Rogers crouched in the half-dark, shield over his head. The man to his right broke cover and fired for a moment, then ducked again. There were only a few hostiles left, he was pretty sure of that. He couldn't understand their words, but they sounded terrified. They had to be nearly there.
"Aus! Aus! Schnell!" The gunfire from the other side stopped. Rogers straightened slowly, warily. There were no Hydra soldiers in sight. Where had they gone? A great metal ballast stood by the far wall, stretching up and back further than he could see. The metal groaned. Something was blinking in the dark. He knew. Somehow he knew.
"Out!" He bellowed at his men. "Run! Come on!" They trusted him enough to turn their backs on the enemy and follow him. The sound of the explosion hit them like the wall of water behind it, it knocked all the breath out of his body. His head was in air again. He gasped, then was under freezing water again. The water pushed him on. He shouted in to the tide; where were his men? They were all going to drown.
"Come on! Up!" Where were they? He couldn't see them.
"Form!" He shouted. "Form up! Come on!"
"Hold on. You're safe, Captain. It's OK." The world splintered. The new voice didn't belong. He jerked against the water, but it wasn't water. It was solid and only under him. He opened his eyes, but he couldn't see. He couldn't hear any water now. The woman's voice was close at hand, he knew it, Nurse Grogan's voice. He was in hospital, blind, he'd just woken. He was safe, he was not in 1943, he was not about to drown. He was breathing hard, his heart was hammering. He rolled over on to his side.
"Captain?"
"Just give me a minute." He pressed his hands to his forehead, above the bandage, and started to slow his breathing down. He felt a hand on his shoulder.
"It's not unusual, you know, Captain. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You must have seen a lot of stuff and you've not had an easy week. Anyone would have nightmares with all that behind them." He didn't answer. He felt her sit down on the bed beside him. His mouth felt dry. He sat up. His head span. He groped for something to hold on to to steady himself. Nurse Grogan took his hands. "You're OK." He sat very still, waiting for the spinning to stop, head bowed, still breathing hard. "Do you wanna tell me what you saw?"
"Italy, 1943. I took my squad down in to a Hydra base, underground. We got most of them pretty quick, half a dozen holed themselves in pretty well so we couldn't rush them, they set a bomb and got out another way."
"Did you loose men?"
"No, by the grace of God we all made it out alive when the base collapsed. When people went back in there, they found eighteen prisoners in there, crushed to death. We'd left them to die."
"That wasn't your fault." Grogan said after a moment. Her hand was still on his shoulder. "You didn't know they were in there, right?" Rogers shook his head. "I read that Hydra often went and shot all their prisoners if they thought they were losing."
"If they had time. You had to take Hydra bases fast, before they really knew what was happening. But nearly all their bases kept prisoners, we should have been looking."
"Why? As hostages?"
"No, as guinea pigs. Nazis 'improved' people by culling, Hydra wanted faster results. They took people, often our soldiers, and changed them, experimented on them. Lots of them died, lots of them went mad." There was a long silence. Grogan put her hand back on his shoulder.
"You didn't know they were there, you didn't take them prisoner, you didn't set the bomb that killed them."
"Hydra only killed prisoners en masse like that when they were under attack. If we'd hung back, done things differently, we might have got them out alive." Grogan, drew breath slowly.
"Captain, do you think it's better to die than to live an awful life?" Rogers sighed.
"You're saying that it was better for them to die in our attack than to keep on living as Hydra prisoners." She didn't contradict him. "I don't know. You'd have to ask someone who'd been there, and I'm not sure any of them are still alive." There was a long silence.
"Captain, I wasn't there. I've never been in battle, I don't really know what I'm talking about, but if what I've read about you is right, you never desert anyone. You always did the best you could, whatever the odds, whatever danger you put yourself in. You're a brave man." She moved her hand up from his shoulder to the base of his neck and laid her other hand flat on his chest. "From what I know, I have no trouble believing you did everything you could, you always did everything you could." He wished he could see her face. There'd been a shift in the tone of her voice, this wasn't comfortable. The touch of a doctor or a nurse was usually more… purposeful than this felt. He had half a mind to pull back from her, but without being able to see her face he felt like he didn't know enough to know how to respond. The hand on his neck shifted up a little, her weight moved on the bed. She was leaning in to him, as though she was going to kiss him.
"OK, stop." He said, taking her hands in his, moving them off.
"We're both adults. If we want to, there's no reason-"
"Nurse Grogan, when were you born?"
"October 1983. Why?" Rogers shook his head.
"I'm old enough to be your grandfather. That's why, or part of it."
"Going by date of birth. You were born in 1920, frozen in 1945, you've been back on your feet for two years, if that. Physically you're only… what? Twenty seven?" Rogers drew breath slowly.
"The age I look doesn't matter. I was born a world away from you. I may not look like an old man, but I think like one, sometimes I feel like one. There's also the state I'm in right now."
"The fact that you're blind?" She gave him a moment to respond. He took too long to work out a sensible answer. "I don't care that much. First and above all, from what I can tell, you are a truly good man. You don't see many of them."
"You barely know me. I've been awake for two days, you've spent a couple of hours with me at most, I've never even seen you." She picked up his hand and laid it on the side of her face.
"How do blind men see?" Her skin was smooth and full, a bit cooler than his hand was. He pulled his hand out of hers and shook his head.
"OK, I'm flattered, but… I can't do this right now." She sighed.
"OK." There was another, very long, silence. When she spoke again, her tone was much more normal. "How are you feeling in general? Are your eyes hurting you?" But she was talking fast.
"They're fine, my head was spinning for a bit, but it's stopped now."
"Can you stand up?" She got off the bed, Rogers shifted round and got to his feet. He drew breath sharply. His head was spinning sickeningly fast. He could feel himself swaying. He braced his legs and felt Grogan take his hand. "Not easily, sit back down." He did, dropping his head between his knees. Grogan's hand appeared on his wrist, feeling for a pulse. "That's quite fast. I need to feel the inside of your lip." She did. Her hands were purposeful again. "You're quite dehydrated, that's probably why you don't feel great. I'll go and get you water. Get back in to bed."
Rogers heard the door open and close again. He found the edge of the blanket, turned round and pulled it over his legs. He blew out slowly. He really hadn't expected that. It wasn't as though it had never happened before, there had been that time during the war with that woman, when Peggy had chosen the worst possible moment to walk in. He'd been quietly annoyed with that woman for messing things up between him and Peggy for months. If she hadn't made a pass at him, or if he'd just been firmer in saying no, maybe he and Peggy might have managed to go out once at least. Grogan had taken no for an answer at least. Grogan. He didn't even know her first name. This was ridiculous. There wasn't a way for him to be in a relationship with a woman that wasn't ridiculous. If they weren't young enough to be his granddaughter, they'd already lived most of their lives. He had the date of birth of a ninety year old and the life experience of a thirty year old or less, but it was experience unlike any thirty year old on the planet now.
The door opened. Rogers turned his head pointlessly.
"OK, water." The door closed again. Grogan's footsteps came closer. He held out a hand. She put a cup in it. "Sorry, no straw."
"I'll manage." He lifted the cup to his mouth and drained it. She took it from him, he heard her refill it before she handed it back.
"Don't keep drinking that fast. You won't hold the water if you do." She was behaving as though the last twenty minutes, or however long it had been, hadn't happened. Maybe that wasn't a bad thing. He took one mouthful of water, then lowered the cup. "You said you were hungry yesterday. Are you still?"
"Yeah." He hadn't realized until she said it.
"OK, well I know it isn't much, but there's a few biscuits here for you. They should just take the edge off. It's the IV stuff that's actually keeping you going." He nodded.
"Thanks. Can you just put them down next to this bed leg or something?" He tapped the bedframe.
"Sure." He took another gulp of water. He felt the foot of the bed sink on one side. She'd sat down. He tensed slightly. "Look, Captain, about what happened before… I'm sorry. It wasn't appropriate for me to behave like that, you're my patient, I should be… professional towards you and nothing else. I know I made you uncomfortable and I'm sorry. I just though… I don't know what I thought."
"It's OK." He said, and he did mean it. "It can be hard enough to figure out what people mean when everyone's… working fine, and you did stop when I asked you to." Albeit the second time he'd asked.
"I haven't had that much to do with… blind people before. I've been with SHIELD pretty much since school. Lots of blunt trauma, lots of burns, lots of gunshot wounds, a couple of lightening strikes… not much like this. I guess I forgot how important seeing is to talking." Rogers sighed.
"Yeah."
"I guess this happens to you a lot, huh?"
"What? This?" He gestured at his eyes.
"No, like… Girls… you…"
"Oh, that. No. Not a lot."
"Really?" He shook his head.
"It has… happened, but not a lot."
"Really? You're kind of gorgeous." He had no idea what to say to that, he could feel himself reddening. "Ah, I'm sorry." She stood up. "I've made this really awkward now. I'm just gonna go." She topped his water up, then left him alone. He blew out and shook his head slowly. That had been…odd. He definitely didn't' regret pushing her away. He wasn't in a position to do that right now, even without being blind. And given that she'd made quite an obvious pass at him so quickly, she probably played by very different rules to him. Everyone did now.
Reviews still very welcome