Author's Note: The conversation that started this. Levi asked me if I wanted to role play. I said sure, have a plot? She said no, but she would like to do something with the books. I agreed, and suggested doing it right after New Moon. She agreed and that was the start of Am I still Dream?
Chapter One: The First Night.
"'Night Dad!" Bella called from the top of the stairs. Her damp hair hung round her face. The old sweats and t-shirt covered her body. Turning to face her bedroom door she paused for a moment, still unsure wether this was all a dream or not. Her slender hand reached out for the handle and turned it. The door swung open silently on its hinges and stopped with a quiet 'thump' as it hit the wall. Smiling slightly to herself she headed through the doorway and into the room, closing the door behind herself. She sat on the edge of the bed. Her fingers playing with a strand of her hair as she lightly bit her bottom lip, waiting for him to arrive, if he was actually here.
Edward smiled to himself as he climbed up towards Bella's window, hearing Charlie huffing a goodnight to his daughter. It was his first time going to her bedroom after hours since he had returned. Bella had seemed to take his return well. He was sure she would be upset with him, but it was almost like things were back to normal. He climbed into the window and turned to her bed were she laid. He smiled as she played with her damp hair, her bright chocolate brown eyes as beautiful as ever. He pulled his hand through his messy bronze hair and looked at her, waiting for a reaction from her.
"Hi." he said quietly, enough for her to hear him though. She flinched slightly, really not expecting him to be here. She hadn't been paying attention to anything except her thoughts. Turning her head to look into the familiar liquid gold eyes, and that perfectly angular face, a smile spread across her face.
"Hey." She whispered, blinking once or twice. She took a deep breath, taking in another lungful of his scent. Her eyes scanned his face again, as she reached up slowly to run a hand over the hard, silky skin of his cheek. Edward smiled her favorite crooked smile and wrapped his arms around her. He lowered his lips to her head, and smelled her sweet flowery scent.
"I'm never ever leaving you again. You don't understand how much I've missed this. Missed you." he told her, hugging her for a few more moments. He moved his head back so he could see her face, still smiling crookedly. His golden eyes quivered with happiness as he played with a few strands of her hair.
"I think I have a pretty good understanding." She half smiled, her fingers running down his arm as she looked up at him. She knew he meant what he said, but she couldn't believe it, not yet. Her eyes looked into his for a moment, her worries shining in them, before she looked away. "I missed you too. More than you know."
"I know. And I understand that I probably did something that could leave you to killing yourself." He said hugging her tighter. He let go, just for a moment. He grabbed her hand and lead her to her bed. He sat down and looked up at her.
"I hope you know I'm breaking the rules right now. Well.. maybe not. He said never walk through that door again. I technically didn't get in through the door." He grinned, patting the spot next to him for her to sit down. She smiled slightly and sat beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, He wrapped his arm around her in response, looking down at her on his shoulder.
"I hope you know I don't care." she said quietly. She glanced upwards, "Why did you do it?" she asked, a slight frown creasing her brow. She would have cried - her eyes burned longing to shed their nonexistent tears - but she had no tears left to cry. Her thoughts had drifted back to that afternoon, when he'd said the single worst thing he could ever have said.
"I was hunting.. Well, not really hunting. I was trying to track. Track Victoria. I couldn't let her continue to try and hurt you every time you were alone. I couldn't let you know where I was, because I know you would follow me, so I..." He stopped himself. He couldn't bare thinking about what he did to poor Bella.
"Well.. you know. But I'm not very good at tracking. I lost her somewhere in South America. That's when she came back here. I was tracking her scent for a few weeks before I realize that she was long gone. I called Alice. She came to check on you. She told me about you cliff jumping." He glared at her. He did not appreciate the thought of Bella jumping off a cliff, and then not coming up for air again.
"Rose told me you were gone, so I planned to go to the Volturi and piss them off so they would kill me. I thought it was perfect, just go out an dazzle the crowd. I'd be killed in no time. That's when you showed up. I was extremely surprised to see you, alive. But I was also relived to see you were alive. And you know the rest of the story." Edward finished, with a sigh. He looked to her eyes, too see how she was taking all this.
"I understand that. But that's not what I was asking." She looked at him again, trying to hide the thoughts behind her eyes - the pain.
"Why did you leave in the first place? And why did you come back, after everything you said?" Her eyes left his. She sat up, looking at him, some reality filtering into her thoughts. "After all, you didn't want me. What changed?" She took a deep breath before looking back up into his eyes.
Edward turned to her, standing with inhuman speed, gripping her two shoulders and looking her right in the eye. "Don't you ever let me hear you say that again." he growled.
Few seconds passed before Edward realized what he had done, and shook his head, chuckling a little. He released his grip a little, his hands still on her shoulders. "Look Bella. I never stopped loving you. After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I'm a good liar Bella, I have to be." he said, still looking at her.
Her breath caught as he growled at her. "Because none of... of this makes sense." She said looking at him, her voice quiet.
He released his grip and looked at her sadly. He grabbed his hands in hers. "Bella, if it doesn't make sense to you why I love you, do you think it makes sense to me? I love you because I love you." He said closing his eyes and looking down. He listen to her explain more.
"It's never made sense for you to love me." She shook her head slightly, "It made sense for you to leave, to realize I wasn't worth the trouble. Edward, I'm not worth all this trouble."
Edward bellowed a laugh. Not worth the trouble? "Bella, love, you are worth all the trouble in the world. I find myself insanely in love with you, and I cannot imagine a world with out you." That's why he came back, and that why he will never leave her again. He couldn't handle it. It what just something he would have to deal with, and he could live with it.
She looked at him with a slight smile. Her hands rested in his, a slight blush on her cheeks as he spoke. "It still doesn't make sense." She muttered stubbornly, "But to be honest, even if this is all just a dream, I'm happy to never wake up." She smiled at him, a slight sparkle in her eyes.
"As long as you never leave again." Her voice fighting not to break as she spoke.
One of her hands left his as she reached once more to touch his face, her fingers tracing his features, remembering them. Fixing them in her mind...just in case.
Edward sigh and shook his head, smiling. "Bella dear, this is not a dream. Do I have to prove it to you?" he grinned
He smiled his crooked smile as her fingers traced his face. He lifted his hand to her fingers and stopped them, half knowing what she was thinking. He didn't actually know, that would make him the happiest man-- no, vampire on this earth. He placed her hand in her lap and then moved his hand to her face. He smirked and leaned in, kissing her gently. He was just reminded of one of the things he missed terribly in his absence. Her heart pounded as he kissed her, her breaths halting. At least her reactions hadn't changed, she thought to herself with a smile. The sounds of her heartbeat made both of them smile, Bella for knowing she was actually still alive, and Edward for hearing the sound he missed most while away. But after a minute, Bella pulled away and looked at him.
"That still doesn't prove anything, except that I probably have a very active imagination." She smiled. Her hand which still rested in his squeezed gently, whilst her other met his on her face. "I did mention that I don't care if this is a dream, didn't I?" She smiled.
"Yes, you do have an active imagination, but I promise you aren't dreaming, love. Now, is there anyway I can prove to you that this is real?" he asked, lying down, prompting himself on his elbow, still looking into her chocolate brown eyes.
She watched him lie down, not missing the graceful way he moved. "I'm not sure." She smiled lying down beside him, her face not far away from his. She ran a hand through his hair, twisting it slightly round her fingers. "I somehow don't think that my imagination could be this active."
She smiled again, her eyes locking on his, "Try proving it again, you never know. I might have to believe it this time."
Edward smiled crookedly and began to kiss her again. More passionately this time. As he kissed her arms wound around his neck, her fingers twisting slightly in the hair at the top of his neck. Her body inched slightly closer to him. His scent was almost overwhelming, but in a good way. Edward moved his lips down along her neck and then back up to her lips again. He stroke her hair, still wet from her shower. He wanted more, but he knew he couldn't let this continue, it could get out of hand. So he opened his golden eyes and took his spot that he had before, but his time he had his arm wrapped around her side,both of them inching their bodies as close as possible.
"Did I prove it to you know?" he asked her.
Opening her eyes to look into his, a smile on her lips, "Yes." She nodded after a moment, "You wouldn't have stopped if this was just a dream or my imagination." She sighed slightly, but still smiled.
Edward laughed quietly. "Well at least you know this isn't a dream." he said, wrapping both his arms around her. Her smile grew, as did his. He laid his chin on her shoulder and looked up at her. Her cheeks were rosy, just the way he loved them.
Edward rested his head against her pillow, like he was tired. "You should really get some sleep Bella, its way past your bedtime." he kid her.
"I've just accepted the fact that you're back. That it's not a dream. Do you really think I'm going to sleep?" She asked arching an eyebrow. Her fingers once again running down his arm, a soft laugh escaping her lips, but a sadden look flew to her face. She knew he saw, so before he got the chance to ask, she took a deep breathe and looked up at him.
"If I was to go to sleep though, would you be here when I woke up?" Her voice was steady, and she looked away form him as she spoke, she was afraid, not of him leaving as such, but of hurting him.
Edward sigh and chuckled at Bella. He brought his hand up her face and stroked her cheek. "Aren't I always?" he asked her as he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. She sighed, but smiled at his words. He smiled her smile and hugged her closer to his cool chest. She shuffled herself slightly, as he held her closer, so that she fitted his shape. Perfectly as always. She was happy, she was back where she felt safe, in Edward's arms. Though she still had worries she knew they were unfounded, not that that made them go away. But she also knew they'd fade with time.
This was Edward's favorite place to be, right next to Bella. He would stay here for the rest of his life if he could. But then there was school, and his hungry for blood, who knew how long Bella would last after a week of being hungry. He snickered at his own joke.
"What's funny?" She asked, her eyebrow arching again, curiosity in her eyes.
Edward smirked and held her closer, shoving his face into her hair. "It's nothing." he said stroking her back. "It's just, I was thinking we could stay like this forever. Just cuddled up here on your bed forever. But then school and my differential eating habits and Charlie.. I was just thinking which one would stop us first." He smiled and kissed the top of her head.
She smiled slightly, "Hopefully none of them."
Oh how would he love it if that could be possible. He closed his eyes again, rubbing her back still. She smiled, her arms moving round his neck. She breathed deeply as his scent filled her lungs again. Her head nestled into his chest. She closed her eyes, but not to sleep. Just because.
"Edward?" She whispered after a while, almost as if he might've fallen asleep and she was trying not to wake him. Edward raised both of his hands up to her shoulders as she called his name.
"Yes love?" he asked her, not moving an inch. She smiled, looking up at him, deep into his eyes, before shaking her head.
"Doesn't matter." She grinned, settling back into her previous position, head resting against his chest. Eyes shut. Her smile stayed on her lips. She couldn't help herself, she loved the fact that he couldn't read her thoughts. Edward groaned.
"Bella, dear, just so you know, when you do this to me, you should know, I hate you." He said jokingly.
"You hate me?" She smiled into his chest. She was enjoying this, things were feeling more normal, the tension had eased up for the moment. She just kept quiet for a moment tracing patterns on his chest with her fingers.
"Very much so." he said grinning at her. He ruffled her hair, knowing how she wouldn't like it. He felt like their was no tension any more, and he knew that Bella felt like the same.
"Nice to know." She smiled, cringing slightly as he ruffled her hair. "Don't do that." She sighed slightly, resettling herself, her fingers still tracing patterns on his chest. He fixed her drying wet hair back to normal and cuddled into her again, his hands now playing with her hair. After a few minutes, he looked down at her smiling face.
"You wanna tell me now?" he asked. He hated the fact that her brain had some sort of resistance to his powers. It just wasn't fair.
"I want to tell you. But I don't know if I can." She said quietly, not able to keep the smile out of her voice. She glanced up at him, her grin wide on her face. But he couldn't keep calm, even thought she was smiling at him. Overprotective, he knew, but he couldn't help it.
Edward looked down at her worryingly. "Can you try for me? According to you, you have all night." he said simply.
She caught the look in his eyes and bit her lower lip slightly, "Don't worry, Edward, it's nothing bad." She smiled again.
"It's just more fun if I don't tell you." Her hands moved gently up his neck and into his hair, "Since I'm the only one who's thoughts you can't eavesdrop on." She laughed lightly.
Edward groaned again. "Bella, you are impossible." He then smiled and cuddled into her again, trying to get as close as possible to her.
She smiled "I know I am." She laughed.
"Please tell me." he whispered into her ear, then moved into her view, looking sadly at her. Maybe this would work? He hadn't try it on her before, but she had done it several times to him. He always fell for it, maybe she would?
Sighing as he looked at her with a pleading look, she shook her head, "Now you're just making it difficult, and into a bigger deal than it is." She smiled at him, running her hands through his hair and onto his cheeks.
"Do you really want to know?" She asked, tilting her head slightly to the side, a smile on her lips.
Edward rolled his eyes, smiling widely. "No, I just been begging you for the past 20 minutes just for fun." he chuckled, kissing her cheek.
"Well I can never be sure with you!" She grinned, before laughing. She kissed his lips lightly.
"You know I want to know, so tell me. Please?" he tilted his head and put on a sweet and sincere smile. He batted his eyes too, trying his hardest not to laugh.
"Ok, I'll tell you." She sighed resignedly. "I was just going to tell you..." She looked into his golden eyes, "I love you." She smiled. "I told it was nothing to worry about. Or anything majorly interesting."
Edward smiled widely and kissed her on the lips once again. "Bella, that's amazingly interesting to me, actually, anything you do is amazingly interesting to me. And just so you know, I love you too." he said kissing her again.
She grinned as he kissed her, "I'd hardly say amazingly interesting Edward." She smiled before she was cut off by his kiss.
A few minutes later, he pulled away. "You know, you just made my day." he said hugging her against his cool chest one again. She laughed, smiling.
"Now you have just made my week!" she smiled, settling back against his chest, closing her eyes. Her breathing settled finally, as it had once again caught in her chest when he'd kissed her, though her heart was still racing.
He smiled watching he fall asleep. He stroked her arm gently and hummed her lullaby. She needed rest, it was quiet late already. He then thought about what they would do tomorrow. It would be a Sunday and Charlie would be out of the house all day fishing. Maybe they would go to his house for awhile, he would be sure everyone would be glad to see Bella again, and Edward happy. They had only seen him gloomy for the past couple of months, when they did see him that is. They would be glad everything was back to normal. Especially Esme. She was so motherly sometimes. He looked down at the tired Bella and began to stroke her hair now.
She had settled unwillingly into sleep as he hummed her lullaby. Though she had moved ever so slightly closer to his body as sleep had washed over her, plummeting her into dreams.
Author's Note: Got through the first chapter, whoop! The whole 'just so you know, I hate you' sentence actually took me five minutes. I was trying to word it so he wouldn't seem mean, it was difficult, and it still came out weird. Rate&Review!