Soon after Marissa discovering the shock in Ryan's apartment, she decided to go back to the hotel and smooth things over with Jake. She had kept him in the dark long enough , she let herself into her suite, that was they part time home and switched on the light.
"Jake?" She called out, she heard some rustling and a door opening, and the man she told herself she loved stepped in off the balcony ,
"Oh my god Marissa, there you are, did you have a good time back home" He moved straight forward and hugged her tightly, Marissa was surprised by his embrace , he was never usually that friendly or loving - ever.
"Errr yeah" Marissa said, trying to free his grip.
"I've decided, I want to meet all of them, all of your friends in Newport, I mean were getting married and I haven't met anyone but your dad and your cousins." he said as he kissed her
"With that in mind, I have something to tell you" Marissa took his hand and led him to sit with her on the big chairs in their room.
"Right……so…., basically there is something about me that you don't know, and I never meant to lie,……this is really hard for me to say Jake," Marissa said quietly, scared of what is reaction would be .
"You have to promise to understand, promise not to judge" Marissa asked him, Jake didn't respond and she chose to go on
"Well there is always something that you never knew about me, it happened before I moved to New York….you know how you say about that weird mark on my lower stomach, that is always covered with make up?, well that isn't a scar from when I had appendicitis, it's a mark from when I was pregnant"
"Well I had always assumed it was from the mysterious pregnancy that you never talk to me about" Jake said accusingly
"I did ask you not to judge, and if we are going to" Marissa paused
"Get married, then you have to know about this." Jake nodded and Marissa continued with her story,
"It happened in my last few months of senior year in High School, I still lived in Newport, and I was with this guy, but he broke up with me for someone else before he found out, but then we got back together, and I stayed pregnant," Jake looked at her confused, trying to add up things in his head
"I already know all this, In all your interviews you say you lost your baby, why are you retelling me" Jake asked her, Marissa took a deep breath and continued
"That's the thing, I didn't miscarry, I had the baby when I was 18" Jake looked surprised at Marissa, although to him there was always something a little sad about her.
"I'm so sorry Marissa, If I had known that you had a baby but it died then I --"
"Jake the baby didn't die" Marissa said quietly, Jake thought for a minute, working things out in his head
"Well if it didn't die, then that means that you, you have, you have a kid?!" Jake looked t her surprised and Marissa ignored his gaze
"You don't though do you Marissa" He voice sounded scary to her, like he was being forceful and she would turn around and say that she didn't, he could be like that sometimes when he didn't get his own way.
"I don't want to lie to you anymore, and the truth is, 5 years ago, I had a daughter" Marissa could feel the tears pool in her eyes,
"her names Ottilie, and when after I gave birth, I got post natal depression, I wasn't a good mother for her then, So I left, came to New York, where I met you, I hadn't had much contact with her Dad at all, which is who she lives with, but I had sent him some letters, but he didn't reply, but when we came to LA, which is where they live, I found them again, and I have spent all today with my little girl, she's so gorgeous baby, she's really really chatty and I'm sure you would get on" Marissa shined with pride
"I cant believe you never told me this, when we get married I will have a step kid, Do you have any idea what this sort of information could do to your career Marissa? The tabloids would have a field day if they knew" Jake said shaking his head at her.
"Well if your going to react like this then??" Marissa walked away from him and into their bathroom, he could hear her running the taps and filling the bath.
"Reacting like how, M it's a big deal for anyone." Marissa rolled her eyes at his nickname for her, he had never been able to shake the name M, its so annoying and not one she found endearing.
"So, try having to live without your child for the last 5 years and hiding her for everyone and get back to me" Marissa frantically threw all types of complimentary bath salts into the hot water,
"Fine, So do I get to meet her then?" Jake said succumbing to the idea. Marisa turned around and smiled at him, she lifted her eyebrows, as if to ask him if he was serious, when he nodded Marissa leapt to hug him, glad that he was being supportive.
"Why don't you have a bath, and we can get ready to go out to dinner, my treat" He kissed her lips, and all Marissa could feel was guilt, the night before with Ryan had changed things for her, but obviously not for him, considering after a few hours he was shacked up with the wanabee actress.
"Thank you for being so understanding about this, I know how hard it must be for you"
"Don't even think about it, what's yours is mine right? Ill make the reservations for dinner now"
"Anywhere baby, as long as where alone, and there are no paparazzi, you know how much I hate them trying to get a picture of us together." Jake nodded and with that he kissed her cheek and walked out of the bathroom. He dialled a familiar number on his phone,
"Hey, is that Light Photography Agency?" Jake asked the voice on the other end of the telephone
"Hi I have confirmation that Marissa Cooper and Jake Matthews are going to be at Lola's in Hollywood tonight, from about 9 onwards."
"Thanks, we will send some photographers over there" said the monotonous voice, Jake smiled and put down his blackberry and smiled to hear Marissa singing in the bathroom, he dreaded the day when they eventually had children, and it all coming so fast, he wanted to remind Marissa what she was going to lose, if she kept on playing 'Mom'.
Ryan shuffled back into his bedroom, to find Sarah sound asleep in his bed, he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He walked back into the living area and checked his phone. He had missed 3 calls from Kirsten in the last half hour, having trying to settle Ottilie, after she didn't talk to him for a while, he just waited until she had finally gotten to sleep.
"Hey Kirsten. Sorry I couldn't get to the phone earlier" Ryan said apologetically
"Oh that's ok Sweetie, is everything ok" Kirsten asked full of concern, Ryan blinked tiredly and tried to cover a yawn.
"She's back Kirsten, and I just don't know what to do about it"
"Well, from what I hear from Summer, they have already met and Marissa had her for the day?"
"Yeah, that's right, well when she dropped her off, Ottilie didn't want to stay with me here, and wouldn't answer me or anything, she was so clingy around Marissa and I have just had the tears saying that she hated me, and Marissa is going to come and see her again tomorrow, and its big enough her coming back, so big, I haven't even managed to get my head wrapped round it, I think all of it might be too big for Ottilie to handle to young,"
"Well that's probably what it is Ryan, but Ottilie will get over the initial shock of having a Mom around, that's all it is at the minute Ry. She doesn't hate you, she just upset, but not with you, with everyone, and you're the only person she's taking it out on, I'm sure if she was staying over here right now we would have the same trouble."
"Its just, how Is Marissa going to handle a child, she couldn't last time, and this time with all the paparazzi following her, imagine how scared Otty is going to get so confused, she isn't going to know why all of these crazy people are following her and her Mom, and then what is she going to say about the whole thing, I'm sure Marissa is going to make up some story about this, and--"
"Ryan, I can read you like a book, no doubt the whole Marissa coming back thing has upset you, but what's really on your mind here?" Kirsten asked him, her voice full of concern.
"She's threatened to take me to court on this, and Sandy told me earlier, that it might not be in my favour as much as we had expected."
"Oh my god" Kirsten said in surprise
"I cant lose her Kirsten, she's my whole world, I cant just let someone take her away from me like that, what if Marissa takes her to the other side of the country, there is no way I'm-"
"Well first stop panicking" Kirsten said in her motherly tone,
"Your not going to lose her, full stop. But in the event Marissa does decide to fight you on this, I'm pretty sure that you could find an self righteous lawyer, who is currently trying to eat some of my Apple pie - one sec Ryan," Ryan could hear Kirsten slap away Sandy's hand and him whine, 'Honnneeyyyy', like father like son.
"Sorry Ryan, I have a Newpsie Brunch here in the morning, and he's been trying to eat all the food since he got home from work, what's was I saying, o yeah, you can fight and you can win Ryan, don't make this doubt your ability of a father, because Ottilie couldn't be luckier ok, she is so lucky to have you. Night Sweetie, we love you."
"Thanks Kirsten, I really appreciate everything,"
"Don't mention it, go give my granddaughter a kiss for me already." Ryan smiled and hung up the phone, feeling much better than he did when he picked it up. He looked up and saw Sarah standing there in his wife beater and boxers. As if he needed another thing going through his mind right now.
"So, Ryan Atwood, not that I didn't really enjoy our afternoon together, but what exactly are we doing here? I mean, my feelings for you haven't exactly been a secret over the last couple of years, and this isn't the first time that something like this has happened between us." She moved to sit next to him on the couch and looked over to him hopefully, now that there was no more Courtney she hadn't needed to worry, but now that there was a Marissa, that kind of made things a little bit harder. Ryan stared at her, she was so hopeful, truth be told, all Ryan wanted this afternoon was someone to talk to, and over the years, it had generally been Sarah whom he has called, but one thing had led to another, and Ryan couldn't bare to let her down like that, it would look like he had used her, and he did care for her a lot. But just not as much as the leggy blonde threatening to sue him for sole custody. Besides, he couldn't fight Marissa alone, not if she ahd Jake, he needed some support, and over the years Sarah had made it plainly obvious that she would be his shoulder to lean on, if he should ever need it.
"If we take it slow--" Ryan said without thinking, Sarah's whole profile changed, she immediately perked up and threw herself at him, her arms wrapping tight around his neck.
"That's perfect, I cant tell you how happy I am right now" Ryan tired to smile along with her, but she kissed him full on and tried to escalate things, but Ryan had to stop, he knew what kind of mood Ottilie was in, which meant she was bound to wake up multiple times in the night and him walking in on him and his new girlfriend, it felt weird even to think it, would definitely scare his child for life. As Sarah moved closer to him, he withdrew his lips, and she rested her forehead on his,
"What's wrong" She asked curiously, Ryan had never noticed how green her eyes were before, they were really stunning, but al that time he could only think of how Marissa's eyes sparkled, Stop thinking about it! he said to himself.
"Its just, I know when Ottilie gets upset she doesn't usually sleep the whole night, and--"
"You don't want her to find us horizontal," Sarah said smiling at him, Ryan shook his hand and she stood up taking his hand and leading him back to his bedroom,
"That's fine, but I wouldn't want you to miss me tonight, and besides all I have at my apartment, is a2 cats and a most likely drunk roommate, I like your place a lot more." Ryan laid down on his back and she leant into his, draping her leg over his and throwing an arm over his stomach, she immediately feel into a sleep again, the days activities wearing her out. Ryan took a deep breath, knowing that he wasn't about to fall asleep for a long time, he had way too many thought swirling around his head.
Jake and Marissa, had long entered the restaurant, Marissa was startled by all of the paparazzi, she was not in the frame of mind to stand and pose for pictures. Jake had immediately pulled her next to him, and obviously flashed his movie star smile to the crowd of photographers, all shouting at them for them to look that way.
"Are you nearly read to go back out again," Jake said as he paid for the meal. Marissa shook her head solemnly and proceeded to pick her bag up from the floor.
"I still cant believe you bought us a house here," Marissa said in disbelief
"Well we were going to need one anyway, and If you don't like it we can get somewhere bigger, its just like the New York house, but with a swimming pool and pool-house and staff, it will be great. You'll love it" He kissed Marissa's cheek and led her out of the restaurant, into the sea of photographers,
"Marissa, Marissa, this easy please, flash us the diamond"
"Marissa, is it true your off to rehab"
"Marissa how does it feel to be the new face of Gucci and Chanel"
"Marissa, Marissa, a smile please, what about the Victoria's Secrets show, are you going to be an angel?"
"Marissa have you got any words for Paris Hilton"
Jake took her hand and lead her towards the car he head hired, slightly angry that not many of the reporters wanted his attention, when they were safely in the car, he dropped Marissa's hand like it was a hot potato and got out his blackberry and immediately his fingers started pushing different keys as quickly as he could.
"I really hate that" Marissa whispered overwhelmed, she sat next to him close, hoping that he would take her hand, and try and shelter her from some of the craziness, but surprisingly he was as cold as an ice sculpture.
"Thanks, ass" Marissa mumbled, Jake took the hint, and moved closer to take her lips in his, after a while Marissa gave in and kissed pack, still with the thoughts of the night with Ryan stuck in her head.
"I really missed you when you weren't around baby" Jake said to her
"Well you've changed your tune, and besides we've been apart longer than a weekend before,"
" I know but not since we got engaged," Marissa nodded and fell against his shoulder, while he placed his hand on her knee,
"So your really alright with us having Ottilie tomorrow, I thought we could maybe take her to the zoo, and I know she really likes to shop, so I thought we could maybe find some nice little places to take her, and then for lunch we should go to somewhere child friendly,"
"Marissa, child friendly? Are you kidding me" Jake asked her incredulously
"Well we couldn't exactly take her to the Ivy, I'm sure she knows where she usually goes, she can be our very own LA tour guide." Marissa said happily, although Jake just rolled his eyes in the dark car.
"Great" He mumbled.
The next morning, Ottilie woke up excitedly at 6 o clock, it saddened Ryan to see that she hadn't come into his room bright and early, instead he could hear her talking animatedly to the many characters in her Victorian dollhouse, about her exciting day with her Mom. Ryan loosened himself from Sarah's grip and walked into the kitchen to put on some coffee,
"Hey Ottilie, do you want some breakfast." Ryan called through to her, when she walked toe the door, she had already put together an outfit, of Ugg boots, a pink summer dress and a Christmas hat, Ryan smiled at his daughter and walked over, then bent down to her level.
"Got yourself dressed hey princess," Ryan asked her, she nodded and kept her glare on her face.
"How long are you going to be angry at Daddy sweetie?" Ryan asked then sighed, Ottilie took in his sadness, and then instantly felt guilty for having upset him, she knew how to play her Dad, at such a young age (although her Auntie Summer, had insisted that it was a good thing) and she never liked to upset anyone.
"I'm sorry Daddy, I didn't mean to make you sad yesterraday" Ryan smiled at his daughters inability to pronounce some harder words, he hugged her closely and accepted her apology, glad to know his daughter wasn't upset with him anymore.
"That's ok, I'm sorry to" Ryan said earnestly, she hugged him again and then fell into his lap, they both laughed, and Ryan continued to tickle her, much to her delight, she was squealing and screaming, and Ryan completely forgot about Sarah asleep in the next room.
"DADDDDDYYYYYYY" Ottilie laughed, Ryan stopped and kissed her forehead.
"Please can I have pancakes" She asked with her sweet smile that Ryan fell for every time, he remembered when he was younger, probably a bit older than Ottilie, his parents had been apart for a brief time, before his Dad went to prison, and all he could remember was the arguing, and it was obvious that he and Marissa would fight, after all they were Ryan and Marissa, but he made a promise to himself that they wouldn't in front of Ottilie,
"Sure princess," Ryan said happily
"Daddy what time is Mommy coming for me today?" Ottilie asked him cautiously
"Erm I think she said she would try and get over here for about 9 o clock" Ryan said looking at the time seeing it was only 7:00, he knew Ottilie would be extremely impatient in the waiting time.
"Do you want to change your outfit maybe sweetie? I don't know much about clothes but -"
"Daddy you don't know anything about fashion" Ottilie interrupted,
"Well maybe I can help" Sarah offered, still in Ryan's clothes, Ryan panicked at first, as he had not had time to talk to his daughter about it, but after her casual 'Hey Sawah', Ryan smiled at his daughters slight lisp, he sensed that Ottilie might not be upset like he thought she would be.
"Daddy can I do some drawings before I go out" Ottilie asked while she walked over to the cupboard and got out her Disney colours and paper, and moved to her special chair that her Dad had made her at their dining table, it was covered with pink paint and had a crown carved on the top and her name written in swirls by her uncle Seth, another one of her little touches she had all over their home.
"Yeh sure, will you do some drawing with Sarah while I go and get ready for work, then we can get you bathed and ready after baby. Or maybe we should do that before, Sarah would you mind running her a bath, in her bathroom while I go get in the shower, then I will come in there and bath her afterward" Sarah nodded helpfully
"Or I could bath her, if you doing mind petal?" Ottilie nodded and ran off to her bathroom to turn the taps on, when she was gone Sarah walked towards Ryan and kissed him, before things could get to passionate, Ottilie called out for Sarah from her bathroom.
"I think I'm needed, unless you cant handle the big shower by yourself" She suggested huskily, Ryan raised his eyebrows at her and kissed her lips quickly
"I think I'll be ok" Sarah nodded and walked into Ottilie's room,
"Ready sweetie," Ottilie nodded and dove happily into the big bubble bath she had made herself with her own Disney Princess bubble bath, her and Sarah laughed and played with the bubbles, pretending Sarah was Santa Claus with a big old beard on.
"Sawah, are you going to marry my Daddy" Ottilie asked while Sarah wrapped her up in her Dressing gown with 'Ottilie' written all over the back, earlier that year, Summer had completely gone crazy with buying Ottilie everything monogrammed in her bathroom, and most things she had either Barbie, and Disney Princess, or Ottilie written on them some how. Sarah thought about the question - it was too early to think about marriage, period. But she had always had strong feelings for Ryan, and them being together was a step forward, and besides whatever she said would instantly get back to Ryan, which might not be so good, but if it got back to Marissa, then that wouldn't be a bad thing.
"Not yet sweetie, Is it a problem that I'm here though?" Sarah asked her carefully.
"Nope, I like you a lot more than that other girl, but not as much as my Mommy, but I don't mean that horribibily I just love her a whole lot, but you're like number 6, after my Mom, then Auntie Sum, then Auntie Kaitlin, then my Grandmas, then you. But that's really good though. Will you help me pick out my outfit please, Daddy said I didn't match earlier." Ottilie wandered into her bedroom, her semi wet hair already starting to form very light curls she opened her pink wardrobe, to find more pink. Sarah had seen inside it before, but she had never looked at the labels before, of course the little girl had more designer clothes than she did, she went to private school, her Aunt Summer was a buyer at Kitson, her Dad made good money, very good money being the junior VP at the Newport Groups sister office, her Grandmother was Julie-Cooper-Nicol-Roberts, whom she had never personally heard of but had been informed she was notorious, and they were all from Newport Beach and had trust funds. A huge difference from a girl who grew up on a farm with a therapist mother and 6 brothers and sisters.
"Sawah, do you think this is pwetty?" Ottilie pulled a dress from a hanger quickly, Sarah only got a quick look at the label but was sure it said 'Juicy Couture'
"I think you would look even more gorgeous than you already do" Sarah unhooked the dress and helped Ottilie into it, when Ottilie was pleased with her reflection she trotted out into the kitchen, to find her Dad in the midst of laying out breakfast for all 3 of them, besides the fact he already had his shirt and tie on. He smiled at the two of them walking out of her bedroom, his daughter looked much more presentable now,
"Looking sharp Papa Bear" Something that her Uncle Seth had told her to say every time Ryan was in his suits. Ryan chuckled at her and sat her down at the table, then moving to put some towels on her lap so she didn't spill anything down herself.
"I'm not a baby you know?"
"You're my baby," Sarah walked over to eh two of them and took her place on the table next to Ryan, he smiled at her appreciatively, she placed her hand over his at the table and the 3 of them happily enjoyed the breakfast, when Sarah had insisted on clearing away, Ryan was sorting through some of the files in his briefcase for his day ahead of him, he had called and told them that he might be a little bit late that day , as he would have to wait for Marissa to get there before he left. There was a knock at the door, unheard by Ryan and Sarah announced that she would get it. She opened the door and her happy face of that morning was quickly replaced by a solemn one.
"Good Morning" Marissa said sarcastically, she stood there with Jake Mathews hanging on her arm, not that he seemed remotely interested about anything that was going on.
"Hey Melissa, what can I do for you" Sarah replied equally sarcastically
"I'm here for my daughter, if you don't mind" Sarah opened the door a little further and Ryan looked up from his briefcase on the table, and made his way over.
"Ryan" Marissa said to him, he knew her voice, it was one that was small and upset, he also knew she couldn't look him in the eye, another thing that she always did when she was too scared to talk.
"Erm, Ryan this is my fiancé, Jake" Marissa looked awkwardly between Jake and Ryan, Ryan stuck out his hand and Jake just stared at it, Marissa nudged him and he took it half heartedly. Ryan couldn't believe how much this guy was up his own, considering they had already met a few days before and Marissa and him had pretended that they had never met.
"MOMMMMYYYYYYYY" Ottilie came running out of her bedroom, straight over to Marissa who bent down to pick her up, Jake just looked on uninterested while as Marissa hugged her daughter, he figured that the Mom phase would pass eventually.
"Hey Ottilie, erm, I have someone you would like to meet, Darling this is my fiancé Jake" Ottilie gave him the once over Atwood Glare and thought hard
"What's a feeemonsayy?" Ottilie asked with difficulty.
"It means that me and Jake are going to get married,"
"At Christmas-" Jake added, and looked at Ryan.
"Chrismukkah" Ottilie corrected him and continued
"Like my Dad and Sawah?" Marissa's eyes opened wide and she turned to look at the other two adults, Ryan got a look of confusion on his face and opened his mouth to respond
"Were not, I mean, We aren't" Ryan said shaking his head, Sarah took his hand embarrassed also. Marissa swallowed thickly, obviously having to get used to Ryan having someone else, She knew it was shellfish, but just because she wasn't doesn't mean he couldn't, That's Jealousy for you she thought.
"Can we go now please, I packed myself a bag, I didn't know what I would need, but I think I have got everything" Ottilie said excitedly
"She has another change of clothes, mainly encase the ones she wearing get dirty, or she feels like she needs to change her outfit" Sarah answered for her, Marissa just nodded, not even looking her way and turned towards the door.
"What time should I come get her?" Ryan asked
"We will drop her home later on tonight," Marissa suggested and motioned for Jake to come with her
"Well, all of our numbers are in her bag, Mine, The Cohen's, Seth works from home, and then there's My office and Sarah's and -"
"I'm sure we will be perfectly fine, don't panic Ry, Ottilie say goodbye to your Daddy sweetie" Ottilie walked over to her Dad and he kissed her cheek, and she did the same with Sarah, then her and her Mom walked out hand in hand.
"Jake, a minute please" Ryan walked nearer to him, and Jake just sneered
"Just so you know, mess this up for my daughter, no, mess this up for either of them, and I will kick your ass" Ryan said threateningly, Jake just laughed,
"Dude, get over it, You had her years ago, and I've got her now, you lost bro" Jake walked away smugly and Ryan looked at Marissa as she waited for the lift, there was no doubt there was 'smouldering eye-contact' as Seth would say, but as Jake put his hand around her waist, Ryan wondered if he would ever be ok with it, with their situation? With her being in his life and not being with her.