Nathan's pretty sure he needs to go see a psychiatrist.
He and Haley have been dating for a few weeks now, and it's been great. He can tell that she's totally into him, and he is really starting to like her. They've been hanging out every chance they can, in between Nathan's basketball schedule and Haley's shifts at the cafe. Hell, they've even made out in the janitor's closet a few times, just for the fun of it.
All of this is great, but there's just one little problem: he still can't stop thinking about Lucas. Just when he thinks that he's over the whole thing Haley brings him up in conversation and all of a sudden Nathan is pulled back to square one. It doesn't help that he sees Lucas hanging around with Brooke all the time, which is really beginning to make him jealous.
It just doesn't make sense. He has an amazing girlfriend, so why the hell is he still caught up on his brother, for god's sake? All of that on top of Whitey constantly drilling them about the Cove City game coming up has made Nathan's head feel like it's going to explode.
All of this is whizzing around in his head while he's listening to Whitey after practice.
"When you leave this gym today, I want each and every one of you to take a good, long look at the sun," Whitey says, pacing in front of the team. "Because if you lose to Cove City on Friday, I can guarantee you won't be seeing it again."
Everyone around him laughs, but Nathan just sits there, nervous as all hell. While he's normally psyched out about upcoming games, this one is a whole different ballpark. There's a lot of pressure resting on his shoulders because of his dad, and now Whitey.
See, Dan Scott holds the record for most points scored against Cove City in a single game, and Nathan is pretty much expected to top it. If he doesn't, his dad will never let him live it down.
"That's not a joke!" Whitey yells. "Not one team I've coached has finished a season undefeated… and you might be the first. There are only two things standing in your way: Cove City… and you."
The bell rings, and Nathan makes a bee-line for home. He feels bad for not talking to Haley after school like usual, but he just isn't in the mood today.
He comes home to find his dad waiting in the kitchen for him with takeout. Normally his mom would be cooking, but because she's temporarily lost her mind, she's taking care of Karen's Cafe while Karen is away at some school in Italy. Nathan feels like he's in some bizarro world where nothing makes sense anymore, and he hates it.
"How's your sandwich?" Dan asks, breaking the silence between the two of them.
"Almost warm," Nathan responds, taking another bite.
"Well, I'll start cooking again, unless your mother comes to her senses," Dan says.
"Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder…," Nathan says.
"Maybe if you convince her that you're happy, she'll stop this whole crusade. She thinks i'm ruining your life."
That's not too far from the truth. Nathan doesn't respond, instead just nods slightly and continues eating.
"So Cove City is coming up," Dan says.
Here it comes.
"Yeah. Whitey's really laying it on thick in practice."
"As he should be. Of course, you know who scored the most points against the Cavaliers?" Dan asks, smirking.
Yes dad, I know the sun rises and sets out of your ass.
Nathan nods.
"Forty-two," Dan says, taking a drink of his soda.
Nathan really wishes he can wipe that smug look off of Dan's face.
"I'm looking to top that this week," Nathan tells him.
"Well you won't. Wanna know why? Because you're not as tough as I was. I got coverage buckets you'll never get bang down low like I did. And your conditioning is crap; I never once left the floor during a game."
Is he serious? Shouldn't parents be supportive of their kids instead of tearing them down every chance they get? Nathan can feel the anger boiling inside of him. Just as he was about to respond his mom walks in the kitchen. Not wanting to be around for the inevitable arguing, he gets up from the table.
"I'm happy, mom," Nathan says sarcastically. "Dad really loves me."
Fuck this, man. Nathan's going to show his dad up once and for all. He storms up to his bedroom and grabs his phone, dialing Tim's number.
"What's up brotha?"
"Tim, you do know you're white, don't you?" Nathan responds, sighing.
"What's your problem?"
"Is your brother still dealing?" Nathan asks.
"Why?"
"Cause I need to blow the roof off of Cove City," Nathan replies.
"I dont see how getting high is going to help."
"Not weed, you idiot. I need a performance enhancer. He'll know what to get."
"Alright man, if you're sure."
"Trust me, I'm sure," Nathan says, hanging up the phone.
He's going to focus all of his energy on this game, and kill two birds with one stone. He'll be able to show his dad up, and get his mind off of Lucas.
The next day before practice, Tim meets Nathan by his locker in the locker room, and hands him a bag of pills.
"Alright, these are basically amphetamines. They're like steroids on speed, so you gotta be careful."
"Whatever helps me win against Cove City," Nathan says, snatching the bag from Tim.
"Well, they'll definitely do that," Tim says.
"Thanks," Nathan says, taking one of the pills and swallowing it.
Halfway through practice, he can feel it kick in. All of a sudden he's moving quicker than he ever thought he could, and making baskets like it's nobody's business. He's not just in the game, he's really really in the game. He doesn't even realize he knocked one of his teammates over when Whitey blows his whistle at him.
"That was a foul, Nathan! You need to get off his back!" Whitey yells. Nathan can feel his temper rising, but it's not because of Whitey; it's the pill.
"Why don't you get off my back, Whitey?!" Nathan yells, the pill speaking for him.
"How would you like to call that a practice?" Whitey threatens.
"Whatever, that's fine by me," Nathan says, slamming the ball down on the ground as he turns to walk away.
"Nathan!" Whitey yells after him.
"What?! What the hell do you want?!" Nathan yells, turning back around to face Whitey, whose face is absolutely red with anger right now. Nathan can't stop himself; the words are coming up like word vomit.
"Walk away, Nathan," Whitey spits.
So he does.
Nathan spends the rest of the day pissed off: pissed off at Whitey, pissed off at Dan, pissed off Lucas, and pissed off at himself.
The next day at school, Nathan wears his headphones all day. He took another pill that morning, and he just wants to be left alone to focus.
His focusing is interrupted by a tap on his shoulder while he's at his locker.
Sighing, he turns to see Haley smiling up at him.
She is literally the last person that needs to be around him while he's like this.
"Hey, you okay? Lucas said you kind of freaked out in practice yesterday," Haley asks him, a look of concern on her face.
She would be talking about Lucas right now. He clears his throat to disguise the discomfort he always feels when she brings him up.
"Well Lucas needs to mind his own damn business," Nathan spits. "I just have a game coming up, and I can get a little intense."
"Are you sure you're alright? You're shaking," Haley says. He didn't even notice, but he's shaking like crazy. Probably because of those pills.
It's whatever; Nathan will take a couple minor side effects if it pays off in the end.
"So your house tonight, right? For tutoring?" Nathan asks her, trying his best to change the subject.
"Yeah. I'll see you tonight," Haley says, still studying Nathan like he's a science experiment. Haley isn't stupid; she can always tell when there's something wrong with him. But, instead of pressing the subject further like Nathan knows she wants to, she gives him a smile and walks away.
Nathan turns back to his locker and pops another pill; he's getting too distracted.
He heads to the weight room to knock out some reps. While he's lifting, he sees Lucas come in and stand next to him.
Why is it he can never get through a whole weight-lifting session without someone interrupting him?
"You really blew up on Whitey yesterday," Lucas says. He and Lucas are supposed to be avoiding each other right now, damn it, so why is he talking to him? Nathan can feel his heart rate increasing.
"He deserved it," Nathan spits.
"Well I just wanted to say that I know you're under a lot of pressure from your dad, and -"
"Look, you don't know anything about my dad, okay?!" Nathan yells, and he can tell he just upset Lucas. He hates yelling at Lucas and hurting him like this, but he can't let him get close again.
Resting the weights, Nathan gets up and storms out of the room. If he stays he's just going to yell again and he can't handle seeing Lucas hurting anymore.
Later that night at Haley's house, Nathan can't concentrate. He's been pacing in Haley's room for about five minutes now.
"Are you ever going to stop pacing so we can study?" Haley asks, but Nathan barely hears it. He notices a picture hanging on her wall.
"Are these your sisters?" Nathan asks, pointing to a picture of Haley standing with two other girls.
"Yeah, I'm actually the youngest. My parents barely know what to do with the silence," Haley says.
"Did you ever think a month ago that we'd be alone in your bedroom?" Nathan asks, abruptly changing the subject. He can barely help it; the pills are making his mind go a mile a minute.
"Definitely not," Haley responds, laughing.
"So, are we gonna take advantage of this or what?" Nathan says, tugging at Haley's shirt.
"Be serious, Nathan," Haley says.
"I am serious," Nathan responds, pulling her into a kiss. He closes his eyes and suddenly, he's back in his bedroom kissing Lucas. He increases the intensity of the kiss, pushing Haley onto her back, trying to unbutton her shirt.
"Nathan," Haley breathes. She's trying to get him to stop, but he's so caught up in his daydream that he doesn't notice. He keeps going, further unbuttoning her shirt.
"Nathan!" Haley says, pushing him off of her. Suddenly he's pulled out of his daydream.
"What?!" Nathan asks.
"I think you should go," Haley spits.
"Haley, come on," Nathan tries.
"I said I think you should go," Haley says again, her eyes piercing him like a pair of daggers.
"Whatever," Nathan says, storming out of her house.
So now not even Haley can help distract him from everything.
He's seriously screwed.
—
As soon as Nathan wakes up the next morning he pops another pill to get him pumped. Tonight's the night of the Cove City game, and he's going to beat his dad's record no matter what.
He starts doing pull ups in his room when his dad walks in.
"Your arms are going to be dead for the game tonight," Dan says, as if Nathan asked for his opinion.
"You wish," Nathan spits back.
"I don't, actually," Dan says, smirking. "I'd love for you to beat my record, but I just don't think you will."
This asshole.
"We'll see about that," Nathan says.
Just as Dan opens his mouth to say something else, Deb walks up and stands beside him.
"I have some good and bad news, Nate," Deb says. "The bad news is I have to be at the cafe tonight so I can't make your game, but the good news is Haley can be there."
Not like she wants to see him after last night, anyway.
"Whatever," Nathan says, shoving past his parents towards the shower.
Later at school while he's on his way to the gym to warm up, Haley stops him.
"Hey, can we get something to eat after the game tonight and talk?"
"Not now, Haley," Nathan says.
"But-"
"I said not now!" Nathan says, the pills taking his irritability and increasing it tenfold.
"Why are you acting like this?" Haley asks. He can tell he's hurting her but goes on anyway.
"Because I can, okay?"
"What the hell is your problem?" Haley asks angrily.
"What's my problem? It's on the other side of that wall," Nathan says, pointing at the gym. "And in two hours, if I'm not perfect, they're going to eat me alive."
He leaves Haley standing dumbfounded and heads into the gym. He pops another pill when he gets in the locker room. Sinking every shot during his warmup, he's feeling pretty good about this game.
Later at the game, Nathan is absolutely on fire. He's making shot after shot, leaving Cove City in the dust. By the beginning of the fourth quarter, he's at thirty eight points, just five points shy of beating Dan's record. He can do this.
He sinks another three pointer; just two points away now. Lucas catches the rebound at the other end, giving the Ravens possession. Nathan is frantically trying to make himself open so Lucas can throw him the ball. When he finally is, all of a sudden, everything around him comes to a screeching halt.
Looking ahead, the only thing that's in focus is Lucas. Everything else around him is blurry, and he feels like he's going to pass out.
What the hell is going on?
His heart is racing from fear. All of a sudden he can feel his legs give out, and before he knows it, he's on the floor. He can hear voices coming from every direction.
"Nathan! Nathan are you okay?"
"Somebody call for help!"
"He's not opening his eyes!"
Then suddenly he hears Lucas's voice, telling him he needs to wakeup, and when he does, he's lying in a hospital bed, lying on a bunch of ice packs. Nathan feels like he hasn't drank any water in days.
He looks up and sees his dad speaking to the doctor.
"The early results tell me your son is going to be fine," The doctor tells Dan.
"That's great," Dan says.
"But they also tell me he's been taking some kind of amphetamine," The doctor says.
Crap. Nathan can see his dad doesn't look very happy right now.
"That has to be a mistake," Dan says, but the doctor shakes his head.
"This could just be an isolated case, but the evidence is there, Mr. Scott," The doctor says.
"Look Doc, I appreciate the concern, but I know my son, and my son wouldn't do that. If you label him as an addict you're taking away his future. So unless your results are one-hundred percent accurate, you're looking at a lawsuit you don't want."
Nathan needs to get out of here before his dad notices he's awake. He tries to get up, ignoring his body screaming at him to stay put. Once he's up, he just starts walking. He walks out of the hospital, and keeps going without a specific destination in mind. Nathan just wants to be anywhere but in there with his dad.
Before he even realizes where he's going, he's at Lucas's doorstep.
Nathan knocks on the door, and Lucas answers it immediately. What is he even doing here?
"Nathan! I was just going to call to see if you were okay!" Lucas says. "You scared the shit out of me, man!"
"Is Keith home?" Nathan asks, his voice low and weak.
"He's sleeping, why?"
Nathan doesn't respond, and just walks into Lucas's room, sitting on his bed.
"Hey, are you okay?" Lucas asks him, sitting next to him.
"I'm not so good, actually," Nathan whimpers. Before he can say anything more Lucas has his arms around him. All of a sudden a feeling of blissful sanity takes over him. This is what he wants; to be right here in Lucas's arms. He's sick and tired of fighting it.
"I made a lot of mistakes, Luke, but the biggest one is pushing you away," Nathan says, gripping Lucas tighter. "I just.. I can't do it anymore."
"Hey, it's okay," Lucas says, stroking Nathan's head.
"No, it's not," Nathan says, pulling away from him. "I'm not okay. I was so scared when I passed out, and I'm still terrified. Then I saw you. I promised myself that if I could just get up and walk over to you, and tell you how much I need you, and how much I want you, nothing else matters." He can't hide from this anymore; he's in love with Lucas, and if he runs from it any longer he's going to go crazy. Hell, he almost killed himself tonight over all of this stress.
Lucas smiles and pulls him into a kiss. God, Nathan's missed these lips.
"Can I… stay here with you tonight?" Nathan asks. Lucas nods, smiling at Nathan before getting up and shutting his bedroom door.
That night, cuddled up next to Lucas, is the safest Nathan's felt in a long time.
The most normal he's felt in a long time.
—