Ok, here's the update i promised, I'll have to see what happens in the next episode before continuing! Thanks to all who reviewed, it's much appreciated!
Peyton lay in bed, watching Brooke as she slept. Deep circles lined her eyes, but she refused to fall asleep again. The first time, right after Brooke had gone to sleep, Peyton had allowed herself to drift off. She had been awakened a few minutes later by Brooke whimpering and moving restlessly.
Peyton had stroked Brooke's hair and held her until she calmed down, whispering soothing words to her. After that she had stayed awake, talking to Brooke every few minutes when her face would contort in fear and she would shy away from Peyton's touch.
It broke Peyton's heart to see Brooke like that, but even she would have been a bit hard pressed to explain why she suddenly felt like she never cared if Lucas showed up. At that moment in time, Peyton knew that she would drop Lucas in a second if it meant she could be here for Brooke.
The thought that Brooke meant more to her than Lucas didn't seem all that strange to Peyton since Brooke had always been her family. But still, it was the tiniest bit concerning since she was engaged to Lucas, not Brooke.
Brooke shifted next to Peyton, and she looked down, ready to comfort her once more. Instead, she was met with enormous, soulful hazel eyes gazing up at her.
"You're awake," she said, a hint of surprise coloring her voice. Brooke just nodded, watching Peyton and taking in her appearance.
Brooke instantly felt guilty as she realized that Peyton hadn't slept at all, and she pulled into herself slightly. I only hurt other people... I don't know why she's even still here. I don't deserve her.
Peyton noticed the change in the smaller girl's demeanor and asked quietly, "Brooke? What's wrong?"
Brooke shook her head at the other girl's concern and whispered, "Why are you still here, Peyton?"
Peyton looked down at her, shocked, and asked, "Don't you want me here?"
Brooke replied in a blank voice, "I don't deserve you, Peyton, all I ever do is hurt people. I don't want to hurt you too. It's probably best for you to go." Peyton stared down at Brooke, unable to comprehend what she was saying. She tried to pull her closer, but Brooke resisted.
Letting Brooke go, Peyton instead sidled her own body closer to Brooke's until they were right next to each other again and Brooke finally gave in and let Peyton wrap her arms around her.
"I'm not going anywhere, Brooke," Peyton said into her hair, "And nothing could ever hurt me more than seeing you hurting like this." Brooke burrowed into Peyton's side, deciding that she could stay in the safety of Peyton's arms forever.
They stayed like that for a time before Peyton finally broke the comfortable silence. "Do you feel up to eating anything?"
Brooke opened her eyes and thought about it for a second. "Actually that sounds amazing," she said. Peyton smiled, glad that she was making an effort.
"I'm going to go take a shower while you get food, actually," Brooke continued, causing a frown to appear on Peyton's face. "I'll be careful, don't worry, and the door will be unlocked," Brooke said, trying to ease Peyton's fears.
"Ok, Brooke, but let me help you there."
Much as she hated admitting she needed Peyton's help for something as simple as walking the twenty feet to the bathroom, Brooke knew that she would have a lot of trouble making it on her own.
Easing her legs over the side of the bed, she tried to stand and immediately inhaled sharply at the pain. Naturally, that made her ribs burn ferociously too, and Peyton gently eased her back into a sitting position.
"Ok, let's try that more slowly," Peyton said when Brooke felt like she could breathe again. Letting Peyton take some of the weight off of her injured leg, Brooke was able to slowly stand. The walk to the bathroom was slow and Peyton stopped often to make sure that Brooke was ok.
When they finally arrived, Peyton helped sit Brooke on the counter top, waiting to see if she needed anything else.
Brooke quietly said, "Thank you," and Peyton took it as her cue to leave. Turning before she was all the way out the door, Peyton looked sternly at Brooke and said, "And don't even think about locking the door, missy!"
Brooke rolled her eyes but nodded. The second Peyton was out of sight, Brooke got up and tugged the door closed. Making sure not to lock it, she still double checked that it was tightly shut before going and turning the shower on.
Once the water was hot, she started to take her cami and boy shorts off but quickly discovered that it hurt way too much. Sighing, she decided to just leave them on and have Peyton help her with them later.
Getting into the shower, she slowly slid down the wall and let the water cascade over her. With the warm water came more pain, but she could also feel her sore muscles loosening just a bit. Her thoughts wandered, and eventually landed on Peyton.
She's being so amazing…beyond amazing, actually. She's my whole world; I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to her.
I don't think I've told her that enough. If something like this happened and I wasn't so lucky, would she know how much she means to me? Would she know how much I love her? That I would die without her?
Wow. When I say it like that it makes it sound like I'm in love with her or something… but I can't be. She's my best friend, and of course I love her, but I'm not in love with her…am I?
Shit. This is so not good. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived and jumping to conclusions about what I'm feeling.
But…it would make sense. I mean, she is the only one who's ever been able to fix me, and I mean really fix me, and when I'm with her it's like all of my troubles just melt away. And I'm just realizing this. Way to go Brooke.
Now that she's most likely engaged to Lucas, now of all times, I decide to be smart and figure out what I'm feeling. I can't believe this. God. Sometimes I'm so unbelievably stupid…
But I won't be selfish and bitchy and horrible and ruin this for her. She deserves to be happy, and Lucas makes her happy, so I have no right to ruin that.
But honestly, could I not have seen this even one week ago? My P. Sawyer… huh. Too bad she's never going to feel the same way. Oh well, as long as she's happy, that's what matters, right? Or at least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Brooke lost track of how long she had been sitting in the shower when she heard Peyton knocking loudly on the door. "Brooke? Brooke, are you ok? You've been in there for half an hour!"
When she didn't get a response, Peyton opened the door. Going over to the shower, she looked in and instantly her face was filled with concern for her friend.
"Brooke? Oh Brooke, honey, the water is freezing! You're shivering, come on, let's get you out of here." Helping Brooke get up, Peyton led her back to her room and sat her on the bed while she rummaged through Brooke's closet to find some comfortable clothes.
Finally settling for a baggy shirt and sweats, she went over to Brooke. Thinking about what she was doing for only a second, Peyton pushed any doubts aside and slipped Brooke's boy shorts off. Her heart constricted the second she saw the hand imprints on the insides of Brooke thighs, and she looked up at Brooke.
Her face was purposefully blank and devoid of emotion, but it didn't stop Peyton from seeing the unshed tears glistening in her eyes. Sliding the sweats on without another word, she turned her attention to the cami.
She got it over Brooke's head, but before she could put on the shirt her eyes were caught by the large bruises spreading across her ribcage. Peyton reached out a finger and gently brushed it across one of the bruises, only to jerk back when Brooke winced in pain.
Slipping the shirt on, Peyton carefully wrapped her arms around Brooke and pulled her into her body. Brooke was still shivering, and Peyton rubbed up and down her arms lightly to try and warm her up.
With Brooke on her lap, Peyton was able to feel exactly how frail and weak the other girl was, and the shivering felt like it was going to break her apart. Thankful when Brooke finally stopped shivering, Peyton just hugged Brooke to her and ran her fingers through her hair.
Brooke hadn't spoken since Peyton got her out of the shower, and now she tightened her grip on Peyton's arm and softly said, "Thank you, Peyton." Peyton's hands never stilled in their movements, but she looked at Brooke curiously.
"For what?" she asked, wanting to know the answer.
"For my life," Brooke slowly started, "For everything you've ever done for me. You've always been there to help me pick up the pieces and put them back together when I break, and you're pretty much all that's kept me going at times. You're the family I never had, and I just wanted to tell you thank you, so much, for everything."
Peyton didn't move for a second after Brooke stopped talking, but then she turned and cupped Brooke's face tenderly in her hands. "Brooke, you're scaring me. What's going on?"
Brooke sighed into Peyton's touch allowing her eyes to close at the feeling. "Nothing is wrong, Peyton, I was just doing some thinking, and… I realized I never thank you for all the sacrifices you make for me, and if something ever happened to me and I hadn't told you it would kill me."
Tears welled in Peyton's eyes at what Brooke was saying. "Brooke, you thank me plenty, and you've made more than your fair share of sacrifices for me too. There's no need for you to thank me, and I promise, I'm never going to let anyone hurt you like this again."
Kissing Brooke's forehead, she leaned back onto the pillows and opened her arms. "What do you say we forget the food for a bit and just lay here?"
Brooke couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face, and she cautiously lowered herself into Peyton's arms, making sure not to squish the other girl. Tracing small designs on Brooke's arms and sides, Peyton waited till her breathing was even to let her thoughts wander.
Brooke doesn't deserve this… All she ever does is sacrifice her own happiness so that other people can be happy. So much for karma... she's like the most selfless person I know, and stuff like this still happens to her!
Just look at Lucas and what she did… she gave him up so that I could have him, even though it killed her at the time. I mean, for god's sake, she was getting married, and I sprung that on her. I can't believe I did that, but more than that, I can't believe she forgave me...twice.
And now, she makes me sound like some kind of saint! I don't know what I would do if she ever left me. Is that weird, for me to need her more than I need Lucas? I mean, she's just always been there, but now…it's like I can't live without her.
God, please don't tell me I'm feeling what I think I'm feeling…
I can't be in love with Brooke, she's my best friend, and she also happens to be a girl! But really, does that matter?? Not to me, at least, but I don't think she could ever feel the same. Damn. I couldn't have realized this before I said yes to Lucas? I hate myself sometimes- I just don't get how I could be so stupid!
Uuughhh. I'll work this out later, for now the important thing is that Brooke is safe and I'm here to protect her. That's all that really matters…right?
Haha ok, let me know what you all think! Can't wait for the episode tomorrow, I'm unbelievably excited, and im sure you'll get to hear all about it!
cello