A/N:I own nothing.
Twenty
BPOV-
I heard him tell the others he'd come up, and I was glad. I had so much I wanted to say to him, so many things I wanted to scream at him, but when he opened the door, and peered in all my anger dissipated. He looked so guilty, so hurt, so…lost. It was obvious he felt bad. Who was I to make it worse? I had killed someone after all.
He cleared his throat after a few minutes, and shut the door behind him. "We need to pack quickly. I thought I could help you." He explained, pulling suitcases down from the closet. Did he love me as I loved him? Was that why he'd changed me? I began pulling clothes from the drawers, and stuffing them into the suitcase as quickly as I could…which turned out to be rather fast. I could get used to this part.
"Edward?" I asked cautiously. He froze on the spot, and looked up at me. I sighed. He was lovely, even when he looked so sad. "Why did you change me?" I whispered, continuing on. He stared for so long I thought he wouldn't answer me. "You were dying." He said simply, as if that explained it all. I bit my lip.
"I couldn't have you die on my watch Isabella." He said, carrying two of the finished suitcases out of the room. At those words, all of my anger came back. Only this time, it was directed more towards me. Stupid girl! Of course he only did it to save you, why would he love you? I heard Alice warning him not to come back, and I smirked. Naturally she would see what would happen, even before I knew what that was.
"Almost finished love? We need to get going, it's almost dusk." He said, zipping up another suitcase. I threw the remaining clothes in the last suitcase, and put my hands on my hips. Enough was enough.
"I can't pretend anymore Edward. When you walked in here the first time around, you looked about as miserable as I feel, and my anger just disappeared. And then I realized, I killed someone not you! So what the hell do you have to be so upset about? Other than the fact that you did this to me! That you changed me into this…thing, and left me alone with one solitary vampire who we both know I could kill right now! And then, I ask for your honest opinion of why you changed me and all you can say is 'I couldn't have you dying on my watch Isabella.' Seriously? What the hell is that? The lamest excuse I've ever heard! You only changed me into this vampire that kills things because you didn't want me to die?
Please! Why don't you just man up already and tell me the truth! Instead of playing these twisted little games with me!" I screamed. I grabbed the last suitcase, and left before he could respond. I knew I would regret that little tirade later, but for now I felt a little better. I got in the car with Alice and Jasper, not caring to see Edward again for a long time. Not twenty minutes into the drive, Alice started in on me.
"He feels bad enough, Bella. Really, you didn't need to say that to him. About him making you a monster, he felt that way without your help." She snapped. "Alice." Jasper warned quietly. "No, Jasper, she needs to hear this." She argued. I heard him sigh, but he said no more. Smart man that.
"He was so worried you wouldn't forgive him. Do you have any idea how much he loves you? He was going to leave again! For you! So you wouldn't feel uncomfortable around him! He was going to give up his entire family, everything he's known for so long just for you! And you go and say something like that! Honestly, Bella!" She scolded.
"I killed a person today Alice. That never would have happened if he would have let me die!" I defended myself. "So? You killed someone, Edward's killed people, and Jasper has. It happens! Deal with it, take it as lesson learned and move on! You aren't going to die Bella, and Edward is right in front of you, wanted to love you. Do you want to spend your eternity in misery, or in love?" She questioned. She turned the radio up, signaling the conversation was over.
I sat there the entire way, thinking over everything she'd said, and what I felt. I loved Edward, with all that I was. Could I spend an eternity without him? No, I definitely could not. Yes, I had killed Jake, but he raped me. Maybe he deserved it, no I didn't any feel less guilty, but I didn't feel as hopeless. That was a start right?
Once I had realized all of this, I couldn't wait to arrive in our new home, to start a new chapter in my life. I wanted to talk to Edward as soon as possible, and apologize for my ranting earlier. I helped unload the cars, and took mine and Edward's things to his room. Alice and Rose took me with them to hunt, showing me the ropes, and telling me what tasted better or worse. By the time we'd finished, I felt better. Refreshed even. I ran straight to my room, in search of Edward. When he wasn't there, I searched the rest of the house too. He wasn't there. No one had seen him, he had driven alone. He wasn't there.