Hey this carries on where the last post left off!

Thanks to my reviewers! and to RjMoonspell! all of your comments not only make my day but make the writing better!

Have a good week! xoxo

Dear Ryan,

I guess you found the letter, believe me it was no easy thing for me to do. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to in my life - and possibly ever have to do. But I have to, I can't keep on the way I am. I'm not a mother, I'm a mess. My precious baby deserves so much better than me in this world, and so do you Ryan. I love you so much, I love you so much it hurts, but is we carry on we are just hurting each other.

I am doing this now, so in years to come when its to late, my baby won't wake up in the morning to find her mother gone. In time I know I can be good enough, but I don't know how long its going to take. I would love it if you could e-mail so pictures of her growing up, and maybe a little note every now and again to let me know how she's doing.

I am sorry that it has had to end this way Ryan, and I know that we are fighting right now, but I love you so much and I love Ottilie so much it hurts. But I just can't be there, hopefully you can understand my reasons. Take Care. I love you

Forever Yours Marissa Xoxo

He sighed again after reading the letter, laughing sardonically how she had such a laid back approach she had to leaving them. An e-mail every now and again isn't going to make up for not being there, especially when she is off partying and getting her name in the tabloids. He thought about her a lot. That love for her still burning deep, if he was doing grocery shopping or jogging and saw her picture, he would notice how different her eyes were, they were a dark blue, and didn't have that sparkle. He often thought about the day that they would meet again, would he welcome her with open arms, would she want to be with him?. All of his questions were unanswered though and would stay that way. She would never come looking for him and their daughter, his 'Marissa Cooper' was gone, it is soon to be 'Marissa Cooper-Marshall' anyway, her new life left no room for him or Ottilie. His train of deep thought was interrupted by his cell ringing, and Courtney's name flashing on the screen.

"Hey Court" He said whilst putting his past back in the box that he hides in his office.

"Is that all I get, a 'Hey Court' I was expecting something a lot more sexy from you Ryan Atwood." She put a small smile on Ryan's face, but not like another women from his past

"hello gorgeous, that good enough?"

"No but Im sure, I will have you left with more options later" she replied sexily

"Well that's something to look forward to" Ryan replied,

"It is indeed, except one small thing"

"and that it...?" Ryan questioned her, he was so happy that they were taking Ottilie out with them, it was like she wanted to be more than his friend with benefits/girlfriend, but like she wanted to be his proper girlfriend.

"I was hoping that we could post-pone tonight, well me and you still go out, but just not with Ottilie, see I have tickets to the opening of Bungalow 8 in LA, and I really have to be there to make an appearance, and I really want you buy my side, please Ryan, please, please, please" Ryan sighed. He had Ottilie who he had promised that he would take out that night, and he did go out the night before, but then there was Courtney and she was a really attractive, smart and funny girl that accepted him and his daughter, and he didn't know how much he could trust her in a new club with booze coming at her like a tap. "I just have to go and show the face of the magazine then we can come home, after all's said and done we can be home by 12" Courtney said hoping to swing the bargain, if Marissa was going with her hot boyfriend, she wanted to be able to show off her extremely hot one too. She didn't know what it was about Marissa but she felt like she had to compete with her.

"Court, what about Ottilie, I said that we would take her out tonight, and nows she all dressed and I did go out and leave her last night, I'm sure that Seth and Summer have better things to do than constantly look after my daughter"

"Well I am going whether you like it or not, and I will be dancing on the dance floor much like I id last night, and I heard there's going to be free champagne, so I am obviously going to get wasted, and I have made some new celebrity friends today and I am sure they know some hot young guys that we can have fun with" Courtney said all of this hoping that Ryan would change his mind, in fact, she knew Ryan would change his mind, even if he wanted to spend the night with his daughter and girlfriend.

"Court this is really unfair on Ottilie, you have to understand that she is my top priority and that she does come first."

"Fine if your going to put her first, again, then you know I can find someone else to party with"

"I will come with you on one condition,"

"What?" She replied smiling that she had gotten her own way.

"That you take Ottilie out and try and get to know her a little better please, it would mean so much to me and to her"

"Fine, Ok, and thanks Ryan, I will make it worth you while, and by the way, I don't want you getting the wrong idea, I'm not Ottilie's mother, I don't want that responsibility at such a young age. Pick me up at 8" she put the phone down and Ryan sighed.

"No your nothing like her".

Marissa walked back to her table and notice that the same photographer was still there, and there probably would be more within minutes.

"So its all sorted, manipulation is the key to any relationship." Courtney said happily. Marissa nodded pretending she understood.

"So it looks like I will be joining you tonight at Bungalow."

"Ok Cool, I will save places for you at our table," Marissa decided to stay on the right side of this girl, he manager had told her it was crucial for publicity that she did this magazine, and even though the girl was pissing her off, she decided against being off with her.

"I think we should start to leave in a few, we need to get you in hair and make up ready for a few shots this afternoon, and then others tomorrow."

"Yeah that should be fine." Marissa reached into her signature chanel clutch and got out some money but was quickly stopped by Courtney putting in it on her card. within a 10 minutes they were back in the chauffer driven car, to do what Marissa did best, stand in front of an amazing photographer and pretend to be happy.

"So whats your secret to staying thin?" Courtney asked curiously

"Erm, is that for the interview?"

"No I was just wondering?"

"O right, well not much really I have always been thin" Marissa answered carefully, never telling anyone, that sometimes she might not eat for a while, and a while being a long time, and sure she might exercise a lot and eat everything low carb and low fat, but Marissa Cooper didn't have an eating disorder did she?

"Baby can you come out here a second" Ryan called through the apartment to where Ottilie came skipping down the corridor.

"Yep Daddy? Am I allowed some of that cake auntie Sum bought me today?" Ryan pulled her over to sit on his lap, as they lent back against the sofa.

"I know that me and Courtney said that we would take you out tonight sweetie. But something has come up and we will have to do it another day." Ottilie sighed, her Dad really never let her down, and she knew that, but she didn't want to spend yet another night away from him while he was out with her.

"So can me and you watch Beauty and the Beast instead?" Ottilie asked hopefully. Ryan looked at her, she had so much hope in her eyes, and she trusted her with her life, he was the only thing that she could depend on, then why did he feel like such a bad father all of the time.

"Maybe not tonight sweetie, but I already called Grandma and she said that she was happy for you to go and stay with her while I went out, and that way you can spend the day with her and Grandpa before I come home, how does that sound?" Ottilie cast her gaze downwards sadly, she knew how to play her dad at such a young age already.

"But you were out with her last night, why don't you want to stay here with me Daddy?"

"Don't try and do this to me, I know what your doing, just go and get your toys ready you want to take, Grandma is driving back through LA and she should be here in about half hour, I am just coming to make sure you have got all of your clothes." She looked at him with her arms crossed and walked back towards her bedroom, she really didn't like this Courtney girl, especially when she was making her miss her daddy.

Marissa walked through the marble foyer of the Beverly Hilton where she was staying. She called the elevator and waited as she flicked through her Blackberry trying to find a familiar number.

The Roberts house 555-6756 Mom and Neal.

Her finger lingered over the button, her and her mothers already rocky relationship completely frazzeld out pretty soon after she got anti natal depression, she blamed her own Mom for the reason she couldn't take care of Ottilie. When she got up to the penthouse suite, she put her handbag down on a chair.

"Hey Babe" The voice from the balcony startled Marissa,

"Oh hey I didn't realise you were back at the hotel already"

"Yeh the meet finished up early, so I decided to head back, I actually stopped by one of the many shops that LA has to offer, there may be something for you in the bag" He walked over toher and put his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.

"Really," Marissa smiled as she walked over to the red package. She carefully looked inside, and took out the tissue paper, to reveal a low cut black dress. It was gorgeous , she knew she would look amazing in it, it was her style, she had the figure to pull it off, and it would hug her in all the right places. It was just, since she had been with him, he had always told her what to do, what to wear, at times what to eat, somedays it was like she was a robot and programmed to do whatever he said, he was bossy and she was vulnerable, in a crazy way it was the perfect match.

"Marissa, don't forget that we have to go to that opening tonight" Jake said as he carried on fastily pushing things on his blackberry

"Can't we just go for dinner or something?"

"We can do that another night, besides, the people who I spoke with today thought it would be best if I got a place over here anyway so we can go for a meal anytime!"He casually dropped in the important news disregarding it as unimportant

"Were moving??" Marissa asked shocked, she only prayed that he hadn't already bought somewhere, he was the type of guy to act quickly

"No I'm moving," he said quickly

"WHAT THE HELL JAKE? YOU WANT ME TO LET YOU LIVE IN LA ALONE, COME ON, YOUR NOT AS FAITHFULL AS YOU MAKE OUT"

"Marissa you are not bringing this up again! The only reason I volunteered myself is because I knew you would never leave the city! Look we can talk about this later, you've got like an hour to get ready, Im going to the bar" and with that he slammed the door and Marissa sighed loudly, this was all she needed, there was that chance she could run into Ottilie and Ryan on a few week visit, but if she was constantly over here with Jake, then it was bound to happen more than once, and she didn't think that she could ignore it,

Seth was sat in the living room of their similar apartment complex with their dog, Thurman at his feet. So many years later, he and Summer were still in love, there was a month long period when they weren't together in college, but apart from that, they have been going strong more or less since day one. He was casually watching t.v waiting for Summer to finish on the phone so they could then make dinner together.

"And your watching E! News!" Seth heard the overly cheerily entertainment reporter say. He sighed and reached over for the remote control, but as he was about to change channels a familiar face come on the screen.

"Model Marissa Cooper landed last night in LA, with now fiancИ Jake Mathews supposedly to do the front cover of LA's very own fashion rag - Fabulous. Our sources say that she is going to do a one on one interview with Editor in Chief Courtney Draper herself and do a tell all. Well we are all hoping that Courtney digs deep into Marissa's very very shady past, and now future, all about the couples engagement and what she thinks of the tabloid rumours that he has a tendency to lets say, have a wondering eye, and are these pregnancy rumours true?? Here is a picture of Marissa last month at the Victoria Secrets show, still her normal thin self? But could there be a bun in the oven? Well I think you can agree, that we will all be impatiently waiting for the release of this story, when it is due to hit shelves in a months time., In other news..." Seth looked at the TV with a blank face. They were all used to see her up there, except she wasn't the same Marissa Cooper, she no longer had that sparkle in her eyes, she was thinner than normal, and they all knew that the new Marissa Cooper would never come back to what she left years ago.

"That bitch, how could she ever just come here, knowing its where we live, and not expect us to run into each other" Summer sat down next to Seth on the sofa and cuddled into his side.

"Shes working with Courtney, does she even?"

"No, Ryan has never told her, I don't think he ever will, to Courtney, Ottilie's mom died in child birth, well she practically did, my Coop would never do that."

"Things change Summer, she made her choice"

"Yeh but 9 months to late, I spent the whole day with Ottilie, taking her to get a manicure and dance lessons, but she will never call me Mommy, she will never have a Mommy, I know how she feels, I grew up without one, and I never want her to feel that" She wiped a stray tear that had come down her cheeks, usually it never upset Summer, but seeing Ottilie sometimes and then thinking about Marissa, it all got to her.

"Otty is better of without her, look she has the best dad and us and possibly even a new step mom?" Summer sneered at the thought.

"Don't even mention that, she would be a complete step monster, all of the chrismukkahs and birthdays and Sunday and Wednesday dinners, that would be your sister in law"

"Yeh, and yours too remember Mrs Cohen. Anyway I know that Ryan likes her" Seth kissed her cheek and Summer sighed

"Well she is making him do bad father things, I drop Otty home sometimes and she's just there in her underwear. We don't all need to see the tattoo she has on her back, and its like last night, Ottilie stayed with us and we got the tears about Daddy leaving her, and now he's doing it again!" Summer ranted, she knew it wasn't easy for Ryan, and she gave him all of the credit she deserved, but 2 hos of Ottilie crying last night because she thought Daddy wasn't coming home was tough on her, especially being pregnant, it made late hours even harder. She smiled at the thought, of her and Seth's baby growing inside of her.

"What do you mean he's doing it again" Seth questioned as he put his hands onto Summer's stomach.

"He's going out again? Leaving Ottilie"

"Is she coming here, because I got this new game today and I think if we practised"

"Seth she's 5 and not a boy,. She doesn't want to have stupid sword fights on the play station"

"Whatever" Seth mumbled,

"That was Julie on the phone, she's having Ottilie tonight instead"

"Julie?"

"Well yeah she was in LA today and Ryan rung her and she said he would take her, she was wondering if we wanted to go back to my Dad's tonight for dinner, I said no y the way,

"I'm in a hot bubble bath and Thai kind of mood"

"Well anything my baby wants,"

"Thanks Seth, I love you"

"I meant the actual baby," Summer laughed and pushed his side

"Just get the menu's asshat" Seth laughed and kissed her temple as he stood up to retrieve the Thai menus. She really was happy, happily married, had a wonderful family with their first baby on the way, it was like everything had been to good recently, she was waiting for something as Seth would say 'to come knocking'.

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