX
Jake picked me up around six o'clock, and we drove into Port Angeles. We had a small dinner, and saw thriller that will be sure to haunt my dreams for weeks to come. I used to sneak into Edward's room after scary movies. He kept the nightmares away. Ugh. Can I not go one damn day without him popping into my head and spoiling my night?
We got back to Jacob's house, and went straight to his room. We talked for a while, and decided to watch yet another scary flick. Wahoo. Just before it was over, he asked if I had wanted a drink. I thought about that for a moment, and then smiled. "No, Jake, no drink." I responded proudly. The smile I got in return was worth the answer. I caused that smile, sober. It wasn't because I was drunk and falling all over the place. It was just.. from me. We talked for a while longer, and then he kissed me.
This kiss was different from all the ones before it. His other kisses were softer, waiting for my approval, letting me be in control. This kiss, was aggressive, and left no room for argument about who was in control. That scared me, and that was my second mistake of the night.
"Bella, don't be afraid. You know what that does for me." He whispered, sliding his hand down my pants. I began struggling at once. "Jacob, stop it! We don't go this far, ever, and you know it!" I yelled. I tried pushing him off, yelling as loudly as I could, but nothing was working. Showing my fear was my third mistake; going at all was the first.
I couldn't fight him off. He was a werewolf after all, and I was just a pitiful little human. Still, I didn't want this, and I'd be damned if I went down without a fight. I struggled, and screamed, scratched and kicked until I couldn't fight him anymore. It didn't matter anyway, no one was here, no one could save me. Three strikes and you're out.
When he'd taken all that he wanted from me, he left. I dressed as quickly as I could manage, and hurried out of there. I knew I looked a mess, but I was positive I felt ten times worse. Everything hurt, I was sore in places I never knew I could be. I kept glancing around, expecting Jake to jump out and hurt me again. It began to rain, a cold hard rain, but I didn't care. I kept going. I wanted Alice, I needed Edward.
I never realized how far Jacob's house was from the Cullen's. Of course, I'd never walked the distance after being raped either. The entire way home I tried to think of different lies to tell them. Lies for why my shirt was torn, my hair in disarray. For why I walked home, in the pouring rain. I sat on the porch for a long time before deciding to go inside. No one was downstairs, and upon further inspection, I realized no one was even home. I was alone.
Something inside of me broke at that realization. Of course they wouldn't be home, not after the way I've been lately. It was better this way. If they knew, they'd disown me. Worse, they'd be disgusted with me.. like they were with Jacob.
I jumped into the shower as quickly as I could. The water was too hot, but I didn't care. All the better to get rid of his scent. I washed my hair three times, and scrubbed my body until I was raw and bleeding in some spots. Then, and only then did I feel clean enough. I dressed in sweats, from head to toe. Better to cover the marks and bruises that were sure to be there by now. I grabbed some matches, and my old clothes and ran to the meadow. Hopefully the rain stayed at bay long enough for them to burn.
No one could find out about this. Ever. I stared into the flames, my mind replaying the nights events like a silent movie just for me. I couldn't quit seeing it over, and over again. I collapsed to my knees and broke down. All the tears I'd been holding back since Edward left, all the pain and sleeplessness finally found a release. I cried, and screamed, and beat the ground in front of me until my hands hurt and were covered in mud, and I couldn't scream anymore. When the last of the flames died, I forced myself to go home.